What's Real

~Chapter 1~

Katniss

The rain on a window pane was all she heard. She already knew from the feel of the bed beneath her and the scent of the air that surrounded her that she was no longer in she and Peeta's bed. She was now someplace foreign where the bed sheets were itchy and the air smelled sterile; she was no longer home.

She squinted her eyes open. Why were those lights so bright? Why did her body feel as if it hadn't moved in ages? She tried not to groan at the throbbing of her eyes as they adjusted to the light. Blinking slowly, she observed her surroundings.

The room was so white it was blinding. There were two doors- one opened and leading to a bathroom while the other remained closed. It was probable that the closed door led to some sort of hallway, but she couldn't be too sure. With such unfamiliar surroundings, it's best that she didn't assume. On the wall nearest her sat a small window. Rain drops pattered on the glass. Katniss knew that was the sound that woke her: the pouring rain.

She'd always loved the rain. The feeling of the drops of water on her skin made her feel as if everything bad or stressing was being washed away. She was glad that, although she was in an unknown situation, she woke to such a wonderous sound. After all, the place reminded her of her time in District 13 when she'd woken up to see that Peeta was still in the clutches of the Capitol and that she was confined to the hospital bed. She had no idea what was going on, but she hoped that she could figure it out soon; maybe a doctor would be able to tell her what was going on.

Katniss wasn't able to supress her groan as she sat up, a throbbing in her skull making her body quake. She quickly leaned back on the headboard and sighed in relief. Her body was so weak; but all she'd done yesterday was watch Peeta bake in their kitchen. And they hadn't done... anything last night. Things just weren't adding up.

She didn't know how long she sat there, but eventually, she heard scuffling come from behind the closed door. Soft voices could be heard. And soon, Katniss could recognize those voices. She shouldn't be able to hear two of those voices, though. Those two people... they were supposed to be dead.

The door opened and Katniss immediately recognized the three people who stepped into her room: her parents- both of her parents- and her younger sister. As soon as her family noticed she was sitting up, watching them with wide eyes, they froze. Katniss noted the expressions of joy overtake their faces as they regained their bearings. And then, they made their way to the side of her bed.

Her mother pressed a red button that was on the wall as Prim jumped onto Katniss's hospital bed despite her father's chastising.

"Katniss! Oh, I'm so happy you're awake!" Prim wrapped her arms around Katniss's middle and squeezed softly.

"Katniss, do you remember anything before you woke up?" her mother questioned.

Katniss was about to answer before her father's voice stopped her. "My little girl just woke up! Leave the questions for the doctors."

His booming voice and broad smile left Katniss with a warmth that spread throughout her being. She'd missed him.

It was then that she noticed she'd been staring at the quietly for a bit too long. They looked concerned. But what was she supposed to say?

"You're supposed to be dead." That was her first sentence. A million things to say and that's what she went with? She was surprised at the hoarse sound of her throat, the dry achiness that occured with talking. And they were just as surprised when they heard her first words to them in a long time.

As if something snapped, they began to panic. Her mother ran out of the room to call a doctor. Prim sat on a visitor chair and was crying. Her father was looking at Katniss with so much hurt and surprise that she felt as if she were being broken into a million pieces.

"Where am I?" she whispered, looking deeply into those familiar gray depths. Her eyes teared up. She wanted only one person right now, the only one she felt could make all of this make any sense. "Where's Peeta?"

The astonishment in her father's eyes was palpable. What was so weird about asking for him?

"Katniss... do you remember anything?"

She bit her lip. And looking at her father with such confused eyes, she asked, "what am I supposed to remember?"

Real or not real

As soon as the doctor came in, she'd been told to tell them everything she remembered. So she did. She spoke of what happened to her when she was 11: her father's death, the boy with the bread. Peeta. She spoke of the Hunger Games and the Quarter Quell, the rebellion. She even told them about how Peeta loved her from age 5, holding on to his feelings throughout the whole ordeal. How she loved him. How they were supposed to be together. In their house. And how she thought Peeta was going to ask her to marry him soon. Or she him. Whichever one came first.

After she finished, she looked around the room of spectators. Her family, the doctor, a couple of nurses. They all stared at her as if they couldn't believe what she'd just said. Katniss began to feel self conscious. Was there something wrong with her? Maybe she should have made something up, said that all she remembered was voices or being at home in her bed- wherever 'home' was.

The doctor cleared his throat, leaning forward in his chair. "Miss Everdeen, I'm afraid I have some... I have some news to tell you..."

Real or not real

She still couldn't believe it. It had been days since she'd woken up, but she still had a hard time grasping what was supposedly 'reality'. She didn't want to believe it. District 12 was her home. Peeta was all she knew. And in this 'reality' she was expected to believe that he barely knew her, had only probably seen her around in her school's hallways, maybe had a group project or two if anything. She didn't want to believe in any reality where Peeta wasn't hers, where Peeta wouldn't put her back together when she fell apart.

They'd given her a new mantra to say when she wasn't sure who she was. Funny thing, it was similar to what she was told to say in District 13. And another funny thing, it was the same doctor: Aurelius. So as she sat on her hospital bed, waiting to be discharged from the hospital, she repeated her lines over and over again, hoping to settle down:

My name is Katniss Everdeen. I'm 16 years old. When I was 11, my family got into a car crash. I've been in a coma for 5 years.

The basics. Sometimes, she'd add things on. Like that the Hunger Games weren't real, just a fucked up story that her brain had decided to conjure up. And every single time, she left out one crucial thing that Aurelius had wanted her to say within the matra. She didn't like the very last statement. In fact, she hated it with a passion. She wished that everyone around her was wrong, hoped that he'd be there when she turned up at her family's home. Deep down, she knew he wouldn't be. But she hoped. Still and yet, the statement resided within her mind, haunting her:

Peeta Mellark was never in love with her.

Katniss found it quite ironic, actually. For a long time, Peeta was the one who 'didn't exist' to her. He was the one that watched her and wanted her from a distance. And now that she knows what's really true, she'd been put in his position instead. Now she was the one who was in love with the other. Now she was the one with something that could very likely be unrequited.

If she were in a better mood, she'd laugh.

Real or not real

Her sister came bounding in, trying just a bit too hard to be happy. Katniss knew that Prim was just trying to be helpful, trying to get a smile onto her face. But Katniss really didn't feel like smiling. If she were honest, she really just wanted to go to sleep and go back to the world that she'd fabricated in her head. There, she'd be with Peeta. And all she wanted right then was to be with Peeta.

"Katniss, we're going now!" Prim practically squeaked. She was bubbling with excitement and she couldn't wait to get her big sister home.

Katniss chuckled drily. "Alright, Little Duck. Show me the way."

Katniss and Prim met their parents at Dr. Aurelius's office and spoke a few words with said man. Aurelius made Katniss promise to call him once a week so that he could observe her status mentally and physically. He'd made sure that she knew how important it was that she tell him everything that happened, anything that she went through. Even little things, he said, could be important to her recovery.

Their parents led them out of the hostpital and Katniss was overwhelmed. Apparently, all the citizens- well, most- had cars. In the world Katniss had created, extreme poverty was all over the town she lived. But here, people were living quite well. She even recognized faces of many people as she made her way towards her family's car. The doctors had said that she took the faces from her every day life and placed them into her mind. The personalities of them were the same as each person, so Katniss was reassured that Peeta really was what she thought he was. Even if she didn't know him in this life, she's sure she had observed him before her accident and got a good ideal on his character.

Real or not real

Katniss stared out her car window in awe. People were lively. The place was clean. Nothing screamed danger to Katniss at all. She was quite surprised. What would cause her to create a world where people were suffering and dying in the most horrible ways each day? What had made her think like that?

She shook her head, watching her school pass by, cleaner and bigger than it had looked in her world. Katniss couldn't believe how morbid her mind could be.

Real or not real

Luckily, her parents didn't expect her to know how the house was laid out. Prim showed her around as if she were a guest in their home. Katniss didn't like how she felt so out of it in what was apparently her own home.

She couldn't believe she didn't remember this. She couldn't believe she didn't remember anything. All she remembered was District 12. All she knew was Peeta. She didn't know what she was going to do with herself if she didn't figure out her situation and fast.

Real or not real

Her first day home was pretty uneventful. She and her family bonded. Sort of. And they'd created a cute little game to play to get Katniss acquainted with everything. They called it 'Real or Not Real'. It was the same game that she played with Peeta when he was hijacked by the Capitol. When she told her family this, they looked at her sadly, smiling awkwardly. They knew how she felt about him. And it killed her to know that they felt bad for her feelings for a boy that had never interacted with her.

Apparently, their city was called Panem. And she did live in District 12. It was just a small area in the city of Panem. The city was split into 13 districts, the last being the smallest and less heard of. Panem was pretty large, thus it did have multiple schooling facilities. But her family told her she had befriended people from other schools. She'd meet them. But now now.

Gale really was her best friend. They went to school together, have been since they were really young. Gale was just two years older than her, the same age gap that she incorperated in her dream. Haymitch was her uncle. Effie married to Haymitch. Madge was her best 'girl friend'. And the people that she'd seen in her head were all real: Finnick, Annie, Sae. Real. She was happy that they were actual people. If ever she started talking about them, she wouldn't be seen as too much of a freak.

And Peeta. He was the baker's son. She'd gotten that right. They had a school project together once and they had many classes together while they were growing up. That's how she knew him. She guessed they'd bonded during their project time. Gotten to know each other. So hopefully, those random facts that she knew about him (his favorite color is orange like the sunset, he liked to sleep with the windows opened, he double knotted his shoe laces) were all true.

Prim said that he was really nice. A very sweet young man with a gorgeous smile, a way with words. That sounded like her Peeta. She wished she could go up to him, talk to him. But she was supposed to be recovering. Even when Prim went to school the next day, Katniss couldn't go because her doctor told her she needed a week of rest before she began her 'normal' life again. She'd rather just start then than have to wait around doing practically nothing but question her life. But she had no say, apparently.

When Prim had school, her parents had work. Her mother was the last out of the house. She made sure that Katniss was comfortable, maybe give her a few things to do. Some garden work. Maybe replacing a light bulb or cleaning. Anything to keep Katniss occupied.

She was thankful for the work. If Katniss hadn't a thing to do, she'd probably drown within her fake memories. She'd have a mental breakdown. She'd try something to harm herself. If she was ready to take her life after the rebellion, she was sure that she would do something horrible to herself in this life. She'd gone crazy trapped within her mind. She was sure she was capable of doing it in real life too.

~Chapter 1 End~