Just another Lornester One-shot.

Selfish Act

Lorne turns to leave but his feet seems to glued to ground. He can't leave, not like this knowing what he knows, feeling what he feels and he turns back to face angry Lester standing still there. He hasn't moved an inch either but as soon he sees Lorne taking step towards him, Lester immediately holds up his hand to stop him.

"No. go, go"

"Lester,"

"No, go.. go before, before I..."

"Before I what?" Lorne asks him almost in challenging tone as he takes another step towards him.

"I will.. I will.."

"What, Lester? You will what?" He take another step when Lester takes a step back, bringing his hands forward gesturing him to stop.

"You will go. You go now, I don't want to see you, I don't want you here. Or"

"Or what Lester?" And with this, Lorne is standing right in front of Lester who almost takes think of taking few step backs but his feet seems to freeze there suddenly. Lester meets with Lorne's dark intense gaze when just like a ticking bomb something ticks inside him. Instead of being afraid and moving away like Lester would do, he response to Lorne's dark gaze with equal darkness.

"Or I will kill you. Yea, right here, right now. I will." None of them move nor their gaze shift from each other, even time seems to have paused. For a longest time Lorne let himself drown in his dark intense gaze and he is amused and thankful of Lester as he hasn't shifted his gaze either. As if trying to prove his point, not that he needs to because Lorne knows, Lester can and will do it. In fact he has already done it.

"Go." Even with coldest winds blowing crazily around them, Lorne did not miss Lester's whisper and it was almost sounded like a request. Lorne knows how much it took for Lester to actually allow him to leave without killing him right now or without handing him to cops. Knowing very well that each second Lorne is delaying in leaving, he is testing Lester's patience and increasing his guilt. But he just can't go like this, not without doing one more act, one more selfish act. He is being selfish, of course but he knows he will end up much worse if he doesn't allow him one selfish act on his side or selfless act for Lester.

"I am leaving." He gently replies, assuring other man about his departure. As he move his gaze around Lester's face trying to capture each and every detail he can for the last time. Slowly bringing his right hand up, Lorne gently lay it on Lester's right cheek. The unexpected touch almost throws Lester back but he manages himself somehow.

"wh.." He tries to speak but his voice dies down as Lorne gently creases his cheek with his thumb with gaze roaming around his face before it settles on his eyes once again. Before Lester can do anything or pulls away, Lorne brings face to his level and more closer, with sudden closeness Lester goes still. Taking advantage of his stillness, Lorne brings his lips closer to his crooked nose and gently presses his lips on his nose. Lester stops breathing for a second, his heart skips a beat and mind goes blank for a second, then a second later it feels if his mind is going to blast as too many thoughts, things start to clutter his mind. He opens his eyes which he does not even remember closing to see this is because touch between him and Lorne has been broken. Lester opens his mouth to speak but before he can speak, Lorne's words register in his mind.

"You already did, Lester."

'What?' He is confused and his mind is cluttering, everything is happening too fast and he needs time to catch up so he looks at Lorne for explanation who is clearly aware of every single thought crossing his mind right now. But Lorne doesn't say anything but smiles at him one last time before he turns around and leaves and this time he does not turn back.

"I will kill you. Yea, right here, right now. I will."

"You already did, Lester."

His eyes shot open, a gasp escapes his mouth and he sits right up. It's been 4 months, 12 days, 5 hours and 23 minutes but still he is unable to get this out of his mind. Lester has been unsuccessful in getting him out of his head. 'You already did, Lester', no matter what, Lester can never forget this or rather his mind will not let him forget this. It's been 4 months and still whenever he closes his eyes and almost falls into deep slumber of sleep, he feels Lorne's soft touch, ghost touch of his lips on his nose followed by 'you already did, Lester'. Breaking the synchronization between his dreams and reality to wake up him from a nightmare or into a nightmare, he doesn't know.

When Lorne said those words the meaning or the reference didn't instantly registered in his mind because he was too shocked about what was happening in that moment and what happened just a moment ago. Lorne actually kissed him as he said goodbye. Lester stands in his position rather frozen as he watches Lorne leave, without turning around; he stands there watching him until there is no visible sign of Lorne. Lorne left. He just left and Lester let him. He let Lorne go, just like this. The same man who is responsible for so much damage in his life, in this town, Lester let him go. It didn't took long for Lester to figure out the meaning of Lorne's last words to him 'you already did' and once the realization hit him, hard, Lester felt as if ground has been shaken beneath his feet. Lester had only threatened to kill Lorne there but according to other man, Lester already killed him. Why and how?

Lorne left indeed forever but he managed to turn Lester's life upside down before he left. It isn't fair not after Lorne doing so much damage, causing so much pain to Lester, he cannot stand there and accuse Lester for killing him. It is not fair that Lorne kissed him before he left and it is not fair at all that Lorne left because of Lester. Lester tried to angry at Lorne now after 4 months, 12 days, 5 hours and 23 minutes now 25 minutes he is tired of being angry at Lorne, tired of pretending to be angry, tired of sleepless nights and absolutely tired of pretending that he doesn't care. Truth is Lester Nygaard cared about Lorne that's why he let him go, alive. He didn't wanted Lorne to be caught or die not at least in front of him or because of him and it really frustrated him for a long time. Lorne did things for Lester which no one even could dream of doing for him or even someone they care about deeply but Lorne who was no one to him did those things.

Lorne in a way protected Lester, he freed Lester. But it always bugged Lester as to why would Lorne do this for him? Why would he? Out of pity? For fun? Just because Lorne can? It was always like this but never once it crossed his mind that maybe Lorne cares for him like no one else did. Because Lester has grown to accept that he will not get such care or love, he stopped expecting it long ago. But then Lorne happened! Something started to change. Lester started to change but for better or worse he don't know. But one thing he noticed, he wasn't the only one who changed and just that thought scared him even more.

As Lester replays his and Lorne's first and last meeting in his mind it becomes even more clear to him how much both of them had changed. He didn't figure out in first what changed Lorne, in fact he did not figure out a lot of things but in last 4 months he did anything but to think. Think about him, about what happened and the more he thought about it, the more he got afraid because of what he was finding. In some twisted way, in twisted world Lorne cared for Lester actually care for Lester. When first he got to the conclusion he immediately rejected it, doubted it but when he started to think more and more about him, about their last meeting it became crystal clear that Lorne didn't only care for Lester but it was more than general care, there were feelings which ran quite deep.

And that got clear when he replayed the goodbye 'kiss' Lorne had placed gently on Lester's crooked nose. 'Why on the nose?' It must sound stupid but Lester kept thinking why 'nose' why did Lorne picked his crooked nose? Then he remembered the significance it was his crooked nose that made their path cross with each other; their first meeting in the hospital. After this and Lorne's final words there was no denying that Lorne has feelings for Lester or had.

Spending ever waking moment thinking about that him, still not being able to sleep because he doesn't leave him alone even in his dreams it is becoming rather obvious to Lester that the feeling is mutual. Because somewhere down the line Lester Nygaard developed feelings for Lorne Malvo the very man who saved him in many ways but same man also ruined him in many ways.

"You ruined me, Lorne." The words escape his mouth loud and clear echoing into empty house when Lester sighs and closes his eyes hoping to fall into dreamless sleep.

I hope you'll like it, enjoyed it.