We Have a Rule About the Bedroom

Rating: T+/Light M

Word Count: 1,181

Summary: In "Pond Life" Rory said they had a rule about the bedroom… but why?

Notes: I had to. I'm sorry.

He'd done it. The Doctor had finally found the perfect place to bring the Ponds! He could barely contain his excitement as he wandered the halls of the TARDIS looking for his two companions.

They usually stuck by his side, so he was surprised when he couldn't find them. Where could they have gone? He thought to himself. The Doctor looked in all their favourite rooms in the TARDIS, but the couple was nowhere to be found.

Rory and Amy had only been living with him for a few weeks now. What if they were lost? The Doctor panicked, running through the halls trying to find his friends. Luckily, only minutes later, he heard Amy call out Rory's name. He smiled, knowing that Amy had probably been looking for him, or just talking to him, their cute little newlywed banter. Her personality was as bold as her firey red hair, and he just knew that she was giving Rory a piece of her mind.

"Ponds!"

"DOCTOR!" Amy yelled, throwing a blanket over herself. The Doctor burst through the door and found the Ponds, well one Pond, in their bedroom. "Doctor, don't you know how to knock?" Amy asked him, out of breath, slightly sweaty and absolutely furious.

"Of course I know how to knock, I thought it was just a thing that everyone knew, see?" He demonstrated on the now open door. "Where's Rory?"

"Um, down here, Doctor." A muffled voice came from under the sheets, and moments later, Rory's head popped up beside his wife's.

"Ah! There he is! The last Centurion. Wonderful. Now… wait, what were you doing under there?" The Doctor pointed to Rory as he interrupted himself.

"Uh…" He looked to Amy, who gave him a pointed look. "Nothing."

"Not possible. Nobody just sits under the blankets for nothing. I thought you were looking for him or something Amy. He was under the covers all along. You must be really bad at hide and seek."

Amy sighed dramatically and looked at her poor, clueless friend. "Doctor, I was not looking for Rory."

"Well if you knew where he was, why were you yelling his name?"

"Because of… other reasons." She said with raised eyebrows.

"Is 'other' supposed to mean something to me? I'm confused."

Amy nodded. "Doctor, think about what married people do."

"Um… kissing?"

She sighed exasperatedly, but went with it anyway. "Good, good. Now, can you leave us be?"

"But, but… you're up there, and Rory was under the covers, how could you be kissing like—oh, oh god. Oh!" The Doctor said, screwing his face up with revulsion. "You humans are disgusting!" He said, covering his face. "OI! And on my TARDIS too! What's wrong with you two!" He said turning around and covering his eyes.

"Sorry Doctor, we're newlyweds, we can't help it!" Rory said.

"I don't need to hear about it!" He said storming away. His perfect day was ruined.

Rory looked over at Amy, who was clearly annoyed. "So… should I get back—"

"No! After that I probably won't be able to have sex ever again."

"Damn it, Doctor!" Rory whispered up to the ceiling as Amy rolled out of bed and looked for her knickers.

A few weeks later, the Doctor had finally gotten over "the bedroom incident". It took about a week or two for him to actually look at them without wincing, but he did eventually get used to the idea that they were married now, and with marriage came… sex.

Amy told the Doctor that he had to accept it. They were married, and sometimes, when two people love each other very much, they… did that sort of stuff. Amy would never admit it to the Doctor, but she felt like a mother trying to explain to her toddler where babies came from.

On that particular day, sex was the last thing on the Doctor's mind. It was noon, and he had a date with fish fingers and custard. He could just taste it now, how creamy the custard would be mixed with the crunchy fish fingers. Molto bene! He thought to himself as he entered the kitchen. But the kitchen wasn't empty.

Amy, dressed only in her skirt, had been bent over the kitchen counter, with Rory behind her. His pants were around his ankles, and although the Doctor couldn't see what was happening, he knew exactly what was happening.

"PONDS!" He yelled as he covered his eyes and turned around, running for the door. But, being that he was blinded, the Doctor instead ran into the wall. He quickly picked himself back up and ran out the door, screaming.

Okay. I have to go talk to them. I just have to go in there, and talk to them. The Doctor told himself. It had been two weeks since the last incident, and he wasn't even able to look at his friends. But today would be the day that he confronted them.

They were having sex on his TARDIS! But he did interrupt them in their bedroom, and for that, he was sorry. Now, he just needed to tell them that.

The Doctor lightly tapped on their door, but got no response. He frowned and tried again, but nothing. Are they even in here? He thought, then pushed the door open. But of course, they were there.

Rory lay flat on his back while Amy sat atop him, repeatedly wiggling around. Both were stark naked. The Doctor gasped as he took in their little display and was soon met with the sound of Rory yelling.

"Again Doctor?! Seriously, I was just about to—" He was cut off by the sound of Amy's loud yell as she climbed off her husband and under the covers.

The Doctor was pacing the room, pinching the bridge of his nose and groaning as he looked everywhere but the bed.

"Seriously, this has got to stop!" Amy told him sternly. "We need a rule about the bedroom."

"Yes! I agree. That's perfect."

"Okay, so what about when the door is closed, you don't come in." Rory said simply.

"Perfect, sounds perfect. Really lovely." The Doctor said quickly, wanting this little meeting to be over.

"And that goes for you too, Doctor. If you've ever got anyone over…"

"What would I need to bring them to my bedroom fo—oh Amy! Absolutely not!"

"Well let's just say hypothetically." Rory yelled out.

"Alright, alright. No need to be harsh. I'll just… as you were." The Doctor said leaving.

The Ponds were back in their home, on their own living as adults again, but the Doctor needed them, he absolutely needed them.

He set a course on the TARDIS for their place, not bothering to check the time and date, and materialized in their living room.

Sprinting up the stairs, he failed to realize that it was dark in their house. He burst open the bedroom door to see them in bed, and quickly covered his eyes. "Stop everything!" He yelled. Whoops… looks like I forgot about the rule…