Secrecy

Chapter Twenty-Seven – The Great Escape

WARNING: This chapter contains curses.

DISCLAIMER: Kleia does not own Letter Bee—only her OCs.

A person, when he is drowning, kicks and swims as hard as he can to resurface, to breathe again. When his house is ablaze, he ducks and crawls underneath the smoke to safely escape the fire and the hazardous smoke it gives off. When he is trapped, or caged, he strategises and carries out whatever plans that come into mind, as long as he can break free. People fight whenever they're faced with adversity. They do everything in their willpower just so they can be as free as a bird.

But Emi isn't one of those people. She's letting herself drown, she's letting herself catch fire, she's letting herself be trapped in this confined room she shared with Cho. She had been like this since she was a child—locked indoors with the company of books and silence. She won't speak unless spoken to, won't react rudely, and won't go out unless her mother invites her to shop for the daily needs. Her own mother disapproved of her playing outside with the other children. Her own mother trapped her in her own home. But she didn't fight back, until years passed, and silence had become someone she sees waiting for her to sit beside it everyday. She sat down with old silence. And never left.

Without thinking, she heaved a sigh as she curled herself up in the corner of her cell. What was the point of fighting the situation she was in? If she escapes, the men will hunt her like a rabbit being chased down hungrily by the seasonal hunters she had read in her childhood books. She didn't want that. The only option she had was to wait for the day when the men will come barging in her cell and tell her, "It's your turn." With malevolent grins plastered on their chapped lips.

And she hoped today was the day.

Zazie will no longer have sleepless nights and the obligation of looking out for her everyday. Sylvette will return back to the old and happy Sylvette, probably happier. Lag won't be beaten up. Aria and Largo won't have bags underneath their eyes and raspiness in their voices. The Hive will be a safe place again, without the burden of her herself.

"Are you thinking about escaping?"

Emi snapped her attention towards Cho, who was eyeing her intently from another corner of their shared room. "… Are you?"

She shrugged, "Some days, I do."

"Do you do it?"

"I don't have the courage." She smiled a small one.

Silence made itself at home inside their cell, until Emi hugged her knees more, folding it up against her chest. She ignored the soreness of her abdomen. "I don't plan on leaving," she blurted out in a hush voice. "I'm a burden to everyone. I don't want anyone else getting hurt because of me. They've been struggling for many days because of me. They've been doing everything for me. It's time I do something for them. And, to me, this is the only way to give back."

"What about them? Did you ask them if this is what they wanted? Did you ask them if it was okay for them if you repay them by giving up? Or did they tell you that this—," she gestured to the whole room, "—is the only way out? The only way for you to give back?"

Emi's breath hitched. Her eyes widened. Her heart skipped a beat. "Well—I…" Her voice faded, and she resorted to shaking her head instead, lowering her gaze to the ground, watching her hand picking and scratching on the stone cold floor.

"Then aren't you doing this for yourself, and not for them?"

She stayed silent for a moment, before saying, "I think they'll be happier this way…"

"Did you hear what you just said?"

"What?"

"You said, 'I think,'" Cho pointed out, "You think they will be happier if you do this. But will they really be? Are you sure about that?"

Emi swallowed a lump in her throat. Her grip around her knees loosened, and she found her knees stretching out on its own on the floor, the joints aching a little. She slouched against the wall, folding her arms across her chest. Will they really be happy? Before, she was sure enough that they will be. Why is she questioning this now? Is this the right choice? It used to be, but why not this time? Why is she doubting herself? Has she been selfish all this time? Has she not been doing this for others, but for herself?

She planted her hand on her head, and clutched it tight enough, bundles of her golden hair being trapped in her grip. Confused is what she feels. Whether she asks them or not, they've wanted this to happen, right? They all wanted this to end, right? This should be the right choice, right? Yes. No. Yes. No. Which one is it? How sure is she that she's right? One hundred percent. Zero percent.

"What you feel isn't what they feel," Cho said, "And what you think isn't what they think."

What she feels isn't what they feel, and what she thinks isn't what they think.

Her mind went blank, as if all the words that were written on a sheet of paper had been erased completely. She let go of her hair and slowly planted her hand on the ground once again. She sat against the wall, limp, like an old and unused doll. Her gaze was glued to her feet. She had completely shut down.

"I know I don't have any right to stand in-between you and what you feel, but…" Cho trailed off.

What she feels isn't what they feel, and what she thinks isn't what they think.

Then, what do they feel? What do they think about what she did? Should she find out? Or should she not move and let things be? Will she regret it? Will she regret finding out or will she regret not finding out? What's worse?

"I don't know what to do anymore," Emi admitted softly, "My head is about to burst."

Cho chuckled. "Then, that's good. You'll be fine. Feeling unsure and lost is a part of life. Don't avoid it. You'll be okay even if things look like they aren't."

"You're so wise," She sighed, "Have you felt this before?"

"Not exactly," Cho shrugged.

Emi lifted her eyes to look at Cho, who was smiling softly. "Then, how do you know what to say?"

"I just know," she shrugged once again, feeling sure of what she was saying. And Emi felt a tinge of envy at that. She was so certain of everything. Confident in her actions, and comfortable with the way she is.

What she feels isn't what they feel, and what she thinks isn't what they think.

"What do you think about what I think?" Emi suddenly asked.

"What do you mean?" Questioned Cho, tilting her head ever so slightly. Then, her eyes flashed. "Oh, well… It's something you have to decide on your own, Emi. Ask yourself, 'Is this what they really want? What I really want? Will everything end up in vain if I do this?'" She paused, before adding, "I don't know how you've spent your life before you ended up here, but think about that. Do you want that to go to waste?"

Then suddenly, like an invisible train holding her memories crashing into her, hard, she saw everything that had happened since she became a Bee: Lag welcoming her into his house and introducing her to Sylvette, Sylvette befriending her and trying her best to do so, her long delivery with Zazie at Honey Waters, the play (the day that everything changed), Zazie's hugs and comfort and voice, Aria's worry and motherly tendencies, Largo's smile underneath his stress, and her coworkers doing everything in their power to help her in her dangerous situation.

Everything that had happened, in contrast to her dull childhood, was full of colour. Having spent her childhood indoors and alone, and having other people around her presently—she would choose the latter in an instant. She had so much fun, even if the majority of what she experienced was frightening.

She found herself standing up, and heading for the door. She stood on her toes, sliding open the peephole after knocking on the door three times. A man peeked through, an intimidating yet curious glint in his eyes. "What?"

"I have to go to the bathroom,"

The eyes looked from left and right, checking if the coast was clear, before saying, "Okay. Pass." The door unlocked, and was opened. The man stood in front of her in full view, bearing jet black disheveled hair, and eyes just as black. A scar ran down his right eye, and he looked young. Emi almost felt guilty for lying to him, what with his gentle-looking eyes despite the scar that had inhabited his face. He didn't seem to be a complete rebel, for he didn't give off a threatening aura.

He threw her the tiniest smile, and Emi replied by blinking at him. "It's this way. Follow me," he said, pointing to where the bathroom is, but Emi went the opposite direction, breaking into a sprint.

Her vision blurred but her feet didn't stop from running. She didn't know where she was going. All she knew was that she had to get away from here. But she forgot to bring Cho along. Should she go back? She turned her head behind her, and the man stood there, baffled and not a slightest hint of anger was seen in his body language. He didn't scream, he didn't run after her; he just watched her go.

Another body clashed into hers, and dread filled her whole being. Regret was chewing away in her mind. She looked up, and saw an older man gazing down at her, apparently unimpressed by her actions, like how a father would look at his daughter when he's about to scold her.

"Oi, what're ya doin', runnin' around here?" He asked in a husky voice. "D'you think this is some kinda playground?"

Pants were heard from behind her. "It's my fault, sorry!"

Emi looked behind her to see it was the same guy from before. He went up beside her. "She wanted to go to the bathroom, but I think it was really urgent so she ran away before I even got a hold of her."

The bigger man stepped closer to the boy beside her, sending her glares that would kill. "Well I'm trusting ya should do a better job next time, or you're gonna get it from the boss. Be glad I'm lettin' ya slide this time."

"Thank you,"

And with that, the older man left them with a huff, stomping off to a different direction and away from them.

He sighed, "You look pretty beaten up. You should be thankful I was near your door… if another guy was there and this happened, he could have you at round two, you know?" He said, turning his head to look at her. Emi simply blinked up at him. And suddenly, he began pinching her nose hard, a soft yet angry look on his face. "I almost got into trouble because of you. Are you really even planning on going?"

She shook her head no, and he heaved a sigh once again. "Whatever, let's just take you back—,"

"Zeke, what is she doing outside?"

Emi snapped her head to where the voice came from, and found Mia standing with her arms crossed and knees apart. She then glanced at Zeke, who was beside her. He scratched his nape. "She said she had to use the bathroom, but she ran away, and—,"

Something flashed in Mia's eyes, and in an instant, she stormed towards Emi, grabbed her wrist, and dragged her all the way back to her shared cell with Cho. She threw her in the room, the bruises and muscle pains aching all at once, causing Emi to hold in a wince. A hand aggressively took a bundle of her hair and lifted her up, making Emi feel as if she would lose all of her hair by now.

"You seriously think escaping is easy?" Mia hissed in her ear. "Then I'll make it hard for you."

Without waiting for another second, she slapped Emi hard across the cheek, right where Kent had punched her. It stung, and she heard herself whimper at the pain. But Mia wasn't done yet—she threw Emi's head on the ground as if she discarded a piece of garbage, quite hard enough for Emi to hear the thump of her head against the floor. She hoped it wouldn't bleed as she let herself be thrown around like a doll.

She didn't hear the yelling of Zeke, telling Mia to stop, stop, it was getting out of hand, and that it was his fault in the first place. She didn't hear Cho beside her, asking her if she was okay and to hang on. She didn't hear Mia shouting and wriggling free from Zeke's grip, screaming loudly how Emi is playing the tragic damsel in distress and how she's using other people to cover for her.

She didn't hear, as she lay motionless on the cold ground, the wounds and bruises doubling.

A/N: A so-so chapter. I'm not quite happy with it, but I hope you liked it. The only thing I liked was Zeke… Anyway, HAPPY 2ND YEAR ANNIVERSARY TO THIS FANFICTION! (I'm a little to late.)