If you have not seen "The Face of the Enemy", this story is set after the events of that episode and contains spoilers for that episode. Please do not read this story if you have not seen the episodes to this point. I would hate to spoil it for you!

None of the characters are mine! They are all the property of JMS, the creator of Babylon 5.

Thanks to Jennifer Waer for proofreading.

NOTE: This originally appeared on Unicorn's Storybook (1998).

Nowhere to Run

By Laura Rajsic-Lanier

Commander Susan Ivanova was exhausted. Since she'd gotten to the White Star, she'd pushed herself. Hard. Captain Sheridan had made contingencies in case he didn't return. At least he took my fears seriously. He'd instructed the other captains of their renegade fleet to follow her should he not return. That was one less fight she had to win. She slumped in the command chair and stared out at the stars, allowing the exhaustion to overcome the pain of losing the Captain and the anger of Garibaldi's betrayal…of all of them.

Marcus Cole watched the Commander. He was worried. He had known that Susan and the Captain were close, but except for one instant of pain he saw in her eyes, she had shown no other emotion. Business as usual. Damn. She hadn't slept since she arrived on board, either. He hadn't slept for longer than that, but right now that couldn't be helped. He knew he had to get her off the bridge. If she didn't get any sleep soon, she wouldn't be able to command the fleet, much less herself. Well, here goes nothing.

"Commander…" Marcus began after clearing his throat.

"Please, Marcus. Not now." Ivanova didn't even look in his direction. She even sounded exhausted.

"Yes, Commander. Now." Marcus waited for the inevitable backlash. Instead, Susan stood up carefully, turned to look at him.

"Very well, Marcus," Susan said coldly. "What do you want?"

"Susan," he began, keeping his voice neutral. "You need to get some sleep. You can't command the fleet if you aren't fully awake and aware of what's happening."

She stared at him, silently wishing he'd just leave her alone. He's right, you know, that little voice in her head said. "Right. I'll just forget everything that's going on and take a nap. I'll just lay down on one of those nice Minbari beds and get some sleep. Besides, I'm not the one who's been up the longest on this bridge, Marcus. If anyone needs sleep, it's you." Susan didn't want to give him the satisfaction of being right, but she left the bridge anyway.

God, I wish I had some vodka. Susan made her way to the sleeping area. It was going to be a long night. She knew she wouldn't get any sleep. The wolf wouldn't get her tonight, though. She'd just leave for a couple of hours and return. Marcus would be asleep then. The Minbari wouldn't question her. They couldn't. Chalk one up for me for being unable to speak Minbari.

She stepped into the sleeping area. Minbari beds. More like torture devices. Susan stood, looking at them. She heard a soft whispering noise behind her of cloth moving along the floor. She knew who it was. She always did.

"Susan, there are special quarters that were set up for the Captain with a regular bed. He didn't use them, though. He wanted to share in the Minbari experience. You might want to try to sleep there. If you'll come with me…" Marcus didn't wait for an answer. He firmly grabbed her arm and pulled her with him. Susan didn't try to fight. She just followed.

Susan waited for Marcus to leave. The room was very small, but it had a real bed. She didn't intend on using it, but there was no need for Marcus to know that. She heard him close the door, but he hadn't left.

"Marcus, I don't intend to go to sleep until you leave." Susan said to the wall in front of her.

"I'm not leaving yet. We need to talk."

"About what?" Susan turned around quickly. All of the pain and anger she had been bottling up were suddenly directed at Marcus. "I don't see anything *we* need to talk about."

"You can't keep everything inside. You need someone to talk to."

"And I suppose you just happen to be that person."

"Yes."

"Well, I hate to inform you of this, but it's none of your business. This is my life and my command. Your only job is as translator. I don't need your help. I don't want your help. I'm ordering you to sleep. Now." Each word was louder and more forceful. Marcus tried to control his own emotions. He knew Susan needed all the help she could get, even if she didn't realize it.

Suddenly, the cold voice was back. The disinterested, unaffected Susan. Only one word was left. "Dismissed." She glared at him.

"I'm not leaving. You see, someone once told me that you should never leave a person in need…whether they knew it or not." Marcus said quietly. He sat on the edge of the bed watching her. Waiting for some reaction to his presence. He couldn't let her hide behind the walls she was building around her heart. It was difficult before. If the latest crises added to them, Marcus wasn't sure he'd ever get through.

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Susan said, interrupting his thoughts.

"Does ignoring your emotions count as being alive? From my point of view, you're already working on killing the part of yourself that cares…that feels…that loves."

"What would you know about it?" Susan verbally attacked again, this time in control. She wasn't getting rid of him easily, so she figured she might as well play his little game until he left. He couldn't hurt her. No one ever would again.

"I've watched people die, too. Associates, friends, colleagues, even family members. It hurts. A lot. There's nothing you can do about it."

"Yes, there is. And I am doing it. I intend on doing it. I will do it."

"Letting no one in will not stop the pain. The pain makes us who we are."

"I have had my share of pain. My job is my life. Don't forget that. Go, Marcus. You're right. I need some sleep." Marcus got up and walked up to her and stared deep into her eyes…into her soul. He grabbed her upper arms and made her look at him.

"I'm not letting you do this to yourself. I'm not going to let you shut yourself out from part of the world because it's unpleasant. There is joy as well as pain. You've had more than your share of pain. Don't you think it's about time you try to find the joy?"

"Joy? They've got the Captain. He's dead…or worse. Garibaldi turned him in. No, Marcus, don't look at me like that. I know he did it."

"You can't accuse someone outright of something like that. The captain might have gotten captured in the rescue attempt to free his father."

"No, Marcus. You didn't know Michael like I did. He changed. I noticed. I should have told someone. Perhaps it's my fault too." Susan pulled herself free and moved around Marcus and sat on the bed, putting her head in her hands. "You wouldn't have any vodka on you, would you?"

"No. And I'm not letting you change the subject. What do you mean you knew he changed? Did he act differently? I didn't think he'd changed much…maybe a little more suspicious. I figured because of what he'd been through and he didn't remember…"

"No." Susan shook her head and looked up. "He acted different, he thought different…" Damn, I'm a lot more tired than I thought.

"He thought different? How would you know he thought…did you have him scanned?" Susan refused to look at Marcus. She knew she couldn't lie to him. Please, don't ask, Marcus.

"Please, just go. I'm not going to say it again."

"Susan, I've always done as you've asked. This time, I'm doing what's for your own good, not what you want. Now, would you like to answer my question?" Susan looked up reluctantly. Marcus saw fear in her gaze. It chilled him to the bone.

"No, I didn't have him scanned. It was just a feeling I got." She tried feebly.

"Would you like to explain that?"

"No." Susan looked at her feet. Damn, I'm going to have to tell him. I can't lie to him. I need him. Susan became even more frightened at that thought. I'm just upset about John. Yeah, that's it. I do need Marcus, though. I can't talk to the Minbari without 's more than that, a voice in her head chided her. She felt the bed give beside her as Marcus sat down beside her. She didn't have to move far and they would touch. Tears began forming in her eyes. Tears which she thought she had given up years ago. She wanted to cry and have Marcus hold her. She wanted him to tell her everything would be all right. Damn him. She couldn't find the strength to move away…put distance between them. How could one man destroy all the walls she had so carefully constructed? Why couldn't he just leave when she had asked?

"Susan?" Marcus asked softly, brushing the hair back from her face so that he could see her bent face. She turned to look at him, one tear rolling silently down her cheek. He wiped it away. As he did so, he felt a rush of emotions so confused he couldn't sort them out. Susan started to move away, breaking the contact. Suddenly, the cacophony of emotions was gone. In an instant he understood. He wasn't the only one hiding from the PSI-Corps. He had chosen the Rangers, she had chosen the military. He grabbed her arm and pulled her close. She started to cry…years of pent up emotion, betrayal and pain were released in the only safe haven she had ever had.

Susan woke up slowly. Her eyes hurt. Her head throbbed. To her amazement, Marcus was still there. He was warm against her. She was more relaxed than she could remember. She felt safe and secure, his arms wrapped around her as they both lay on top of the covers. This was not how she was supposed to feel. She was Commander Susan Ivanova. She was leading the fight on Earth, on home. She didn't need someone to support her. She could stand on her own.

"Good morning," a small smile hovered around Marcus' mouth. "How do you feel?"

"Like shit." Susan wasn't in the mood to be diplomatic. "Since you don't have any vodka, can I get some pain killers? My head is going to explode and my eyes are going to pop out at the same instant."

"I am your willing servant, my lady," Marcus rose from the bed with a grandiose bow and swept from the room. I should have just asked him for pain killers last night. Then we could have avoided what happened. Susan watched him go. She sat up gingerly, trying not to cause herself any more pain. She couldn't believe that she had completely broken down like that…and in front of him. I was too tired, she insisted. You'd better think again, a small voice mocked her from within. You found someone that you can trust…perhaps even love.

Susan stood up quickly. Pain screamed in her head, almost causing her to sit down again. I love him? No. What kind of a sick joke is this? I can't love him…

Susan quickly straightened out her hair and uniform the best she could, using the bathroom that was even smaller than the bedroom. She couldn't be here when he returned. She couldn't face the realization that had suddenly dawned on her. She tried to come up with a reason she didn't love him as she walked down the hall. His annoying way of always being right. Always being there. Always trying to cheer her up. She couldn't find one. She even admitted that she liked his strange jokes…well, sometimes.

She walked on the bridge, trying to control her thoughts and emotions. Looking at the first Minbari, she asked for a status report. He attempted to do so in broken English. Of all the ships in the fleet, I have to have a crew that doesn't speak my language.

"He says there is no change. We're on course and on schedule, as per your instructions. Here are your pain killers." Marcus held them out to her. "Why did you leave?"

"I needed to check our status. I don't have time to sleep the day away like other people," Susan bit back at him.

"Try again." Marcus said, smiling at her. Susan glared at him, but his good humor was catching.

"Not buying it, huh?"

"Nope."

"The room was too small for the badgers and me, so I left to make room for them?"

"Do you really think I'm going to believe that, either?"

"There's always hope in the universe."

"Not today, there isn't." The truth behind his words sombered Susan up immediately. "Why don't you try the real reason? You seem to be avoiding it...like you're avoiding me." Susan looked at him and realized it was a mistake. She felt color flooding into her cheeks. Now, I've become a love-struck teenager. Isn't experience supposed to afford you *some* control, Ivanova? She looked away, looking over the crew who were attending to their jobs. She might have well stayed in the room, she thought. She was just as alone here.

"I think we can discuss it later, Marcus. There's a lot of work to be done." Marcus turned to one of the Minbari and spoke to him at length. Susan looked at him while he was distracted. I wonder what kind of a lover he'd be. She quickly turned away. I can't believe what I'm thinking. "How can I get out of this?" she mused, unaware that she'd said it out loud.

"You can't." Marcus walked up behind her. "You see, the Minbari will summon us when they need us. Right now, you are coming with me. They are under strict orders not to come to your aid as you are suffering from exhaustion and your judgment may be in error."

"What did you tell them?" Susan glared at him. She couldn't decide if she wanted to kiss him or hurt him.

"Oh, it's not easily translatable into English. You see, your translator is also extremely exhausted…lack of sleep, you see. The Commander keeps insisting on making him come to the bridge. Are you coming gracefully or am I carrying you?"

"You wouldn't dare."

"Do you know how many ways there are to either stun you or render you unconscious? Perhaps you'd like a demonstration?"

"Damn you, Marcus. Are you always this damn cocky?" Marcus didn't reply. He gestured her to preceed him. She looked at the Minbari again. They wouldn't be any help. I might as well go. Then there won't be any witnesses. She glared at Marcus as she stalked out of the room.

"Why?" Marcus asked Susan when they'd returned to their room. Susan refused to look at him. Great, now it's OUR room. Why don't you just throw him on the bed and get it over with?

"Why what?" Susan asked, moving as far away from him as possible while trying to feign ignorance. She heard an exasperated sigh.

"Why did you leave? No, don't start the same song and dance. The only way I'm leaving is if you tell me the truth."

"What if I don't want you to go?" Susan asked softly, immediately wishing she hadn't.

"What?"

"I think you're right. I really am tired. Now that I know we're on schedule…" Susan tried to cover up the small slip.

"Oh, no you don't, Susan Ivanova. You're not getting off that easily." Marcus grabbed her and turned her around. Susan refused to be intimidated and stared at him, desperately trying to control her emotions. "Why don't you want me to go?"

Susan looked deep into his eyes. She knew it was where she wanted to be. She was afraid of the intimacy…afraid of the possibility of betrayal. In his eyes, she found the hope she'd never thought she'd see again. Marcus watched the hints of emotions flit across her face until they stopped. Susan developed a mischevious grin. Marcus became suspicious immediately. He didn't think he was going to like whatever caused that grin.

Thank God this room is small. She pushed him over with her full body weight behind her. They landed on the bed, Susan on top of a stunned Marcus.

"You have one last chance to leave. After that, you have to deal with the consequences." She smiled again and kissed him…hard.

Her kiss asked the question…his body returned the answer.

-30-