I don't own RWBY or Pirates of the Caribbean!

COME AT ME BRO!

HAVE THE PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN THEME SONG READY!

Beacon Brigade: Rise of Professor Evilbadpaingiver

"Funbuns senpai!" Cardin shouted joyfully.

"Silence peasant!" Jaune spat. "We don't have time for this! The Achieve Men await us!" Jaune rose from his spot among the fallen blankets. "Detective Jones gather the battle ostriches, we ride at dawn!"

Sun stood and saluted before scurrying out of the room and down the hallway.

"Detective Funbuns what shall I do?" Ren asked.

"Raid the kitchen and grab as many supplies as your manly hands can carry!" Jaune commanded.

"Yes sir!" Ren yelled and saluted before rushing out of their dorm.

"Detective The Wizard I'm going to need you to stay here and distract HER." Jaune turned to face Ozpin. He gently put a hand on his shoulder, a tear threatening to fall down his face. "You'll be the real MVP."

The scene of a cliff near an ocean played in Ozpin's head.

"I know. I remember what happened to your buns after she caught you during our last investigation…and of course how we had to change Detective Flutter Nutters' name to Detective Purple Nips after she was done with his bosom." Ozpin looked at the pitiful Cardin who broken down into tears.

"I thought my buns would never be fun again…" Jaune's eyes had slightly darkened.

"Aye. Go…go and fulfill our dream…and don't forget to get me an autograph."

"OZPIIIIIIIIN!" A feminine voice roared through the hallways.

"She's figured us out!" Ozpin shouted. He picked up Cardin and Jaune and tossed them out the window. Jaune face planted into the ground while Cardin exploded upon impact for reasons.

"Fly you fools!" Ozpin shouted before ducking back inside the dorm.

"But Wizard…Ostriches can't fly!" Jaune called back. A sudden fire burst from Jaune's dorm window followed by a demonic roar. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Jaune screamed and fell to his knees.

His cries were cut off as Sun rode in on an ostrich and snatched him up.

"We must go! Your buns can't take another penetration session!" Sun yelled.

"You're right; we can't let The Wizard's sacrifice to be in vain." Jaune agreed.

Jaune spotted Ren and another ostrich not far behind them. What really got Jaune's attention, was the giant bags filled with two cubic tons of rice tied to Ren's ostrich.

"OUM MAGENTA! WHERE IN THE HELL DID YOU GET THAT MUCH RICE?" Jaune yelled.

"YOU SAID TO GRAB AS MUCH FOOD AS MY MANLY HANDS COULD CARRY!" Ren replied.

"I don't know what's more surprising, the fact that Detective Magenta can carry two cubic tons or that the school had two cubic tons of rice at the ready." Sun added.

"No time for that! Quickly, mount your ostrich, Funbuns!" Ren yelled.

After stopping and getting themselves more situated, and a quick debate on who had the better VA, they rode into the dawn.

"So…anybody got any interesting discussion topics?" Ren asked.

"I wonder why it hasn't started." Sun asked.

"Why what hasn't started?" Ren asked.

"BOYS WE FORGOT THE MOST IMPORTANT PART?" Jaune shouted and pulled out a pair of sunglasses.

Both boys face palmed and looked at each other with an 'of course' look. They both pulled out their sunglasses and mounted them on their faces.

*QUEUE PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN THEME SONG*

"Much better." The three boys agreed.

They came to a clearing by a farming field where an elderly couple was hard at work tending to their field and as they spotted the three boys riding on ostriches followed by two cubic tons of rice in the light of the sunrise they cried tears of joy at the beauty of it.

*MEANWHILE AT BEACON*

"OH GOD EVERYTHING IS ON FIRE!"

"OZPIIIIIN *pterodactyl noises*"

*MEANWHILE WITH THE BEACON BRIGADE*

The boys followed their ever fearless leader as the sun rose and the theme song in the background looped on and on. Finally after what seemed like hours of riding they arrived at the gates of a large city. The three boys demounted and strode up to the gates of the city.

"Um guys how do we get the music to stop playing?" Sun asked.

"What?" Ren shouted.

"I said how do we get the music to stop playing?!" Sun yelled.

"What?"

"Silence." Jaune raised his hand and balled it into a fist.

*PIRATES THEME STOPS*

"How did you do that? Sun asked in astonishment.

"I would also like to know…" Ren added.

"It's called Protagonist magic. I'm the only one who can use it." Jaune said nonchalantly.

"I thought I was a Protagonist too!" Sun yelled.

"You need to assert yourself as a Protagonist. In due time Sun…In due time." Jaune patted his yellowed tailed friend on the shoulder.

The trio proceeded through the city gates. The city was encased in a giant glass dome with giant spires everywhere.

"Are we on Gallifrey?" Ren asked.

Jaune sighed and turned towards Ren. "No one's going to get that reference."

"Then why are we in a place like this if no one's going to get the joke?" Ren questioned.

"Because the writer was too god damn lazy to be original." Jaune looked at the ground in defeat.

HEY QUIT BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL!

"Sorry but you don't give us much to work with here!" Jaune yelled at the sky.

"Who are you talking to and who is this writer person?" Sun asked.

"Protagonist magic Sun... Protagonist magic." Jaune continued through the city leaving behind Ren and Sun who looked at each other with worried expressions.

"Do you think he's lost it?" Sun asked.

"He never had it to begin with." Ren answered.

The trio walked through the city with ease since there were only black silhouettes occupying the city.

"There he is!" Jaune yelled and sprinted through the crowd.

"Jaune wait! Stranger danger!" Sun yelled and followed the blonde.

"I don't want to be touched in the testicles!" Ren yelled and followed the other two.

When Jaune finally stopped, a brown haired man in detective clothing was standing with his back to the blonde.

"Detective Burns! We've come to improve your life."

Without even turning around, the detective knew who it was. He sighed and turned around.

"You idiots again…" Detective Burns didn't even have the energy to yell.

"Why the long face?" Jaune asked. "Are you a horse?"

"No. I punch horses. Look you try to be in a city full of extras that don't talk and see how you like it. I'm just glad that I finally get someone to talk to." Burns smiled a bit before returning to his usual frown. "You can also tell this is between season one and season two because some of them are transforming into actual character models like that guy over there."

One of the silhouettes stumbled through the crowd, half of him was a normal person; the other half was still a black silhouette.

"KILL ME!" he yelled.

"It's goddamn gruesome." Burns cringed at the sight.

"We have a few questions for you actually." Jaune asked, ignoring the terror in his heart.

"Ok shoot."

"We heard that the Achieve Men have been captured and I know that you know where they are."

"Oh yeah…you should probably give up on that case…"

"Never. We need those autographs man!"

"Look the guy who kidnapped them is one bad cookie. You don't want to mess with him. He makes the Frylord look like a stuffed kitten puppy."

"Trust me; I can handle anything you throw at me."

"You sound pretty sure of yourself."

"When you spend Saturday night with Glynda in her torture chamber while she sticks badger after badger on your rump then you can say I can't handle it but until then…"

"I get it. Sounds like hell."

"Yeah. Sucked the fun right out of my buns"

"Well I do have the location and I just so happen to have the transportation to get you there but he probably won't be staying there long so we better get a move on."

"Ok we'll have to do that next time. We're all out of time for now."

"What the hell are you talking abou-

BEACON BRIGADE: RISE OF PROFESSOR EVILBADPAINGIVER PART 2 COMING SOONERER

A/N- So I may have gone momentarily insane and I'm sorry for the wait. Part two will come MUCH sooner than part 1. I'm thinking tomorrow if I can. Also DOES ANYONE HAVE KIK? My username is Un4givinCarnage if you want to message me and chat for whatever reason. I like making friends.

I'm also looking for a website where I can post original story ideas because I have some many ideas and I need to get them out of my head before the vanish so if anyone has one then PLEASE let me know.

Thanks for being beautiful, Carnage out.