Nico did not like getting hurt.

Unlike what other people think, he was not a masochist nor was he 'emo'. In fact, he will never purposely cut himself just to cause him as much physical pain as possible. His entire life revolved around other creatures (whether it'd be gods, monsters, or other demigods) doing all of that for him. He was sure that if he ever intentionally slices his skin, his body would just give in before he even felt the pain.

It was a known fact that he had suffered plenty in his lifetime. He lost count of how many scars now covered his body, not to mention how many tears he had shed when he felt the horrible stabbing pain of losing a loved one. Jason had once convinced him that he would get past it eventually and yet, this was said an entire year ago. He knew that change will not just happen overnight. He just prayed that it would hurry the fuck up before he loses his mind.

He didn't want to be the subject of self-pity, though. It wasn't only him who had seen good, innocent people die in front of him. This was part of demigod duty. His kind was used to all of the destruction and loss that came with their existence. Honestly, he wasn't even expecting to live long enough to see his eighteenth birthday seeing how eager the ghosts want to get hold of him. He had a lot of close calls in his lifetime, most of which he fully intended upon himself.

And yet, nothing could be compared to the pain of knowing that the one family he had left was now gone forever.

Bianca's death changed Nico for the worse, especially when he found out that Percy Jackson, the one man he admired and loved for a certain period of time, was partly responsible for it. He was aware how hard Percy tried to keep her safe, to keep her alive, but Bianca had always been so stubborn that Nico used to tease her about how that certain trait was going to be the death of her someday. He hated how right he was.

Despite the long, emotionally jarring conversation he had with his lost sister, he couldn't completely let go of her. He should have been the least bit prepared to see her leave him eventually. What with the fifty or so years they spent together in that casino, she will surely get a little tired of seeing his face every day. Was that the reason why she joined the hunters?

The Fates were cruel. Everyone knew that. If it wasn't enough already that they took away his sister, of all people, they managed to pair his one love to a much more beautiful woman. Yes, he loved Percy Jackson. He's torn himself apart trying to sort through the emotions he felt towards the young son of Poseidon. Even after Bianca's death, he couldn't possibly hate the man. He hated himself, surely, but never him. He tried to, though, so hard. He tried to force every single negative experience he had with him and yet the chivalry, the bravery, the heroism, always pushes through and takes Nico's breath away.

That, he realized, is the worst kind of pain.

And now, now that he claims that he's moved on from Percy Jackson. Now that he claims that he's falling for Will Solace, he noticed how completely irrational his paranoia was. He knew from the start that Percy won't be his. Annabeth's hold on him is too strong. He knew that, if he kept pining for a man who belonged to someone else, he would only end up getting hurt millions of times over. He moved on, he said. He got over him.

So yes, Nico Di Angelo has gone through enough pain in his 15 year old life. And yet, being a demigod made him see the things a single person can do to change his perspective on life. He loved Percy once. He'll feel the pain of being rejected forever. He still owes his life to him and that will not help alleviate the pain whatsoever. He's stronger now, though. He's not anymore the naïve ten year old boy playing with Mythomagic action figures. He knows how to deal with heartache and deep scars. He knows how to heal from being stabbed in the back or recover from being overtaken by shadows. He hated being a demigod and yet, he's never been more grateful that he was.

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