Thanks for the kind words everyone. This marks the new story of my Agent of Chaos series, Deadpool is going to start some S)*T in the Land of Ooo (Or nightosphere) . After this one I had a suggestion for NCIS, sounds pretty tempting. Let me know what you guys think.

Also, If you're reading this for the first time, you'll need some background info. Eris the Goddess of Discord/chaos recruited Deadpool to travel form universe to universe , spreading chaos in places that have offset the balance. Basically , any movie, television show, cartoon, video game, anime, etc that has too many good guys doing a good. So far he's been to Jump City against the Teen Titans, Equestria against the mane 6 of MLP, and now Adventure Time. If you like the series, don't hesitate to give a review , no flames, and also give me a suggestion on where Deadpool should raise some hell next.

FYI

Deadpool has his Two personalities in his head conversing with him all through out the series.

*The Asterisk is for personality number 1*

(Parenthesis for number #2)

Again I would like to thank those who have read my series and who have given reviews.

-D-Piddy8256

Chicago, Illinois

Hellhouse-Mercenary Club.

A soldier for hire, mercenary, free-lance assassin, hitman, however you rationalized it to help you sleep at night, it's all the same. Like former naval officers turned pirates, being a mercenary meant that the only skills you had to offer came from years of service to your country. Then you discover that your "country" doesn't love you as much as you love it. Years of service and all you get is a crap pension, a pat on the back, and sent back to civilian life. How can someone who hid in the trenches with bodies of your fellow soldiers who couldn't keep their heads down, while being shot at by 12 year old terrorists with AK-47's, and left to fend for yourself after the only chopper pilot got a case of "cold feet" and flew away with his tail between his legs…expect to relax behind a desk at a 9-5 office job?

As soon as you go back to your old ways, you need to earn. That's where Hellhouse comes in. It was basically a biker bar, pool tables, jukebox, sub-par food, except this particular bar had your middle man. Patch, short for dispatcher, was the proprietor. Imagine someone who misses the state requirement to be considered a midget by about an inch, bald head, in his 60's, and a mustache that went as far away from his face as his eyebrows. He'd set you up with a client, and he gets a cut. Simple as that. Viola your back to being a soldier.

Deadpool:" Don't give me an attitude just because you can't tell the difference between a MAC 10 and frikin pea shooter."

Weasel:" What was that? I'm sorry I couldn't hear you from up there on your pedestal, but just for arguments sake let's recap."

Deadpool:" YAWN !"

Weasel:" You ask me for 2 M10's, ….

Deadpool:" Grrrrr!"

Weasel:" And I respond with " Sure, No problem Wade. I'd be more than happy to acquire the provisions you. I mean I'd have to tell my other clients and prospective investors, people WITH MONEY, to F %K off, but you being my best friend, got Carte blanche."

Deadpool:" Don't break your arm jerking yourself off Weasel"

Weasel:" *Pounds table with fist* SUCK IT! All I did was ask you how you wanted it. You said , AND I QUOTE," Give me the biggest one you can find." The problem was you lack of knowledge in arms dealing. I go out of my to bring you two BEAUTIFUL M10 tanks, post WW2 , fitted with howitzers,….

Deadpool:" Can some beer me, I'm starting to get why you guys hate it when I stand on a soapbox and tell you all you suck. "

T-Ray:" *Tosses Deadpool a Coors Light* "

Deadpool:" Light? I asked for a beer, not a can of beer flavored foam."

T-Ray:" Just thought you'd apretiate the irony Wilson"

Deadpool:" By gicing me a warm can of hot air?"

T-Ray:" Bingo."

Deadpool:" Who sayd bingo anymore?"

T-Ray: " I DO!"

Weasel :" UNACCEPTABLE!"

Every Merc in Hellhouse just stared at Weasel.

Deadpool:" Where did that come from?"

Weasel:" Good question , a better one would be how you don't know the difference between a M10 and a Mac 10."

Deadpool:" *grumble*."

Weasel:" Oh wait, M10 is STREET SLANG FOR A MAC 10, SOMETHING I WISH YOU WOULD'VE TOLD ME"

Deadpool:" HAH! Ok , so this is my fault? If anything it was miscommunication and disregard for proper…umm….. umm…Semi-automatics."

Weasel:" Semantics…..SE-MAN-TICS."

Deadpool:" DUDE , THIS IS YOUR FAULT!"

Weasel:" Oh this I have to hear *sips beer*"

Deadpool:" Would you honestly trust me , with TANK, and expect me not to F *K around with it?"

Weasel:" *SPIT* …Good point."

Deadpool:" I know right, totally irresponsible of you to assume I'd be responsible."

_?_

The Land of Ooo. After 1,000 years after the Mushroom War, the Land of Ooo had flourished. A Utopia that sprouted from the dead soil of its former Dystopian history, much of which has been lost in time, with only a few souls that remember it. Green fields wide enough to see the sunset, humid marshlands , Mountain ranges, democratic cities and Monarch ruled Kingdoms ,all filled with an assortment of mythical creatures. No one will notice if one more was added, right?

Deadpool:" *Falling*oh beautiful for spacious skies, for amber waves of *SMACK*"

* Ummm, "VEGAS VACTION", BOOYA!*

( Haven't the Griswolds had enough?)

Deadpool:" Agreed, *spits out grass* Chevy Chase can't survive his own acting *cough* why should the rest of us suffer."

The portal yet again droped Deadpool of at a high altitude. He wasn't sure if Eris just wanted Deadpool to get a better vantage point of his new environment, or if she just enjoyed watching him make as $$ of himself. Regardless, Deadpool was actually in good spirits as he scanned his surroundings. He was in a field of endless green grass that touched the edge of what appeared to be a forest.

Deadpool:" HAH! BOOYA! No water sports for Deadpool. *Does Gangnam Style Dance* "

*FINALLY, some peace and quiet *

(You mean we're starting off our escapades without running into the main characters)

Deadpool:" AND LOOK *puts hands in his face* I got my hands back, Oh just wait until I find a dark corner and a copy of "Asian Fever," I'm gonna put you guys to work."

*And he's back, should we turn around and let em rub one out?*

( As opposed to what? Cheering him on while he gets his rocks off )

Deadpool:" HAHAH! Things are starting to look up *Looks up* BALLLLS" *CRUSH*"

An early celebration only distracted him from the giant green foot. How could he have known? The last green giant he quarreled with screamed loud enough to wake up Sleeping Beauty in a coffin buried 6 feet under with a shooting range built on top. This particular green giant had the ability to blend in with surfaces rich in greenery. A Forest Cyclops, camouflaged itself as a hill side when crouched. Its back was covered in trees and other wild life. Like its name suggests, this creature had one giant eye with a pupil shaped like an 8. Stepping on Deadpool didn't even muster any kind of attention from the colossal beast.

*Are you ok?*

Deadpool:" *face in the dirt* mumble mumble mumble. "

(What? speak up)

Deadpool:"*face, stuck, in the dirt* MUMBLE MUMBLE MUMBLE."

*That didn't help*

Deadpool:" *POP* HUUUUUU *cough* , I'm in a generally happy mood."

*You like being stepped on, is this a side of your subconscious that craves punishment because your mom always gave you a cookie after daddy put out his cigarette on you?"

( Or does pain bring back memories of your mother's vagina?)

Deadpool:" That's it, I'm deleting from my DVR. You two are giving me the "Vagina Monologues" when there's a golden opportunity. Let's break in the new sword on the Jolly Green Giant."

*YES, I can't believe I missed that*

Deadpool:" *unsheathes new katana*"

Catching up with the Forest Cyclops was simple. It was only heading towards the forest, which would give Deadpool the advantage. As he caught up with it, one question had to be answered.

Deadpool:"*running* Should we go with "Attack on Titan"style or "Shadow of the Colossus?"

*What's the difference?*

( Slice where it counts, or irritate them enough to hit themselves while aiming for us)

*Maybe we should flip a coin and give our new thumbs a workout*

Deadpool:" Let's just go with the flow."

The Cyclops had made it to the outer rim of the forest before checking feet. Deadpool was climbing the tree right next to him.

Deadpool:" Come on, get a little closer.

Forrest Cyclops:" Every time I do this I end up finding something or somebody. "wipe your feet!" Nag nag nag, would it kill her to let be bring slippers?"

Deadpool:" Slippers, picking your feet, a nagging wife….these are things a giant in this world is concerned with?

*They set the bar low*

(At least it's low enough to limbo)

Deadpool manages to perch himself on a branch right above the giants massive back. The giant was still complaining about wiping his feet before entering the forest.

Deadpool:" Know what time it is?"

*Morphin time?*

( Freckle past a hair?)

Deadpool:" *Jump* AMBUSH!

Forest Cyclops: " *snaps fingers* Glob It! I forgot milk *walks in opposite direction."

Deadpool:" WHAT, HEY GET BACK HERE?"

*Ummm you might want to*

Deadpool:" He made me miss, HOW RUDE!"

( You might want to forgot reenacting "Shadow of the Colossus " and go for "George of the Jungle")

Deadpool:" NO, We are doing this, my *WHACK*"

*Ohh George of the Jungle, "watch out for the tree" whatever happened to that show?*

To keep himself from falling the rest of the way down, he had to use his new katana, on a tree. Deadpool hung with one grasping his katana and watching the cyclops that stepped on him walk away.

Deadpool:" This blows dogs for quarters, *Unsheaths other katana,* I'm stabbing something living with this even if it kills them."

(You mean "even if it kills me")

Deadpool:" Nope, it's much better when it happens to them."

*FYI, you stabed a tree, trees are living*

Deadpool:" Trees don't bleed , scream , or fight back ."

*Umm, then why is sap coming out of it at an alarming rate*

Deadpool:" Oh man! SICK!

Indeed sap was coming out rather rapidly. After Deadpool unsheathed his other katana and stabbed the tree again, the two "wounds" were close together. Usually this type of wound on a person would make it hard to heal, making the person bleed out profusely.

Deadpool:" Dude! It's getting all over me, it's all sticky. I feel like the floor of the VIP room in a strip club."

?:" *SCREECH*"

*I think you hit a sweet spot*

Deadpool:" It's a tree, that screech must be bats."

(Explain the green eyes then, seriously do it cause I'm about to S&#T a brick)

The Tree of Blight. An ebony black colored tree that radiates pure evil. It releases seeds filled with it sap to multiply and can move while being grounded. Its eyes glow bright green, and Deadpool managed to stab it twice right in between them.

Deadpool:" HOLY CRAP, This thing looks like Slenderman, heh, how much you wanna bet he's growing a whole field of em"

*Bunk that idea, and think FAST*

( That's like asking a quadriplegic to do the Hokey Pokey)

The tree doesn't waste a moment and grabs Deadpool by the ankle with one of it's branches. Compared to the giant, the tree could have a starring contest with it. It's rare to see a Tree of Blight this big. Lucky you.

Deadpool:" AHHH, *Drops katana, epuip gun* FINGERS, WORK YOUR MAGIC *click* huh *click click click* BAD GUN, OBEY YOUR MASTER AND SMITE THIS TREE!

**facepalm* sweet I can do that again, using a hoof started to hurt*

( Can we get back to the pistol, I'm guessing the sap snuck in there and jammed the firing pin.)

Deadpool:" BALLS, I should've known that, WOAH…."

A flick of the trees metaphorically wrist was enough to send Deadpool back in the air again, this time it was straight into the forest where. He wouldn't have to wait long to stop though. Another tree hit the brakes on Deadpools , but he's now in neutral thanks to the sap.

Deadpool:" I'm stuck to a tree, upside down , after my gun failed me, getting tossed by a tree, plus I screwed up my attempt to stab a GIANT….and you're making car analogies. Is this payback when I told you to shut up every 10 pages?"

Eeyp.

Deadpool:" *struggles * dammit, look, just write me a way out of this and you can go back to writing every frikin detail about the S* T that hapenes to me, make Tom Clancy proud…..Hey…..HEY WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?"

To the toilet, something you wish you could do right now!

Suddenly , Deadpool had pressing issues …..in his pants.

Deadpool:" You little brat *hold in* go back to playing god in Skyrim."

*he's gone*

( And left us in a creepy forest, stuck in a tree)

Deadpool:" Stuck with tree jizz."

*I'm surprised he didn't make some go on our lips and seal em shut*

(Don't give him ideas, it's embarrassing enough as it is)

?:" HEY BARB, *chuckle* YOU GOTTA SEE THIS"

Deadpool:" *sigh* the domino's just keep falling don't they?"

Barb:" DON'T EVEN TRY ED, WE'RE GOING TO SEE MY MOTHER."

Barb and Ed. Two spiders that tied the knot years ago, for Ed however that knot was on a noose. He's been hanging from it ever since. These spiders were pretty good size though. Imagine 3 black bean bags chairs, small medium and large, and add legs to each one.

Ed:" Barb, just look, a webless trap! This guy got drenched in sap, and is hanging upside down. He might as well be a caramel apple."

Barb:" *Walks over to Ed* Of course, ya can't eat anything healthy unless it's covered in sugar. I swear Ed you'd eat a turd if it was dipped with a candy coating."

Ed:" Wow , you had to bring that up again didn't you? I find a snack, and you turn into a mishegas."

Barb:" ME! I'm not the one who plotzes about anything edible. You don't have to shelp around everything you think we can eat."

Deadpool:" Hey, do I have to be here for this?"

Barb:" This doesn't concern you in the least schlocky"

*Did she just call us stupid?*

(It's a Jewish Spider)

*So you know what she'd saying?*

(No , I just picked up some from watching Seinfeld. Schlocky could mean she's down for a threesome for all I know)

Deadpool:" You plan on eating me, yes? I was served to zombies once, and they sent me back, wan't the best complement I got, but I'm guessing I don't taste that good….plus I have a raging case of crabs."

Ed:" *throws hand in the air* See that , pre-seasoned , covered in sap, if you don't want to share that's your decision."

Barb:" I'm not eating something that looks like a diseased black widow."

Ed:" We've been over this, I never touched that black widow , she just offered to buy me a drink, oh …and she'd have EATEN ME."

Barb:" *snorts* I'm surprised, you and the yente have something in common, you eat every piece of crap you come across"

Ed:" EVERY TIME! This happens every time the words black and widow come up in conversation."

Barb:" You we're shmoozin every chance ya got. Admit it"

Ed:" Her husband just died, I was consoling her, that's what friends do BARB!"

Barb:" Yeah, her husband dies, and she was looking for desert ya putz."

Deadpool:" I'm being punished for something aren't I?"

*Is that what we sound like, an old Jewish couple?"

( Don't be mishegas)

The Spiders banter went on and on. Deadpool couldn't check his watch for obvious reasons, although I doubt he'd want to. The shock may kill him. Like checking the clock in class every minute and then decide to wait it out. What you thought an hour that passed by you look at the clock again, ends up being 15 minutes. He figured he might as well try to fall asleep. If the spiders tried to partake in "Mercenary tar tar," they'd spit him out anyway. Not the first time Deadpool has woken up to something biting him.

_Dream( Memory of the days at Hellhouse)_

Deadpool:" Top three Donuts GO!"

Weasel:" Ouch, toughy…umm. Number 3 , Long john …..Number 2 , Red velvet…and my number one has to be the Glazed blueberry donut."

Deadpool:" Heh, a fruit donut that's been glazed, I'd make a joke about that, but we're having a serious discussion."

Weasel:" I can only imagine what your top three has."

Deadpool:" Boston Crème, Custard, and an éclair. "

Weasel:" That was easy…wait aren't Boston Crème donuts and éclairs the same?"

Deadpool:" BULLS ^T! Bostom Crème is a donut filled custard, an Éclair is a soft pillow-ey mound filled with pudding."

Weasel:" I think I remember a stripper named Éclair being described in the exact same way."

Deadpool:" *sigh* thanks Weasel, Éclairs are ruined for me now, which means I'll punch you in your donut hole if I catch you eating one."

Weasel:" An Éclair or the stripper?"

Deadpool:" PFFFT HAH!"

Weasel:" HAHAHHAH!"

Deadpool:" Just the fact that you think a stripper would hook up with a dork like you?"

Weasel:" Whatever, hey Patch what about you."

Patch:" Huh, *ponders* Got it, I had to meet a client over in Japan. I was in Okinawa and I sees me this little stand selling what I thought were fish , but they' just shaped like that. I reckoned tryin one just to feed my gut and curiousty at the same time. And boy bowdy after the first bite , I inhaled that son'bitch. Imagine a donut and a pancake got together and screwed in a batch of hot oil. Dats how good it was."

Deadpool:" …..Umm, refresh my drink , but are we still on strippers?

Deadpool:" *opens eyes* Huh, *looks around* We're still in the tree aren't we."

*Maybe, but hey, the good part is that all the blood rushed to your head*

(And now I know what taking Viagra feels like)

Deadpool:" I'm so happy for you and you're tiny metaphorical pecker, but can we focus on getting out of this. It's nearly dark out. I don't wanna end up on the tip of John Hammonds cane from Jurassic Park when they find my body in 65 million years."

*Have you tried wiggling , or doing pelvic thrusts?*

Deadpool:" No, I was sleeping, how could you POSSIBLY not know that *WIGGLE* *WIGGLE* *crack* What was that?"

He had just loosened a piece of bark. Now all he had to do was yank harder to get off….I mean out.

Deadpool:" *WIGGLE* COME *WIGGLE* ON * WIGGLE* YOU *WIGGLE * LITTLE…..

*Dude, stop!*

(Wait, let's see if he figures it out)

One final push freed the bark from the tree, but Deadpool forgot the part about being stuck to it, not the tree itself.

Deadpool:" *CRACK* OH CRRAAAAAAAAPPPPPPpppppppppp….."

Deadpool was now plummeting toward the forest floor while stuck on a gigantic piece of bark. It was like that scene in "Ace Ventura : When Nature Calls," when Ace's limbs were tied to the corners of a log raft going down the river, Spike the monkey ditches him, and Ace take a ends up falling down a the current of a waterfall.

Deadpool:" *falling* Except there's a hard floor waiting for me and not a lake…*SPLAT*"

The bark shatters, leaving only a few pieces stuck on Deadpool's suit. His healing factor kick in a bit faster since a good amount of blood rushed to his head during his time in the tree.

Deadpool" *stands up* That's the third time,*cracks back* I've fallen *Cracks neck* from a high altitude* Unzip* ….

*do you have to pee here?*

Deadpool:" No, but I will. Hours being in that tree and the sudden rush of liquid back in my bladder is not comfortable. I'm killing two birds with one kidney stone by peeing in the forest. I get to relieve myself and tell the forest how much hate it, in addition to this *hocks loogie, SPIT* DAMMIT,!"

(You forgot to take the mask off again)

Deadpool:" What the HELL MAN? *takes off mask* I've been off my game ever since I got here. I don't get it."

*Ohhhh, wait a second*

(I concur with your "Ohhh")

Deadpool:" Enlighten me, isn't that what you're supposed to do*"

*It's actually simple dude, you spent the entire time in Equestria as a pony when Eris tossed you there. No fingers so you could't use your guns, swords, etc.*

( Don't forget the fact that you were their size having to walk on all fours, I think you lost your sense of balance adjusting to your size again, hence why everthing is off.)

*Or, and I'm thinking out loud, maybe you went a little soft after spending that time with them*

Who would've though Deadpool could be influenced like that? It all made sense, which put Deadpool in a bit of a funk. He ended up trailing back the way he came in from , through the grassy fields , flipping off the foot print where he got stepped on….speaking which.

Forest Cyclops:" If she complains about the taste difference in almond milk Vs cow milk I'm putting my foot down."

STOMP STOMP

*aren't you gonna go after him?*

Deadpool:" -

It didn't matter to Deadpool either way. Leave, go back, his slump might send him back to something even more embarrassing. Walking away was all he could think of at this point. Luckily though he managed to find a lake. Stripping down and washing away all of that tree sap was his #1 priority.

*Naked and doing laundry, we're livin it up now*

(Eris must be enjoying this)

Deadpool:" Whatever, I'm gonna let it soak a bit…*checks reflection*..oh no…...OH NO NO NO NO!…."

*What happened dude, did some of that sap get on your face?*

( Did you put your suit in a tar bit?)

Deadpool:" LOOK, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ON MY GLORIOUS ROCK HARD $$?"

_Back in Equestria (Canterlot)_

Castle Doctor:" Oh by the Princess, did Deadpool leave already, I forgot to congratulate him."

Celestia:" On what Dr.? Oh, you mean on my evaluation."

Castle Doctor:" No, on getting his cutie mark."

Princess Celestia tried her best not to laugh, but a chuckle escape her lips after hearing the news.

Celestia:" PFFT, *chuckle* .

Castle Doctor:" I don't see what's so funny , it's one of the most unique ones I've seen in a dogs age."

Celestia:" *wipes tear* You must tell what is was."

Castle Doctor:" Dr/Patient confidentiality. Sorry Princess."

_Back on Ooo_

Deadpool:" A FRINKIN COMEDY AND TRAGEDY MASK, ONE ON EACH CHEEK."

*HO-LY CRAP YOUR RIGHT*

( WTF)

*If you'r gonna do that don't text it, go for the gold*

(WHAT THE F% (NG (& _ )* Y)* &)+ )* )

Deadpool:" How did.. I….AHHHHHHHHHHHH …HOW CAN THIS DAY GET ANY WORSE?"

An answer came in the form of a piranha fish that jumped out of the lake to bite Deadpool in the butt when he checked its reflection.

Deadpool:" *cock eyed* …..*grabs fish*…CHOMP ..YA LIKE THAT, HOW DOES IT FEEL PUNK?"

Deadpool chucks the piranha hard enough to skip 5 time across the lake after biting it. Then he thought fast and pulled his suit out of the water and put it back on with the rest of his gear. He figured that he would keep walking until he found shelter and eventually it would dry off. After about a couple of hours he happened upon a large cave opening.

Deadpool:" If my luck continues I'll walk straight into a Giant's butt hole."

Turns out it was just an ordinary cave. Dark, dank open area with the all too familiar stalagmites and stalactites a cave usually has. One thing did stand out. It was a house. Complete with a white picket fence, small grass backyard and a basketball hoop on the porch.

Deadpool" Finally, some good luck. "

*I doubt the house is empty*

Deadpool:" *walks toward the house* I don't care if it's a flop house filled with meth addicts with no teeth. All I need is a mattress and a glass pipe and I'll be rubbing elbows with the junkies."

When Deadpool made it to the front door, he raised his hand to knock, but stopped midway.

Deadpool:" Wait, what if this is a trap? "

*It could be*

( With the luck we've been having, I wouldn't be surprised if the house was haunted with a poltergeist.)

*Or a generic ghost, maybe even a werewolf, mummy, zombie, dragon*

Deadpool:" You just named the entire cast of the Munsters. Except the grandfather, he was ummm…*BONK*

?:" *sigh* I don't know who, *poke* or what you are, but you picked the wrong house to rob."

_Inside the house_

Deadpool:" Ugh, what the hell, did a stalagmite break off and land on my dome, stalagmite , tite, mite, tite, mite , which are the ones on that hang from the ceiling in a cave?

?:" It's called a dweeb, right now anyways."

Deadpool:" What? Dweebs hang from flag poles from their underwear , not…"

Deadpool blinked a couple of times to correct his vision. When he looked straight up to confirm what bonked him on the head, he saw a long chain that came down to his back. Then when he tried moving, no luck.

Deadpool:" Am I in the sap again?"

?:" You are a sap, dweeb."

Deadpool:" Ok who the hell is calling me a dweeb and a sap? Stick to your guns and pick one. "

?:" Hey *grabs Deadpool's head* Explain yourself."

Deadpool:" Good question, ask S.H.I.E.L.D. when they're done digging up dirt on me."

?:" Wrong answer *Backhand*!

Deadpool:" OWW, Dude, that really hurt. I'm guessing you're some kind of pimp. An open backhand slap with that much force, damn. "

?:" *backhand slap* try again"

Deadpool:" … F *K, umm, champion arm wrestler *WHACK* Chris Brown *WHACK * A dominatrix?"

?:" You're not that lucky* PUNCH*."

Deadpool:" Hmmphm, tell me about it. I give up. Just tell me before I start a long list of funny yet insulting things to call you."

?:" Only if you say , "Please master."

Deadpool:" F *K that, keep hitting, *PUNCH* HHMM , ok that was my gut *Throws Up* and my lunch. Never tastes good the second time.

?:" Alright Mr. Pun, who exactly are you?"

Deadpool:" That's a long list by itself. Pick a country and I'll tell you one of my aliases. Here's a good one, where do you think I', known as "French Tickler?" *Kick* *COUGH* wrong answer, but good guess."

?:" This is going nowhere fast * sigh* fine, my name is Marceline, the Vampire Queen. If my reputation is…..

Deadpool:" THAT'S IT."

Marceline:" So you know me?"

Deadpool:" The Grandpa character in the Munsters, it was a vampire, Sam Dracula . Phew, that was eating at me for a while. *KICK* GAHH, let me guess, you're more of an Adams Family fan. "

Marceline:" You….*huff* are sooo lucky *KICK* I'm not wearing my steal toed boots."

Deadpool:" Now I'm confused , am I lucky or unlucky? Not lucky enough that you'd be a dominatrix , but just barely pass the point that you're not wearing cowboy gear? *PUNCH* *PUNCH* KICK* GAHHH,* huff* classic street fighter combo."

Marceline:" What is your problem dude? I'm starting to think you actually like this. "

Deadpool:" Not really, but for the sake of this plot line, I'll tell you who I am."

Marceline:" *Grabs Deadpool's head* Spill it!"

Deadpool:" *inhale* LEEROY JENKINS!

Unfortunately for Marceline, they were in a cave, and caves tend to carry an echo. The name Leeroy Jenkins was reverberating enough times to get her on her knees grabbing her overly sensitive ears.

Deadpool:" Ooops, I totally forgot that Vampires have super hearing. Completely slipped in my drink…. *cough* I mean mind, slipped my mind. Not really , I just teasing, or am I , *nods yes* *nods no*?

Marceline:" LAST CHANCE, WHOARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY LAIR?"

Deadpool:" You have me over a barrel , I'll admit that. Although it feels like chains. My name is …..Stalactite!"

Marceline:" What?"

Deadpool:" That's what I thought bonked me in the noggin, man two brain farts in one day…*TWIST* Crack*"

Marceline had enough. She ended up having to break Deadpool's neck. Not because he was being as $$, or that he was avoiding giving away his identity. Well ok it was those, but also it was getting late, he would've continued even if she ignored him and went back to bed.

Marceline:" I hope it was worth the last few giggles. Oh my GLOB what a SPAZ!"

She decided to head straight to bed. Only after a good night's sleep would be willing to dump Deadpool's body outside of her cave. Marceline levitated towards her bedroom window and headed inside. A quick trip to the bathroom, brushing of the teeth , and a change into some grey pajama shorts with a beater tank top. Then she headed to bed.

_The next morning_

Marceline:" YAWN, *growns* dammit, I have to get rid of that talking headache. Maybe I'll play piñata with him before I take off the chains. "

I guess you could call it torture, at least Marcy did. While heading down the stairs to her kitchen, Macy was contemplating the "who , what , where, and why's" in the context of her intruder. At the moment she arrived in her kitchen , "how" was added to that list.

Deadpool:" Morning. "

Marceline:" WHA…How did you…."

Deadpool:" As much as I love the cute confused look on your face, I'll spare you my delightful bull crap. After you beat me like a slab of meat in a "Rocky" movie , I picked the lock on the chains with a paper clip I keep on my mouth, don't ask why, then I picked the lock on your door, letting myself in and making use of your washer and dryer. I figured it wouldn't wake you up, the undead tend to be heavy sleepers. When my outfit was nice and clean, I grabbed one of your blankets and pillows from a nearby closet and slept on the porch. Now, I'm making eggs."

Marceline:" *HISSSS*"

Deadpool:" Save it! Just to let you know, you can't kill me. I have what I like to call my "reset button", I can heal from any type of injury, but I get really pissed off as a result. As compensation by the laws of uncommon decency I made up for this rant, you owe me a couple of eggs. "

Marceline:" How about a mouth full of teeth?"

Deadpool:" That doesn't sound very appetizing , or filling. Yuck , now I've got an image of chattering wind up joke teeth walking out of my butt in a conga line."

Marceline balled up her fist and gave Deadpool a levitating dive bomb punch. It would've worked if Deadpool hadn't grabbed her arm and punched her right in her face three times, letting go after the third punch, sending her straight back to her living room. Deadpool followed.

Deadpool:" Yesterday put me in bad mood, your feet …*KICK* Oh you little.

*First fight in a new world, AND WE GET TO DO THE COMMENTARY AGAIN*

( If you're just joining , Marceline the Vampire Queen and Deadpool are now at each other's throats in her own living room)

*Maceline just gave Deadpool a swift side kick to head, Deadpool stumbles , but regains composure*

( Now both of them have raised their fists in a defensive position, Deadpool launches twoquick jabs , nailing Marceline in what I can assume is her nose)

* Another two jabs, blocked and COUNTER BY MARCY with a right hook , and another , and another, I think I just heard some teeth break*

( I think I felt it too, but there's no time for that, Marcy laces her left and right fingers and makes one hell of a fist, bringing it straight down on Deadpool's head)

*EARTHQUAKE!*

( Deadpool recovers and brings down an axe kick on Marcy. And she's down , WAIT, MARCY GETS UP…WITH A KICK UP, AND DELIVERS A SPIN ROUND HOUSE ACROSS DEADPOOLS CHIN.)

*POST MARK THAT KICK AND WRITE "I DIDN'T Miss you!" *

(Deadpool comes back with a jump front kick to Marcy chest, knocking her back a few feet)

*And Marcy responds with OMG, WTF, and LMFAO folks. IT'S TORPEDO , FLYING STRAIGHT AT DEADPOOL, AND INTO THE WALL*

( I haven't seen that move since Raiden in Mortal Kombat, and the second one, and MKIII, basically every Mortal Kombat game you see the one dimensional demi god who sure know how to get killed)

*Agreed, at least Marcy made it look good by doing the back flip at the end*

(Deadpool looks really mad now)

*How can you tell?*

Deadpool:" I'm really mad now"

( Like that, Preemptive commentary bitch!)

*Deadpool jumps straight up, and ….kicks the wall with, wait , No he pushed himself into a tuck and roll, right in between Marcy's legs and pulls off a sweep kick*

( Marcy gets knocked on the floor, too quick for her to react by levitating )

*I think Deadpool noticed that as well, using the momentum , he spins on his back, bringing legs up and on the floor, WITH ENOUGH POWER FOR A PISTON JUMP, that's a squat jump with one leg.*

(And enough power for a back flip aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnDDDDDDDDDDDD COMES DOWN WITH A KNEE IN MARCY's SOLAR PLEXUS, KNOCKING THE WIND RIGHT OUT OF HER)

*She has got to feel bad about that one*

( Deadpool heads toward the opposite of the ring….er um living room, waiting for Marcy to get back up)

*Should we do count while she's down*

( This isn't wrestling , boxing, or any other convential sport, F& K the count)

*I wouldn't say that around a vampire, especially one that just got up and is back to fighting mode*

( Wait a second, they're both running toward each , HOLY CRAP, DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?)

*IF I DON'T GIVE YOU THE RIGHT ANSWER, WILL YOU TELL ME ANYWAY IF BOTH KEEP YELLING*

( YOU KNOW IT, IT'S SIGNITURE MOVE TIME)

Marceline: " VAMPIRE KICK!"

Deadpool:" SHORYUKAN!"

*AND THE WINNER IS…holy crap they hit each other at the same time, both got it in the jaw. *

( How anticlimactic)

Marceline:" ….*huff* *huff*…..

Deadpool:" *huff *…*Huff*…..

Marceline:" *huff* PFTT hehehehe…

Deadpool:" Hah, ha hahahaha..

*Now both if them are laughing , I'm guessing a draw, doesn't matter I bet on Marceline to win*

Marceline:" That , *huff* was a workout."

Deadpool:" who needs Zumaba?*huff* we'd all have abs if everybody just beat the crap out of each other before breakfast. "

Marceline was the first to get up, woozy , but manages to walk over to Deadpool and offer her hand.

Marceline: " Come on, get up *grabs hand*

Deadpool:" Damn girl * Stands up* you know how to fight. "

Marceline:" Come on, you didn't expect me to be some push over did you?"

Deadpool:" On the contrary , I was gonna use my final breath to give you my epitaph for my gravestone."

Marceline:" Hah, like I'd give you a last request."

Deadpool:" Not even if it said " Here lies Deadpool. Atheist, all dressed up and nowhere to go." "

Marceline:" HAH, only if I get to be buried next to you, with an arrow on my gravestone that's says "I'm with stupid."

Deadpool:" Classic. "

Marceline:" *chuckle* You put up a pretty good fight to. Let's try this again. I'm Marceline, the Vampire Queen."

Deadpool:" Deadpool, the merc with the mouth."

Marceline:" Did you give yourself that title?"

Deadpool:" Not by popular vote that's for sure."

Marceline:" Right, I guess you've earned the privilege of those eggs, probably cold now though"

Deadpool:" Most things taste better cold."

Both sit down at Marceline's table.

Deadpool:" Oh, I made you breakfast too, I ended up cutting myself."

Marceline:" I don't eat food."

Deadpool:" I know, unless you gave yourself the Vampire Queen title, *passes over glass* like I said , I cut myself TO make your breakfast."

Marceline:" Fresh squeezed blood, *sips* oh my glob, you taste amazing!"

Deadpool:" Phrasing."

Marceline:" *chuckle* So, what brought you in here anyway?"

Deadpool:" I guess you could say I'm on a mission."

Marceline:" what kind , hunting vampires?

Deadpool:" Hunting vampires is for emo kids and "Supernatural" Cosplayers L.A.R.P ing, it's actually tough to explain."

Marceline:" Try me"

Deadpool:" After you try me first, oh wait you're currently drinking me so that counts. Umm , To be blunt…just to raise some hell. I'm not actually from this universe. Basically, I was sent here to remind the good folks of….where the hell am I anyway."

Marceline:" The land of Ooo."

Deadpool:" Seriously , Ooo?

Marceline:" I didn't name it."

Deadpool:" Maybe it gave itself the title, or it was the planet's first word, but going back, I'm here to remind all the goody two shoes that chaos still exists. I guess my boss sent me here because things are too good, and I have to restore balance."

Marceline:" Wait, you're here*sip* just to screw around with people, are you gonna kill anyone?"

Deadpool:" Kind of defeats the purpose of reminding them. Nope, I just need to raise a decent amount of hell , and have as much fun doing it as possible."

Marceline:" Hmm , sounds like a decent gig."

Deadpool:" So far so good, only down part is that I have no clue what goes in around here. I was chasing what I like to call a giant pain in my $$, thrown by a whatchamacallit, stuck to a tree, had to hear a couple of putzes argure till I passed out, and got bit by a litteral pain in my $$. Only thing I recognized was the tree. "

Marceline:" That must suck, must have been one hell of a tree?"

Deadpool:" One them was, the other was more of….an actual…. tree."

Marceline:" *chuckle* I guess you need someone to show you the ropes."

Deadpool:" Maybe…., but where would I find such a person ."

Marceline:" You'd have to find someone who knew they way around."

Deadpool:" Job requirement."

Marceline:" Someone who doesn't mind getting their hands dirty."

Deadpool:" Job perk."

Marceline :" *sips* someone who could kick your $$ if you ever got out of line."

Deadpool:" I can always use a good $$ whoopin."

Marceline:" You realize where I', going with this right, I know you're not that much of a dweeb."

Deadpool:" I knew that 20 pages ago. Welcome to team Deadpool."

Marceline:" Team Abadeer. "

Deadpool:"Uh huh, I'm guessing that's your last name. Cute, but not on my watch. We already have a team named after a vampire , but it's more of a fan club ranging from 13-40 year old women. By the laws if good taste, team Deadpool" sounds more…

PUNCH

Marceliine:" Guess you'll just have to fight for it."

Deadpool:….bring it!

*AND WE'RE BACK FOR ROUND TWO*