Title: How to get Rid of Telemarketers
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing
Note: Me and my friends came up with this, and I decided to share.
One day, the Gundam pilots were all sitting around when the telephone rang. At first, they opted to ignore it, since it had been ringing all day long. After the fifth time it rang, Duo finally reached over and picked the phone off the receiver. "Hello...?" he said questioningly.
On the other side was a booming male voice that said, "Hello I'm with ATT and I was wondering if you would like to switch your phone service?"
With a sigh, Duo shook his head. "No, I don't," he stated, hanging up the phone, "damn telemarketers."
Heero grunted softly, "They've done nothing but call us all day," he commented.
Seconds after Heero finished his sentence, the phone rang again. With an annoyed sigh, Wu Fei turned to Duo. "Answer the phone," he ordered.
"It's going to be another telemarketer," Duo countered. Eventually, the phone stopped ringing, and Duo said, "I swear, next time they call I'm going to do something about it."
Minutes later, much to Duo's liking, the phone rang, and he picked up. "Hello," he said in a female voice and Spanish accent.
"Hello!" the telemarketer on the other side cheerfully.
"I cleaning lady, I clean house for you," Duo said before the telemarketer could say anything else.
"...I don't need my house cleaned," the telemarketer stated.
"Then why you call?" Duo asked.
"To see if you would like to switch your phone service," the telemarketer countered.
"I don't have phone," Duo stated.
By now, Duo could tell the person on the other side was getting annoyed. "Then whose phone are you using?" they asked.
"Employer phone," Duo stated and they hung up. Putting down the phone, Duo turned
to everyone, before they all broke out in laughter.
Quatre was the first to recover, and said, "Duo, that was great."
Trowa nodded, holding his side. "That was funny, Duo."
Wu Fei nodded, wiping away a tear. "Yes, Maxwell, very funny."
Heero finally sat up straight again. "You should do that to every telemarketer."
"Why should I have all the fun?" Duo asked as the phone rang again.
Quatre was the lucky pilot that picked it up. "Hello?"
"Hello, I work for ATT—" The telemarketer started.
"—Really!? I work for Sprint!" Quatre cut off the telemarketer, who in turn, hung up. The blonde smiled as he put down the receiver. "He hung up." Once again, they all started laughing, and once again, the phone rang.
Trowa was the first to grab the phone. "Hello, City Morgue. ...OH MY GOD!! IT'S MOVING! KILL IT! KILL IT! KILL IT!" The poor telemarketer quickly hung up. They were laughing again, but it slowly died down. They sat there for ten minutes of peaceful silence until someone knocked at the door.
"Whose there?" Heero called.
"Police," came the reply.
"Coming!" Wu Fei was out of his chair and at the door in no time. "Can we help you?"
"We got a call for a telemarketer saying that this was a morgue and you were killing people," the cop stated.
Duo shook his head. "This isn't a morgue. We were just saying that because telemarketers have been calling us all day and we got tired of it so we did something about it."
The cop nodded. "Oh...well just don't use the morgue one anymore, am I understood?"
The pilots nodded. "Yes sir!" With that, the cop left.
No sooner was he gone, the phone rang. Before picking it up, Wu Fei whispered something in Duo's ear. The braided boy nodded with a grin, and ran from the room. He was back in record time, holding a whip, then Wu Fei picked it up. "Hello, D.D.D. Dominatrix how can we dominate you?" At that, Duo cracked the whip in the background.
"I was calling to see if I could help you," the telemarketer said, and Wu Fei could tell he was frightened.
"I don't need to be dominated, but I think you do." Wu Fei stated. The telemarketer slammed down his phone. Duo was the first to start laughing, followed by everyone else.
"Wu Fei, I didn't know you had it in you!" Duo commented.
"How rude, he needs to be thought the fury of justice," Wu Fei muttered, putting down the phone.
"Do that later," Trowa countered.
The next time the phone rang, Heero was ready for it. "Hello?"
"Hello—"
Heero cut off the telemarketer. "Ilikebikes.DoyoulikebikesIneverlikedbikesuntilmydadboughtmeabikeandthatswhe nistartedtalkingaboutbikes.Doyouhaveabike?Mybikeisred.Whatcolorisyourbike?Ihadtogetahelmettomatchmybikesoigotaredhelmet," he spoke quickly. Without a word, the telemarketer hung up. "He hung up," Heero stated, speaking at his normal pace. Everyone stared at him in awe. "What?"
"How can you talk that fast? I can't even talk that fast!" Duo grumbled. Heero shrugged, and everyone started laughing again.