This turned into a sort of stream of consciousness/character study. What went through Alison's mind during and after the "I'm objectifying you. Sexually." scene? This is definitely a cannon-divergence.

Warnings: mentions of rape/marital abuse, mentions of character death, mentions of suicide

"I'm objectifying you. Sexually."

The first time the phrase comes up she's talking to Beth in the craft room in the basement of her house. It's the middle of the night and Donnie and the kids are asleep. They're speaking in hushed voices so that they don't get any unwanted intruders and they each have a half-finished glass of wine in their hand. Alison's been ranting about how the men in the gym or on the street stare at her when she's working out and Beth has been laughing at her the whole time. Beth thinks Alison is cute when she rants, and maybe they're both a little tipsy at this point.

But when the phrase slips from Alison's mouth Beth sobers up instantly. Even in her inebriated state Alison can tell that she has hit a nerve and stops talking. She considers Beth a friend, but when she really thinks about it she's only known her for such a short amount of time. She's already picked up on the fact that she's hard to read and tends to hide her feelings.

It takes some pressing, but finally Beth launches into the stories of domestic abuse and rape that she has archived away. The more she speaks the more Alison realizes that these stories haunt her even after they've been in the past for a long time.

By the time the sun is beginning to tinge the sky pink the wine is gone and the tears are barely dry on both of their faces. Alison has found herself thinking about the workout videos that are collecting dust upstairs and makes the rash promise that she will work out at home more often so Beth doesn't have to worry. Beth gives her a sleepy smile from where her head is resting in her arms and Alison greets the morning both wishing that Donnie thought about things like this and wishing that she didn't have to make Beth leave while the tear tracks still shine on her face.

The next time the phrase comes up she's in the passenger seat of a mini-van and she feels a pang in her heart that she can't quite identify. She's feeling impulsive and thinks of Beth the whole time. When she finishes she bites her tongue until she tastes blood to keep herself from crying Beth's name.

Afterwards she sits in her car and feels dirty. Memories of empty wine bottles and late night conversations and tears and promises flood her vision until she thinks she's going to be sick. She feels as though she has betrayed a woman who doesn't even exist anymore.

Then she's driving and she doesn't even know where she's going because the tears are blurring her vision. She just knows that she needs to go and get away from the mess that she has created without a second thought. She can't face it right now and in the back of her mind she knows that she hasn't truly been able to face anything since Sarah waltzed into her life and told her that the only person besides her children that she may actually love just threw herself in front of a train at...

Huxley Station.

She's staring into the dark and the smell that goes on endlessly in both directions. There are people milling around her on all sides, looking at maps, trying to control screaming children, making small talk...and then there's her. Is this how Beth felt right before she made the final decision? Surrounded on all sides by people and yet feeling so endlessly and completely alone? The thought brings more tears to her eyes as she shuffles closer to the edge. If only she had realized. If only she had noticed the change in the other woman that must have been there.

There's a breeze that comes down the tunnel and she can see the pinprick of light that signals the next train approaching. Would anyone even notice until it was too late? As her feet cross the yellow warning line until the toes of her shoes hang over the edge she marvels as how unobservant a crowd of people can be. It would take so little. At this point only a tiny shift in balance could fix all her problems and reunite her with Beth. She's so close it may not even be her choice anymore...

The train rushes by and the wind hits her face so hard that she stumbles back with a cry and almost falls on her ass. She hadn't realized how hard she was breathing or how heavy the tears are falling down her face. She runs a shaky hand through her hair and glances around, suddenly very aware of the people on all sides. But they still don't notice her. They don't notice how close she came to leaving everything behind her and stepping into the darkness.

"How dare you," she thinks, looking at the tracks. The train has passed but the air still vibrates with the force of it. "How dare you go and leave me this way." It makes her sick to her stomach to think of Beth spread across the tracks and to think of people seeing her that way. She sits down heavily on one of the benches and puts her head in her hands. Memories of late nights in her craft room flash through her mind and she remembers the way she promised Beth she would be careful.

The thought floors her. She had promised Beth she would be careful. She had promised. And yet here she was, tempting the fates in the very same way Beth had. What was she thinking?

Her hand trembles as she reaches into her coat pocket for her phone and dials a number.

"Hey, Felix? I-I need help. Could you meet me? At Huxley Station?"

I'm not 100% satisfied with this first one, but I hope you enjoyed it!