After the extremely PAINFUL and BEAUTIFUL FitzSimmons scene last night, I just had to write this. More to come.

Disclaimer: Don't own SHIELD! If I did, then Fitz would be fine!

Day 1:

They let me see Fitz today. He looked so small in that hospital bed. All the wires and tubes. The doctors are talking to me. Hell, I'm a doctor. I know the situation isn't good. He's missing the usual colour in his cheeks, the grin that he usually wears.

He's so pale.

His words echo through my brain over and over. I can still see the look in his eyes.

"You're more than that Jemma."

The thought hurts. It feels like thousands of tiny knives are ripping my heart to shreds. Feels like the air in my lungs are now filled with poison.

Everything goes black.

Day 2:

They told me I fainted. I don't remember fainting, I guess I wouldn't.

It wasn't from lack of food. I've been eating…barely…but enough to keep myself upright.

No.

The body shuts itself down, puts itself in "sleep mode" when it senses danger.

It's a survival instinct.

The thought that Fitz would never be by my side again literally made me faint. It makes me sick.

I haven't left his bedside. Not even at night. The nurses tried to come and pull me away, and I screamed and screamed, and eventually Coulson came to my side, gave them a look and they let me be. I heard him mention something about director Fury.

Day 3:

His hand feels so small in mine, which is odd, because he's always had bigger hands.

I don't do much when I'm by his side, I just study his face, looking for any sort of indication that he'll wake up.

I mostly sleep with my head against his chest. Feeling his heartbeat—although weak, gives me some reassurance.

Day 4:

His heart stopped today. I panicked so badly that I couldn't even think, I just watched helplessly as the doctors revived him. I'm a bloody doctor for goodness sakes, I'm better than this.

Day 5:

Even though his day yesterday was rough, today he's been alright. I talked to him a lot today, with our hands linked together. Told him that I needed him more than anything in the world. He IS my world.

Day 6:

"You're more than that Jemma."

I can't get it out of my mind.

And all I keep thinking is, "You're more than that Fitz."

Day 7:

"I need you to wake up Fitz!" I screamed over and over again today. But nothing.

He stayed the same, peacefully sleeping, while I watched him, unsure if I'd ever see his ocean blue eyes again.

Ocean.

Day 8:

I fainted again. The thought of the ocean, and seeing the water surround us, with Fitz's limp body in my arms gives me nightmares. I'm afraid I might never wake up from this one.

Day 9:

Skye came and sat with us today. She watched me carefully, with sad eyes. She asked what happened down there. I didn't have the strength to tell her.

Day 10:

Skye brought a little plush monkey for Fitz and put it on his bedside table, and lightly put her hand on his shoulder. "This is for you Fitz, for when you wake up. He'll be your little assistant."

I couldn't stop crying after she said that.

Day 11:

Today I told Skye what Fitz said to me at the bottom of the ocean. That I was more than that. And that he smiled at me before he pushed that damned button, before I could even say anything.

"And how do you feel?" Skye asked quietly, watching my every movement.

"He's more than that too," I said, as I lifted his limp hand and touched it to my cheek. "I just never realized."

Skye smiled sadly, tears running down her face.

Day 12:

As I'm walking into Fitz's room, I can hear Skye lightly talking to Fitz.

"Fitz, buddy, you need to wake up. Simmons needs you. We all need you."

Day 13:

The whole team came and made their rounds today, coming and saying hi to Fitz, bringing all sorts of things for him. He now has three plush monkeys on his bedside table, even a talking one.

After they all left, it was just me and Fitz. I needed to tell him.

"Fitz….Leo. You need to wake up. I can't do this anymore. I can't live without you," I said as I kissed his hand.

"Leo, you're more than that too. You're so much more. Leo, I love you."

I swear I heard a blip in his heart monitor.

Day 14:

Today there seems to be brain activity. The doctors say that he's most likely dreaming, which is good. It means he's slowly coming back to me.

Day 15:

I didn't let go of his hand all day. Told him that I loved him. Repeatedly.

I think he can hear me, because his brain activity spiked a few times after I spoke.

"Can you hear me Leo?" I shouted. "I love you Leo, please come back to me!"

I swear his hand lightly moved.

Day 16:

The team is officially on hiatus right now. No one can bring themselves to do any work until Fitz is better. May came by today to tell me and Fitz that she beat the daylights out of Ward again, and that she may or may not have nailed his other foot to the floor. She very firmly told Fitz that it's time for him to wake up. Melinda May is the most calm and intense person I have ever met, but for the first time ever, I watched her cry. We comforted each other.

Day 17:

I was busy mapping Fitz's face with my hands. Touching every exposed part, lightly stroking his cheeks, kissing every bit, when he let out a low groan. His brain activity spiked tremendously, and I jumped up in excitement.

'Leo! Leo! Please wake up! I'm here Leo, I'm here." Tears were streaming down my face and onto his, as I kept kissing every inch of his face.

He let out a whisper, so quiet and so low that I almost missed it.

"Jemma"

More to come! I just had to get this off my chest.

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