A/N: Some utterly nonsensical crack I came up when revising for my midcourse exams. Sorta Obito/Sakura

Warning: Contains zero logic. Believe it!

He's dying. Sakura stared at the man in front of her, pallid, drained from fighting, clutching on to his final moments resiliently. His hair was strawy and white, she had seen him atop of the newly reanimated Juubi- in comparison he had aged drastically.

Truth to be told, she isn't exactly sure how she's supposed to feel, on one hand he did initiate the Fourth Shinobi World War which did cause the death of millions of shinobis all across the Elemental Nations; fact remains that he also did inadvertently cause the death of Neji and almost, well, killed Kakashi-Sensei. But then again, he had managed to retrieve Naruto from the brink of death via the transfer of Yin Kurama which brought an ingratiating sense of relief within her and he did aid the Yondaime Hokage and Kakashi-Sense, albeit only temporarily, against their fight with Madara.

How confusing, how utterly, perplexedly, paradoxically confusing.

The fact that he's currently eyeing her earnestly, in an almost entreating manner only served to confound her further.

"Sakura..." His voice was raspy; a voice of a drenched man.

"Yes..."

"Wait, your name's actually Sakura right?" He tried to confirm with her.

"Yes... You know, I never thought I'd say this but thank you... thank you for saving Naruto. I could say I'd consider you an ally," she tried smiling, after all, words of venom would only serve to aggravate his wretched state.

"Sakura, I have one final request. You don't have to be an ally to do this," he looked down on the oddly bleak and solitary planes of the Kamui dimension.

"Yes?"

"I don't want to die a virgin," he finished off abruptly. After glancing upon her expression of incredulity, he confirmed himself with a nod, then he smiled sheepishly, in a way that drastically resembled Naruto. It was scary.

"Wait- what?"

Damn. Sakura Haruno, kunoichi of the Leaf, apprentice of the Godaime Hokage Tsunade Senju, hailed as the greatest living medical ninja, had expected his request to be, well... more befitting. She had expected a damn, kickass power up. Well, fuck that, the blatant misogyny of Narutoverse had already taken it's toll.

"You heard me," he smirked.

"Um... It's gonna be my first time..." She found herself rambling indecipherably.

"It's alright, it's my first time too."

"Wait, are you serious?"

"Yes."

"Because...?"

"Okay, I know you're probably not inclined to believe this but Kakashi and I did make a bet about who would loose their virginity first and eh... during our- you know- fight, he personally vouched for the fact that he has never... did anything with anyone," Obito explained.

"And you want me to do it with you," she finished off flatly.

"Yeah."

"I'm not sure if you're aware of this but there is still a war going on out there, you know."

"Yeah exactly, with Naruto and Sasuke battling Madara and the rest of the Alliance battling Spiral Zetsu."

"I think I should go help them."

"Oh please, you're Sakura."

She raised her eyebrows. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Kakashi did update me about his life and genin team and well... you don't really ... do much do you?"

She smacked him.

"I can help!"

"Really?" His tone shamelessly sarcastic. "Let's face it, what are you actually gonna do?"

"You know what? I take what I said before about considering you an ally back, I still hate you," Sakura growled.

~X~

Meanwhile, in the midst of an ongoing battle, Kakashi, drenched in blood and sweat, covered his other eye with a palm and heaved a sign of relief. Obito... so you... really did save Naruto, I was right to believe you.

Except scarcely minutes after his comfort and palliation, he panicked. They were making out with each other, his student Sakura was making out with his teammate Obito and what's worse is, they went further. As Sakura started to unbutton her chuunin vest, Kakashi immediately withdrew his palm for fear of witnessing something even more graphic and promptly rejoined the fight.

All throughout the final moments of the Fourth Shinobi World War, his vision was sporadically plagued with two hauntingly familiar figures lovemaking against the blissfully unharmed background of the Kamui dimension.

Damn, I lost the bet... Obito you cunning bastard...

A/N: Reviews? ;P