Disclaimer: If anyone claims that I'm responsible for the latest developments in the manga, I won't hesitate to proverbially punch them in the face.

Author's Note: This is by far the dumbest idea I've ever had. Ever. Flames are encouraged for this one.

Naruto Counts to One Million

The Dumb Beginning

Many things could be said about Uzumaki Naruto in the later years of his life.

He was strong, strong enough to have survived the worst Fourth Great Shinobi War, strong enough to have earned the respect of the Bijū themselves. His charisma made people want to fight for him, for his cause and his beliefs. He was a man who led by example, the kind of person who would never let anyone die for him if he had anything to do about it.

He was a hero.

The same could not be said for six-year-old Naruto.

No, six-year-old Naruto was a noisy little brat who would do anything for attention. Granted, life had dealt him a hard hand, but he was still a rather annoying child by society's standards, even if they hadn't been actively shunning him (which only made things ten times worse).

Yet, if there was one thing that never changed in the ten years until Naruto fought alongside his comrades to save the world, it was his stubbornness.

In the war, that stubbornness was downright useful. A warrior ally who refuses to die and never stops fighting? Amazing!

In Naruto's childhood, however, it made him an absolute nightmare.

Toys could never be taken away, timeouts could never be given, because in the end the little hellion would escape and wreak his vengeance. He was truly considered to be a lost cause by the vast majority. If he wasn't the living reincarnation of the Kyūbi itself, he was a good-for-nothing brat. Either way, he was ignored.

Naruto did not like being ignored.

He would do anything not to be ignored.

It is with this in mind that we see how Naruto wasted a good two weeks of his life.

"You can't play with us, Naruto!"

This was a typical scenario, unfortunately. A certain blond boy would follow the other boys after their classes in the Academy were over to the nearby playground, simply looking for the vaguest sense of companionship.

His peers were not of the same mind.

"Get lost!"

"We don't want you here!"

"We've told you a million times! You can't play with us!"

In all fairness, they were really just copying the way they had seen the adults interacting with Naruto. Monkey see, monkey do.

Whiskered cheeks scrunched up at the unfairness of it all, but only for a moment. An instant later, a smile that was a bit too cheerful was plastered across his face.

"Aw, why can't I? Why can I never play with you guys?"

One of the fatter boys stuck out his tongue. "Because you're stuuuuuupid!" he taunted, drawing out the insult for emphasis.

Naruto stopped smiling. "Take that back!" he cried.

A reedy boy with glasses smirked. They had hit a nerve. "Why should we? Everyone knows you're the class idiot."

Said idiot was clenching his fists so hard that the knuckles were turning white.

The self-proclaimed leader of the group chose that moment to speak up. "Yeah, we won't play with anyone who has trouble counting."

The boys laughed loudly at that.

Naruto's jaw dropped; this was not what he had been expecting. "I can too count, 'ttebayo!" he challenged.

His defense was met with sneers of disbelief. "Oh yeah?" the leader said. "I bet you can't even count to a thousand!"

It was stupid. The entire thing was stupid. But these were kids, and to them, this was serious business.

Manly pride was hanging in the balance.

The group of boys started laughing, but slowed to a stop when they saw Naruto's furious expression. This was the expression that he would one day wear when he took Kabuto's fist head-on. This would be his expression when he took down Pein during the attack on Konoha. This would be the face of a warrior one day.

Naruto wasn't a warrior just yet, but the look in his eyes was still downright terrifying. "I'll show you!" he declared, pointing at the leader. "I'll count all the way to a million!"

Everyone stared in shock before the boys looked at each other and started laughing again. Poor Naruto could only stand there, trembling with helpless rage.

"I'll do it! I'll do it!" He screamed and he shouted. He stomped and he yelled. But nothing would make those boys stop laughing.

Eventually, Naruto decided that he'd had enough.

"One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six! Seven! Eight!"

The boys stopped laughing in favor of staring with utter disbelief.

The boy with glasses took a step forward, even as Naruto kept on screaming out numbers. "Is this idiot actually—"

Naruto heard him, and ended up doubling his volume as a result. "NINETEEN! TWENTY! TWENTY-ONE! TWENTY-TWO! TWENTY-THREE!"

Author's Note: Reviews are nice, but flames are better! In any case, the next half of this short will be up soon.