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This is the third chapter from Garrus's view of point, hope you enjoy!

BioWare owns this awesome game.

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Chapter 3 - Found and Lost

Garrus couldn't describe his journey on the Normandy, what he had been through and the way he…Evolved; in many ways.

He joined as a C-sec officer who had been tired of the hypocritical protocols and the way the Alliance turned a blind eye to the crimes and unjust around the citadel, he was ambitious and reckless when it came to justice; he wouldn't think twice and choose the aggressive route.

Now? Now he didn't see just black and white, there was grey, and there was mercy, he had learned that.

He had learned that from the one person he admired the most, the woman he had met so many months ago, introducing himself when she was on her way to meet the council by person and he still had no idea how he had the balls to just demand her to make them listen, demand her to do something…He was lucky she didn't kick him in the quad.

When he first saw her she seemed small, compared to him she was short, petite and her hair moved gracefully with each step she took up the stairs, she held strength in her stance and the way she moved, bad habits die hard as he couldn't stop himself but scan her with bright eyes as he took her all in; dark brown hair reached her well defined jaw line, her skin pale and seemed soft, fragile, her lips red and full, they looked soft and filled with flesh, she seemed weak by appearance, but when his eyes met hers he could feel her fire and he knew that she wasn't as she seemed.

Garrus knew that after the war on the citadel was over, Saren and the Reaper were dead, they won't let them stay, and by them he meant himself, Liara, Tali and Wrex. But even though he had a hunch it didn't prepare him to the moment it was actually ordered, it made his stomach twist into a knot.

Packing the little he had brought on board, Garrus's mandibles twitched with anger, he didn't want to leave, it felt wrong…And…He shook his head as sinking into those thoughts made him mad.

Shepard, that's all he had in his head, they had gotten close throughout the mission, she came to visit him a lot, a lot more than he expected, he knew she had to get to know the crew so she could build trust…But the things he had told her, the way she had listened…

Her smile, her scent, her laugh…Her voice felt good, soothed him, the thought he won't be near her made him mad.

He was the last to leave and the room felt…odd, quiet, he didn't mind it. Ashley no longer at the far side of the room, judging them for what they were by nature and always watching them with suspicious eyes, he didn't like her, but it didn't mean he was glad she had died, he knew how much it affected Shepard.

Wrex, who used to be pacing around the room, he used to talk…A lot, and Wrex's voice is something you can't ignore, most of the times he didn't even answer the Krogan since he could never talk that much and Ashley made sure she didn't want anything to do with them so she was silent, though it didn't stop the Krogan to continue and talk to mostly himself.

Looking up with bright eyes, he had hoped she'd come down here, the words were out smoothly and he was taken aback that he managed to keep calm around her, though he knew he had to; she had enough crap to deal with.
Shepard smiled at him; making his heart skip a beat, as she spoke he felt chills run under his plates. She led him up to the airlock, he tried to focus on her but the crew distracted him with their bids of goodbye, his heart racing as he knew his time with her was running out; he didn't want to go.

Garrus paused as they were in front of the airlock, grabbing her hand slowly and feeling the soft skin, his mandibles twitching, his nose taking in her scent…This felt wrong, he shouldn't be leaving her. "It was an honour…Shepard" he whispered her name, looking straight into her eyes

Shepard squeezed his hand, his heart raced "Mine too" she said softly "Try not to kill yourself" a slight smile; it didn't reach her eyes. Then the airlock opened, and it meant it was time to leave.

Garrus didn't want to go, he wanted to stall this, he wanted to stay here like that; by her side, but he had to let go of her "Shouldn't I be saying the same thing to you?" Then he slowly let her small hand go "Don't be a stranger, Shepard" he warned her as he walked out of the airlock

"I won't" Garrus looked back as her voice was honest, their eyes locked and he had to stop himself from going back in there "Goodbye, Garrus" she whispered before she was gone.

Watching the Normandy leave without him with Shepard on board was one of the hardest things he had done in his life.

#An hour later#

Garrus entered the apartment he owned on the citadel; how long has it been since he had been here? It was dark, dusty and it lacked some ventilation…It fit his gloomy mood.

Every bone in his body told him that leaving her was a mistake, that he won't….Get to see her again, but maybe he was just dramatic, maybe he was just out of his fucking mind.

A human? He had no fetish for humans, he wasn't attracted to them, they were too soft, weird looking…Who the fuck was he kidding? He dropped the bag and sat on the bed, palming his face "Fuck" he breathed out "I have a fetish for Shepard" he murmured to himself, and he chuckled lowly, what would she say if she knew? God, she'd castrate him.

Dropping back on the bed he looked up at the ceiling, thinking what was she doing now? Where was her next location? Will she have time…Other than the Alliance?

It wasn't easy, but Garrus waited a few days before he sent the first message, not wanting to seem desperate or…Suffocating, and he was thinking too much and it drove him crazy.
He stared at those words he had written, he started working on it from the first day he had arrived and after a few glasses of Turian liquor of course.
It was a nightmare; writing to her, trying to make it as appropriate as he could, whatever he was feeling he had to sort it out, and it was good he was away from her; he had come to the conclusion.

Shepard hypnotized him, with her fiery attitude, her gentle yet strong form and skills she held on the battle field, she was an artist, she was passion itself leading them, and all he wanted to do is grab; hold; claim. She enchanted him and it drove him mad. So he'd sit here…Think, think before he jumps into anything, think before he accepts the fact that he was…Attracted to her.
Another shot of liquor, he rubbed his plated forehead and sighed, knowing that sitting down and staring at the screen, wanting her to replay, won't happen anytime soon. So instead of being completely useless he should be doing something to help her.

And he was thinking about the worst.

#Garrus's decision#

Oh yes, it was hell, as if C-sec wasn't enough he was taking part of the specter training.

But he knew he had to go through this, to have some influence around the citadel and make things moving for their sake, for Shepard's sake.

She wrote to him, he knew she would…sometime, but he didn't expect her to answer in such a short notice, she replayed to every message he had sent her, though her timing was awful; Every message she sent beeped through his omni-tool while he was in training, which meant that he'd lose his line of thought, lose focus on the fight/treadmill/programming and it would cause embarrassing events which including getting his ass kicked/falling off the treadmill/screw every calibration he had made. Yes, he was at the 'top' of the class. Fuck.

Garrus didn't care, when he was done for the day he got into his apartment, showered and went straight to it, reading her messages countless of times, cherishing them…Trying to imagine her speak, he was hopeless, but when he read through the last few words she had sent back his heart skipped a beat…

Shepard wanted to see him, speak to him instead of playing as pen-mates, he knew that it was nothing, to her they were friends, but it meant a lot to him that she'd make the time to fulfill his wishes.

They had tried to call each other many times but their timing was off, missing each other and eventually not getting to make that video call.

It frustrated him till he had decided to 'disappear' In the middle of the day and get into their rest quarters, sitting down on the bed and making the call.

Garrus didn't expect the call to go through, but as he saw the screen change from black to Shepard his heart raced, she smiled at him "Garrus!" the excitement in her voice, those bright eyes…God she was going to kill him.

His mandibles twitched as he tried to come up with something witty "Where you waiting there for the whole time?" he taunted her, unable to pass the chance, she shot back with a smirk and at that exact moment he felt how much he had missed her.

They spoke for a while, warming it up before he couldn't help but…"How's Kaidan?" he asked, that man…Was stuck like a bone in his throat. Shepard didn't like the sudden shift of topics, and he wondered if it's because she thought he had crossed the line or…Maybe things weren't going well between them…He hoped.

"Fine" Shepard said lowly, watching him with narrowed, beautiful bright eyes "Thought you'd care more about how Joker was doing, but if you really want, I can transfer the call to him so you two could catch up"

Oh yeah…Shepard wasn't happy, but he couldn't back down, he already opened it up…So he pushed "Yeah well…" Garrus said lowly as he leaned back on the wall "I think you know why I asked that" he whispered, making sure to capture her gaze, she was stunning…

"Actually, I don't" Shepard breathed, her voice soft….Fuck, she looked right at him, and she could never make anything easy…He loved it, and it encouraged him to keep going

"Shepard, I-" Before he Garrus the chance to continue, one of his teammates on the training warned him that they might be on to him and he had to move his ass out quick, he knew he had to wrap this up, they exchanged a few words before he turned back to Shepard "I'll call you back later, okay?" he asked softly, he didn't want to let her go.

It took every ounce of him not to throw everything to the can and leave the damned place, he got whitewashed by his commander, as if he was some kind of a newb, fuck he hated this place, his fingers twitching, aching to call her back, speak with her, it was more important than this, Shepard was more important than anything.

When he was finally out for the day he rushed to his apartment, away from everyone, from everything, he just wanted Shepard.

Sitting on the bed he tried to reach her, the line was dead, he frowned.

Walking around the room as he called her again, the line was dead, his heart started to race fast.

Taking a shot, he tried to connect again….The line was dead.

Garrus's mandibles stiffened with each try, trying to stay ignorant as he tried again and again, to the deep of the fake night of the citadel, his heart slowly ripping itself into pieces as he thought of the scenarios.

He shouldn't have left her.