JT could've been happy with her.

Even at a young age, he knew he didn't like commitment, but he would've done it for Cassie. She was as bright as him, maybe even smarter, just as fun, but she had the sensibility to think things through, a trait people never let JT forget he lacked.

And she was dead. Why was she dead?

She died to save him, to let him live another day, the same way she damned him. She was gone but she was the only thing he ever wanted. Even if he got away from this blood-stained rock, Cassie would follow him like a ghost until he finally fell under the curse of sleep. Then she would show herself, little glimpses of the friendship they had, of what he wanted to grow into something more.

And it could've, if they had enough time.

They didn't.

. . . .

When he opened his eyes, he saw white.

Am I dead? He thought, but he couldn't get anywhere past that chilling notion for a few seconds due to a pounding headache. He squeezed his eyes shut until he thought he could take the artificial brightness that he wasn't used to. He looked up to find a white, plain ceiling—and discovered he was in a room. He didn't know why this startled him so much until he realized that he hasn't been in a room for months because up until then his life had revolved around getting enough firewood to stay warm and stealing enough shoes because everyone in his group had worn theirs to the soles on the forest's merciless terrain. And this wasn't a normal room, either, he saw the stars from his window.

There weren't any ships on Tarsus . . . until. . . until Starfleet arrived.

Until Starfleet arrived and he went to check if they were really there to help and was taken into a tent by some officers trying to medicate him. But now he's on a ship, a ship he doesn't want to be on because the others aren't here. And why aren't they here?

They're not here because JT told them stay away, just wait until I come back. If I haven't by tomorrow— run.

He tries to convince himself to take it slow.

It doesn't work.

In no time, he is swinging his agonizingly sore body from the bed and barely managing to stand on his aching feet. As he stands up, he lets the pain sink in and accepts it (because that's what Tarsus taught him to do: be smart enough accept your suffering but be strong enough to push through) instead of denying it like he did before with Frank. He doesn't allow his feet to stumble, he can't allow his feet to falter because his kids are so smart but they're too loyal for their own good and he knows, knows with terrible certainty, that they listened to his order and the rescue team left them behind because he didn't come back to them the same way his mother didn't for him, either. And JT taught them too well to hide for them to be found.

And they ran, didn't they? They would've because they trusted him but now they're probably alone on that dead planet, left with only ghosts to talk to and their ashes to sit in.

Look at how far the people who trust him get.

They trusted me, and I let them die.

He just escaped his room and started to pick up speed down the hallway when he turns a corner and runs into a man in scrubs.

"Kid!" The man looks surprised but he seems like he recognizes him. JT notes that he looks too young to be a doctor. "You're not supposed to be awake until tomorrow! What are you even doing out of your room— you just had a serious allergic reaction to your medication and you nearly died because of it. That, combined with a panic attack and on underfed— "

JT spares himself the lecture.

"Where are they," he growls, effectively halting the doctor's rambling. "Where are my kids? Thomas Leighton, you know him? Where are they?"

He looks completely unimpressed, so much so that JT imagines he's been growled at by plenty of Tarsus survivors.

The man rolls his eyes. "Look, kid, we've looked everywhere on your God-forsaken rock. If there was a single soul on that planet, we would know. I promise you your little friends are here or on another ship."

"Where are they?" He nearly screams. His voice is cracking and he can feel tears in the back of his eyes and how dare he? How dare that doctor try to make light of that planet or what happened there?

He has the decency to look apologetic. "Aw, kid. I'm sorry. I mean, I don't know where—" but he cuts himself off, seeming thoughtful. He takes out a PADD and taps on it until it opens a new page and then hands it to him.

He takes it and stares at it curiously. Initially, it looks like two lists. After looking at it for a few seconds, he sees that it is two lists—one of the dead, one of the living and what ship they're on.

He scans the on on the right side first and, in shock, drops the PADD onto the floor.

As it clutters and the man curses, he can see it in front of him, playing before his mind's eye— Kevin Riley, the first on the deceased.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

He doesn't mean to.

He really, really doesn't. It's just that Sam is going stir-crazy stuck on this planet, and he wants to know what's happening to Jimmy, and Winona still hasn't contacted him or even tried to call him back, and he honestly should've known this was going to happen, to prepare for this beforehand.

And, dammit, he doesn't want to go to work when he should be sitting his ass back at the apartment and trying for the life of him to find his brother somewhere on the live feeds.

But he needs something to pay for his ride to Tarsus IV. And besides, maybe this can get his mind off of Jimmy, prod him into a more healthy atmosphere.

Sam's not stupid, he knew his co-workers were going to be talking about the situation that's topping every news station as they melted down rocks at the factory, but he didn't expect this. He didn't expect to hear Jaylin complaining about how everyone was making too big a deal about it (so that he had to completely ignore the conversation). Or Yukion debating wether or not Kodos made the right decision (so that he had to excuse himself to another room). Or Krisco joke that he would take his vacation on Tarsus just so he come back and have a bad-boy broody look (so that Sam dropped a splash of molten rock on his hand later that day).

Krisco suffered from burns that would take him out the rest of the week and called him insane.

Sam really, really didn't mean to.

Kevin! Kevin, no!