Hey! It's me again. Back for more.

MAJOR kudos and credit goes to KawasakiTriple for granting me this wonderful idea. Bet you can't guess what kind of story this is...without the trigger warnings to help you.

I still don't own FMA, just a computer and a preference to depressing stories.

If you or anyone you know is suicidal or is having suicidal thoughts please call the suicide hotline available in your country (Google will provide). Or PM me. I can't do much, but I can listen.

"Brother?"

"Go away, Al."

"Please talk to me. Please?"

"Leave me alone!"

Al fought back tears. This was the extent of all conversations he had had with Ed for the last two weeks. He knew that pushing it would only make it worse. Ed would stomp away, slamming the door, and not come home for a few hours. There's nothing Al could do to change it. So he walked away, obeying his older brother's command.

The moment Al closed the door, Ed allowed himself to let go of the tears that were waiting this whole time. Part of him wanted to tell Al what was going on, but he also didn't want anyone or anything to change his mind. He was too far gone to be saved now. If he told Al, Al would try harder, not knowing he would only be making it worse. Ed pulled his knees to his chest and let his chin rest on top of them.

None of this was going the way it should have. Things were supposed to be better once they got their bodies back, not worse. Without an ultimate goal, live just seemed…empty. Despite being completely whole again, Ed still felt like a vital part of him was missing. He felt completely and utterly alone.

Ed chuckled slightly at the irony of it. He was alone, but he still kept pushing Al away. I don't want to bring Al down with me. He seems so happy now. He passed the State Alchemy exam by a landslide. He's been spending more times with his friends, and even made some new ones. He's doing great and I'm doing… Ed halted his thoughts, knowing exactly where they would lead him. He didn't need to make things worse right now. He ignored his growling stomach and trudged into the bathroom.

As he stared into the mirror, putting off a much needed shower, he realized that he barely knew who he was looking at anymore. It wasn't that he looked different physically, but he felt completely separate from this face looking back at him. Logically, he knew it was his face, his body, but logic didn't change anything. Ed chuckled again. Logic hasn't made any difference in any of his feeling or thoughts lately. Take Al for example. Ed knew that Al loved him and cared about him. He knew that Al would miss him if he did anything. Maybe that's why he was pushing Al away so much. If I could make Al hate me, it wouldn't hurt him when I… Ed stopped again and chided himself for thinking of the things he promised he wouldn't. I can't think like that. I can't think about…that. Ed shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts, as he stepped into the shower.

Something was off. Ed looked around, alert, trying to pinpoint whatever caught his attention. He stopped, looking down. Damnit. Not again. Ed turned off the water and removed the clothes he had failed to take off. Can't even take a stupid shower without doing something wrong. Leaving his wet clothes in a messy pile, Ed turned the shower on again and started on his usual routine to make himself presentable.

Two hours of sluggishness later, Ed finally walked out the door of his and Al's apartment. He noted, before locking the door, that Al had left without him. Again. It's for the best. It's for the best. That thought accompanied him all the way to Central HQ where Fuhrer Mustang waited for Ed to check in.

"Late again, Fullmetal? Do I need to take action against your consistent tardiness? Or maybe you're just so small that I completely missed you earlier?"

"HEY! I'm taller now!"

Roy smiled at the outburst, though he noticed it didn't have its usual spark. With a closer look, he also noticed that Ed looked a little worn down. His eyes seemed sunken, with dark circles settled under them. His face was ashen colored, and hair was ragged in its usual braid. How long as he looked like this, and how did I miss this before? "Fullmetal, are you feeling well?"

"Why are you asking, bastard? I'm fine. Where's Al?"

"Fullmetal…"

"I said I'm fine," Ed raised his head defiantly. "Where's Al?"

"Fine. But if you pass out in the middle of the day, it will be your problem."

"Will you just tell me where Al is?"

"Alphonse has not shown up yet. Apparently he's followed your example."

Ed groaned, fighting down concern. "Whatever. What asinine job are you going to give me today?"

Mustang laughed, "Well in celebration of your growing vocabulary, you can work on that paperwork I've been waiting for."

Ed's returning glare lightened up his eyes by a few shades and Mustang smiled with pride. There it is.