The room was cold, the lights off. In fact the whole flat was quiet. Anna was in her room reading whilst Elsa was banging her wrist against the small wooden desk in the corner of her room, the consent rhythm was soothing. To her ears. It was familiar, it was home. The pleasure of pain hit her like an avalanche, it was amazing, the rush of happiness and excitement. But most of all release. She stopped after a few minutes and inspected her bruised, swollen wrist. Already it was turning a dark brown, it would look ugly. Especially as it was mixed with older bruises and red lines turning a lighter shade of purple. It pleased Elsa, she was finally able to do something,

Pathetic

Stupid, you can't even look any uglier

The voices, they haunted her mind. She sniffed and sat in the corner of the room, then she let it out, the tears. She cried into her arms begging to god,

"God take my pain away. Please god." But as usual there was no reply. She had to face the facts, there was no god out their to help her. She had to fight it herself.

But she knew it was already a lost cause. She'd lost the battle long ago.

Finally her tears came to a fading stop, she stood up and wrapped her arms around her waist.

"I've been used by guys,

I've been hurt by girls,

I've been hit by my mum,

And cursed by the world,

So I keep hurting myself,

Wantin' to be perfect,

I'm waiting for someone to,

tell me that I'm worth it."

She sang quietly to herself. She looked in the mirror and thought, only three words came to her mind whenever she saw herself naked and in front of a mirror,

Ugly,

Disgusting,

Fat

She sighed and traced her fingers over her scared legs, stomach and arms. Oh god was it worth it? Did she need some help? No, she was on her own.

She sat on her bed, turning away from the mirror and reached under her pillow. Elsa looked down to the book in front of her, it was pale blue with a golden glow, glitter and snowflakes scattered the cover, she made it when she was thirteen. She was only sixteen. Should this be her life? The answer was no, no she shouldn't. But it was how it was, no matter how much it should change it would never. Elsa shoved the book under her pillow and slapped her forehead, keep yourself together Elsa, don't fall.

She looked to the door and sighed, she opened it and knocked on the door opposite, Anna's room. She knocked twice,

"Anna, I'm going to a job interview now." She said softly, Anna, inside, rolled her eyes and cursed quietly.

"I don't fucking care." She yelled, Anna had never forgiven her for shutting her out for ten years. Elsa had a reason, but she could never ever share it with Anna. She'd take it to the grave, it had never been out from her lips. She sighed and wiped a tear.

Elsa walked back to her room and put on a long sleeved blue top and black and white striped jeans, simple dirty black converse and a black blazer. It was a job interview, she was forced to look smart. Even if it was for a waitressing jobs for the restaurant down the road. She opened the front door,

"Bye Anna!" She called, as always and expectantly she never heard a reply. Elsa had tried to make up for it. But she couldn't. No matter how hard she had tried it'd never worked. And it had hurt, like a burnt in her heart. Or as Anna called it, her cold frozen heart.

Once she arrived at the interview the manager greeted her warmly. In fact, the interview had gone amazing, better then Elsa had ever dreamed. She was introduced to some of the staff, there was Rupunzel, Hiccup, Astrid and Flinn or as his name tag said, Eugene. They seemed nice enough and the uniforms were great, you just had to wear a black top and black skirt/trousers and it was good. The code was strictly black and white, Elsa was fine with that. Black, blue and white was all she wore anyway.

"Well Elsa, you seem qualified enough, you got the job!" The manager, or North as everyone else called him, smiled shaking her hand. Elsa was so happy, she couldn't believe it.

He only gave it to you out of pity.

He feels sorry for you

Pathetic, can't even get a job that hasn't been given to you out of pity.

Elsa's smile faltered a little before regaining the bright, fake look. North noted in his head the error in Elsa's facade. He knew people, teens mostly, all to well.

"Thank you so much, just out of curiosity, when do I start?" She asked politely, she didn't want to loose her job as quickly as she got it. North laughed and looked at the papers on his desk,

"Well, if it's ok, tomorrow? At ten." He pondered, Elsa nodded and threw another thank you his way before leaving, she walked down the street feeling less obliged to hold a smile. Her features fell and she ran a hand threw her hair in frustration.

She was too busy looking down and bumped into someone, she nearly fell over but composed herself before she could hit the ground. She looked to the stranger and found him walking away throwing a 'sorry' over his shoulder. Elsa sighed.

See how pathetic you are, nobody cares

No one in this world cares about you

Especially Anna, she hates you..

"Shut up!" Elsa yelled in frustration. Her eyes were clenched shut so she didn't have to hear the judgment from people walking past. Elsa opened her eyes and fled the streets, she went to her flat and went into the kitchen getting a drink of water. Hoping it would calm her anxieties.

On the wall is a whiteboard, the whiteboard helped keep Elsa together, helped her not fall apart. On it was many thing, but mainly it was things to be grateful for. There were ten spaces. Three were filled up now. She was grateful for a home, food and water and a family. The fourth spot was now filled up.

She was thankful for four things now,

A home,

Food and water,

Family

And having a job.

'Maybe' Elsa thought, 'Maybe this year will get better'