"Even in the worst moments, there is a possibility of joy"K.

A/N after 6 seasons it still amazes me how milmar are able to create so many emotions, good, bad, catastrophic from their fans in just 42 minutes. I can't wait for the possibilities in season 7.

Alexis would ask her in the days to come what had been said in that phone call but Kate would never be entirely sure she knew. The feeling of dread that had started like a small curl of smoke in the pit of her stomach when the minutes had ticked by and Castle had failed to appear, when his phone had gone to voicemail, had roared into life with the ringing of her phone. When trying to recall that conversation she would halfway convince herself that she remembered the words and not just the rushing sound of her racing heart.

"Hello"

"Detective Beckett"

"Yes, this is she"

"It's Chief Brady from the Hamptons PD. I'm sorry to inform you that Mr Richard Castle has been involved in a car accident this afternoon"

Or at least that's how she would have broken the news to a family member, because really isn't that how she has done it on more occasions than she can recall. If she's honest with herself, which in the quiet moments when she is able to acknowledge that he is truly gone, Kate knows that Richard Castle and accident are the only words she remembers and really the only words that carry any weight. So much weight it suffocates her in those quiet moments.

"How bad is it? Where is he?, Is he at the hospital?, where..."her words trailing to a quiet sob as she hears Chief Brady take a slow breath in and the original tone of his words sink in with sudden clarity. Not for the first time since she met Richard Castle the words really didn't matter. The tone, the subtext mattered and it was currently screaming at her. She knew there wouldn't be any long wait in a hospital corridor or joyous reunion around bandaged limbs. Unable to process what Brady was trying to tell her, Kate cut him off.

"Where are you? I'll come" Kate hung up as soon as she had the address. She turned to face three of the most important women in her life. Kate had chosen these women to be with her in the last moments before the wedding because these three strong women were her family. One she had chosen out of a desperate need for friendship after her mother's death and the other two were gifted to her by an amazing man. All three had been with her throughout the journey that had brought her to this day. But out of them all, she was the strongest, the leader. Standing before them now with the concern clearly evident on their faces, Kate didn't want to be strong, she didn't want to speak the words that would make all this a reality. She wanted to run from their concern, their grief.

"Kate, was that about my Dad" The tremor already evident in the young girl's voice.

"There's been an accident, I have to go" Grasping the train on her mother's wedding dress Kate frantically searched the room looking for her car keys.

"Dammit, where are they?" Kate muttered, tossing the contents of her handbag across the guest room bed.

"Katherine darling, what's happened to Richard" she felt Martha take her by her shoulders, trying to halt her frantic rush around the room.

"He...He.." she felt the cool of the silent tears as they made tracks down her face, not bothering to take the time to wipe them away she quickly evaded her mother-in-law's embrace. Unable to bear the comfort that she would find in them.

"He needs me, I have to go"

"Kate, I'm coming too" Those quiet words from her fiance's daughter brought her whirling body and mind to a stop.

No, No, Castle would never forgive her if she allowed Alexis to see him like that. Never. he would want her to look out for Alexis.

"If anything happens to me Kate, I want you to take care of Alexis"

Ohmygod did he know this was a possibility one day when he had begged a response from her.

"Please, Alexis you need to stay here. I'll call as soon as I know anything" Kate took one of her slim pale hands in her own. "I promise"

Ignoring the stubborn glare of the young redhead she turned to Martha, placing her other hand in Martha's.

"Martha, please keep her here. I need to go now but I want your word that Alexis won't follow"

"I will, my dear"

"No Kate!" Alexis wrenched her hand from Kate's.

"Yes, Alexis" Kate wrapped her arms around the stubborn young woman and pulled her in to a tight embrace. "Trust me. I'll call you as soon as I know anything"

She felt the moment that Alexis gave in, as the rigidity went out of her posture and she sank into Kate's embrace.

"Please" Kate wasn't sure whether Alexis was pleading for Kate to keep her promise or pleading for her father. It didn't matter really, not now, she could feel the panic rising with each moment that she delayed here. She had to go, now.

Kate passed the frightened girl over to her grandmother, with a quick sweep of the room she remembered that she had tossed her keys into the bowl in the front foyer in her mad dash into the house last night. She rushed from the upstairs guest bedroom in a whirl of silk and taffeta, down the elegant curve of the main staircase. Kate couldn't help comparing this moment to the one she had imagined when getting dressed this morning. They had missed their own rehearsal last night as Castle had remained in the city so that he could be at the registry as soon as it opened this morning to lodge the papers, so she hadn't practiced her entrance. But she had imagined the feeling of walking down the staircase, arm-in-arm with her father. His slow and steady steps helping to temper the driving need to race the last few paces to where Castle was waiting. Instead she now found herself taking the steps two at a time, alone, needing to get to him, her father was still upstairs getting ready and Castle wasn't waiting for her in the back garden. Kate stifled the loud sob that threatened to break free, reining it in, knowing that if she started there would be no stopping. She felt the first brick fall into place as she suppressed her tears, could almost hear it crash into place, awaiting more to be added as her walls rebuilt.

Entering the front hall she reached for the decorative brash bowl that they used for their keys, only to find it empty. In a fit of helpless rage at the seemingly endless roadblocks she had faced today and in the last few days, she picked up the bowl and hurled it into the wall not bothering to wait to observe the damage it had caused. She placed her hands, palm down on the hall table, leaning forward, feeling the cool polished wood under her palms. feeling the contrast between her warm clammy hands, her erratic racing pulse and the smooth coolness of the wood. Kate desperately drew air into her tight chest. Willing the gnawing flames of dread that were leaping in her belly and the image of Castle slumped over the wheel of his Mercedes, still, not moving that was on a constant replay in her mind to dissipate. Cool wet splashes hit the table, pooling before rolling over the edge and disappearing from sight. The harsh, gasping sobs escaping forth, her control slipping as reality threatened to overwhelm her.

"Kate honey, let me get the boys and we'll take you" Lanie's quiet voice, quivering with emotion startling her from her internal torment.

"No Lanie, I can't wait, Castle needs me"

"Girl, he needs you in one piece and you're not in any state to drive right now" Lanie gently coaxed Kate into the lounge and onto the sofa. "I'll be back with the boys"

Kate sat hunched over on the sofa, twirling her engagement ring. Feeling the comforting sensation of smooth stone and polished gold as it slid around her left ring finger, the rhythm motion helping to settle her racing heart, the heartbreaking sobs quieting to soft mews as she calmed her raging emotions. It struck her then that she was supposed to have moved the ring to her right hand to make room for the one that Castle would place on her finger today, but this was now one more ritual which she wouldn't be completing today. A dizzy array of images flooded her mind.

"Mr Castle?"

"Where would you like it" His cocky grin flashing across his face, only increasing when she flashed her badge.

"You hide in nowhere relationships, with men you don't love!" No cocky grin this time, just a desperate mix of anger and frustration that was tinged with just enough sadness to twist her heart into knots. She remembers the almost visceral need to clarify their relationship but being too scared to allow him in. So instead of telling him how she felt she had challenged Castle to define their relationship and her hesitation had resulted in 2 more years of stalling and miscommunication between them. .

"Kate,Kate I love you" Her vision had narrowed to just his face above her, the burning pain in her chest threatening to pull her under into darkness but his voice was tethering her to this reality preventing that final slip into oblivion. She wanted to tell him she loved him, had loved him for so long now but the pain was so intense that she had no breath to form the words. A solitary tear made its way down her face as she desperately clung to those words and his face, using all her energy to remain with him. With one final breath the darkness swarmed in and the pain burnt bright as his face shimmered and disappeared from her vision.

"This is the best birthday ever!" The unadulterated joy in his face making the frustrations and worry of the last few days disappear. The love shining from his clear blue eyes was only matched with that radiating from her. Her breath faltered at the overwhelming feeling of love that she could barely contain, knowing that she would do anything to remain in this moment, in this relationship.

"You get this job, You move to DC, I'll never see you. That's pretty much the end of this relationship" His expressive face was contorted in anger, she could feel it almost pulsating off him. Kate was left stunned by how quickly they had gone from standing on a bomb together to this moment. She could feel him shutting down and her heart clenched because she knew she had done this to him. Her doubts, her fears, her need to be more, had ultimately injured the one person she loved the most. Even though she knew this was the right decision for her, Kate was scared that Castle might walk away. When he finally did stalk from her apartment, unwilling to talk it through her heart shattered with the knowledge that she had done this but she was left with a tiny spark of light, hoping that they could figure this out, that this relationship which had already weathered so much was strong enough to get them through this as well. .

"Richard Edgar Alexander Rodgers Castle, Yes! Yes I will marry you" His serious almost stern expression replaced by one of ultimate joy. She watched as the light came back into his clear blue eyes and she drank in the love she saw reflected in them. Yes this felt right. Maybe his proposal had broadsided her into a stammering mess, but once she had said the words that would tie her to this wonderful man, an overwhelming sense of rightness had encompassed her and she knew that this was the right step for them.

"i could never have done this without you" As she stepped into his embrace she caught a glimpse of the pride and love shining in his eyes. She also caught the fleeting expression of relief that flittered across his face, a look that she knew was also reflected in her face. Inhaling deeply as she collapsed into his arms, she took in the unique scent that was Castle as she pressed her lips into his shoulder and allowed herself for the first time to let go of that small grain of doubt that they would never get their happy ending, a doubt had been lingering in the recesses of her mind, waiting to bloom. She released her breath and settled into her fiancé's embrace in the bright afternoon sun as they took this next step into their future, together.

As Castle's face slowly faded from her internal vision, Kate released her almost death grip on the edge of the sofa, breaking into a cold sweat as she took several slow breaths to stifle the nausea threatening to overwhelm her. She couldn't sit here any longer, she needed to be with him, now. This wasn't happening, he had promised them a happy ending and she intended to hold him to it. Her scattered mind unable to process that maybe this was a promise that he had no control over. That maybe happiness wasn't in their destiny.

Leaping from the sofa, Kate felt her left heel catch in the train of her dress and heard the slow rip as it tore through. On a sob, Kate bend down and extradited her silver stiletto from the hem of the dress and unceremoniously hitched the train over her arm as she raced from the room. Her dress, her wedding no longer mattered compared with her need to find her fiance. What was a dress, even her mother's wedding dress compared to the loss of this amazing and wonderful man. Kate desperately raced from the Hamptons house not sure where she was heading, just knowing that she needed to find a car and find Castle. The fire of dread was roaring inside her and she had no way to quell it, it was driving her forward, challenging her constant need to collapse into a sobbing heap by propelling her into action.

Their wedding car, a Rolls-Royce was parked at the bottom of the steps, its chauffeur leaning against the bonnet. Castle had begged, pleaded and whined to have the Ferrari as their wedding car but she had stood resolute that no bride wanted to end up with mattered hair and flying taffeta just for the sake of making the boys jealous. So now they had a silver Rolls-Royce that she was about to commandeer to go find her fiancé and she had never imagined that she would be taking this journey alone.

"Tony, I need the car!" She shouted at the stunned chauffeur. Climbing into the back seat without waiting to hear his reply, acknowledging in a brief moment of clarity that she was in no state to drive herself. Glad at least that Castle had arranged for his regular chauffeur to drive them today. Having been exposed to years of Castle's often impulsive and reckless behaviour he didn't hesitate to follow orders from his soon to be wife.

Kate stammered out the address that Chief Brady had given her and collapsed back against the cool leather seats of the Rolls-Royce. Her legs tapping out a random beat, impatient for the short drive to Castle's location to be over. As they pulled into the winding, tree lined driveway, Kate caught a glimpse of Ryan and Esposito dashing from the house in their matching tuxedos.

"Beckett, Beckett" Esposito shouted at the quickly receding car. Kate ignored her friends cries, her overwhelming need to reach Castle impervious to the concerns of her friends or his family. She watched in the rear view mirror as Ryan stopped and pulled out his cell phone. She knew that they would find out what had happened, after all they were detectives. Kate knew that eventually they would follow her but was also aware that she didn't want any of her family or friends there when she arrived. She needed to do this alone, for Castle.

Kate brought her hands up to her face, her fingers catching in the loose curls of her hair. She pressed her palms into her eyes trying to stem the flow of tears. Castle's words from yesterday coming back to haunt her now.

"Well maybe it is a sign, a sign that ours is a great love story. What's a great love story without obstacles to overcome, every fairy tale has them. Terrible trials that only the worthy can transcend, but you can't give up. That's the deal. We want the happy ending, we can't give up."

Kate remembered that she had never believed in fairy tales and magic until Castle thrust his way into her life, scratching and clawing at her walls until she allowed herself to believe that their epic love story would have a happy ending. Kate stifled the keening sound rising from her throat, part sob part laugh, wishing for her walls at this moment. Kate had always considered herself strong, wasn't she the one who had picked her father up after her mom's death. Cleaned him up after yet another drinking binge until she had finally realised that to show strength she had to push him away and hope that he had the courage to face this new life that they found themselves in. She had been strong when she had pulled together the tattered pieces of her psyche and risen like a phoenix after her shooting, to claim the life that she deserved with the man who had patiently waited while she healed. She had been strong as their world was collapsing when everyone had believed that Castle was a murderer and cheater. She had remained undaunted and unswayed, staying strong for Castle. But she no longer felt strong. She just wanted to hide and allow others to confirm what her heart was trying to tell her, that there was no happy ending for them. She didn't want to be strong for his family, she wanted to run. Run so far away that no one would know her or Castle and maybe she could just disappear into non-existence.

Kate felt the car start to slow, breaking her from her desperate internal dialogue. She looked up and caught her first glimpse of the scene. Startled she realised that it wasn't much different from the hundreds of similar scenes she had attended with and without Castle. Several police cars were parked at awkward angles, flanked by an ambulance and fire engine, temporarily blocking her view of the accident scene. A quick sideways glance into the back of the ambulance failed to show a battered but alive Castle. Kate grasped the handle of the door and pushed it open, not waiting for the car to come to a complete stop before she stumbled out. Sweeping aside the wedding dress, not in an attempt to protect it but in a need to get to Castle as quickly as possible, unhindered by its long skirt, she launched herself towards the cars.

Stumbling onto the dirt road, she raced towards the full plume of smoke that she could see rising from behind the parked cars. She noted the severed guard rail on the bridge as she got closer, its broken arm reaching out as if in attempt to halt the fall of the car that had plummeted through it. It was the heat rising from the gully that hit her first, it made her stagger to an abrupt stop as she was reminded of another fire and the belief then that no one could survive something that big, that ferocious, that energised unscathed.

Kate watched in slow motion as her fiancé's Mercedes burnt. The acrid smoke burning its way into her lungs with each painful breath, threatening to choke her. She felt the tears spill over as the reality of her loss started to sink in. He couldn't really be gone, the larger than life, 9-year old on a sugar rush, who was the only one who could pull her back from the rabbit hole of her mother's case, who pushed and shoved at her walls til they came tumbling down. She couldn't live this life without him, because she really had just been marking time before he came into her life. He was her one and done despite the stupid mistake she had made in a drunken rebellious moment as a child, because he was the only one that had her heart.

Kate felt her knees falter and weaken as she sank down into the dirt, mindless of the damage she was inflicting on her dress. She clasped her hands to her neck in a reflexive move, reaching for the necklace that was even now sitting in her jewellery box at their loft, trying to find comfort where none could be found. Unable to break her sightless stare from the burning car, she heard the sounds of tires peeling to a stop on the gravel road, doors opening and closing. In some part of her numb mind she was able to acknowledge the voices of her friends but she lacked the strength to reply.

"Beckett" followed quickly by "No, Castle, No!".

"Was Castle in the car?" She hears Ryan plea to Chief Brady, but finds herself frozen in place, numb to the sirens, the frantic activity around her, numb to the rocks biting through her dress to scratch her knees.

She knew she should move, should talk to Chief Brady, learn the details about how her fiancé's car ended up in a ditch alight. But she couldn't, she wasn't the strong one, Castle was. He gave her strength when she didn't thing she could go on. He was her North Star and how would she ever be able to be orientated again without him in her life.

"When you pushed your way into the precinct, I thought I knew how I wanted my life to be. But I didn't realise that I had lost the magic of life and had settled for a pale version of what it could be. You were the one who brought the magic and joy back into my life. You scratched and clawed despite my best efforts to keep you out until my walls came tumbling down. Even through some of the worst moments of my life you have been there to share them with me, to support me, to calm my raging heart and to show me that joy is still possible. Today in front of our family and friends, I am giving you my heart, all of it, openly and completely because its yours and has been since I first read your words long before we met. You are my one and done and always have been, nothing will ever change that.

I'm not going to make promises today that we will be there for each other through better or worse because I know that we have already proven that to each other. Through fire, water, ice and even tigers we have been partners and I feel that today is our chance to commit to continue to be partners for life.

Rick, you are an amazing man and I can not wait to start our life together, because this is our story now. This is my stand, here today and I choose to stand by your side forever, for Always.

As the water from the fire hoses started to douse the flames, Kate drew in a shattering breath. This was their story, their fairy tale and if the last 5 years of their story had taught her, it was that they had to have a happy ending because what was all the pain, clawing and tumbling of walls about if they didn't get their ending. Pushing up she teetered on the silver stilettos trying to get her equilibrium back. Snapping her head around, she severed her gaze from the burnt out wreck and towards the man with answers. Stalking across the dirt road, she approached her prey.

"Chief Brady, was Castle in that car?"

She wanted the happy ending, the Always, so she wasn't giving up... because Castle wouldn't.