AN: Since I got such a positive response I decided to update the next chapter. To be honest this chapter was hard for me. It's a bit of a transition chapter and unfortunately I'm not good at those. I tried but I apologize for any stiff wording or rushed scenes. Since this is rated M I think we all know where I want this story to go and I'm hoping to get there quickly ;) So anyways here is Chapter Two of "Always" and be sure to R+R if you have a moment. I'm open to suggestions regarding the direction of this story and would love to hear any requests for moments or pairings other than JasperXBella.

Chapter Two

Alone

JPOV

I glared at the short pixie haired girl across from me. She stared back half in hope, half in despair.

"Jasper-"

"-Shut up." I growled. She remained silent like she should. We'd been sitting in this little shack for almost a month now and I had yet to 'warm up to her' as she put it. I didn't want to warm up to her, I wanted to fucking kill her. She was the reason for all of this. She was responsible. She had taken my life from me in more ways than one. She still hadn't told me why she had chosen me, but it didn't matter. I did not choose her and I never would.

Even if I never saw her again, and I was hoping I wouldn't-lie- I would always belong to Bella. I could learn to move on with this life-lie-though not with Alice. I could maybe even be happy again-lie-someday. She deserved better than this. She deserved a man who could give her a full life with children. I could no longer do these things for her and it was all because of this little black haired bitch named Alice.

I felt a stab of hurt and I glanced up in time to see her eyes fade from the gazed state they became when she saw a vision. I must've tried to kill her again. Her sadness hung over me like a blanket and it sickened me. My southern upbringing often made me feel guilty about constantly behaving rudely to a lady, but I could not forgive her for this no matter what my upbringing.

She had done one good thing for me though. She had taught me to be a 'vegetarian' so that I could spare human lives. At least I wasn't a complete monster. A part of me thought that it really didn't matter except for one human, but the stronger part insisted that I would do no more to hurt Bella. She would never know, but I had to do this for her.

Alice's emotions were swirling too chaotically for my comfort so I left the shack and headed to the outlook nearby. It overlooked a vast forest.

Everything was new and weird and horrible. For some reason I could feel people's emotions and that both scared and annoyed me. Daily Alice would flit between guilt and arousal and the latter was the one that would set me off. I was a "newborn" as she called it. My emotions would be completely volatile for a while. Still, every time I myself felt any kind of arousal, all I wanted to do was die. What had I ever done to deserve this? I had been a good person back home, but I wasn't at home anymore. I would never be home again.

I had no home anymore.

. . . .

When she finally took me to her 'family' my resentment towards her had dulled slightly. I still wanted nothing to do with her, but I no longer thought about killing her every hour. For the first few weeks I latched entirely on Esme who reminded me of my mother. She taught me several techniques to keep my human memories alive. With her help I was able to remember everything about my life, about my family, about my Bella. This may have not been the best thing.

Eventually I befriended Emmett as well. Turns out that just like me a vampire had changed him to be her mate. He was with her for a while but ultimately broke it off with her when he decided to return to his fiancée. He accidentally killed her a few weeks later. This furthered my resolve to never see Bella again. I would not do that to her. I wouldn't let myself.

Edward and I had a tentative friendliness with one another. He could hear all my resentments to the family and to this life, and I could feel his. We were both suffering in silence, but together. We rarely talked and the only true interaction we had was when he would play piano and I would hum along. I wasn't in control of my strength enough yet to hold a guitar without shredding it, so I had to resort to simply humming my favorite tunes. It grew old quickly.

A year passed in incredible monotony. When you don't sleep you have a lot of time on your hands. I couldn't occupy mine like the others until I mastered my strength so it became my main goal. That Christmas, my first without Bella since I was ten, Esme gave me a guitar as a reward for my patience and accomplishment at mastering my strength. My thirst was still a control issue and they assured me it would be for years to come.

That New Year's Carlisle invited me into his office. We talked about my human life and my passions and he helped me decide on some goals for myself.

Goal one: With my new identity provided by a family friend in place, I would begin taking online college courses as a way to take up time and promote my learning. I had forever after all.

Goal two: Forgive Alice. This one would take some time, but ultimately I had to talk to her and try to understand her side of it all. If I could forgive Alice, I could truly join this family with no resentments.

Goal three: Let go of my past.

Goal three was going to be impossible for a very long time.

. . . .

Without delay I began on my first goal. Jasper Cullen was now enrolled online to take several history classes and an English course. I of course had unlimited time with remarkable focus, so I was able to take 18 units easily. My favorite class was the History of the Union. The civil war had always interested me, but I'd never before thought about it the way I did now.

Soon my room in the house was covered with artifacts and letters from the civil war. I was really turning into a collector. The family had a large supply of money from the decades of living without the cost of food or medical treatment. Alice had helped a bit in the stock market when she had joined them and soon they'd collected a vast amount of wealth. Esme regularly donated a large sum to charity which I thought really brought meaning to her existence. Carlisle helped at the hospital saving lives, and currently Edward was teaching online medical courses. Emmett would occasionally join a building crew for the day as a volunteer effort. I soon decided that I needed to do something to help others as well.

With limited control over my thirst I obviously couldn't help anyone in person. I kept the thought in my mind in case I thought of something to do. Alice remained safely at a distance from me but I could feel that she was proud of me. I wasn't sure to feel about that.

My second goal regarding Alice took a few more months. I began by slowly easing myself into her social circle. I'd sit in the same room as her doing my homework, or I'd show her an article I thought she might enjoy. Slowly we built a sort of understanding. I did not like what she did, but I no longer blamed her. She was lonely and out of control just like me. While I wouldn't consider her a friend, she did become a part of my family.

March rolled around sooner than I expected and sorrow crept into my dead heart. Bella would be turning twenty-one this month, and I wouldn't be there to see it. I would not be turning twenty-one two months after her. We would not go to bars together. She would go with someone else. Emmett felt my projected emotions and came to join me on the balcony. We sat side by side and talked about the women we loved for hours. Emmett had grown to accept that he had lost her, but he still would not let go of the fact that he had been the one to take her from this world. I think I would've lost respect for him if he had forgiven himself. "Emily. Emily was her name." He told me quietly one evening. "Bella." I responded.

. . . .

My fingers picked over the guitar in a sort of reverence. The fingertips that once would have calloused under such circumstances held up just fine to my hours of playing. I didn't realize how long I'd been playing and humming until Alice came into the room and sat down. She had left to go hunting-I glanced at the clock, whoa!-five hours ago. I nodded to her as acknowledgement. She sighed.

Her mood was all over the place and I was guessing it had to do with my upcoming second year anniversary. "What are you playing?" She asks softly. Our mutual agreement to be civil did not include this sort of interaction, so it was odd that she had initiated it. My hands froze briefly before picking back up at the beginning.

No one will ever know

What it means to love you,

My dearest my sweetest,

Like I love you

No one will feel the way I felt

Holding you at night

Hoping and praying only

That you sleep alright

And no one will ever miss you

The way I miss you, darling

Every single night and day

Every single lonely morning

But we can never be

The way we once were

So I'll become just a him

But you'll never be just a "her"

I love you

I miss you

I need you

Good bye baby

Good bye

The final chords echoed through the room mixing with the waves of anguish emanating off our cold bodies. If tears were possible Alice might have drown us all. I knew she felt guilty. I knew it was her fault. I also knew that this couldn't define her life forever. So with that thought I stood up and laid my guitar down, pausing only briefly to bestow a small hug on the crying girl before leaving the house. Tonight was going to be a hard one.

. . . . .

BPOV

"Hey asshole! Can we get another fucking round over here?" Leah snapped over the booming music. I rolled my eyes and smirked. Leah was such a handful and a bitch if we are playing the honest game, which after 5 shots we definitely were. Thus far my 21st birthday was turning into a quick downward spiral of Leah and company attempting to get me drunk and getting sloshed instead. While the whole thing was more than I had planned for the evening, I knew my party spirit was wearing out.

Leah huffed and sat next to me as a very irritated blonde bartender set down our tray. She noticed my melancholy and sighed. "I knew we should've made you get Vodka." I snorted.

"Vodka or no I wasn't going to be much fun tonight Leah," She grimaced. Plus, I thought, I really needed that "Southern Comfort" tonight.

"C'mon Bella." She whispered so the others couldn't hear. "It's been almost two years, and I know that is not nearly enough time to heal, but it is time to start that process. Dontcha think?" She raised her eyebrow and I nodded with a sigh.

"So Bella," Jacob muttered far too close to my face, "What are your plans for next weekend?" Leah glared at his obviously premature advancements. It was easier to ignore him than anything else so I wobbled my way up to a standing position and pulled Leah and the new girl Rose out onto the floor. Sweat and alcohol mixed in the crowded air of the dance floor. Leah quickly found a victim to grind on while Rose chose to attempt a furthering of our friendship.

"So Bella, what's the deal with Jacob?" I sighed dramatically and laughed lightly.

"Jacob is just a little boy looking for a free ride, and I'm kind of like the bitchy Carnie that always says no." She smirked. I wasn't sure what to make of Rose. She was first and foremost drop dead gorgeous. Blonde wavy hair, huge but firm chest, small waist, flared hips and legs that went alllllllll the way up. However, I was starting to think that Rose was more than just the hot sorority girl. There were times when I could've sworn that I'd caught her reading car magazines. She was a man's perfect dream.

"Interesting metaphor there Bella," she laughed and leaned back to sway to the music. Rose seemed like she could be a good friend. Too bad I wasn't in the mood for a friend.

Paul, the DD, dropped me off at home around 2am with a bottle of water and aspirin and a quick "happy birthday". I say quickly because at that moment Jacob decided to start puking and therefore took Paul's attention. I smiled and waved as they pulled out of my gravel driveway, but the smile quickly faded when I entered my small, dark, empty house. Happy Birthday Bella Swan, what's your wish?

Fuck you all. That's the reality of this situation. With an irritated grumble I headed upstairs to fall into restless sleep. Tonight was going to be a hard one.

. . . .

My alarm went off all too early the next morning, bringing my attention to the reality I had so desperately sought to escape the night before. I had plans to meet Jasper's parents for dinner this evening and spend the weekend with my parents. They were things that needed to be done, things that had been done the year before, and things that would be done the next years. I owed it to them and we owed it to each other.

As much as I sometimes wished, no amount of sadness could erase eleven years of familial thoughts.

God this sucked.

My morning took twice as long as it should have considering that I was already packed, but regardless by the time I left Tacoma it was already 2 pm and wit hour drive waiting me I knew I was pushing it. Around the halfway mark I got a phone call from my mother. I turned on the Bluetooth and answered, "Hey mom."

"Sweetie? Are you driving?"

I sighed. "Yes but I have the hands-free set on don't worry."

"That's still distracted driving Bella and it's dangerous," my father's voice grumbled out in the background. Ignoring the habitual safety talk I asked, "What's up guys?"

Renee sighed but continued past the point anyways, "Well we were just calling to check on you. We know that today is kind of a hard day for you and we know that we won't see you until after your dinner with the Hale's and-"

"I'm fine mom. I'm gonna get off the phone now since I'm driving and all-"

"Sweetie-"

"Bye!" With a forceful push I ended the call and tried my best to drive through the building tears. Good fucking luck with that.

"Dammit," I muttered and pulled over to the shoulder of the road and allowed myself ten minutes to regain composure.

This sucked.

It was night by the time I got to Forks and with only 30 minutes before our dinner reservations the Hales and I met quickly.

"Bella, it's so good to see you again." Tanya folded me in her arms warmly. Despite the purpose of this meeting Tanya was as gracious and caring as she had always been. I suddenly felt like that ten year old little girl who had scraped her knee playing soccer all over again. My cheeks were wet and hot as I shook in her arms. I felt her returned misery. Jasper's father came in with the boys and with a sad look we all hugged and departed for the restaurant.

I felt terrible. Usually I could hold in my tears around Tanya which is what she needed. Someone had to be the rock, and how could I ever ask his family to play that part?

When we reached the restaurant James jumped out of the car and headed towards the restaurant. Seth opened the door for me and we walked with Tanya and Harry.

"How have you been Bella?"

"About the same," I responded glancing to Seth's kind face, "How's Claire?"

He smiled brighter than before and laughed.

"She's great! She's got a friend named Rachel who James is after. In fact-"

"Seth, Bella, are you coming?" Tanya and Harry were holding the door to the restaurant open. We quickened our step and entered the old fashioned diner.

Dinner passed in companionable chatter with even James eventually opening up.

"I just don't know how to get to this girl, Bella. She is so different from all the other girls-"

"Thank god for that," I muttered cheekily. James had a terrible dating history full of pyschos that all stemmed from the very first crazy bitch Victoria. He merely grimaced at my comment. I laughed, "But seriously James, I'm happy for you. It's time that you moved on and actually got serious." He rolled his eyes and smiled, no doubt thinking about all the women beforehand. Dinner ended peacefully with a promise to meet up again before I left town. As much as I dreaded these meetings, I also relished them. I had missed them so much and while they definitely made me think of Jasper, they also helped ease the pain. I wasn't alone and I took strength in that.

. . . .

JPOV

"Just calm the fuck down dude!" Emmett shouted to me. I hardly heard him over the roar of my bloodlust. Edward stood in front of me, eyeing me warily as he read my unstable thoughts. I could feel his apprehension and it sickened me. My eyes darted to Emmett who stood behind me and I tensed up at the look on his face. What the hell had I done to deserve that look? Oh yeah…

"You need to think Jasper! Use your brain," Emmett continued as he inched closer to me. I whirled around and lunged, only to be caught from behind by Edward. Damn.

"I need to see her Emmett," I growled through my teeth, "Just one more time." He showed no signs of releasing me. "Please," I choked out and hung my head in defeat. Never again.

"No." Emmett said in a final tone before he and Edward escorted me back to the house. Deep in my heart I knew that Bella would be with her family-maybe even my family-today and just the knowing where she was killed me. I was so close.

My room was dark as it had been last year on this day. No light shone on me, no warmth reached me and my body did not care. It needed nothing but blood to fuel it. As I often did, I found myself praying to some unknown entity to help me. I never knew what I was praying for exactly, just anything that would help to improve this endless death. As always, my prayers went unanswered.

So that was much shorter than the last, I will try to post longer chapters in the future. I uploaded this the same day because I had it ready and I was anxious for it to be up, but in the future it definitely will not be a daily upload. Thanks for reading!