Hey guys, thank you so much for reading :)

So after this chapter I will be going on a hiatus until next summer, next year. This is because my A levels have taken over my life and I am unable to balance both fanfiction and exams. As soon as exams are over I will be back!

Quick note: the italics mean it's a flashback, no italics means it's her commenting on the flashback :) Enjoy! Xx

"Our last soldier failed us. We need to make this one merciless, a killer. No, a monster. Insert the shocker."

A faint beeping noise caused me to wake up. It was so irritating. Oh no wait, it was my heartbeat. Best not to stop that I guess. I let my eyes flutter open. I was in an empty hospital room, white and sterile. One way glass making up a whole wall. I went to move. Dammit, they'd restrained me. At least my wrists. I was in bloody torn clothes. Okay... Where the hell was I?

"Let her go!" Who's voice was that? A female.

"No, she's dangerous and HYDRA still have control of her." A deep voice close to the glass. People were watching me.

"They're right you know." A voice in my head and it wasn't friendly, a male voice that was stern and harsh. "You're dangerous, now get out of there."

"I can't," I hissed. "Who's HYDRA?"

"She's talking, they're contacting her, corrupting her."

"You're in danger. Now there's a man with blue eyes, brown hair and a bionic arm you must kill. He's going to try and kill you."

"I'll go in, see what she can remember." A husky voice, a voice I thought I knew... No. No I didn't. I knew nothing. The beeping quickened as my heart raced: I knew nothing. I didn't even know my name.

Blue eyes and brown hair walked into the room. He locked the door. Wow, what an idiot.

"Now I'm going to untie you, doll." He quickly strode to my side undoing the restraints.

I jumped at him, knocking him to the floor and straddling him. My hands around his throat as I strangled him.

His blue eyes were pleading as his left bionic arm dug into my wrist. "Doll," he choked.

Doll? That seemed familiar... But where from? I loosened my grip.

He used my hesitancy to push me to the ground. He now towered above me. "You gotta remember, Zoe."

"Who the hell is Zoe?" I frowned, struggling against him. "I don't know who she is."

"I know who she is." The man smiled down at me, kissing the top of my head. His lips were soft but weathered... Familiar.

"Remember," flickered through my head - a female voice - it didn't have the same static as the other voice it seemed to come from deep inside my head. I closed my eyes, my head tingling.

"Hi Cap." I saluted him, wobbling.

Strong hands were under my arms steadying me. I quickly grabbed my crutch, pulling away from them. Hopefully my cheeks weren't red. "Thanks," I muttered.

A tall, brunette walked past me his eyes glued to the ground. Hands thrust into his pockets, his lips a straight line. Wasn't that the winter soldier... I swear I heard someone mention he lived here now because everything had died down, what ever that 'everything' was. He'd come back from Wakanda, him and the king there were good friends...

"That's Bucky." Steve smiled at the man as he walked past.

The man smiled back at him, lightly hitting Steve on the shoulder. "Hello."

What was happening? Were these flashbacks? I could still feel the man above me, his hands on my neck, holding my chin with his thumbs. It wasn't a threatening hold, it was tender. The guy obviously knew me. But who was he? My head stung as another scene played underneath my eyelids.

"I can see why you left, the conversation doesn't even make sense anymore and most of them are too drunk to notice." I looked to see Bucky walking towards me. A smart navy blue suit clung to his figure, his first two shirt buttons open and his tie undone. It was a slightly rugged look but he looked amazing. Whoa, what was I thinking?!

"That's partly why I left," I laughed, looking over the edge at the moving traffic below. It whizzed by below, so many people were out so late at night. Manhattan seemed to be alive at all hours.

"What was the other reason?" Bucky asked, leaning on the balcony as well.

"I just don't do laughter and celebrating anymore." I shrugged, leaning further over the edge. "I guess that's what war does to you - it changes your perspective."

"I still can't believe they let dolls like you fight..." Bucky pushed his hair out of his face. It was still a little long, but it was no longer the grunge look he'd been sporting in the news when the UN bomb had gone off.

"Wow, are you being sexist now?" I stood hands on my hips, still leaning on the railing.

"No, jeez, no." Bucky raised his hands in surrender. "I just think guys are supposed to protect the gals you know, not the other way around. You gotta remember I'm over a hundred years old now I'm a little old fashioned in my ways."

"I forgot you were from a long time ago, an old man essentially," I mumbled.

"Are you calling me old?" He laughed, cocking his head to the side.

I leant with my back to the railing now. "Well in all technicalities you are. But if it's any consolation you look pretty good for an old guy."

"Thanks," Bucky sighed. "You don't look too bad yourself."

"Thanks." I leant forward, my arms behind me gripping the railing. "I miss the noise, you know, the bombs, the gun fire... It's just so silent now. I don't miss the killing, just the..."

"The noise of everyone around you, the cheers, the laughter..." Bucky was now copying me in my strange leaning motion.

"I don't even know why I went to war in the first place," I sighed, leaning back and casting my gaze across the city. Lights reflected off of the glass and everything was humming with activity. The city was alive with its own energy.

"I guess I wanted to make a difference, to stop the bullies." I looked over at Bucky, his strong jaw line shadowed by the lights of Manhattan. His eyes were deadly serious as they glanced in front of him. "Look at the good that did, I became the worst bully. Sometimes I wonder whether anything I've done has been good."

"No, you became the victim," I sighed. "Because unfortunately the bullies have bombs and tanks too and they don't play nice. And you have done good things, you've fought with Black Panther protecting Wakanda and you've been there for Steve. You're a good man Bucky, don't let anyone tell you any different."

"Thanks, that means a lot." Bucky motioned to the city. "But after all I went through it was worth it, even if I don't remember most of my life in the army before HYDRA. I fought to protect a world from bullies like HYDRA and eventually, well now, I do."

"Bullies..." I put my back to the rail. "I've had far too much experience with them."

"No guy to protect you from them?" Bucky raised his eyebrow at me.

"I don't bother with men," I laughed. "I can't lose anyone then, and I can't have my heart broken."

"You have a heart?" I heard him whisper, chuckling.

I reached to lightly hit him in the arm, that was until my left leg gave way. "Shit," I muttered, bracing my hands for the harsh impact of the floor.

"Careful," was being whispered in my ear as hands were once again catching me. Goosebumps rose on my skin where he held my arms.

I pushed away from him, grabbing onto the railing which I idiotically hadn't grabbed before hand. No. I could not get close to him. To anyone. I had to keep them at a distance. I had to keep them safe.

"I don't have any diseases, that I know of," Bucky laughed, putting his hands up in defeat. His blue eyes watched me closely, searching my face.

"Sorry, just..." Yeah, well done Zoe you can't actually answer that one.

"I don't blame you, the standard of men today is appalling." Bucky shrugged. "I mean I thought I was bad back then."

"Ohhhh," I mocked him, glad for the change in conversation. "Bit of a ladies man were we?"

"Mmmmm..." His eyes were distant.

"The past, it's painful, no doubt about that." I rubbed his shoulder. "But it's over and we're currently in the present."

"Rightly said." Bucky held his arm out. "Best to get back inside I guess."

I groaned, trying to escape the man's grasp. "What the hell are you doing to me?"

"Come on doll, you gotta remember," the man - Bucky - pleaded. "Remember me, please. I've lost everything before, I can't go through that again. I can't lose you, Zoe."

The female voice in my head came back. "Stop fighting him." And that's exactly what I did. When Bucky stepped closer to me, I didn't step back. I let him kiss me, I didn't stop him. He was the only clue I had of my past. He was the only person who knew why I was here.

Intense blue eyes met mine. Bucky of all people stood at my door.

"Oh hey, is everything alright?" I asked, immediately relaxing, hiding my leg behind the door.

"Yeah, I was just checking you were alright after the whole Sam incident." Bucky shrugged, scratching the back of his neck. His jacket had been discarded and he only wore a white collared shirt which was tight in the all right places. Again?! No, Zoe this man was not a piece of meat to be objectified. He was not someone you could have feelings for either so nip it in the bud before it starts going somewhere.

"I'm good, besides I think you should be checking if Sam's alright," I laughed, leaning on the door. "I think I injured his pride."

"Nah, you just took him down a peg or two," Bucky smiled. "He's had worse from me."

My heart was racing for some reason now. "Do you not like him?" I asked.

"No, he's a great guy - a friend, he helped to protect me in the civil war, if you can call it that..." Bucky shrugged. "I just... A lot of people aren't friends with me after the whole winter soldier thing, especially Stark because of his parents."

"I'll be friends with you." Wow, what are you saying Zoe?

Bucky laughed, my left knee was going to give way like that of a lovesick, gushing teenager's knees would. No, please no. "Thanks Zoe, it means a lot."

"Glad I could help sergeant." I saluted him, being careful this time to not fall over.

"Well, goodnight Zoe. It was a pleasure meeting you today." Bucky saluted back.

"And you, goodnight Bucky," I sighed.

I was Zoe. But why was I here? Who was Bucky? Why were these flashbacks happening so quickly? They didn't make sense. Was this a nightmare?

"Are you alright now?" Even in the darkness I knew Bucky was looking at me, I could feel his gaze on me. He was waiting for an answer. His body facing me in the darkness.

I froze, how could I answer that question? "Yes." A small lie.

"Nightmares..." There was a sigh. "If only they weren't real life huh?"

"You have no idea," I sighed too. My throat was tight now. I would not cry. I would not cry.

Bucky turned away from me, clenching his metal hand. "All the people I've killed, innocent people, all the things I've done. I remember doing them but..."

"You had no control over it, you had to," I finished for him. After all, I knew what he was talking about, I'd been through it too. I'd killed innocent chi-

Bucky looked back at me. "All the red on my hands, it just... Is there any part of me which isn't covered in red?"

I knew it was rhetorical, but I had to answer. "Out, damned spot, out I say," I whispered Lady Macbeth's quote.

"Shakespeare?"

"Yes." I shrugged even though he couldn't see me. "No matter how much good I do the red just can't be erased, it's there defining who I was, who I am, what I've done," my voice was now croaky. "No one else can see it but..."

"But you can and you will always know it's there." I felt a hand on my shoulder. "And no one ever seems to forget what you did, no matter how much good you do."

I reached up and gripped it. Even murderers needed comfort, not that he was a murderer, Bucky was a victim. And then there were monsters like me that didn't hide in the darkness and were in plain sight, who lied to their friends and everyone around them. I took a deep breath. "I'm alright now, you can go." I slipped my hand from his. I couldn't let him get close to me.

Bucky's hand left my shoulder and the bed sprang back up from where he had been sitting. "Thank you, Zoe."

"For what?" I asked into the darkness, standing up too. Who cares if he saw my metal foot?

Cool, minty breath blew on my face. "Helping me see past the red. Now I understand that there may be red on top, but underneath there's some pure white, deep down. Even if I can't see it, other people, you, can. I've worked this hard to be who I was, there's no point giving up now. They unconditioned me and took me out of cryogenic sleep even though I wanted to stay there for my sins, but the key words have no effect on me now - I'm finally me, even if I can still see the red." Bucky stepped back from me, his breath gone from my face.

The light of the hall shone for the briefest of moments before going out again. Bucky was gone.

I pulled away from Bucky, wrestling out from under him and rushing yards o the wall. Anywhere but near him. "What are you doing to me?"

"Kill him!" The male voice screamed.

My back met the wall. I was trapped. My hand shook holding a scalpel. Where the hell had I picked that up from?

"Bucky!" A man shouted, the door vibrated, someone had punched it.

"Zoe." Bucky stood in front of me, watching me. "Please remember, doll." His hands were in my hair, holding me. He had completely ignored the fact I had a weapon in my hand. Why did this man have so much faith in me? Why did he trust me?

A man shouted in my head. "Soldier, you must-"

His lips were on mine again. I couldn't do anything to stop him. Part of me wanted him to kiss me, to help me remember...

"My turn." Bucky wore a lop-sided grin. Oh hell no.

"Right hand," I quickly announced.

"What? I don't think so." Bucky laughed. "You just used your right, you need to give it a rest. I chose left hand." Damn it.

"Are you sure? I mean if I win it's going to be super embarrassing for you." I shrugged, watching Bucky as he casually strode across the room and kneeled across from me. In all honesty I was crapping myself.

Sam got up laughing hard. "Oh I'm refereeing this one, Tash."

"Well? What are you waiting for? An invitation?" Bucky grinned, a deep laugh escaping his lips. He placed his left elbow on the table, the lights glinting off of his arm. Bucky flexed his fingers.

Steve laughed. "I'd give up now, Zoe."

I rolled my eyes, taking Bucky's bionic hand. "I'll give as good as I get, Sarge."

Bucky laughed again, lightly squeezing my hand.

"Go!"

I knew it was no use but I pushed Bucky's hand.

Bucky just smirked at me, his grip light as my hand made it's way to the table. "Gonna give up?" He asked.

"No." I frowned, keeping his gaze. My hand was centimetres from the table. "Not yet."

"Sure?" His blue eyes were bright, as I looked up from our joint hands.

"Yes, I am." I kept his gaze, pushing on his hand harder.

"Okay." Bucky smirked before gently making my hand tap the table. "I win."

"Like I stood a chance," I muttered, pushing myself up.

Arm wrestling, what the hell? I didn't have time to think as another flash back hit me. This time the man called Bucky pulled away from me, watching me as the flashback played out...

The lift doors clicked shut. I didn't hit the button, instead I tried to compose myself. So this was it, I was back on the run. Alone. If I'm honest, I hadn't expected it to last this long anyway. It had been nice while it had lasted though, to feel like a normal human being, not a monster. But a monster can never exist in the open for too long without being seen for who they really are, before being forced to return to the shadows. I bowed my head, staring down at my worn shoes - scuffed from so much walking, from so much running. The lump in my throat got bigger. I was so sick of running. But it was the only thing I could do. Run as far away from everyone as possible and hope there was no one that followed me. I hit the ground floor button waiting for the lift to move.

A button pinged on the outside before the doors were forced open by a metal hand. "I'll make sure she's safe, Sharon." The doors opened wide enough for the Sergeant to slip in before they closed again. Shit. What was he doing here?

"What are you doing?" I asked, moving away from him to the corner of the lift. "You don't need to be here, so why are you?" My words were harsh and clipped, I didn't want anyone near me right now.

"Guess." Bucky smirked - a lop sided grin which definitely made me think he was a ladies man in the 1940's. Actually no, the grin confirmed he had a storm of ladies in the forties and even more once he got his sergeant's uniform. He didn't seem to care about my hostile glares or voice. "Go on, just take a wild guess."

"You're here to piss me off even more than Fury has." I leant against the wall, running a hand through my hair. The anger it was still fresh in my veins, making my heart pound. I hit the ground floor button again. The lift began its descent down.

"Is that so, doll?" His grin widened. Idiot. "Your language is appalling, you should be ashamed of yourself both just now and at the dinner table. Steve didn't look too impressed and I swear he whispered 'language'."

"I don't care and besides I am not a doll. I am not made of plastic and I do not braid my hair and I don't wear stupid outfits. And I most certainly am not called Barbie," I argued, crossing my arms over my chest, still staring at the floor.

"So you're action man then?" Bucky laughed, taking a step towards me. "I've been researching modern culture lately."

"So that must make you Barbie then?" I asked, peering up at him through my fringe.

"I don't know." He grinned down at me. "I guess I could fit into a sparkly pink dress and still look fantastic."

"It would compliment your eyes," I laughed, my muscles less tense. The lift pinged as I swiftly left. My crutches tapped quickly on the foyer floor as I headed for the door.

But of course Bucky was right by my side, opening the door for me. "Doll, you're not gonna lose me that easily."

I moved away from Bucky. "Stop, whatever you're doing. Stop!"

"Doll, please." His wide blue eyes watched me as he stepped towards me.

I lifted the scalpel. "One more step."

"Please... Just remember my name, what you mean to me." His gaze changed and again a flash back struck me.

"Okay," I sighed, slipping on my crutches. "Let's do this. I have one escape route."

"You're not going to war," Bucky laughed, holding the door open for me.

"Might be," I argued back, swinging into the corridor.

"I'm on your side." Bucky gripped my shoulder.

"Thanks," I stopped.

"Only because I don't want you as an enemy." Bucky smirked at me, cockily walking past me.

"Asshole," I muttered.

He moved out of the way to go and sit down.

There she was in her chair, hair plaited on her right shoulder. A blue blouse on her petit frame and a smart grey skirt. My big sister. She was happily talking to Bruce. "And the super soldier serum lasts in female blood and not male, that's how I found out about it. It's more powerful in the female bloodstream."

"Incredible," Bruce scribbled down some more notes.

I ignored them, choosing to get a drink instead, my crutches making a soft tapping sound on the floor.

"Zoe? Oh my god, Zoe - you're alive." Becky seemed to choke on her own words, they were full of shock, relief, happiness, anger.

The room fell silent.

I poured the juice into my glass, turning around with it in my hand. "Yes?"

"I thought you were..." Becky's grey eyes filled with tears. "They told me you were missing in action, I didn't think you were ever coming back... Fury told me you were alive." Becky shook her head. "How can this be real?"

"I'm real, this is all real - we're not in the matrix." I pinched my arm.

Becky's eyes fell to my legs, widening. "Why do you have crutches?" Of course, she hadn't seen me since enrolment.

"For fashion, I like the edge they give me." I rolled my eyes, draining the remnants of the glass and placing it a little too heavily on the side.

"I didn't mean for it to come true I was just angry." Becky was rolling towards me.

"I don't blame you." I shrugged, swinging past her.

A small hand grabbed my arm. "Please give me another chance."

"So I'm not dead to you anymore then?" I pulled my arm away from her. "I distinctly remember you saying I was dead to you forever, you can go die in war like the coward you are. You can't take that back Becky, it's not that easy." I started swinging back to my room.

"Okay, okay so I can't take it back. I know I can't take it back but please just hear me out. Zoe, please."

I stopped but I didn't turn around.

"I need to make this right before the end of this week."

"Why?" I sharply spun round. "What can you possibly say that will reverse everything that's happened between us in the space of seven days?"

Becky kept my gaze, her bottom lip wobbling. "I have terminal cancer."

Everything felt heavy. Black dots clouded my vision. Everything was swaying. Becky was going to- no. No. Not the one person who actually cared about me. The word cancer was burning my brain. I felt like my head was floating, and the sea was in my ears. I felt sick.

"Zoe?" I heard a panicked Becky say. "You look paler than normal."

I swallowed trying to open my throat, trying to breath. "Cancer?" The word seemed foreign, distance.

"Yes." Becky smiled at me. How could she be happy at a time like this?

"Nothing much -" I swallowed again "- Nothing much fazes me, but this... This has." My crutches were the only thing keeping me up right now.

"I have a week to live, to laugh, to cry." Becky seemed very far away now, at the end of a dark, narrow tunnel. "And I want to spend those seven days with you, trying to make you forgive me even if it doesn't work." She sounded like she was underwater, slowly being dragged further away from me.

The flashback stopped, emotions bubbling through me, breaking the winter soldier. I felt my eyes water. "Becky."

"You promised her you wouldn't do anything stupid," the female voice cried in my head. This was her fault! Whoever she was...

"Yes, Becky." Bucky stepped closer to me. "Trust me, doll." He took my hand holding the scalpel, his lips pressing against mine again.

"Buckle up, Buck."

"Will do, Wilson."

"Seriously guys?" I rolled my eyes, clinging to my straps a little tighter. The Falcon helped Becky stand in front of him, her grey eyes scanning the scenery outside the window.

Bucky stood next to me, eyes on me.

"What are you looking at?" I asked, leaning on the wall for support. Support I didn't need.

"You." Bucky smirked. "Don't people in the twenty first century admire art anymore?" He walked over to Sam, so cock sure.

I rolled my eyes. "Make way, senior citizen coming through."

Sam burst out laughing, stepping to the door of the plane and opening it. Becky grinned at me before Sam spoke "This is where we leave to let the two lovers quarrel." And with that they jumped out of the plane.

"Ladies first." Bucky motioned for me to go.

"Men just before." I motioned for him to go.

"Together?" Bucky held out his hand.

I didn't even think the action through before his hand was in mine. He helped me walk and all too soon I was standing at the edge of the plane door, quite literally bricking it.

"You'll be fine." I could feel Bucky behind me, helping me stand. His breath warm on the back of my neck. Something within me stirred, my heart thundering in my chest. We were doing separate jumps, I was a super soldier for godsake. "I promise, doll."

"Okay," I croaked, watching my sister and the Falcon fall towards the earth. She was an official nutter. Crazy. Bonkers. Mad.

"Ready?" Bucky's breath grazed my ear.

"Now or never," I whispered, letting go of his hand.

"Go!" Bucky yelled, pushing me out of the plane.

Air whipped my face, scattering my brain cells and making my eyes run. The bastard. I spun in the air, round and round. Could you be sick falling this fast?

"Woooo!" Bucky yelled, a few inches from me. Blue eyes burned into me, his hair flying all over the place.

"Ahhhh!" I screamed, finally steadying my descent and stopping the sickening somersaults.

"Fun!" Bucky winked at me, his cheeks wobbling.

"No!" The ground was getting far too close. Oh god I was going to be sick for sure.

"Yes!" Bucky argued.

"No!" Yep, I was going to be sick, super soldier or not.

"Free!" Bucky yelled, leaning into the dive, falling faster.

I had no choice but to follow him. Soaring over the land, chasing him to the ground. We spun around each other, it was easier now - falling. I'd done it enough times...

"Pull your shoot!" Bucky yelled below me, pulling his own.

I pulled it. My shoulders jolted as I began to slow down. Oh shit. This was utterly crazy. The sensation of my heart threatening to explode in my chest far too real.

Bucky hit the floor first, parachute landing to the side.

I happened to land on top of him. Smooth move, I know...

We were left in a red light from my parachute covering the both of us. Our chests heaved.

I laughed. This was so ridiculous. "You said you'd catch me," I said, breathless.

"That I did, doll." Bucky laughed, breath fanning across my face. Our faces inches apart. His blue eyes stared into mine. Our lips so close...

"Kill him now, soldier!" The voice made my vision blur, my ears sting.

His kiss had made the voice stop before. It had made the pain go away.

I grabbed his neck, kissing Bucky hard. Maybe it was instinct, maybe it was madness. I didn't know... The scalpel fell from hand, hitting the floor. I just knew I had to make the voice stop.

Bucky's chest vibrated as he laughed again, minty breath hitting my face. His eyes were intensely blue up this close, no imperfections or hints of green. I had the sudden sensation that I was drowning - unable to stop myself from being submerged by a giant wave.

I laughed too. It felt strange, it was a miracle I didn't shed dust with the unusual sensation. The only other people who had been able to make me laugh was Becky and Sharon.

Bucky flashed his crooked grin, his blue eyes crinkling at the sides. "You okay?"

"Yeah, you?" I put my hands by the side of his head to push myself up. I couldn't be seen straddling the winter soldier. Especially a winter soldier who looked like Simba in the Lion King when he was lying on the ground looking at the stars.

"I don't think I can move much." Bucky winced, shaking his head.

"Oh right." I went to roll to the side of him, leaning on my left leg.

"No don't -" Bucky's hands were on my hips "- I have a slight problem, I can only move..." Bucky reached up to me. I froze. He put his right hand to my cheek, brushing his thumb over my cheekbone. Blue eyes were all I could see. Our lips touched for the briefest of moments under the cover of the parachute, electricity running through every inch of my body. And then Bucky pulled away, looking up at me - waiting.

I leant forward and pressed my lips to his. Blue disappeared underneath brown lashes. His lips were rough yet gentle as they moved with mine. My eyes fluttered closed. A hand was on the small of my back. I sighed into his lips, I hadn't kissed anyone in years. Bucky sat up straighter. I wound my arms around his neck, pulling him closer; his smell washed over me. It was just him and me. I was only aware of him. His hand on my cheek, his other hand on my back. His chest pressed against mine, his smell, his warmth. Bucky's tongue traced my bottom lip. My heart leapt in my chest.

"What are you guys doing under there?" Sam's voice echoed outside. Shit. He snapped me right out of it.

I pulled away from Bucky, pushing myself off of him, not sure what to do, the grass digging into my skin. I couldn't look at him, heat rushing across my cheeks. What on earth had I just done?! I should have stopped it. He did not deserve to be entangled with me. I was a mess.

"I can only move my lips..." Bucky whispered, a low chuckle escaping his lips. Those lips which had felt amazing on mine seconds ago...

"And your neck and your hands and everything else," I whispered back. I tried to be angry, have rage in my voice but I just couldn't. Instead I raised a hand and touched my lips, they were warm, swollen almost and sensitive under my hands.

The parachute lifted. Sam was standing with Becky in his arms. Becky winked at me as she held the parachute up.

"Hello." I smiled, leaning on my elbows, fingers falling from my mouth.

Bucky scrambled up, whilst I tried to regain control of my racing heart. How did I get so lost in him? That one minute of my loss of control would haunt me later, hurt him later. That one selfish moment that I couldn't take back.

"Doll." Bucky held out his hand, calluses decorating his palm.

I took it. Maybe he pulled too hard, or I didn't stand up properly, but I somehow ended up hands on his chest, close, again.

"Thanks," I muttered, trapped by his gaze. Trapped?! Hold up I was not in love. I looked away from him, hoping and praying that my cheeks weren't red. I couldn't get attached, more to the point he couldn't get attached. I couldn't hurt him after all he'd already been through.

"S'alright," Bucky whispered, his hands still holding mine.

I stopped kissing him, breathless. "James Buchanan Barnes?" I stared into his blue eyes. I knew them. I'd stared into them before, countless other times.

"Bucky, I prefer Bucky." He held my hips, keeping me close.

"I don't know what you do, but whenever you kiss me HYDRA can't control me. At least I think that's who it is in my head..." I ran a hand through my hair.

"Kill him, for god's sake soldier, kill him!" The HYDRA voice screamed in my head.

"Well then..." Bucky smirked, his lips on mine once again.

Music blaring from the living room is what woke me up. Not a nightmare for once. I'd slept peacefully for once in what felt like forever. My cheeks were sticky and throat dry. Rebecca needed me and I was going to be there for her - foul mood or not. The mirror showed no remnants of tears as I brushed at my cheeks and took a deep breath. I picked up the plum seeds and chucked them in the bin, grabbing my crutches and swinging into the living room just as the song finished.

Tony stood in the middle of the room with Pepper in his arms. "Friday play heart by heart by Demi Lovato." They looked so happy together, absorbed in each other's gazes.

Sam held Becky's hands as she laughed, grey eyes crinkling at the sides whilst Thor dwarfed Jane in his arms as she smiled up at him. Steve held Sharon, they were both talking, quick exchanges of words that I couldn't catch. Natasha laughed as Clint daddy-danced by himself, well it looked more like he was having a seizure but at least he was trying. And then Vision looked down at Wanda with admiration as she spun around before finding herself back in his arms. Okay, too cute.
Bruce was obviously in his lab, which only left one person... Blue eyes. I frowned, I couldn't find him.

"Can I have this dance, doll?" I turned around. Bucky had his hands outstretched, a small smirk on his face.

"When your soul finds the soul it was waiting for..."

I put my crutches to the side, taking his hands. I couldn't hurt him anymore today.

"When your hand finds the hand it was meant to hold don't let go..." The irony.

He led my hands to his shoulders as he started to sway to the music off to the side of everyone else. "You know how to dance, doll?"

"Yes." I turned my head to the side. I couldn't look at him. Not at the way he was looking at me right now - as if I hadn't hurt him hours ago.

His hands rested on my hips, the left hand a lighter pressure than the right. I wouldn't break...

"No, there's no one else's eyes that could see into me..."

"Stand on my toes, doll." Bucky's cool breath raised goose bumps down my neck as it hit my ear. My heart automatically started to race.

I stood on them, suddenly scared. What was I doing? This wasn't a killer's move, this was something that made me vulnerable.

"I won't let you fall, doll." His breath caused more goosebumps yet his voice in my ear just made my breath hitch in my throat. I found myself reminiscing our kiss yesterday, his lips on mine...

"Okay," I mumbled, unable to form anymore words after that.

"Enjoy hurting me, doll?"

"When you're touched by the cloud, that has touched your soul, don't let go. When someone comes into your life, it's like they've been in your life forever..."

"No," I whispered, gripping his shoulders.

"Why do it then?" A single kiss on the cheek. "Why push me away?"

"Because..." Yes Zoe, why?

"Because you're afraid of getting hurt." We swayed some more. "You know when you dance you're supposed to look at your partner, doll."

"I'm good," I muttered. "And you're right." And I don't want to hurt you but I have to.

"Thought so." Bucky spun us around again, his grip on me never faltering.

I went to look at Bucky just as he went to kiss my cheek. My lips touched his. I didn't pull away. Demi Lovato's vocals soared, just like my heart did. Bucky's cologne washed over me again and I found myself losing what little control I had had before he started whispering in my ear.

"No, there's no one else's eyes, that could see into me. No, there's no one else's eyes, that could see into me. No one else's arms can lift, lift me up so high. Your love lifts me out of time, and you know my heart by heart..."

Someone wolf whistled.

I just wrapped my arms around Bucky's neck, ignoring whoever it was. Bucky's grip on my hips got tighter and his tongue was at my bottom lip just like yesterday. I parted my lips, putting my hands in his hair. Our lips moved in perfect synchronisation, his taste of coffee now in my mouth. Everything I'd done was completely forgotten. For now.

"They're losing control," I whispered, my lips leaving Bucky's. I looked up into his eyes; this man, I knew him and he knew me. Bucky...

"Wait up, doll." Bucky.

"Take my car, Bucky." Steve handed Bucky his car keys. "We'll meet you back at the tower." The Captain's beetle - the infamous getaway car - well it suited the cap I suppose, both of them being relics and all.

I swung in front of Bucky - I didn't want a conversation. I didn't want to talk about feelings. It made me feel too weak, out of control. Life wasn't going to get any easier I guess but I could get stronger.

The Beetle beeped once and I clambered into the passenger seat. Bucky climbed into the car, he said nothing as he pulled away, metal hand glinting on the wheel. It was an unsettling silence considering what I'd just told him.

"I killed Stark's parents I doubt you could have done worse." Bucky whispered, his hair hung in his eyes and his eyes focused on the road. "December 16th, 1991."

"I... I killed -" the guilt choked me "- I killed children, hundreds of children, my final mission before I escaped was... A child. She was six. I gained her trust and then... Her parents the Secretary of State and her husband... I made them think that their daughter killed herself. That nurse back there, his sister was a S.H.I.E.L.D agent so I killed his two children in front of her and then tortured his sister for information. I'm a monster."

"They tell you it wasn't your fault, that you had no choice, but... You still did it," Bucky sighed, the Beetle joining onto the main road. "The nightmares aren't just figments of your imagination, they're part of your life that you experienced."

"Everyone is so desperate for you to remember but you don't want to remember all of the awful things you've done, which only makes it harder." I kept my gaze out of the window, my voice unsteady and patchy.

"I had that but the worst part were the activation words - I had no control over my own mind, over who I was. I couldn't trust myself."

"Did they cure you?" I whispered, clenching my hands in my lap.

"Yes. You have your own set of words, don't you?" Bucky was looking at me as we came to a stop at some traffic lights.

"Yes, and I'm not cured." I kept Bucky's blue gaze, my voice steady and even. "Like I keep telling you - I'm dangerous. A ticking time bomb just waiting to go boom. I don't want you or any one else to be collateral damage. I'll stay for Becky, but once she's gone..." I took a deep breath. "Then so am I, it's safer for everyone. I don't have a good enough reason to stay and endanger everyone."

"Where will you go?" Bucky's eyes were back on the road as we neared the tower.

"Far, far away where I can't hurt anyone."

Bucky let out a deep breath. "You'll always be hurting someone no matter how far you go."

"Oh really? Who?" I snapped. Everything had just piled up and now I was taking it out on him.

"Yourself." Bucky's voice held no venom - it was matter-of-fact and certain. The word struck me harder than I expected. I couldn't say anything because as usual Bucky was right. He didn't say anymore, his hands gripping the wheel and his jaw clenched. I would be hurting someone other than myself though - I would be hurting Bucky.

"Bucky, open the door!" The door rattled to my right. "She could kill you!"

"Why do they want me to kill you?" I whispered, staring up at Bucky.

"They can't stand that you have something that they can never take away from you, make you forget: unconditional love."

As soon as the engine in the Beetle stopped I was out of the car. I carried my crutches under my arm, striding towards the tower lift.

"Will you just wait a minute."

I slowed down slightly as I entered the lift. I didn't acknowledge that Bucky had asked me to stop.

Bucky chuckled as he entered the lift. An odd action considering what we'd just spoken of.

"What?" I asked.

"Just remembering a scene in a movie," he mumbled.

I turned to look at him, eyebrow raised. "Care to elaborate?"

"Darcy - a friend of Jane's - Pepper and Sharon introduced Steve and I to Fifty shades of grey." His smirk grew wider.

I couldn't help but laugh. "Oh my god. I bet that was fifty shades of Steve Rogers."

"You have no idea, doll," Bucky laughed, taking a step towards me.

I leant my crutches on the wall, taking a shaky step forward towards him. "Are you going to hit the button or are we just going to stand in here all day?"

Bucky shook his head. No.

Another step.

The song changed in the elevator. Unconditionally by Katy Perry.

Another step, only a breath of air separated us.

"Oh no, did I get too close? Oh, did I almost see what's really on the inside?"

"I'm guessing you remembered the elevator scene?" I looked up into his blue eyes as I reached around him to hit the button to close the doors.

"All your insecurities. All the dirty laundry. Never made me blink one time."

"I guess so, doll. And I also remembered something else from the 40's: a gal, her name was Dot and we were waiting in a lift and then she kissed me. Damn was she good." Bucky kept my gaze, watching my reaction.

I felt a pang of jealousy hit me. Why? "She might still be alive, you should go and find her."

"Nah, she was just one of many. The uniform was like a magnet for women." Bucky shrugged.

"I'm sure it would still be now. There's hundreds of girls in the world you could have any one of them." I shrugged.

Bucky kept my gaze - blue on green - it spoke a hundred words that neither of us dared to say. "They don't understand me, what I've been through. I know someone who does though."

"James, stop." I put my hands on his chest. "Please."

"Answer me one question?" Bucky reached up and brushed a lock of hair behind his ear, exposing his square jawline. "Why do you get to decide who you hurt?"

"Because I have to live with the guilt and that's why I'm leaving." I stared down at my hands on his broad chest - chipped nails and thin layers of scars decorated my ivory skin.

"You can't blame yourself, Zoe. And I won't let you run."

I let out an exasperated sigh. "You can't do that! You can't let HYDRA near you again, you can't get attached to me because when they take control of me - and they will - I will try to kill you and you'll have no choice but to kill me. You can't hesitate with the trigger, you can't think for a second too long, you'll have to kill me. Goodbye is the only way, Bucky. It's best for everyone."

Bucky leant closer to me. "There's no changing your mind is there, doll?"

"No."

"Give me a chance to persuade you? Just one, doll." What could he possibly do to change my mind?

I nodded, letting my hands fall from his chest.

Bucky took my hands in his. "Stay." And his lips were on mine - gentle, slow. There was no desperation to the kiss, it was slow and sensual. His right flesh hand touched my cheek. Electricity rushed through my lips. What was he doing?!

I pulled away - lips slowly coming apart - my breathing was rushed. "James... Don't do this, please."

"Zoe, don't do this to yourself." Those brilliant blue eyes, his voice, his touch, everything about him made me want to stay. I didn't want to leave whatever 'this' was behind. But I had to. "I can't let you leave."

"Unconditional, unconditionally. I will love you unconditionally."

I stepped back as I wound my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me. "Why?"

His blue eyes were inches from my own so breathtakingly beautiful. "Because I love you, doll."

I pressed my lips to his, whatever slowness that had been in the first kiss had disappeared as we clung to each other.

"There is no fear now. Let go and just be free. I will love you unconditionally."

His lips were tender against mine, yet needy. I wound my fingers into his brown hair as my back touched the elevator wall. His smell of coffee and cologne washed over me; Bucky's hands now gripped my hips, holding me up.

"Come just as you are to me. Don't need apologies, know that you are worthy."

His tongue grazed my lower lip. I let him in. My hands stuck in his hair, our lips a hot mess.

"I'll take your bad days with your good. Walk through the storm I would do it all because I love you, I love you."

I loved Bucky Barnes. It was a small whisper in the back of the mind but I heard it so clearly - a crisp note. And that was my reason to stay. Bucky had only needed one chance...

"Unconditional, unconditionally. I will love you unconditionally. There is no fear now. Let go and just be free. I will love you unconditionally."

The lift pinged, the doors were opening. Bucky didn't seem to be pulling away. Neither did I. We were going to get caught.

"So open up your heart and just let it begin. Open up your heart and just let it begin."

"This is what happens when we leave you two alone for a few minutes." A grin was definitely in Sam's voice. Shit.

Bucky slowly pulled away. The darkness of his pupils pushing away the blue of his eyes. "Oops." He flashed me a brilliant grin.

"Quick open the door!" Steve's voice. Captain america. I didn't have time to think about it as another flashback brought on new memories.

"Quick, I think I've found them!" A yell sounded from outside the door. Shit!

"Quick, kiss me now." Bucky kept my gaze, deadly serious.

No, I couldn't... I'd only told him I loved him because, because my walls had fallen down for the briefest of moments. Not now though. I couldn't let someone in, only to hurt them by betraying them because of HYDRA. I looked up at Bucky. He was innocent, a victim, I never would be. I knew as soon as I looked into his eyes that I couldn't drag him down with me. And because I loved him, I had to save him, I had to push him away. "Bucky, I-"

My harsh whisper was cut short by his lips. I finally freed my right hand. Using both of them to try to push him off of me. He only pushed me against the wall. His thighs pressed against mine. Electricity pulsed around me. This was like the second kiss in the elevator, this was far more steamy and desperate. And I... I liked it.

The door opened. I tilted my head to deepen the kiss. He had a point. I stopped trying to push him and put my hands round his neck. It felt... Good. This was the last time it would happen, I told myself, this was the last time.

"Excuse me."

I broke from the kiss, looking innocently at the cop who had spoken. But not before seeing Bucky's dilated pupils, drinking me in. What was I doing? I swore I'd never get attached to anyone since... Since getting hurt. Never again. Besides he didn't deserve my baggage, my problems, my sins. The police put his gun down. James Buchanan Barnes didn't deserve to be dragged down by me.

"Don't worry it's just two people that need a room. Out guys." The cop motioned us out of the tight space.

I gripped Bucky's gloved left hand as we walked out of the alley past the borrowed car. Which may or may not be returned in the same condition I found it...

My breath was fast and short, my heart racing. This was so wrong. I was a criminal, guilty, and Bucky was a victim, innocent.

"Why do you always grip my left hand?" Bucky asked as we turned the corner towards Avenger tower.

"Why not?" I shrugged.

"Because it's metal and not me." Bucky looked at the floor, slowing his walk.

"My leg's metal but it's still me." I shrugged, pulling him along.

"Wait." I felt my arm socket sting as he hauled us to a stop, letting go of my hand.

"I have a metal leg, like your arm. What's so surprising about that?" I asked him, trying to look into his eyes. "I already told you."

"Your crutches," Bucky whispered. "I'll carry you." I had no time to object as he lifted me from the floor, bridal style.

"Bucky?" I asked.

"Yes?" He smiled, sending a warm shiver down my spine as he looked into his eyes.

"Why me?" I looked away as I spoke. "I'm a monster."

"No, you are not. Look at me." I looked to see a deadly serious Bucky, trapped in his gaze. "I don't care about your past, okay? That's happened, it's what you do in the future."

"But I stole a car," I argued.

"We can work on that," Bucky chuckled. 'And besides you borrowed it. Now will you stop?"

I nodded. I knew not to press any further. I was practically in the same boat as him. I sighed, I knew what it felt like to push people away because you couldn't trust anyone. Heck, I was doing that now.

I watched the brunette as he looked where he was going, reminding me that my heart was still racing from the kiss. Which of course, meant nothing. At least that's what my brain was saying and not my heart, which was singing an entirely different tune that may have included the word l**e. That just only made it more complicated. I had to save him from myself, from HYDRA. I had to push him away some how.

My breath was fast and short, my heart racing. "I-I know what happened," I whispered. "I'm so sorry I don't remember you, Ja-"

"KILL BARNES NOW!"

I sank to the floor, my head pounding. I gripped my temples, trying to surprise the urge to scream. It hurt so much.

"Zoe?" Bucky crouched down, panicked. "Stay with me."

"My head," I whispered. The pain caused tears in my eyes. "It hurts, Bucky."

"I know, doll, I know. I've got you, I'm here." Bucky pulled me into his arms - warm and welcoming.

I stood in the doorway of his room as Bucky chucked random clothes into a suitcase. His backpack next to it on the bed. "What are you doing?" My voice was meek and it shook.

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm leaving." Bucky quickly looked at me before looking back at his clothes - a mess in his case, no order or structure.

I stepped forward. "Why are you leaving?"

"Because I don't want to be here anymore." He shut the suitcase, resting his palms flat against the top of it. "I know when I'm not wanted."

I walked into the room, shutting the door. Tossing the crutches to the side, I stood beside him. "But I want you here."

"Oh really? I can't even tell the lies from the truth with you anymore. Don't you have somewhere to be?" Bucky snapped, still not looking at me.

"No I don't have anywhere to go. I'm alone. And you're not going anywhere." I shoved him to the side and sat on top of his suitcase. "I won't let you. If anyone's leaving here tonight it'll be me, you were here first. I've only been here nearly a week. Say the words and I'm gone, James."

"Move." Bucky clenched and unclenched his fists. His blue glare scared me, it was as if the winter soldier was glaring down at me right now.

"No, Barnes." I crossed my arms. I was a winter soldier too.

"Please, Zoe," Bucky sighed, his gaze softened.

"No." I would be just as stubborn.

He lunged for me, chucking me over his shoulder. "Yes." He picked up his suitcase and backpack, heading for the door.

"Put me down!" I hit him on the back.

"No."

"Where are we going?" I asked, ceasing my attack.

"Somewhere." Bucky's voice was monotone.

"Could you at least put me down," I begged. I slid down his front as he set me down. I wrapped my arms round his chest. "Don't leave." I felt like a small child, my head on his chest - his heart racing in my ear.

"Zoe..."

"Please... Please don't. I..." I swallowed the lump in my throat. It was now or never. "I love you and it scares me so I did the only thing I know how - I pushed you away. I'm scared that me caring about you will get you hurt and I don't want to drag you down with me. I don't want HYDRA to get to you again because I could never forgive myself for it, for having the chance to save you from them, from myself and I never did. It would be selfish if I didn't push you away, save you."

There was thump as the suitcase fell to the floor. I gripped him tighter. He would not leave me. I gripped him by the shoulders, staring into his beautiful blue eyes.

Bucky stared back at me. His mouth hung slightly open as if he wanted to say something but he never did.

"Becky and Sharon think I'm not scared of anything. That's not true. That's what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid of loving, of losing." I took a deep breath. "I don't want to get hurt, get people hurt. I push people away because I'm scared of getting them hurt." Something wet slid down my cheek. Silence. "Say something, please." I pulled at the fabric of his shirt.

"How do I know you that you won't push me away again?" Bucky's blue eyes bore into mine as I looked into them - expression unreadable. "That you will take it into your own hands and decide for me whether I get to be in your life or not. I've only known you a week, but I think we both know we've met before, been there for each other before - me more than you. You left last time, how do I know you won't leave again?" Last time, there was a last time?

I let out a sigh. "Because I'm sticking around, and I give you my word, there's nothing I can say about the last time because I don't remember the last time," I answered, my gaze unwavering. "I promise I won't run when Becky... When she's g-gone. I'll stay... For you. I don't remember last time, I had no idea there was a last time, James - but if I could take turn back time I wouldn't leave you. I would stay even in the pits of hell to be by your side." Those last words... They felt familiar, like I'd said them before...

"How do I know that though, doll?" Bucky pushed his hair off of his forehead.

"Kiss me." The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them, more words that I'd said before. Another stabbing shard of a memory I didn't know I had.

"No," Bucky said, stepping back from me.

"Please Bucky, kiss me."

"No." And then he smiled. A small one unlike his other smirks. "You kiss me, doll."

I placed my hand on the back of his neck, pulling him towards me. And I kissed him. A kiss which was desperate and passionate and gentle all at once. I needed him, more than I liked to admit. He was vulnerability someone like me shouldn't have, but I couldn't help it.

"I love you, Bucky," I whispered, pulling away.

"I thought you'd never say it, doll," Bucky whispered. "I love you. I'm so glad you found me again."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" I whispered.

"I wanted to be sure it was you first, let you remember yourself but you weren't... So I thought I'd kick start your memory, of us. You said you'd come back to me." Bucky pulled me closer. "And you did."

I looked at his lips. He looked at mine. "I'm so sorry, Bucky." I reached up, kissing him.

Bucky's smirk widened underneath my lips. Bucky lightly pushed me to the wall, careful to avoid the suitcase on the floor. I let my hands wander to the back of his neck. Bucky lightly bit my lip, asking for entrance. I laughed against his lips, tugging at the hair on the nape of his neck. I wouldn't let him in, yet. Bucky's hand slowly wandered down to my waist, electricity and heat following his hand. I yelped as he pinched my arse. He took advantage of it, his tongue now exploring my mouth. I pulled his hair as our tongues danced, deepening the kiss. Man, it had been ages since I'd kissed a guy who was this good. My back touched the wall as I wrapped my right leg around his waist.

"You're not supposed to be able to that," he muttered against my lips.

"And?" I replied reaching for his shirt buttons. A cold hand slipped under my shirt, tracing circles on my back.

"Mr Barnes and Miss Frost you are wanted in the living room." Friday. Damn it.

"I'm going to get help, okay?" Bucky set me on the floor, heading to unlock the door. "Bruce, they're doing something to her, please do something, make it stop."

I closed my eyes, sweat trickling down my face.

"Do you know what?" A hand touched my forehead.

"She's complaining about head pains."

I turned my head, the floor cool against my cheek. "It hurts."

I stormed into my room, slamming the door behind me. Except it didn't slam. I spun around to see Bucky catching the door and slipping into the room before I could do anything about it.

"Get out." I crossed my arms over my chest.

"No." Bucky crossed his arms, left arm on top. Was he trying to tell me something? My leg was just like his arm... No, he needed to get out.

"Get out now," I warned him. "You're hurt and need to rest."

He didn't budge. "No."

I rolled my eyes and turned around, tensing before I swung my right leg to hit him in the face. His left hand caught my leg, holding it there.

"Really?" Bucky asked smirking, as he pushed my leg higher.

"My leg doesn't go that far," I complained as my foot towered above my head.

"Mmmm." Bucky kept going.

"Ow," I whimpered, my left leg shaking, my knee was bound to go. It did.

Bucky let go of my leg, catching me.

I just glared at him, struggling.

"Let me in," was all he said.

"No." He let go of me as I stepped back.

"Why? You kiss me, then you shut me out again. You remember our six months together and make all of these promises but as soon as you think you're endangering me you push me away. Am I just a game to you?" Bucky went to walk out.

"No don't walk out, please," I begged, exchanging weight from foot to foot. "I just... They've found me, again."

Bucky stopped.

"I don't... I can't... Bucky I don't want you to... I can't let you get hurt." I felt a single tear slide down my cheek. "I can't loose you. Last night I remembered them pulling us away from each other and the how it felt, it felt so wrong and horrible and it's been bugging me all day. I don't want to be alone again."

Bucky turned around, his face portraying nothing.

I hurriedly wiped the tear from my cheek. I couldn't be vulnerable like I had been yesterday.

"Hey." His arms were around me before I could do anything about it. His right arm out of its sling. "Don't cry, there's no use crying over spilt milk. I know what it's like to be alone, doll."

I wound my arms around his waist. "I'm not alone." I hiccuped looking up at him. I was tall, but not as tall as him. He raised his eyebrow at me."I've...(hiccup) got...(hiccup) you." I'd cried harder than I'd thought.

Bucky laughed. "Yes you do, doll. Yes you do."

I hiccuped again. "Damn."

"Try standing on your head." Bucky stepped back from me.

"Seriously?" I shook my head. "No."

"You like that word don't you, no." Bucky walked past me to the iPod docking station. I'd listened to it the other night. "What have you been listening to?"

"Stuff." I shrugged.

"Can you waltz?" Bucky turned around, his eyebrow raised.

"I went to dance school with Sharon, so yes I guess so." I walked over to him turning the dock on, Shot at the night by The Killers started to play.

"Can I have this dance?" Bucky offered me his hand.

I took it. "I suppose."

We swayed around the room. I was trying desperately to avoid his eyes, so I turned my head to the side.

"You need to look your partner in the eyes," Bucky whispered in my ear, tightening his grip on my waist, pulling me closer. My heart was officially doing backflips. "For a waltz."

I turned to look at him, our noses touching. His blue orbs directly in front of me. I gulped, remembering the electricity he caused.

"I'm not going to hurt you." Bucky brushed our noses together. "Us men from the forties treat women with the respect they deserve."

I locked eyes with Bucky. We were breathing the same air, we were that close. I looked down at his lips to signal what I wanted to do. He nodded, glancing at mine. His hand left my waist as spun me around and then pulled me to his lips.

"Give me a shot at the light, give me a moment..."

His lips felt right against mine as we swayed. I wound my fingers into his brunette locks, our lips hungry. I was kissing Bucky - James Buchanan Barnes - a man I'd fallen for before. The man I wasn't going to push away, I was going to hold onto him as tightly as I could. And keep my promise to Becky: don't do anything stupid. I pulled back slightly. "Bucky?" I asked.

"What, doll?" He asked, our foreheads touching.

"I love you." I kissed him softly. "And I'm not going to push you away. I said I would come back to you and I did so I'm not going anywhere."

"Good to hear, doll," Bucky chuckled, running a finger down my cheek.

"Zoe?" Someone was holding my hand.

I was on a bed.

"I need to take it out, now." Bruce.

"Do it," I hissed.

"But the anaesthetic..."

"I don't care, make it stop!" I cried, the pain getting worse.

"Okay, hand me the scalpel."

"Don't defend me anymore, Bucky." I couldn't look at him. "I'm not worth it. I never have been even before HYDRA."

"You're just giving up?" Bucky knelt by me immediately.

"Think of it as giving in. It's over Bucky. I'm a monster." I had to stop him losing the respect the Avengers had for him. He couldn't fall because of me. "Don't talk to me again, don't look at me, don't even think about me." To save him I had to break his heart. "Because I won't be talking, looking or thinking about you again. It's over. The Zoe you fell in love with, who loved you, she's gone. She's never coming back, Barnes." I may as well have just ripped my heart out and put it on a platter along with his. I turned from him and stared out of the glass. What had I done? What was I doing?

"I know you did it to save my life," Bucky briefly touched my shoulder. "You may be giving up but I'm not, doll. I will get Zoe back."

"Bucky," I managed the pain making my head spin.

"Yes."

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I love you," I whispered.

"It's-"An explosion of pain started in my neck causing me to black out.