The tall, lithe man standing over him with a scowl should have been Tony's first clue that he wasn't in fact in Rhodey's apartment, but a stranger's instead. It really should have blaringly obvious.

But in his defense, he had a killer hangover.

And so Tony didn't really make the correlation, assuming that maybe Rhodey got a new roommate. Or got a babe of a boyfriend. Or maybe his best friend had been lying to him his entire life and wasn't actually black.

No matter the reason, Tony wasn't going to worry about it, and promptly fell back asleep.

Loki did not shriek. There were no high pitched squeals of terror. He may have stumbled backwards and ran his toe into a chair, but he did not scream.

And if he did – which he didn't – it was only a natural reaction considering there was a STRANGER SLEEPING ON HIS COUCH.

Loki closed his eyes and opened them again. Nope, still there. He looked around the room, only to find his window jimmied open and his favorite lamp laying on the ground.

That was it. He was no longer taking sleeping pills. Insomnia was clearly better than waking up to strangers in his apartment.

Finally deciding to do something about the man on his fucking couch, Loki nudged the man's leg with his foot, hoping to illicit a response. Aside from a snuffle: nothing. He then grabbed the man's shoulder and shook it, but still the stranger slept on.

How did these things happen to him?

Giving up on all measures of politeness (and honestly, there was a stranger, the man should be grateful Loki even tried to be polite) Loki kicked the couch and shouted, "Wake up!"

That startle the man awake, who opened his eyes to blink confusedly up at Loki. He tilted his head, as if trying to figure out who Loki was, before making a displeased face and falling back onto the couch, fast asleep.

The nerve!

"Yeah?" Thor mumbled into his phone, hair in knots and face pressed up against his pillow.

"There's a man on my couch."

Thor blinked, checking the caller ID on his phone to make sure this was actually Loki. It was. Huh. "There's a man on your couch?"

"Yes!" Loki squeaked. "I woke up and there was a man, in only boxers, sleeping on my couch."

"Did you want him to take off the boxers?"

"I'VE NEVER SEEN THIS MAN BEFORE IN MY LIFE!" Loki yelled over the line, effectively waking up Thor. With a grunt, Thor sat up, resting his arms on his knees and resisting the urge to yawn. It was way too early for phone calls. Though this was turning out to be rather interesting.

"I need you to come here and eviscerate him," Loki continued, no doubt pacing the floor, chewing on a thumbnail. "No, the other word. The one that sounds like eviscerate."

"Eradicate?" Thor asked.

"No."

"Extradite?"

Loki sighed. "Yes, Thor. I need you to extradite him," came his sarcastic tone. "Just get him out of here."

Thor yawned, stumbling out of bed. "I'll be there in a bit."

Loki hung up the phone and peered past the doorway to look at the sleeping man. Now that the cavalry was on the way, he felt much better about all of this.

He grabbed a wooden spoon and his biggest pot and stepped into the living room. Taking a deep breath, and preparing himself for the ruckus, Loki began hitting the pot as loud as he could, stumbling backwards as the man bolted up, wearing the expression of a frightened lamb.

The man rolled over and fell face first onto the floor, knocking his elbow onto the coffee table. Loki glared down at the man, and now that he was awake, Loki could tell he couldn't be any older than himself.

"What the hell, Rhodey," he grumbled, sitting up, rubbing at his elbow indignantly.

Loki cleared his throat. The man looked up and just stared at him, not uttering a single word.

Tony didn't know how to respond to the angry man who was clearly not Rhodey. He suddenly felt very self conscious, realizing that he had thrown his clothes off in haste to crash on the couch.

He was practically naked in a stranger's home. No big deal. He could handle this. He was Tony Stark. He was practically born to handle situations like this.

"Hi," Tony finally said, and going by the pinch between the other man's brows, that was not an acceptable greeting. "How are you?"

"Who the hell are you?" the man demanded, pointing his wooden spoon in Tony's face.

Tony grinned, pointing at himself like the man was an idiot not to know. "Tony Stark," he answered. "Who the fuck are you?"

"This is my apartment," the man said, ignoring Tony's question. "And I demand you leave this instant, or I will personally make sure you leave the way you came." He pointedly looked at the window and Tony's grin faltered.

Why were the babes always so uptight?

"Where am I?"

"I just told – "

Tony shook his head. "What apartment number?" His pants hit him in the head in reply. Great. Just great. "Look, just cause you're hot doesn't mean you get to boss me around," Tony told him. "You got coffee?"

Suddenly there was a wooden pressing intently into his chest. "You broke in, you do not get coffee," the man said. "Put on your clothes."

Gosh, so bossy. Tony stumbled into his jeans, a headache blaring just behind his eyelids. This was not cool. You'd think the guy would be just a bit sympathetic to his situation. Sure, he broke in, but Tony had no fucking clue where he was.

He was almost positive this had been Rhodey's place, but in the light of day, Tony realized that the couch was too nice, the TV too small, and a parakeet singing in its cage just by the window he had managed to squeeze through the night before.

The front door opened and a booming voice greeted, "Loki!"

Tony looked up from behind the couch where he was searching for his shirt, only to see Thor.

Loki.

Shit. That meant the guy with the attitude problem was Thor's little brother. Oh no.

"Tony?" Thor asked, noticing him on all fours. "Did Loki call you to help him as well?"

Loki – there was no way those two guys were related – popped his head back into the living room with a frown. "Get rid of him, Thor," he ordered, pointing at Tony who was just as confused as Thor was, though for different reasons entirely.

Thor began to guffaw in the living room, much to the chagrin of his brother. "Tony broke into your apartment?" He began to laugh louder, slapping his hand against his thigh. "How did you accomplish this?" he asked Tony once he got himself under control.

Before he could answer, Loki grabbed Thor's ear and pulled, causing Thor to yelp in pain. "Stop being an idiot and get rid of him."

"But Tony is harmless," Thor insisted, face contorted in agony. "Brother, please."

Loki let go, only to put hands on hips and glare at Thor and Tony, who had finally managed to dress himself. "Get out."

"Where the hell were you?" Rhodey asked, clothes mussed, a hand massaging the crick in his neck from waiting up for Tony.

Tony pushed past him. "I don't want to talk about it," he grumbled, just as the door next door opened and a pair of sneakers flew and hit Tony in the head.

Rhodey's laughter was the last thing Loki heard as he shut his door, only to be greeting by Thor's smiling face.

"I can give you his number," Thor told him.

"Shut up," Loki snapped. "Or I'll throw you out as well."

Author's Note: So I saw this post on tumblr:

i really want an "i accidentally broke into your house/apartment because my friend lives next door to you and i was in the area, drunk, and i thought i was climbing into the right window and falling asleep on the right couch (and i did wonder when my friend got two cats but i didn't question it) so now i'm hungover and shirtless in your living room so um hi howya doin" au

So I wrote a thing. And because I'm nearly done with school and thesis is officially written (though it's terrible), I decided to actually do this. Idk if I should continue it. So if you really want it to be continued, then let me know because I feel like it has potential. But apparently now that I'm leaving college I need to write college aus. MY LIFE MAKES NO SENSE.