Chapter 11
There were exactly thirty of them, armed with rocks, knives, pots and pans, and any other item they could find, who stormed Kodos' mansion four hours later. Most of them were children. The oldest was Jude, and his two friends, both blacksmiths. They were all angry. They shared Jim's anger, Jim's hatred, and Jim's fear.
He wondered if it was a suicide mission.
He wondered if he would ever see Kevin again. He had been too afraid, too ashamed to find him, to tell him that his mama and papa were never coming home. He hoped, although he had learned that hope was a fragile thing, Kevin still had a family somewhere. He hoped the little boy could still find happiness.
He deserved it, more than Jim did.
He found a thousand and one reasons to avoid Kevin.
Initially it was that he didn't want to awake the boy. Tsuneha had taken the little kids, the ones they didn't want fighting, to the back of the cave. The ones whose innocence they wanted to protect, the ones whose parents had suspected at the last moment and hid their kids like Kevin's parents.
Jim wasn't sure what he should have been expecting when they arrived at the cave.
Thomas and Eli had been waiting for them outside the cave.
He hated the looks they gave them when they arrived. He remembered the hope on their faces. The hope he had once shared with them not even twenty-four hours earlier when he was still sleeping in Kodos' mansion, reading books in the bedroom that Kodos had provided for him, and god… eating a full meal when the rest of the colony were starving on half rations.
It made Jim sick just thinking about it.
So as they approached his friends, Jim had wished, god he had wished he didn't have to crush that hope.
Jack had shaken his head.
Thomas cursed while Eli just fell to the ground. "Those lights from earlier?"
"Firebombs," Jim had answered because he had too. He doubted his friends knew about those archaic and barbaric weapons.
"There was an arena. Kodos made a speech," Jennifer had explained. Her words felt so far away. "It was like he had planned it. Like he knew this would happen."
"He couldn't. Why would he?"
"Doesn't matter, now. We can't let him get away with it." Jim was done with 'what ifs'. They had been speculating all night and been wrong… so, so wrong. Because he had been wrong so many innocent colonists had to die.
"Jane?"
"He just murdered half the colony, thousands of innocent lives!"
He remembered the cry that cut through the night sky. Jim doubt he would ever forget that scream for as long as he lived.
He remembered Aiko, the normally quiet little girl, the one who was the most grown up, level headed of their group. He remembered how she had tried to run before Tsuneha had grabbed her, wrapped her tightly into his arms. He watched as she turned around and collapsed into her brother's chest. Her muffled cries pierced the night sky. She wouldn't be the only one.
For Aiko, for Kevin, for anyone else that lost someone to Kodos' brutal act, Jim was going to fight. He was going to fight for them.
"Did you get through to Starfleet?" He had asked. He feared the answer, for he had a sickening, horrible feeling that he already knew the answer.
Eli had answered. Jim barely heard half of it. "They said they'll be here as soon as possible. That they didn't know. They should have suspected when Kodos stopped contacting them."
Array of excuses… something that grownups always resorted to.
Kodos had lied.
God.
He had lied and murdered four thousand people. Four thousand people had died for no reason at all.
He had lied.
He was going to pay.
The rest of the time, he spent planning their attack with his friends and comrades. They estimated there should only be ten soldiers at most. There had only been eight at the execution, but Jim wasn't taking any chances.
However he knew Kodos couldn't have that many more. He had only seen a handful in all the time he had been around Kodos.
They could take on ten guards.
They had to.
He had drawn a map of the mansion onto the cave walls. He knew each hallway, each passageway, and where each door led to. He knew the best hiding places. He knew where all the 'escape' routes where.
Jim hoped it would be enough.
He knew where the 'weapons' room was. Kodos had collected a wide assortment of swords and guns. They were all locked behind glass cases. Jim doubted Kodos would have left any of the guns behind, and he knew most of their band of ragtag army didn't have the strength to wield much less carry any of the swords. However, their plan still involved barricading the path to that room.
The rest of the plan involved the ballroom. It was the largest room in the mansion. Kodos had taught him how to dance there. He had spent many hours in that room, alone with Kodos.
He hated that room.
It would be a fitting battleground.
Kodos' mansion was dark when they arrived. Jim made sure to take them around the arena. He was afraid of what he would find. He could still see the dying embers in the distance as they entered the mansion.
The front door wasn't locked.
Jim immediately realized how wrong he had been. He had been so wrong. They could have taken on ten guards, maybe even fifteen.
Instead there were over fifty.
So what hope did their band of scrawny, starving and angry boys and girls have against an army? What hope did a pile of rocks and mix-matched kitchen wear have against an army?
They were barely through the door when the blood bath started again, when the first little boy, he looked barely ten, fell.
They fought and fought.
The screams, the battle cries, the sound of hard metal against hard metal…
Their only consolation was it seemed none of these guards were aimed with phasers or guns. They seemed to have exchanged them for crude swords.
Most of all, they seemed to have been waiting for them as if they were expecting them.
Jim charged ahead in anger.
He swung his knife with a ferocity that he never thought he possessed. All he wanted was revenge. All he wanted to do was make these guards pay for what they had done.
He didn't know how long they had been fighting.
It could have been hours. It could have been minutes when he felt someone grab his arm. He nearly jerked away when he heard the familiar voice: Jack.
"Jane." Jack pulled him back just as the soldier he was engaged in swung his sword down.
"Jack!" Jim cursed. He tried to free his arm from his friend's grip. "What the fuck!"
"Just saving your life." Jack quipped.
Jim rolled his eyes. He pulled Jack back as the soldier swung down at them. Jim blocked it deftly with his makeshift shield before pushing them backwards. Another kid, whose name Jim didn't know, rushed the soldier giving them a few precious seconds. "Now we're even."
"No."
"No?"
Jack set his hand on Jim's shoulder. "It's not your fault…" Jack smiled at him. That cryptic smile Sam used to give him.
Jim felt his heart clench. He felt Jack's grip loosen. Before he could say anything… before he could stop him, Jack was gone. He disappeared into the sea of swords and blood and screams.
Before he could follow after Jack, to demand what he meant. That all too familiar voice, the one Jim knew he would never forget, echoed through the ballroom. "Enough!"
The fighting immediately stopped. All heads turned towards the source. Even Jim, even Jim froze. He tried to force himself to move. This was the perfect opportunity. All he needed to do was find Kodos. If he could find Kodos, he could end it.
But his body betrayed him. His muscles didn't want to move.
He watched as Kodos stepped forward, out of the darkness. He watched him reach the center of the ballroom, where the sun and moon had been etched into the floor pattern, the exact same place that Kodos had taught him to dance so long ago.
Kodos spun around the room, landing on each and every one of their faces.
"My poor little children, so full of spirit, life… bent on revenge." Kodos continued. He looked at Jim with those eyes… those eyes Jim doubt he would ever forget. "Are you angry because of what we did?" Kodos took a long sigh. "I did it so we could survive, so your lives wouldn't be wasted. You're so young, so naïve. You don't understand the world yet."
Jim wanted to scream that it was wrong. That it wasn't true, but like his legs, his mouth similarly refused to move. No sound left his lips.
Kodos raised his hands before clapping them together. "I will make you a bargain," Kodos continued. "You are all valiant, brave fighters. You have shown that I wasn't wrong. That you truly are the superior half."
Jim wanted to scream. That Kodos was wrong. What right did he have to judge? What right did he have to decide who was more worthy?
"If your leader surrenders, I will free the others. I will let you leave my mansion and return to your homes."
Jim wanted to cry out, to warn his friends. That Kodos couldn't to be trusted, but still his mouth refused to cooperate. He heard the closest child let out a sob. It was a little boy. He looked barely a year older than Kevin. His head was bleeding. He looked ready to topple over.
Another child, a little girl, she was a little older. He heard her whisper that she just wanted her mommy. She just wanted to go home. That she didn't want to fight anymore.
He wondered if Kodos heard.
"As for your leader," Kodos continued. "I will be merciful. You have my word."
Jim took a deep breath.
No, he couldn't.
He knew it was a bad idea. That Kodos could never be merciful. If he was, he wouldn't have blindly murdered four thousand colonists. He wouldn't have lied. He would have contacted Starfleet.
But then there was his army, the thirty who believed in his plan. The thirty who had joined him in his revenge.
He couldn't save the four thousand.
But he could. He could save them.
For the little boy, for the little girl, and for the small number that were still alive, he was going to do it. He was going to give himself up.
It wasn't like he could hide. Of course, Kodos knew it was him.
Even as he took that breath, his voice felt like lead. He trembled slightly. His legs wavered.
Damn it Jim. Stop it! He cursed to himself.
It was his fault. His fault this had to happen… he had to take responsibility. He had to face Kodos.
He trembled again. His heart pulsated fiercely.
"I am the leader." A boy's voice broke though. Jim recognized that voice.
Jack!
Jack stepped forward. He watched as the soldiers parted, so he could step forward. He barely took ten steps before he was facing Kodos.
Jim wanted to scream.
This wasn't right. It shouldn't… it shouldn't be Jack. It should be him, but his body betrayed him. He sank to the floor...
"You?" Jim detected the astonishment in Kodos' voice.
"Yes, I led them here." Jack answered firmly.
"Only you?" Kodos pressed. "You know lying is wrong. Lying is bad."
Jim opened his mouth to protest. He tried to pick himself up, but his feet and arms refused to move. His throat refused to yield. His hands shook harder.
"Only me," Jack nodded.
Kodos stared at him, then he smiled that sickening smile that Jim recognized all too well. Once he took comfort in it. "Well then, that settles that."
He clapped his hands together before stepping forward, closing the distance between them. He scanned the room and locked his eyes on Jim for a moment. It was so quick that Jim thought he had imagined the disappointment in his eyes.
He couldn't reveal himself now. Not with how close Kodos was to Jack.
Then it happened: faster than Jim could blink, faster than he could do anything.
Jack's body stumped forward. The tip of the blade protruded out of Jack's back before Kodos drew it out. Jack fell forward on his knees. He coughed out a mouthful of blood.
Jim's eyes widened. He was too numb to scream, too shocked to cry. All he could do was sit there on the floor, looking at Jack.
Kodos let out a sneer. He kicked Jack, so that he toppled over, so that his face was turned towards Jim. So that Jim could see as the life left his friend's face.
Kodos wiped his sword on Jack's shirt before returning it to the sheath attached to his side.
"I told you not to lie, boy." Kodos responded contemptuously before looking up. "Take the rest away."
And the nine that were still alive didn't try to fight.
Jim didn't know how long he spent in that dark chamber with the metal door. Had it been a week, a day, a month, or just a couple of hours?
He didn't know.
All he could think about in that dark cell were Jack's last words.
He dreamt of Jack's glossy eyes lying on that cold hard ballroom. He dreamt of that moment when Kodos plunged that sword through his body.
He dreamt of Ms. Kimura dying in his arms… telling him not to forget.
He dreamt of a thousand and one bloodied bodies… screaming… crawling towards him. A thousand and one faceless bodies, covered in blood asking why he didn't save them.
Why…
Why…
Why…
He dreamt of Kevin Riley and a hundred more nameless and faceless children asking for their mommies and daddies.
He spent those days, those weeks, those months; however long, he sat in that cell in a state of half sleep, half consciousness. Wondering when it would be his time. Drowning in the fact that it was his fault. That he deserved this and more.
That it should have been him and not Jack at the end of that sword. Wondering if he had stepped forward would Kodos have killed him too? Would Kodos have kept his promise.
Eventually the cell door opened. He blinked from the bright light that filtered from the door. He could make out a human figure blanketed in bright light. He squinted, unused to the light.
"Jane, oh Jane."
He backed up at that voice. The voice that he would never forget. The voice that had ordered the massacre. The voice that promised mercy but instead killed Jack.
Kodos stepped forward, till they were centimeters from each other. They were so close that Jim could hear the beating of his heart. He could feel his breath. He could smell his scent.
Kodos ran his fingers through his cheeks and then through his long flowing blonde curls. He grabbed a handful and brought it up to his nose before taking a long sniff. Jim flinched. He hoped it smelt as awful as he felt. However, whether or not it did, Kodos didn't show it on his face. He dropped Jim's long curls before placing a hand under Jim's chin and jolted it upwards so that Jim could see Kodos' sickening smile.
"God, you are so beautiful my little blue eyes."
He cupped his face with his hands.
Jim glared back at him with as much hatred as he could muster at that moment. He didn't care anymore.
He didn't have any reason to care.
"Are you angry with me? Are you angry for what I've done?"
"You said you would be merciful," Jim spat out.
Kodos laughed. He wiped away the spit that landed on his face.
"I was my little blue eyes. I gave him a quick death. Some would say that is most merciful way to die."
Jim bit his lips.
Kodos ran a finger over it. "Now, now don't do that," he chided.
He followed Kodos' fingers. They worked their way down the front of his body. Jim's eyes widened as Kodos' hand went lower and lower. He ran his fingers over his tiny breasts. Jim felt himself flinch when Kodos' pinched his right nipple through his thin undergarment. It sent a spike of emotions through his body that he had never felt before.
He pushed backwards. The force sent Kodos backwards in the opposite direction. Jim was surprised he still had so much strength left.
Kodos' eyes hardened, like Frank's.
"You really are a stubborn little one aren't you, my little blue eyes?" Kodos muttered. He shook his head regretfully.
"You have been naughty though. You've been bad. Didn't I tell you, lying is bad?" Kodos asked. He stepped forward and tapped Jim's nose. Jim wanted to bite him, kick him, do a thousand and one other things to him, all of which he didn't do. "You let that poor boy take the fall. Let him die thinking…" Kodos trailed off. His smile became sicker and sicker, as if he knew. As if he could see into Jim's soul and see all the transgressions he had ever committed. That he was alive, and Jack wasn't. That he was alive, and Kevin's parents weren't. That he was alive, and Ms. Kimura wasn't. That he was alive, and four thousand who were so much more worthy than he could ever be weren't. Most of all, he was alive, and his dad wasn't.
Jim flinched. He couldn't help it. Kodos' words were true. He might as well have plunged that sword into Jack himself.
Kodos' smile widened. It was a cold, dangerous smile.
Jim backed away further. He felt the cold, hard wall hit his back. It was as far away as he could get from Kodos, and it still wasn't enough. It would never be enough.
"Let me tell you a story."
He didn't want to hear any stories.
"Let me tell you a story about a Starfleet lieutenant commander who was the captain of a star ship for twelve minutes and saved eight hundred lives."
Jim's eyes widened. He knew that story. He had being living through the fallout of that day since the moment he was born. "I don't want to hear it."
"But it's such a great story. A man sacrifices himself so that eight hundred others can live and as result he's heralded as a hero throughout the universe. Isn't that a beautiful way to die? Hmm?"
Jim looked away as Kodos closed the distance between them. Kodos ran his fingers through Jim's cheeks. He rubbed at a patch of dirt on his face. "It's okay, child. It's okay. I understand. You think that man is stupid and selfish. Don't you? That he should have tried harder to survive instead of dying to save eight hundred nameless people who probably don't understand the ramifications of what he did. How it affected those… closest to him."
Jim bit his lips. He refused to look Kodos in the eyes because he couldn't know. He couldn't know who he really was. He couldn't know about that darkness in Jim's heart. The darkness that came from him loving and hating his dad. He hated his dad for dying, for leaving him, for leaving his mother, and for leaving Sam. He hated the man who he would never meet because he cared more about his crew than for his own wife and children.
"It's really humanity's greatest flaw for a man who is destined for greatness, born of superior breed, to squander that potential by saving the inferior." Kodos paused. He looked at him. "He's no hero." He stated dryly.
"My dad is a hero," Jim blurted out. It was the first time he had ever said those words after spending years hating and loving the man. His eyes widened when he realized his mistake.
Kodos smiled. His grip tightened. "Oh, I know. I've known since the day you arrived. Together, we will make that perfect world… James Kirk."
"The Federation won't let you get away with it," Jim spat out.
Kodos laughed. The last thing Jim saw was Kodos laughing. The last thing he heard was Kodos saying "I'm afraid, Jim Kirk you really don't have much of a choice."
Fuck.
He didn't see the hypo spray that Kodos had injected him with until it was too late.