CHEESE!

Yes, this is meant to be goofy. Yes, there may be OOC moments. And no, I don't own KH.

Enjoy!

This is the story of how one single, modest male took down the most ridiculous organization in the entire universe.

Keyword single. Keyword modest. And yes, the "universe" is essentially Destiny Standards High School.

It had transformed from a necessary nuisance to an evil institution. Yes, evil, because now he couldn't walk down the freaking hallway without hearing catcalls, whistling, and fake applause. The joke had gone too far. He is not having it, not today.

"Sora, get my Nerf gun." He grabbed his senior sweat jacket, strapping it on as if he were putting on a bullet proof vest. "It's time to end this."

Sora smirked at him. "Dude, I think you need to chill. It's not like anyone has tried to hurt you. Besides, it's your birthday."

"Yeah, it's kind of interesting that everyone knows its my birthday. Everyone! Because of those lame, photoshoped pieces of crap on all the lockers! It's like I'm being stalked by myself!"

"Hey, you look good in those pictures."

"Shut up." Riku tilted his head out of the closet, looking around. "Okay, I think it's clear. You have the map, right?"

"Yeah, yeah. Sheesh, you'd think being a senior and all you'd know where everything is."

"Sora, you can barely remember where your toes are on a Monday."

"Touche."

Riku rolled his eyes, grabbing the paper from him. "Alright, so according to Axel we should be able to ambush a representative in the cafeteria."

"Right." Sora took out his Nerf gun. "Why do we need these though?"

"Because," Riku put on a pair of black sunglasses, "these fangirls are pathetic when it comes to their clothing. So, the plan. We soak them, you'll tie her up, then I'll do the questioning."

"She's not going to give up the leader that easily."

"Pfft, trust me, she will." Riku held up a small bag. In it were a few strands of his long luscious-ahem, manly hair. "This will do."

The sound of a plastic gun being dropped made Riku turn his head. Sora was staring at him with a shocked expression. His eyes were as wide as saucers. "You cut your hair?!"

It was freaking hair. Three weeks ago this wouldn't have been a problem. But now, thanks to that oh-so-delightful-spawn-of-she-devils-on-crack (aka, the club), Riku's hair was more precious than gold.

He hated that. "Yes, I did. Please, do not get on my case."

Sora snorted. "It's one thing for a random girl to do it. But you? YOU?"

"I can do whatever I want with my hair. Hell, you're stalling!"

"Pfft, no. I'm just . . . it's your hair, man."

"For the love of-just follow me." Riku looked at his watch. "We have do this before the lunch bell rings."

"Okay, Mr. Matrix."

"Hey, don't diss the shades." Riku made a few meaningless hand gestures before sneaking out of the closet. A very laid back Sora followed, stomping down the hall in his big shoes with no regard for the sounds he was making. Riku dismissed the urge to kick him in the shins. Did his friend not realize that this was war?

But then again, Sora never really took his problems seriously.

"There she is! Sora, duck!"

"Riku, she has a white hoodie on. She won't see us enter."

"Follow the plan! You are seriously killing me here!"

"Okay, okay. I'm ducking."

"Okay. Wait for it, wait for it . . . alright, now!" Riku barged through the doors, skidding on the floor, then did a back roll before shooting the girl point blank in the head. She giggled loudly, waving her hands all over the place. "Okay, Sora, do it now!"

He looked behind only to notice that his wing man was gone. Riku sighed, barely making out his friend's form by the vending machine way over in the corner of no return. Yeah, just fifty feet away from him and his current fangirl companion.

Some best friend he was. Riku cleared his throat, pointing his gun at the girl. "Alright, talk."

The girl pulled down her hood . . . and Riku slapped himself in the face. "You're the representative?"

Namine shrugged, feigning innocence. "The group seemed fun. Who do you think made all the posters?"

Riku frowned. "First Xion, now you too. All my friends are betraying me it seems."

"It's all in good fun." Namine grinned. "Loosen up and enjoy the attention. It's a special day."

Riku groaned, glaring at his plastic bag of luscious strands . . . wait, no! Hair! Perfectly normal, strands of regular, ordinary fibers that had once been attached to his head. Ahem. "Guess this was a waste. Something silly like this won't work on you."

The gasp he received was loud enough to make him jump back. "OMG, you cut your hair?!" Namine looked almost offended.

"What is the big deal? I mean, random girls have been jumping me for days. I had to even out certain parts."

"You can't do that! Promise, Riku!" She all but shoved her pinky in his face. "You need to pinky swear and hope the leader of this fan club forgives you."

"I'm not going to promise because once I catch that obsessed witch your little stalker friends will be out of my life."

"Come on, Riku. Xion and I respect you. We've been holding all the girls back for some time." She smiled. "Not everyone is that bad, though. We're all just so excited that you'll finally be able to face the person who made this happen."

The sparkle in her eyes nearly made him gag. Her excitement scared him, even if he did trust her more than the other fangirls (barely). "Whatever. Are you telling me where she is or not?"

"Hmmmm . . . it's going to take more than a bag of hair for me to betray the cause, birthday boy."

Riku looked a little miffed. Then he sighed and took off his sweat jacket. "Okay, what about I give you the hair and my jacket?"

"You're almost there. Give me the shirt too and we'll call it even."

Riku crossed his arms over his shirt. His six pack was sacred. He was not going to humiliate himself by letting the leader see him exposed. Never! "Anything but that," he all but growled. "Shame on you."

"Alright." She pursed her lips, looking him up and down. "How about your pants?"

"Not funny."

Namine sighed, rubbing her head. "They really shouldn't have made me the guard. I suck at this." With the flick of her wrist, she pointed towards the doors. "The vice president is in the music room. That's where your clue is."

"Huh, now was that so hard? Sora, quit snacking!"

Sora gave him a sheepish grin, walking back towards them while holding up an ice cream bar. "Want one?"

Humph, and it was his favorite flavor too. "No," Riku said, slightly regretting the decision when his best friend's shoulders slumped forward. He was watching a once bright, bursting flower wilt. "Sora? Hey . . . okay, I'll take it."

The transformation was instant. "Really? Yes!" Sora did a little victory dance.

Fighting the urge to smile, Riku took the treat. "Yeah, are you actually going to help this time around?"

"Obviously. Why wouldn't I?"

Riku gave him a hard stare. Then he sighed, reaching out and scratching Sora's head. His long fingers easily got lost in his friend's exploding hair. "You're a lucky little idiot."

"That feels good." Sora grinned, face slightly flushed.

Riku withdrew his hand. "Make that Lazy idiot. There you go again, wasting time." He smirked, leaving the cafeteria and heading for the music room. He nearly approached the door when he heard a particularly loud chorus of alto-to-soprano giggles. He slowly turned his head, gawking at the crowd of girls standing to his left.

He was so screwed.

"LOOK, IT'S HIM!" One girl squealed.

All of them ran in unison, sending Riku and Sora in a death race towards the opposite hallway. "Damn them. Namine set us up." The betrayal was real. If he were in his room he would probably be in a fetal position, rocking back and forth.

But Sora was next to him, and he was being chased by a pack of rabid female hormones. Surrendering to his "sensitive" side would just win him a round of multiple camera flashes from cell phones, and a YouTube video by the end of the day. Pfft, forget that!

"Riku, you can use the secret entrance," Sora said, breathing heavily. "You know, the shortcut to the music studio."

"Right, but how are we going to ditch them? Ugh, there were not this many members last time I checked."

"It's your birthday, dude."

"Apparently." Riku made a sharp turn, pushing Sora into yet another staffroom closet and getting in, being careful not to slam the door too tightly. A few seconds later a torrent of feet could be heard outside the room before it was silent.

"So, here we are again," Sora uttered in a soft, husky voice. His breath brushed against Riku's neck and he barked out a chortle when Riku all but hit the ceiling with his frantic jump. "You're too easy sometimes."

"You want me to get caught and captured, don't you?"

"What would you do if I said yes?"

"I'd disown you as a friend for the rest of the day."

Sora tilted his head. "Huh, you're really serious about this?"

"That was a week ago. Now I'm just pissed. These people are making a big deal out of nothing." Riku shrugged. "Seriously, I'm just one guy. Once I break this poor girl's heart things will probably return back to normal."

"You mean the president of the club?"

Riku nodded. "I've had to give too many rejections at this school. This person is persistent, though. I have no time to be polite. Not with the way things have spiraled out of control."

"That's sad." Sora's smile was sympathetic.

"Yep, such is my life with women." Riku leaned his head against the door, frowning. "I think the coast is clear. Ready?"

"Always."

They walked in silence towards the secret entrance. Riku felt like was an escaped convict. He was aware of everything; he heard the creaks, the faraway girlish shrieks, and, just now, a slap. Riku glared at Sora, rubbing his lower back. The hit was a little too close to his butt for comfort. Man, he really was getting paranoid. "What?" he whispered harshly.

"You just passed it." Sora pointed to the door.

"Oh, yeah. Why do I always do that?" He grunted, knocking down the makeshift obstacle and made his way through the old theater supplies. "Our performing arts department sucks."

"They're just cheap."

They reached the interior of the music studio and encountered yet another member wearing a white hoodie. Riku was a little curious about the obsession these people had with the color. "So, you're second in command?"

The figure just gave him a single nod. The person was in extremely baggy clothes and the hood was closed up. The most unsettling aspect of the scene was the fact that this cloaked figure was playing the violin. A searing, peppy tune that made Riku's left eyebrow twitch. "Are you seriously going to just sit there? You know why I'm here."

The person in the hood stood up, slowly unlacing the chords tying his hoodie over his face. When he lifted it back from his head Riku was sure the world had somehow ended. He was alone in the land of sanity. It was the only way he could explain this . . . this . . . monstrosity! It made no sense. No sense. "You've got to be kidding me," Riku muttered, almost feeling sick.

Roxas smirked at him. "Afraid not." He waved at Sora. "Sup, bro."

"Not too bad. Pretty chill, actually."

"Chill and dumb I presume."

"Not dumb. Just delightfully oblivious. My natural state."

"Course."

Riku stared at the two twins, barely able to mutter an explicit to do the scene justice. Then the boys laughed in unison and Riku has all but given up hope. "First the girls, now this?! Your own flesh and blood? Wait, Sora, did you know about this?"

Sora was fighting a smile. "I honestly had no idea. Really . . . but it's not surprising, actually."

Roxas shook his head, smirk still present. "You're one to talk."

"Okay, whatever freaky twin thing you guys are trying to do, you can stop." He almost considered begging at Roxas' feet. Almost. "You're not going to tell me anything, are you?"

"And ruin the surprise? What do you take me for, Riku." Roxas narrowed his eyes, staring directly at his chest, "unless you're willing to give your abs some breathing room."

"The shirt stays on." He was going to pass out. This was all too much.

Roxas let out a short grunt of disapproval. "What are we going to do with him, Sora? The guy has assets to kill for."

"I know! I'd totally be showing them off every chance I got."

"Exactly." Roxas had that face again, the face of someone who was having trouble holding back laughter. "Okay, I think Riku's been tortured enough." He played a single, sharp tune on his violin.

The three men stood in awkward silence. Roxas' face turned into a cherry red and he all but screeched, "Axel, that was the signal, moron!"

Suddenly, the room filled up to the brim. With girls. Riku was going to suffocate. He turned, watching Sora be dragged to the opposite corner of the infested room.

Hell. No. Sora may have sucked as a wing man, but, to heck with it, Riku wouldn't let him be consumed by the crazy women. "Sora, take my hand!"

"Too far!" Sora barely got this out before a black bag was placed over his face.

Riku all but turned into a raging Hercules, pushing and shoving only to make it to the middle where Axel was standing. He had to freeze, the shock coiling around his ankles and holding him in place. "What . . . are you wearing?" With the way his voice rose an octave, it almost sounded like Riku would burst into tears.

Axel, the hipster of the school, was wearing a . . . an extremely vivid "I Love Riku" shirt. Riku's face wasn't on it, thank goodness, but the shirt still stabbed him in the feels. Hearts everywhere, too many hearts next to his name stylized in weird penmanship.

And AXEL was wearing it! Riku sighed, dropping his gun. "I guess this is the part where you put me in pink handcuffs, right?" His voice had all but died.

"No, we're just going to tie them up." He went around him, roping his hands together. "Don't worry, dude, it's almost over."

"Are all my friends in this club?"

"Take a guess."

"I think I'm going to be sick."

"Almost done." Axel pat his back, ushering him through the crowd of cheering girls. "Be gentle with the President. You're not the only one whose nervous about this, you know."

"Well, since I'm coming to her in chains I'm sure she'll be comfortable enough. I will never hear the end of this."

"Hey, relax." He pushed a black bag over his face. "He'll surprise you."

"Wait, what?"

"I didn't say anything."

Before Riku could retort he was thrown into a room, feeling the air rush against his face as his only choice of escape left him in the dust. He sat up, letting out a disgruntled sigh.

Soft hands slowly lifted the bag off. After blinking a few times, his eyes were able to adjust to the crimson hair framing his second best friend. His heart deflated at the prospect of dumping her. But, he was also . . . Relieved? "Hey, Kairi."

She waved at him, her smile soft and genuine. "Don't worry, I'm not the president. We're cutting this short. Besides, lunch will start in a few minutes."

"Maybe it would have been better if I had approached her like a normal person. My friends obviously leaked this plan to her. Must have been exciting for her to watch."

"Actually, she feels guilty . . . If we're talking about the same person that is."

Riku sighed. "Uh huh . . . " When he was free he massaged his wrists. "Mind telling me where Sora is? He's probably scared."

Kairi just shook her head with a smirk, then she pushed him toward the desk in the room. She pointed to the snoring idiot. "There you go."

Riku snorted, "Typical," then leaned down, moving his hands over to Sora's arm. The instant his fingers touched his skin, Sora shot up, yelping as his head hit the the bottom part of the desk. "Right in the skull . . . " he flinched, glancing at Riku with shame in his eyes. "Sorry."

"Hey, it was a girl explosion. I knew you were trying." Riku shrugged, giving him a small grin with the movement. "It's nothing."

"Right . . . nothing." Sora lifted his wrists with a yawn. "I'm tired."

"Well, be grateful that you don't have to crush someone's heart today. Rejection is painful on both sides. Remember that."

"Huh, well I wouldn't know."

"No one's ever asked you out?"

"They don't have to. Everyone here knows who I like. Except the one that matters." Sora moved out from under the desk, rubbing his palms together. "Okay, let's get this over with."

They left with Kairi leading them back towards the cafeteria. Riku could hear the murmers, the laughs, and . . . Balloons popping?

Kairi twitched. "Whoever did that will pay. Party supplies ain't that cheap." She shoved the doors open within one stride, and then the air exploded with cheers, party streamers, and at least half of the school body within one room.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RIKU!"

He didn't know what to say. In the short time that he had been running from fangirls the whole lunch room had been transformed. Everyone was smiling and laughing, shoving him towards the center of the room. It was loaded with presents, cake, and a sign congratulating him from the "Riku appreciation/Birthday club."

Wait a minute . . . It was a birthday club, too? That was part of it? Riku felt his head spin on a new axis when a whole bunch of guys approached him, high-fiving him, and saluting him.

"Way to go!"

"You're going places, man!"

"Weren't expecting this, were ya?"

Riku needed some air . . . especially when all of them were wearing that dreadful T-shirt. "Uhhh," he coughed.

"Yeah, we've been setting this up for a while. Hiding the stuff was a pain."

"What do you think?"

Riku just gaped at the decorations in the corner. "I don't know what to think. It's amazing but . . . very showy."

"Well, that's the president for ya. Speaking of which, did you figure out who it was yet?"

Riku stared at the cake. "I think I have a good idea now." He turned, gasping when he felt Sora's hand, leading him away from the boys. Riku was about to say something when Sora's grip tightened around his wrist, cutting off his blood circulation. "Sora, what are you doing?"

"Where else? You wanted to meet the leader, right?"

"Yes, but . . . " I already know who it is. It's the person squeezing my hand as if I'll disappear.

It didn't take long for them to reach the office. Riku couldn't help but gasp as he saw all the notes, to-do-lists, maps, and other plans accompanied by pictures of him. Riku continued to stare as Sora released him, walking over towards the desk and sitting on top of it.

Hid eyes were opened wide, cautious. He closed them. "So, what do you think?"

"It's definitely something." Riku smiled. "I don't think anyone has ever put this much effort into my birthday. You didn't have to."

"Riku . . . of course I had to. Who wouldn't?"

Riku's smile grew and he leaned back, looking Sora up and down. "So, you're the president of the club, huh? And you followed me this whole time like the lazy sidekick you are."

Sora chuckled lightly. "I guess this is the part where you dump me, right?"

"That depends." He walked a little closer, making Sora back up. "For one, you can't be dumped unless you're already dating."

Sora instantly blushed. "Right."

Riku stopped, cupping Sora's face with his hand. "So, all the girls were just a distraction, huh?"

"Yeah."

"Only you would be crazy enough to send me on a goose chase like this." Riku smiled, pulling his hand back. "If you liked me why didn't you just say so?"

"Because you're Riku," Sora said pointly, then he gestured towards all the plans. "I can't just ask something like that out of the blue. It doesn't do you justice, which is why this was made. When I think of you, it's like an explosion. All those streamers in the cafeteria and all the people-"

"Including the pink?"

"No, that was . . . ergh, some random idea from one of the fangirls."

"And the hearts?"

"Well, yeah, but not that many."

"And the ribbons?"

"I can't decide everything for myself! When 60% of the club are girls I have to sacrifice, uh, vision." Sora's face was getting redder and redder by the second. "You're enjoying this."

"Three weeks. Three weeks of teasing to hide all this." Riku shook his head. "You're something else." He nearly turned away until Sora leaned forward, smashing their lips together.

The kiss lasted barely a second, but when Sora pulled back Riku could have sworn that someone had hit him on the head with a baseball bat. "Sora?" The blood crept into his cheeks.

Sora gave him a small smile. "You're more than worth it, Riku." He gasped when Riku nearly fell into him. He held him up with one hand. "Wha?! Riku?"

Riku grunted, looking away. He was not going to share the fact that his legs felt like jelly. He wasn't going to explain the warmth spreading inside his chest, and he most definitely wasn't going to-

"Riku, you're kind of scaring me here."

" . . . I like you too, Sora."

Sora gasped as Riku stood up straight, staring at him evenly. "Huh, I didn't think I'd ever be able to say that."

"Riku," Sora couldn't help but smile, "really?"

"Yes, but don't tell anyone. Not yet."

"Hmm, why not?"

Riku shrugged. "I'd just like to keep you to myself for a while. If the whole school knows then we'll really be in deep."

Sora chuckled. "Everyone's known I've liked you since junior year. It won't be too much of a shock."

"You say that now." Riku smirked. "Trust me."

"Okay." Sora hopped down from the desk, trapping Riku in one of his signature bear hugs.

Riku closed his eyes, hugging his friend back. "Hey, can I ask you one thing?"

"Yeah?"

"You, uh, are ending the club after today, right?"

"Hmmm, maybe. I could change it into the boyfriend appreciation club."

Riku gave him his best skeptical expression. "What?"

"Well, if you're not going to dump me, what are you going to do?"

"Hmmm," Riku stared at Sora's lips, outlining them with his index finger. "I have a few ideas."

"Riku, the party is that way." Sora cocked his head towards the door. "You don't want people getting too suspicious, right?" He finished up his sentence with a crooked smile.

"They can wait for five more minutes." He easily closed the distance between them. This kiss was passionate, surprising them both. The air that rushed into his mouth as Sora gasped made him swell with emotion. His body shuddered with anticipation and he had to break the kiss. He could feel Sora shaking, fingers digging into his shoulders. "Sora, you okay?"

Sora stared at him in shock. "That was . . . "

"Too much?"

"Incredible."

Riku blushed. "You're too nice."

"No, I'm honest!" Sora punched him playfully.

"Pfft, right." Riku glanced back towards the door, glaring at the shadows seeping underneath (along with two anxious chuckles). He whispered, "I think we have company."

"Hmmm, I'll take care of that." In the next second, Riku nearly contemplated running into the wall to knock himself out when Sora started moaning loudly, "DEAR SAINTS, OH RIKU, KISS ME THERE AGAIN!"

Oh, hell no! Riku slapped a hand over Sora's mouth, stiffening as the girls outside the room started giggling. "Screw you, man!"

"They were thinking it anyway."

"When this party is over, I'm going to disown you as a friend, twice, and then I'm going to spam you with hate mail."

"See, that's not going to bother me because, technically, now we are more than just friends."

"Stop talking." Riku opened the door, eyes widening when he saw Axel and Roxas in front of the group with tape recorders. "You're all insane."

Roxas raised his hand. "First off, I'm being blackmailed. Second, did Sora give you the first kiss, or did you give him the first kiss?"

"Why does that matter?" He needed a nap. Badly.

Sora proudly stepped out from behind him. "I did!"

Axel slapped himself while Roxas hooted. "That's my brother! Yeah, pay up, Axel!"

"You got lucky."

Riku sighed. He was invisible to these fools. He stormed off with Sora following sheepishly. "Sorry about that. These girls take their job pretty seriously," Sora muttered apologetically.

"You do know I'm getting you back for this, right?"

"Wouldn't have it any other way."

Riku stared at his smile for a long moment. Then he sighed, letting the grin stretch his lips upward. "You really are hopeless. It's kind of funny, at least a quarter of these girls were rejected by me at some point. You'd think they'd have a grudge against you."

There was a minute pause, the sound of silence. They both turned to see yet another pack of girls staring at Sora with newfound hate and jealousy.

"Hey, he's right. We should tackle him!"

"YEAH!"

"What the heck, but I'm the president!" Sora shot Riku a look before running for his life, seconds ahead of a growing stampede of girls. Riku blinked a few times, somewhat shocked but not entirely sympathetic. He turned and saw Axel and Roxas staring at the retreating crowd with dubious expressions. They then slowly turned their heads towards Riku.

Of course. "Alright, I'm going to need you two to gather up all the men in the cafeteria. Oh, and Nerf guns."

Man, this was almost too sappy for me. And silly, haha.

Well, I hope you enjoyed it, Xion! Happy Birthday again! Hope your day is turning out awesome!

As for everyone else, thanks for reading! I hope this made you chuckle at least once.

Justice T.