Chapter 45

Over the next few days Merlin's health improved beyond all expectation and soon he managed to wring from Gaius his reluctant agreement to being allowed to leave his rooms and walk around the Citadel – at least a small part of it.

Thus it was that Merlin found himself high on the East Tower, staring out over the battlements to the city below. He could see all the hustle and bustle of people going about their daily lives; the traders and the craftsmen; the maids and servants of the nobles and the knights laughing and jostling their way down to the training grounds. As he looked he felt peace and solace at the continuation of all he held so dear. This is what made it worthwhile he thought to himself; spying a small child running around laughing happily with her older siblings chasing after. These were the people who would have suffered and died; these men killed, these women raped and defiled and these children enslaved. He smiled as he lent on the wall; all was well within Camelot. And for the first time in a long time he felt some kind of peace with his future and his fate. He was not alone. These people would be his family and his future.

"Beautiful is it not Merlin?"

Arthur's voice was strong and sure; his love for his realm apparent for all to hear. But even so Merlin froze at hearing it. He and Arthur had not really spoken since the scene in his rooms a few days previously and both were aware of how that conversation had ended.

"I think we need to talk." Arthur's voice now took on a new tone; one of slight uncertainty and hesitation. But still it was strong. Even though he hated outward displays of emotion he knew that this was the right thing to do. He missed Merlin and needed him back; as a servant, an advisor, a sounding board and a friend. And if this was what it took then so be it.

Merlin continued to stare out at the life below "Yes, I think we do." was all he said.

"I am sorry for all that..."

"No, Arthur let me speak. Please." The young man did not turn to face the older "I am the one who is sorry. Sorry that by my actions I brought such pain and sorrow to you and our friends. It was my weaknesses that lead to all that happened and I am sorrier than you could ever know. I uderstand now, it will never happen again"

Arthur blanched; not believing that even now Merlin blamed himself. "Merlin you idiot; it was Aerona not you. If it were not for your actions, once you broke free of the enchantment; then we would all be dead and Camelot would be under the yoke of an evil tyrant." Here Arthur paused as he too looked down on the teeming life below, thinking of how it could all have been lost. "Let us leave that now; it is past and all is well."

"But there is more Arthur" Merlin continued "I should never have said what I did about not talking to you. It was not meant the way it seemed."

"No, I understand" Arthur spoke quickly, unwilling to revisit the hurt he had felt at Merlin's refusal to talk to him regarding Freya and Dera. "Their deaths are laid at my door and it is right you would not want to talk about them with me..."

"Arthur that is not it." Merlin paused, unsure of how to explain his reluctance to discuss such an issue with his closest friend ; knowing he couldn't tell the whole truth. "It is just" and here a little inspiration struck once more "that you are happy and in love now yet not so long ago you nearly lost Gwen as well. I would not want to upset you by taking of such loss. But please believe it; I don't blame you, honestly. I just think that if I needed to talk to anyone; which I don't" Merlin winced at this lie; he actually ached to be able to unburden himself. "Then it should be with someone who, I don't know, perhaps has not suffered such an experience so cannot be worried about what I say..."

"For goodness sake Merlin, that is an idiotic idea worthy of an award" Arthur's laughing reply completely surprised Merlin "That would not happen. Perhaps nearly losing Guinevere makes me the ideal choice to talk to. I am your friend as well as your King and I would hope for you to be secure enough in our friendship to take me into your confidence." Then Arthur's face turned serious once more. "Merlin, what has happened over the last months could have destroyed us and it still might if we do not start trusting each other again. But I will not force you into this; just know that when the time comes and you feel able then I am ready to talk."

Arthur blushed a little as he spoke and the silence that followed his words became too much for the young King. He needed to get this all back on familiar ground. So he gave Merlin a hard shove as he had done many times in the past. Unfortunately this one nearly sent the manservant over the edge of the parapet and it certainly made him gasp in pain from the only just healed wound in his back. Appalled Arthur grabbed him as he wobbled and pulled him away from the edge. Holding onto his arm Arthur did not let go until Merlin actually looked up at him.

"I am truly sorry for any pain and hurt that I have caused you over the years Merlin, you must believe that."

"I know Arthur." Merlin smiled. "So does that mean that I can come back to work soon? Much more of being stuck with Gaius and his leech tank and I shall go mad"

"As will I with George and his brass jokes." Arthur laughed "You may return when Gaius says you are fit enough to do so." And he gave Merlin another shove, but a much gentler one this time.

Merlin grinned; a smile that for the first time in a long time actually reached his eyes and stayed there. He just knew that eventually all would be well; he and Arthur would get back to their easy, comfortable ways, full of insults and camaraderie and all would be forgotten. The fears he had had began to disappear and he could see a time when he would once again be happy with his lot.

With one more punch to Merlin's arm Arthur headed off alone, intending to make for the training ground and really see if his injuries were fully healed. But as he went a sudden thought occurred to him; something he had meant to ask Merlin about. Surely now, when they had cleared the air so much, this would be as good a time as any to find out the answer to one of his last remaining questions regarding the whole Aerona affair. Merlin looked so much better that he was certain it would not hurt to ask. So he stopped, turned and spoke,

"One last thing Merlin. I know it was probably nothing; just something she was going to make up to divide us. But, just out of curiosity, do you know what was it that Aerona was going to tell me? You remember; that secret that she said would make me hate you?"

And just like that all the newly found joy in Merlin's heart dissolved. He stared at the smiling King before him and knew that this was the moment he had dreaded. Was now the time he had to tell the truth and reveal all to his King?

XXX

For a moment that seemed to stretch into infinity Merlin stood staring at his King. He saw the trust and friendship in Arthur's eyes and the young warlock knew the future was balanced on the edge of a precipice. Now could be the time; he should take the leap whilst they were being open and honest. Merlin opened his mouth to speak but no words came. It was because of the look he saw in his friend's face. Merlin could not bear to so quickly lose that regained affection and belief.

Thoughts ran through his mind; all he had suffered and sacrificed and all that still needed to be done. And then he knew. He could not risk any more now. He had lost enough; he would not bare to lose Arthur as well. He would not tell; not yet. He did not have the strength to deal with the ramifications and the trauma the truth would cause.

But he needed to tell the King something; Arthur was watching him closely now; obviously aware that his question had hit upon something.

Merlin squared his shoulders. Whilst he did not have the stamina to cope with the whole truth he now resolved to tell some of it. An action of his that he still regretted even now. Perhaps, he felt, telling Arthur of this would help assuage his guilt. And afterall it would be one less thing to confess when he finally revealed his true self to the King.

Head high but eyes filled with remorse Merlin spoke.

"Aerona wanted to tell you of the time I poisoned Morgana."

XXX

The two men stayed on the East Tower until the sun began to set. To begin with Arthur had been devastated by Merlin's confession of trying to kill Morgana. He just could not comprehend that the younger man could do such a thing and had actually at one point blamed Merlin for his half sister's altered character.

"I mean, having a good friend try to kill you in such a way" the King had shouted "It's barbaric, enough to drive anyone crazy."

Merlin had responded with such an expression of guilt and remorse that even Arthur began to understand quite how hard it had been for him to do what he had done.

"But why Merlin?" The King had continued. "What could she possibly have done to you at that time? She had not yet betrayed Camelot..."

As he spoke these words Arthur saw the look on Merlin's face and finally he knew. Morgana's betrayal had started long before it had been revealed to him and Merlin had known all along but had been too scared to tell him. This knowledge sat heavy in his heart. Morgana had hated him all that time; one more act of duplicity to add to the long list he held in his head. Arthur felt once more the loneliness of kingship; for no-one could truly be considered a friend. But then he looked at the young man staring at him; an expression of fearful hope on his face and Arthur realised his error.

There had been and always would be one person whom he could call a true friend and companion. Merlin. And he reached out a hand to the man who had followed him through everything and who had sworn to be at his side until the day he died. With a big smile he clasped Merlin's long fingered hand in his and pulled him forwards for a swift, forgiving embrace.

As Merlin felt first his hand and then his whole upper body being encased in a firm and surprising hug he finally believed that he had been forgiven. He and Arthur were back as they should be; friends who would protect each other. Even die for each other if that was what was necessary. A part of Merlin still regretted his decision not to tell Arthur of his magic but he knew it had been the right choice. Now was not the time; they needed to build on what had so nearly been broken and fully recover what they had almost lost.

But; the young warlock thought as the King gave him a "friendly" punch on the arm; they had faced a test that well nigh destroyed their joint destinies and had come through. With this experience behind them he really had faith that when the day came to tell the truth all would be well.

And as they walked away in silence Merlin remembered the last prophesy of the girl who had been the Earth Harp.

"The time of the great testing is coming Merlin; you will need all your strength, magic and love to protect Arthur and Camelot. But I prophesies you will not fail. Albion will be born and though some will not be there to see her flowering; all will know to whom they owe their life and their freedom. To the Once and Future King and his Emrys."

And he finally truly believed; that though there were dark times ahead; they would win through and that the Once and Future King and Emrys would live to see the rise of the Golden Age of Camelot together.

XXX

The End.

So...that's it...the end.

I want to thank everyone for their fantastic support, reviews and insight. I have had some really amazing PM conversations during the last few weeks and have been very moved by the way people have taken this story to their hearts. Thank you all.

I was going to leave it at this point but then a comment (or 6) from the lovely Oma13 made me think and a germ of an idea for a sequel was born...the plot is pretty much planned (though that does not mean a lot with me as I never seem to stick to any plans) and the first 2 chapters are written so I guess it is official - there will be a sequel...where hopefully I will be able to give Oma13 the ending she so desperately wanted! Or maybe not...no spoilers before I've even begun.

Not sure how long it will take - it started as a two shot but already looks as if it will be at least 10 chapters long, maybe more - and I do finish things before I begin to post them. But when it is ready I will put a message about it on to the end of this story should any of you chaps want to read it (but please don't feel obliged!).

Thanks once again. I will really miss this story, it was a nightmare to write but a joy to post!

Take care one and all.

Zendog