The Power of PowerPoints

Ketti:Y'all can thank keijipeiji for reviewing and reminding me that I hadn't put this chapter up yet. FF had been fussy when I tried,a nd sorta forgot. Woops. It's posted now. You're welcome. ;D

Integra's PowerPoint

Walter hid a smirk as he was sent down to the lower levels to summon Hellsing's resident vampires to Sir Integra's office, his almost-amethyst orbs glittering with amusement.

He knocked politely on Miss Victoria's door before opening it, only to find the girl red faced and pushing at Alucard's face to detach him from her neck. He coughed into his fist as he eyed the pair, "Well, hello Alucard, this saves me the effort of tracking you down as well. Sir Integra has requested your presence in her office, the both of you."

Miss Victoria squirmed on her Sire's lap, looking terribly uncomfortable, but Walter had the feeling it was only because he was there as well. Alucard paused for a moment, peering at the butler over the rims of his glasses before giving a dramatic put-upon sigh as he released his struggling fledgling after licking the wound on her neck, sealing it. Seras hurriedly jumped off his lap and smoothed down her skirt, tugging at the hem self consciously as she clutched the neck of her jacket protectively, hurrying to button it before the ravenous master vampire could attack her again.

Walter graced the flustered blonde with a kind smile as he held out his arm like a gentleman, "Would you like an escort, Miss Victoria? So that nothing-" he glanced meaningfully at the smirking Alucard- "sidetracks you?"

Blushing, the Draculina nodded fervently and clung to the kindly butler, shooting a dirty look over her shoulder at her Master in the process.

Walter chuckled, patting her hand kindly as they made their way through the various halls and stairs up to the Hellsing Heiress' office. "You seem to be able to handle his-" he coughed delicately "-advances, good on you Miss Victoria."

Seras looked mortified and she looked down at her shoes, mumbling under her breath about perverts and blood. Walter knew this all too well from personal experience in the war, and sympathized with the little thing.

It was no surprise in the least to find Alucard lounging against the closed doors, waiting for them with a bored expression on his stoic face. The Angel of Death gave him a knowing look as he knocked and announced their presence, opening the door to bow them in before shutting it and walking off.

"Alucard, Seras, have a seat." Integra commanded, tones polite with an edge of steel to her voice. The vampires obeyed, Seras scooting her chair as far from her Master as she could while remaining on the correct side of the desk. "The reason I've called you here…" she opened the screen of her laptop and turned it to face them, and there, on the screen was a powerpoint presentation. Alucard started to laugh maniacally, and Seras smothered a giggle behind her gloved hand.

"Do pay attention!" She barked, and both quieted, though Alucard maintained his trademark smirk as he stared mockingly at the screen and the words displayed upon it.

'How Not To Get Yourself Staked Out In The Sun'

"Since you blood suckers started it, I'm continuing it." Integra informed them loftily, tapping her mouse to get the next slide on screen.

A - Stop using Walter for your dirty work. He's my bitch, not yours.

Alucard burst into a new fit of laughter and Seras was tempted to kick him, "It's your fault! I don't ask Walter for anything," Seras sniffed huffily, "I know he's busy."

The crimson fucker wiped a blood tear from his eye as he leered at Integra, "Is there something you wish to inform us about, Master? Between you and your bitch." His brows arched suggestively and his voice dropped an octave, purring and seductive.

Integra gave him a look that clearly said 'wouldn't you like to know?' and sniffed, clicking the mouse again. Seras eyed the two speculatively, wondering if she even wanted to know. Probably not…

B - No dirty feet allowed on my desk. Or sitting on it, it's my desk, not a couch.

Integra stared meaningfully at the both of them, and Seras looked uncomfortable, muttering that she didn't weight that much, and something about standing all the bloody time. Alucard just stretched himself out in his seat to purposefully plant his boots on the edge of the forbidden desk. Integra bared her teeth at him and pulled the revolver from her jacket, shooting him right in the head and sending his hat flying to the floor. "I warned you, vampire."

He just laughed.

Seras absently licked the blood spatter from her cheek, completely unconcerned with her Master's Master and her penchance for violence towards the man.

C - Learn to clean your feet, or start taking showers outside. Bloody footprints are expensive to get out of carpets.

Seras snorted, then quailed as Integra glared at her, "What? You can't mean me! I always wipe my feet before coming in."

Sir Hellsing's glare sharpened, "It doesn't help when you're dripping ghoul blood, Police Girl!"

Seras shrunk back in her seat, looking absolutely tiny in the over stuffed chair, muttering under her breath about how her Master never got scolded for making a mess.

"That's because your blasted Sire leaves the messes behind, where they should stay."

D - Yes, we know it's a full moon, stop howling at it, you're vampires, not werewolves. Act like it.

Seras pointed at her Master smugly, "Told you she'd yell at you for starting that."

Alucard graced her with a manic grin, crimson eyes burning with madness and power, "As I recall, fledgling, you joined our little moonlight song."

Seras flushed, and looked sheepishly at her Master's Master, who arched a brow imperiously.

"What? He started it! It's not my fault the local wolves continued it…"

Integra sighed, rubbing at her temples, "Your Master has always had a connection with those flea bags. Alucard, this is not funny!" She snapped, brandishing her gun again, "if you don't want hunters crawling all over our woods, I'd advise you to silence your pack more often."

Alucard just looked smug as he lounged in his chair, utterly unconcerned by his Master's threats.

E - Stop littering those empty blood packs! There are specific trashcans for medical waste, use them.

Seras looked uncertain, then eyed her Master considringly. Well, she left them in the ice bucket… So maybe it was his fault?

He sneered at her, and she grimaced, looking back at the screen.

F - If you don't stop fornicating in my hallways, I'll be forced to put in fire hoses, full of ice cold holy water. I mean it.

Seras shrieked in embarrassment, "Sir!"

The woman glared at her, arms crossed, "This is a military operation, not a brothel. You should remind your Master of that more often."

Mortified, the Draculina moaned and sunk into her chair so that she nearly disappeared into its depths. "Not my fault…"

Alucard leered at his shrinking violet fledgling, licking his lips suggestively. Integra shot him a vicious look, and raised her pistol again, "I've got a chastity belt I've half a mind to order you to wear, Servant."

He cracked up, laughing hysterically, nearly falling out of his chair. Sir Hellsing shot him again, and his mirth quieted to burbling chuckles.

G - If you can't keep track of your spent clips, I'll force you to wear a fanny pack. Do you know how much time the clean up crew spends just tracking down your bullet casings?!

Seras cackled, pointing at her Master as she sneered at him, "See? I told you to stop littering! My bullets are easy to find and I'm not in trouble."

Integra cleared her throat, and clicked to the next slide.

H - Hellsing is not a homeless shelter. If you bring one more kitten back with you from a mission… Consequences will be dire.

Seras looked guilty as she hurriedly put her phone away, having looked at it when it buzzed, the lock screen was a picture of her favorite rescue. She mumbled something incoherent and twiddled her fingers, trying to look remorseful. Her Master rumbled mockingly at her, "Now the shoe's on the other foot, hm?"

I - Don't bring Iscariot home again, the repair bills were astronomical! And, no, I don't believe your excuses, if it happens a second time, I'll make you do the repairs yourself, vampire.

Seras snickered, recalling the look on Angel Dust's face when he realized he was surrounded by Protestant Dogs. Her Master had deliberately goaded him into giving chase so that he could fight the priest on his home terf. Clearly, Sir did not approve. She'd had to dodge a good number of bayonets herself when the Paladin arrived!

Alucard just leered at his Master, "It was worth it."

J - Never wake me up at 4am again to send you lives on a facebook game.

Seras flushed, "How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?! I didn't know you were asleep! You spend most nights up until dawn… And Master won't play them, and Walter…" the Draculina trailed off, mumbling into her chest as she looked down sheepishly.

"Damn straight I won't join that farce of a site just to play your insipid games, Police Girl!"

Seras huffed, "But they're fun, Master!"

He scoffed, "Decapitating ghouls is fun."

Seras rolled her eyes, "You think killing anything is fun, Master."

He bared his teeth in a grin, the moon casting a red glow in through the large glass windows at Integra's back. "Of course I do."

The Hellsing Heiress snorted, standing and gracing her pet vampires with an indulgently disgusted look. "Walter, stop listening at key holes and escort them out, I have calls to make."

The Butler entered a moment later, expression impassive as he gestured to the vampires to follow him. Alucard chuckled darkly as he obeyed, and Seras eyed him warily, mouthing the words 'don't even think about it' as she crossed the room to the Angel of Death's side.

Her Master leered, and licked his lips, a manic light to his eyes as he considered her silent words a dare. How unfortunate for her.

Captain Pip Bernadotte, leader of the Wild Geese, was hard pressed to breathe as he sat in his room, watching the security feed from the camera he had bugged Sir Integra's office with earlier that day. Oh, this was priceless! He'd be sure to hold the kitten comment over the blonde for the next month or so, see how rattled he could get her. When the Draculina got excited enough, she started bouncing around to emphasize her point, and the mercenary couldn't be happier. This was going on a DVD for his private collection of blackmail!