A/N: Again sorry for the delay in posting, real life always interferes but at least for me in a good way. Friends visited for 13 days from California, we went on vacation to Maine and NYC, visited 9/11 Museum, very emotional and intense.

To top things off we adopted a 2nd dog, one month out and he is getting along well with our other dog, but cats not to fond of him as he chases them wanting to play and they want no part of him.

Looking forward to new season of NCIS, wish I owned part of the show and characters but as always only get to take them out to play, no profit made from this story other than the joy of writing.

A huge thank you to all who have read, reviewed, followed, and listed story as favorite. I have read and responded to all the reviews and to all the "Guest" reviewers I also extend a big thank you, sorry not able to send you a personal message. I have been humbled by all your comments. I have also appreciated the constructive feedback. I do not profess to be a professional writer, have struggled with dialog and this is the first time I have a have ever written a story of this kind. So thank you again for taking this journey with me.

LAG

Chapter 22

On Saturday afternoon Tony found himself saying good-bye to Marcus. Marcus and Hector would be back later in the week to spend New Years Eve, but they both had work on Monday. Tony and Marcus had been inseparable, Marcus was easy to talk to and they had shared some of their pasts, besides a common love of the law, they shared a love for sports, Marcus had played basketball in college and would shoot hoops every few weeks at the local community center. He invited to Tony to play once he was better. As it came time to leave, Tony and Marcus found themselves alone as everyone had left them to have a private moment.

"You know Tony, I'm going to hold you to that date, Hector and I will be back on Wednesday and we had planned on staying through Saturday. I'm asking you now if you will go out to dinner with me on Friday, just you and me without a house full friends, trying to figure out what is going on." Looking around as he spoke, glad for the time alone.

"I would love too, and not just because it would be wonderful to get out of the house, it will also be nice to have something to look forward too after meeting with Gibbs." During their quiet conversations Tony had told Marcus some of what had happened at NCIS. He had not gone into detail about his relationship with Gibbs, but Marcus was astute enough to know it was more than just a work relationship. Tony assured Marcus that anything between him and Gibbs was long over, but they had some unfinished business to deal with. Tony was ready too once and for all put this behind him and move on with his life.

Marcus pulled Tony into an embrace, taking care with his injuries and they kissed goodbye, unlike their previous kiss, this one was full of passion and promises of more too come.

Breathless, Marcus pulled back, "whew, I better leave before it gets too hard to leave."

Looking at each other, the two men started laughing, "I can't believe you just said that," Tony said.

"I know it was pretty bad." Marcus replied, still smiling with a twinkle in his eye.

Giving Marcus a gentle push toward the door, Tony said "Go, I will see you on Wednesday."

After sharing another quick kiss, Marcus grabbed his stuff and walked out backwards to the car, not taking his eyes off Tony who stood in the doorway.

"Call you later," Marcus yelled as he got in the car.

Later that afternoon, Tony sat at the kitchen table with Jimmy, Fuego at his feet.

"Guess I better call Gibbs to see when he can meet, Ducky said he was flying back today."

"You nervous?"

"Yeah, he can be pretty scary and I don't know how he will react."

"Scary isn't the word for it, I don't know how you have managed to stand up to him all these years."

"He wasn't always so scary, there was a time when we worked well together, just seemed to know what the other was thinking and it just flowed, but you know what happened."

"Yeah, yeah I do and I have to admit it has been hard, watching him and the rest of team treat you like shit."

"Has been pretty shitty for me too," Tony rubbing his face said, "I don't know why I put up with it so long."

"Well in my psychology class they would say you are playing out a script, crappy childhood with indifferent, abusive parents, you have found a place that recreates your childhood experience. My Professor would say you are doing what you know but that if you can fix this 'Family" you will find what you missed as a child, problem is that the stakes are too high with this job and their behavior could get you killed, it already has gotten you hurt."

"So do I see Gibbs as a lover or father figure?"

"Honestly I think it a little of both, he is older, emotionally stunted, sets unachievable expectations and gives limited praise. He gives you intermittent reinforcement, if you do what he wants you to do, you may or may not get a reward, you just never know when its coming so you keep trying; hoping for the one moment when he gives you what you need. Tony does that sound familiar?"

With a deep sigh, Tony put his head down on the table, "yeah, sounds like my father."

"It does Tony, just like some people who marry someone who is similar to a parent, you are just repeating patterns with Gibbs. We do what we know. "

"Oh God," Tony exclaimed as he put his lifted his head from the table, "What the fuck do I do now?"

"Tony, what do you want?"

"I just want to start over, I am so tired, and being away…I don't think I can go back to that Jimmy, I don't want to be that Tony DiNozzo again." Taking a deep sigh, "first I have to get through talking to Gibb."

"Ducky said Gibbs would be back today, why don't you call him, see if he can meet you tomorrow. Its Sunday so it won't interfere with work, if you wait to do it during the week, there is always a chance he will be called out on a case and you won't find a time to talk."

"Yeah, that would work, you can drop me off at my place, go do what you have to do and pick me up later, if it gets to late we could just stay at my apartment, and drive back in the morning."

"That, works for me, call Gibbs and see what he says."

"Shit, Jimmy when did you get so smart?"

"You know I've had years to silently observe all of you. Now just get this call out-of-the-way and we can get the ladies and go out for dinner, great Pizza place on the other side of town."

"And you've kept that from me."

"Yes, wanted it to be a surprise for when you were well enough to really go out, and now you are," handing Tony his cell phone, "quit stalling and make the call, I will be right here for you."

Taking a deep breath Tony accepted the phone and hit the speed dial for Gibbs' cell, he was surprised to see his hand was shaking.

The phone was answered on the first ring, "Gibbs."

"Agent Gibbs, this is Agent DiNozzo, I was wondering if you would be available to meet with me tomorrow at my apartment."

"Are we going to keep playing this game Tony, you going to keep calling me Agent Gibbs?"

"Yes, we have no relationship outside of work and I would appreciate it if you called me Agent DiNozzo, Agent Gibbs."

Ignoring Tony's comment, Gibbs went on, "What time, and why don't you just come by my house."

"1400 hours at my apartment Agent Gibbs."

"Ok." Click was all Tony heard as Gibbs hung up the phone.

Gripping the phone tightly in his hand it took all his control not to throw the damn thing across the room.

"So, I gather the meeting is on." Jimmy inquired as he reached out to put a comforting hand on his friend's shoulder. He was not surprised to feel the vibrations under his hand as Tony fought for regain his composure.

"Bastard, he'll meet with me, but I don't think he is happy having to come to my place."

NCIS NCIS NCIS

Sunday morning Tony was back at his apartment for the first time in weeks. The ride back to D.C. had been uneventful, Tony wanted a couple of hours home to get settled before Gibbs arrived.

Looking around his apartment, Tony realized for the first time how sterile his home was, everything perfect and in its place but it reflected nothing of the man who lived here. It was like his home growing up, but unlike his parents who used that pretense to try to impress, Tony had allowed very few people in to his space, but it help maintain the illusion of the Tony DiNozzo he showed the world.

Fuego roamed around the apartment, sniffing everything before she claimed a spot on the floor. The room was missing the only other living occupant of the apartment, Kate the Goldfish. Jimmy had made arrangements with the neighbor down the hall to care for her. Jimmy had gone to retrieve the glass bowl bound pet, she would be returning to Harrisonburg with them.

At about 13:00, Jimmy left to check his own apartment, and run errands as he needed to prepare to go back to school, and return to work the following week, Ducky had been generous in helping him get the time off to assist Tony these past several weeks. Jimmy was not happy leaving Tony, but he knew this was something Tony needed to do alone, plus Fuego would be there, not that he thought Gibbs would get physical, but the dog would give Tony silent support.

Sitting, staring at his cold cup of coffee, the knock at the door brought Tony out of his ruminations, Fuego who was sleeping at his feet, jumped up and stood at attention. Glancing at the clock Tony was not surprised to see it was exactly 14:00, as Gibbs was very punctual. Bracing himself for what was to come, he opened the door to his ex-lover, and soon to be former Boss. The two men stood assessing each other, Tony stepped aside and pointed toward the kitchen, as Gibbs sat down, Tony poured him a cup of coffee, sitting down with a fresh cup and Fuego at his side.

"So are you keeping her?" Gibbs asked, uttering the first words spoken between the two men.

"Yeah, her name is Fuego and she already is mine." Tony responded not looking up as he stroked the big dogs head.

"Thought you couldn't have pets here and who's going to take care of her when you go back to work?"

Tony's head snapped up as he glared at Gibbs, "Not your concern Agent Gibbs."

"Hey I came to talk Tony not fight, Ok," seeing the pissed off look, he corrected himself, "Agent DiNozzo." Wanting to continue before things got heated, Gibbs added, "before we start, I want you to know that I have thought about what happened, the way I've treated you and I am deeply sorry, I know I always say apology is a sign of weakness, but not between friends."

"I'm pretty sure friends is not a word I would use to describe our relationship."

"No, guess not, but I would like to try to be friends if you'd let me and maybe more."

Ignoring this statement, Tony decided it was time to just jump in and say what he wanted to say; he did not want to prolong this any longer. "Agent Gibbs, I asked you here today because I have made a decision about my future that impacts you and the team, regardless of what has happened in the past few years, you deserve to hear this directly from me."

"Your not coming back, are you?" Gibbs jumped in.

"No, no I'm not. I will not be returning to your team, actually I am not coming back to NCIS."

"I don't accept that DiNozzo, you don't get to just walk away because things got a little hard," Gibbs yelled barely controlling his anger.

Jumping out of his seat as fast as his still healing body allowed, Tony responded in a tight and controlled voice, "Who the fuck do you think you are? Its my life and my future, I am the only one who gets to decide and I am not the one who walked away."

Sensing the increasing tension, Fuego stood and moved to position herself between Tony and Gibbs.

"Crap Tony, you going to keep throwing that in my face, shit I've been back over two years."

"That's right Agent Gibbs you have been back over two years and what a Fucking Two Years!" Gibbs tried to interject, but Tony pointed a finger at him, "Shut up, you don't get to say anything yet, I'm going to say what I wanted to say for a long time. You left me with those two A-holes, that believed they were better than me with nothing more then a 'you'll do', your return did nothing to dispel that belief. How do you let us know you're back to stay, you reclaim your throne by dumping my shit on my desk without a fucking word. That was a pretty clear 'Fuck You Tony', sure put me in place fast, if that wasn't bad enough, you have continually given me every crappy assignment, undermined my position as 2nd in command and made me the butt of all your jokes." Ha, "Director Shepard was right, I would come to regret not taking the position in Rota, she may have used me but at least she had some respect for my ability. You're an investigator just open your eyes and you'll see for yourself."

Gripping his coffee cup, Gibbs realized he was not going to win Tony back if he did not back off, too many years of working as an investigator had taught him to read people, but too many times in his personal relationships he had chosen to ignore it which caused him to come across as cold and overbearing, no wonder his wives left him.

"Ok maybe some of that is true, Director Shepard said you had done a good job as Team Lead and I was still feeling vulnerable, I had gaps in my memory I was tying to cover up, I wanted my job back and you stood in my way because I saw how well you did the job, kept the closure rate high, I realize now that you were never a threat to me, that you would have stepped back to SFA if I had just talked to you. As the gaps filled in I decided to just keep on pretending I didn't remember us, it seemed you had become involved with someone, and I didn't like how close you and Jen had gotten, I would have clocked you over the head if Mike had not done it first when you referred to her as Jenny that time and I asked just how close the two of you got, I was mean and petty and you did not deserve that but it doesn't mean you have to leave. I get it now and I think this has also opened Tim and Ziva's eyes, they also realize just how bad we have treated you."

"It's too late, I can't go back, it a question of trust, I DON'T TRUST ANY OF YOU!" Turning away Tony slammed his hand on the counter, "Damn it! I am not going to lose my life because of any of you, Your blatant disregard for my life has shown me just where I stand with you and the rest of the team, hell even Vance thinks this whole thing is my fault." Looking at Gibbs and speaking in barely a whisper Tony continued, "I'm done Gibbs, it's over, time to walk away."

Standing Gibbs moved toward Tony, Fuego who had maintained her place between the two men, let out a deep growl, stopping the man in his tracks.

Looking from the dog to the man Tony said, "It's nice to finally know what means to have someone watch my six."

"Didn't you hear what I just said, Tim, Ziva and I get it, we want to make amends, we want you on the team and if you give us a chance we can make it work."

"That ship has sailed Agent Gibbs, I'm done, there is no going back and nothing you say or do at this time can change my mind. I have options, I plan to explore, its time to for me to move on."

Sitting back down, Gibbs said, "what about us, where does this leave us, even if you find a new job, "

Tony said. "There is no us and there has not been in a long time, you made that very clear."

Gibbs answered. "Look can we drop the Agent shit and just go back to Tony and Jethro, It's just too awkward to say what I want calling you Agent DiNozzo." Tony nodded in agreement and Gibbs continued, "Over the past few weeks I have had time to think about what happened and what I wanted, Ducky has been coming down pretty hard on me and I realize I don't want you out of my life. Ah... Tony, we can make it work if you want me and I want you. What's keeping us apart."

Looking at Gibbs, Tony took a deep breath, "All my life I have tried to please people, and I had parents that really didn't want me. They would give me attention when it suited them and then take it away when it didn't. With you it has felt the same way, a relationship based on abuse Gibbs I can't go back to that. When you want me your nice and your attentive and then suddenly you can't stand me, where does that leave me? Begging for your approval, praying for your attention, I can't do that anymore. Living with Lilly and Maria, for the first time in my life, I have seen what a good relationship looks like I know that relationships don't have to be so difficult, there is always work to do but when two people just seem to fit together it works; I didn't think you and I could be this way. I watched those two women in the hospital and at home, their life is filled with laughter, they have fun and yeah you know they don't always agree but it works out and they don't belittle each other and they don't fight dirty and mean. That's what I want. I want a relationship like theirs. I can't have that with you, not before, not now, not ever we just don't fit together that way. Our relationship was about passion, about fire but when that burns down there is nothing left, nothing. I hope you understand I still care about you and a part of me will always love you. I just cannot be with you. God Gibbs, do you know how much you hurt me, how hard it has been to go to work every pretending everything was OK, the constant put-down, getting all the shitty assignments, while Ziva and Tim followed your lead and don't get me started on Abby, she just blames me for everything, if you are grumpy, if there is tension on the team she blames me, Gibbs, I miss what we had, not just as a lover but as my partner and friend. We were good together but I can't go back now. I want you in my life in some capacity, I want to be friends, I want to spend time together but I can't be your lover, I can't be your whipping boy anymore, but maybe in time we can be friends."

Gibbs knew when it was time to fold, Tony held all the cards and he was right, they had violated his trust and in a job where trust was paramount they had committed a major sin.

Fuego stood as a guardian at Tony's side, "Tony, I want to fight you on this, force you to stay on the team, take you into that bedroom, ripe your clothes off and make love to you, but first and foremost I need to earn your trust back. I am sorry I have made you feel this way and your right if someone described their relationship to me like that I would tell them to leave the bastard. Tony I only wish the best for you," Walking slowly toward Tony so as not to upset the dog, Gibbs put his hand out, Tony looked at the outstretched hand then grasped it firmly with his good hand and the two men made a silent promise of friendship.

NCIS NCIS NCIS

Tony and Lilly sat at the kitchen table, Fuego at his feet. It had been over a month since his meeting with Gibbs, New Years Eve had been a night filled with song and laughter, Maya and Zenaida had returned to California and Jimmy was back to work. Tony had his first of many dates with Marcus and when not together they would speak everyday. Tony had a doctor's appointment this morning and Lilly was his ride. Tony hoped that today he would finally get his cast off.

"Tony, so have you thought about what you are going to do?" Lilly asked.

Over the past month they had several conversations about Tony's future. Tony found the women easy to talk to. They would listen, provide support, never judged him or pushed him for an answer.

Playing with his coffee cup, Tony said, "It's pretty much all I've thought of, I just don't know what I want."

"Tony, I know you gave been in law enforcement for many years, it's more than a job, it's who you are." Looking at her he nodded in acknowledgement, continuing Lilly said, "I've always felt that way about social work, for me it's more of a vocation then a profession. I am a social worker whether I am working or not. It tells people something about how I see the world. I think being a police officer or federal Agent is the same. This isn't just about a job, it's about who you are, how you identify yourself. Changing jobs requires a major internal change. Tony while you think about what you want to do I want you to ask your self a couple of questions."

Tony stared at Lilly, she had identified a huge part of his problem, who was he if he was not a police officer, a cop. Even in all his time as a federal agent, he was a cop at heart; it was the core of his being, so how did he move on from this.

Giving him a gentle smile, Lilly said, "ask your self, what do I want my life to say about me when I am 80 and what steps do I have to take to get there."

"That's it" Tony asked a little skeptical," how does that work."

"Tony, I know it may sound simplistic but it's really not, not if you really look deep within yourself. We could take this in smaller steps asking yourself were you want to be in 5 years or 10 years. You have control of your destiny, there is so much you can do, you know you can stay with us as long as you want, take your time, think it through, you've become like a little brother to us, its time you put yourself first and do what makes you happy."

Chapter 23

Tony put his hand on the knob, he paused before opening the door, the last 6 months had been hard, physically he was recovered from his injuries, Lilly and Maria had remodeled the carriage house for him and he knew they were giving him a break on the rent, Fuego was his constant companion, always by his side. With Marcus he found all he had wanted in a relationship, love, respect and incredible sex. Tony was happy for the first time in a long time, he had even forgiven his former co-workers, Tim, Ziva and Abby but the events of the past couple of years had taken their toll, he would never trust them again and after one meeting were he disclosed his level of education to the shocked trio he said good-bye and asked that they respect his privacy and make no attempt to contact him. Gibbs had stood by him on this, making it clear that he would reprimand anyone who went against Tony's wishes.

Once Director Vance became aware that Tony was better educated then he had first thought, he asked Tony to stay on and offered to find a new position for him. Tony was insulted by the offer, as the degrees did not change the quality of his work and if Vance couldn't see that then he could shove the job, where the sun does not shine.

A pleasant surprise was his meeting with Tobias Fornell, the gruff FBI agent had invited Tony to his home for a great home cooked Italian dinner, initially Tony was leery but after talking into the small hours of the night they had agreed on position that would suit Tony. It was a boost to his battered ego and in the end, Tony had agreed to work as a consultant, it gave Tony the flexibility to explore other career opportunities and still be able to do what he loved.

His relationship with Gibbs was still evolving, initially Gibbs, thought Tony would change his mind and come back to him and the team, now he was starting to accept the reality of the situation and they had started on building a friendship. Tony had seriously contemplated walking away from Gibbs as he had with the rest of the team, but Tony thought back on their early years together, when they worked in perfect unison and he was thankful that Gibbs had taken a chance on brash young detective from Baltimore and offered him a job, Tony did not expect that they would ever go beyond the kind of friends who spoke 4 or 5 times a year and saw each other even less often, but this was all Tony was willing to give and Gibbs had accepted.

Thankful for the new friends in his life, for Fuego, the big red dog, for Marcus and for the start of a new adventure, Tony took a deep breath pushing the door open walking confidently in to his future, looking around the room he saw the young eager faces of his students, working his way to the front of the room he set his papers down on his desk, leaning his long lean frame against the desk he said, "Hi I'm Anthony DiNozzo, you can call me Tony, over the next semester you will learn how to work a crime scene, for those of you who think this is going to be just like those shows on TV, think again. On TV everything is neatly laid out, in real life you will work long days, in the heat, the rain, the snow, you will go home with your back hurting from being hunched over for hours looking for the smallest piece of evidence, you will be covered in grime, garbage and things so gross you can't even imagine yet, you will see and smell things that will make you puke, and even if you think you have a strong stomach you will puke. Not every case will be closed but in those cases where a suspect is apprehended one minor slip up in handling the evidence could lead to the perp walking.

Smiling at his students he stood up and walked around to the blackboard and began the first lesson.

NCIS NCIS NCIS

Tim watched his new Probie collecting evidence at crime scene, there was something familiar about the way he went about it. Gibbs walked up to his senior field agent and joined him in watching the Probie work. "He's pretty good, ha," Gibbs said.

"Yeah, does he remind you of someone, Boss?"

Watching a few more seconds Gibbs walked over to the Probie with Tim in tow, "Gomez," Gibbs called out.

"Yes, Boss," Miguel Gomez the new Probie on team Gibbs' responded.

"Where'd you learn to bag and tag like that, I know they don't teach that technique at FLETC?"

"From my professor in college, he had been a police officer and I think a federal agent before he started teaching, best professor I ever had. I even signed up for several of his classes, Criminal Law and Police Procedures. He would take us out in the woods and set up a scene, didn't matter what the weather, he always said crime doesn't wait for the sun to shine and to pass his class you had to perfectly clear a scene."

"What was this professors name," Tim asked looking at Gibbs, "maybe we can get him here to do a refresher for some of our agents?"

"Professor Anthony DiNozzo, but we called him Tony," Gomez said proudly.

Tim stood with his mouth hanging open, he had not kept track of Tony after he left, and was clearly shocked to hear he was teaching.

Next to him Gibbs chuckled "Tim shut your mouth before you catch some flies, Probie back to work."

As probationary Agent Gomez went back to his task, Tim looked at Gibbs and said, "you knew Boss"

"Ya think."

"Of course you knew," watching the Probie, return to his task, McGee whispered, "You know Boss I still miss him"

"Me too Tim, me too. Too bad we didn't appreciate him when we had him." Walking away Gibbs went to talk with Ducky.

NCIS NCIS NCIS

The two men snuggled up on the king size bed, the big red dog sleeping on the floor next to them as they quietly discussed the final arrangements for they're up coming wedding. They had decided to get married in D.C., as same-sex marriage was still not legal in Virginia. Jimmy would stand with him as his Best Man, Ducky and Fornell his Grooms Men. Hector was going to stand with Marcus and Lilly and Maria his Grooms Women. It would be a small intimate event and no one laughed when he requested that Fuego be by his side during the ceremony. Even though Tony kept in occasional contact with Gibbs, he had decided not to invite him. This was about his future and Gibbs was his past. While pinned under the tree on that snowy December day, Tony could not have dreamed of the direction his life would take. Laying his head on the shoulder of his husband to be, he took a deep breath, breathing in Marcus's scent, feeling his warm and his love; sometimes he still missed being a special agent, but what he had now was more than he thought he would have. It had been a year of firsts and tomorrow, tomorrow he would be a husband.

A/N: Hi sorry if I disappointed some of you. I love TIBBS and initially that is the direction I was going in, but stories take a life of there own and the way I wrote Gibbs here, I don't see Tony going back. Thank you for staying with me, this story has been so much fun to write, I appreciate all the feed back and I am overwhelmed by the response. Thank you all again. LAG.