image from 'how to draw cartoons online'.

this is some silly oneshot i came up with when i was trying to procrastinate on my three essays. not to be taken seriously.

warning: elsa is sort of air-headed and nobody listens to jack.

notes: i wrote this pretending that all these species of plants grow together. they (most likely) don't. i'm just screwing around with the biological balance of the world hurhurhur.

i am also not, in any way, trying to ridicule homosexuals by labeling them as 'fairy-like'. it just happened to go well with the plot (lol what plot). i apologise if it offends you.

word count: approx. 1500

Jack rather likes his little house in the Meadow, burrowed next to the root of a bright yellow dandelion flower. It's got a lovely purple rock door, a cozy living room and bedroom, and he can very safely ignore all his other pestering flower fairy neighbours.

So when a new fairy comes along and settles down right next to him under a daisy, he is understandably very upset about the resulting ruckus and chaos.

"Oh gosh," Toothiana squeals into his ear. "Jack, she's beautiful! You have to come and see her!"

"Go away, you dumb Wisteria," Jack grumbles, pattering around in his kitchen, trying to make a nice cup of tea. "I don't have time for you."

Toothiana titters and beats her shimmery wings a few times, creating a mini cyclone to roll around in his house and consequently uprooting all his leafy sheets. Jack moans and tries to save the mess, silently cursing Toothiana's stupid wings.

I'll yank them off if it's the last thing I do, Jack thinks viciously.

"Let's go, let's go," Toothiana chimes, pulling him up and out of his house.

There's a small crowd gathered around already, because flower fairies are friendly (nosy, Jack sniffs) little things, and they've all come to welcome the newcomer into the neighbourhood.

Eventually they all disperse, and Toothiana shoves Jack forward, because he refuses to interact with anyone but her.

"Hi, Elsa!" Toothiana grins. "This is Jack. He lives in the dandelion next to you!"

"Hello," Elsa smiles. She clasps her hands in front of her. "This is a nice area you have here."

Elsa looks like any other silly Daisy, Jack thinks disdainfully, except she's not tiny like Toothiana… and her dress is a very lovely shade of blue… and she's quite pretty herself… her smile is amazing…

"I don't like you," Jack announces. "You and big toothy smile and your shiny wings are messing with my Feng Shui!"

And he stalks back into his house.

"I'm–pardon?" Elsa says blankly, staring at Toothiana.

Toothiana giggles and flits to her side. "Don't worry," she winks, "that means he likes you."

Has Jack mentioned that Elsa messes with his Feng Shui yet? Well, it's because she does.

"Your house is very cute," Elsa beams, patting his little wooden table and rearranging a pot. "Did you make everything yourself?"

"Yes," Jack says, somewhat proudly. "I am a manly fairy."

"Of course you are," Elsa says, placating. "I never thought you were anything else."

She smiles again and flutters her wings, and Jacks wilts a little on the inside.

"Um, would you like something to drink?" Jack asks. Then, he thinks about his empty cabinets, remembers Sandy stopping by and eating out his pantry. "Actually, never mind."

"You were adorable as a baby," Elsa coos, flicking through a childhood photo album. "That skirt really brings out the colour of your eyes."

Jack blanches, remembers the phase of his life where he grew up wearing female clothes. His mother had always been a little crazy, ever since a pinecone fell on her head. Even now, when she comes to visit, she asks him to "try on this dress I bought for you" and sketches pictures and mails them to him.

"My mother," he stammers, "had a thing. It's not me–never–"

"It's alright," Elsa says, nodding seriously. "I understand."

"You… do?"

"Of course," Elsa says. She puts a hand on her heart. "It's okay if you're a drag queen. I would never judge you, Jack. Daisy flower fairies are very open-minded that way–"

"Wait–"

"Just go where you heart takes you–"

"Elsa, it's not–"

"Scream out your individuality from the highest of mountain tops–"

"This is a misunderstanding–"

"And paint with all the colours of the wind!"

Elsa laughs charmingly and hurries over to the door.

"I have an appointment to go to, but I'll see you around, Drag Queen Jack!"

"Toothiana," Jack cries, "I have a problem."

"Elsa thinks you're gay?"

"Ye–wait how do you know that?"

Shrugging, Toothiana rearranges the last petal on her wisteria home and flies over to another blossom. "Elsa was singing about it earlier."

"She–what?"

"Daisy flower fairies are singers, you know that," Toothiana says cheerfully. "So she sang about her encounter with you; it was quite a sight, really. Almost a small concert! Her voice is amazing."

"Oh, stars," Jack croaks, burrowing his face into the loose folds of his tunic.

"By the way," Toothiana eyes him beadily, "you never told me you were a drag queen, Jack. I thought we were friends. I would have come to your performances, you ratty, lying little–"

Jack thinks about throwing himself off the top of his dandelion, but decides against him. His wings would just automatically snap into action, after all.

"I'm a manly fairy," Jack ends up sobbing pitifully onto Toothiana's shoulder.

The next day, Jack flies up to Elsa, who's carefully tending to her daisy, humming under her breath.

"Elsa," he says slowly, fiddling with his thumbs. "I'd like to talk to you about yesterday."

"Good morning, Jack," Elsa says happily. She points to her daisy. "Isn't it growing wonderfully?"

"Er, yes," Jack says, momentarily distracted by the way Elsa's wings sparkle so prettily in the sunlight. "So, about yesterday…"

"Jack!" a voice booms out from ground. Jack freezes, recognizing the voice he's spent years trying to avoid.

"North," Jack chuckles weakly, drifting down to where the oversized garden gnome stood, a long fishing rod in his hand. "How… nice to see you."

"It's good to see you out and socializing," North shouts, because the gnome doesn't have any other volume. He stares at Jack under his big furry eyebrows. "Is this the beautiful Elsa I've been hearing about?"

Elsa smiles and steps forward, and North kisses her hand. "A pleasure."

"So, you and Jack, eh?" North cackles. "A matching pair, if I must say so myself."

"Oh, no," Elsa laughs, waving her hands (cute, Jack drools in his head, so cute). "Jack doesn't like me in that way."

"Why wouldn't he?" North asks confusedly. "His wings are glittering like disco balls, now that's a sure sign."

"Probably for that lovely boyfriend of his," Elsa says brightly, nudging Jack.

Hopefully North can clear up this mess, Jack thinks as he waits for the gnome to come to his rescue.

"Jack, you're gay?" North gasps.

Or not. Jack mentally wails in his head. Why are his friends all so dim-witted?

"WELL, IT TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH," North booms, scooping Jack into his arms. "ALL THESE YEARS, JACK. I THOUGHT YOUR WINGS WERE GLIMMERING FOR SOME POOR ONE-SIDED LOVE. MY DEAR BOY, WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO? I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS!"

Jack tries to strangle himself in North's rib-crushing hug.

When in trouble, always go to Sandy, because Sandy is a good friend and Jack feels that he can rely on him.

"So, Sandy," Jack says to the small golden pixie by his side. "I have a problem."

Sandy cocks his head and his pixie dust forms into a question mark.

"Everyone thinks I like males," Jack says unhappily. "But the thing is, I don't like males, Sandy. I like… someone else."

Sandy bobs his head sympathetically. His pixie dust converges into a sentence.

"I–wait, what? No, Sandy, I'm not lying to myself."

Another sentence.

"I'm not trying to reject my sexuality. Sandy, I'm not going to accept this because I'm not actually–"

Sandy closes a hand over Jack's mouth, sighing sadly.

"I'm a manly fairy!" Jack yowls, wrenching free.

That has nothing to do with your sexuality, Sandy seems to say, if the roll of his eyes is anything to go by.

Jack thinks briefly of uprooting Sandy's oak tree house. He's a manly fairy; he can do that.

"Hey, Jack," Elsa says merrily, charging in through his front door. "I just–oh, are you alright?"

"No, not really," comes Jack's muffled voice from where he's lying face down on his table.

"What's wrong?" Elsa asks. "Is this about your drag queen thing? Because I assure you, I really don't mind–"

"Elsa," Jack groans out. He sits up and looks her in the eye. "What makes you think I'm a drag queen?"

"Well, the pictures, for one," Elsa says cluelessly. "And also, I've never seen a male fairy whose wings sparkle as much as yours without being in love. I've also never met a male fairy who's straight."

"But I'm not gay!" Jack nearly shrieks (I'm not gay because I have a crush you on, he blubbers pathetically in his head). "And excuse you, my wings are naturally sparkly, okay?"

He pauses and takes a breath to drop the biggest bombshell of all. "And for your information, Bunnymund and Sandy are the gay ones around here."

"Oh, so you're not gay?" Elsa blinks. And then she laughs. "Well, why didn't you say so?"

Jack almost chokes on his spit.

author's note:

i'm sorry for wasting your time. idek what this is i just wanted to delve into some lighthearted dumb bc i've been writing too much jelsa angst lately and it's messing with my head ;A;