I GOT IT WRONG SAM

CHAPTER 1

Sam threw her car keys on to the coffee table and sat down heavily on the couch, she lay her head back and stared at the ceiling, she was tired but knew she would not sleep. She had kept on working until her boss had told her to go home and sleep, she was alone again, Cat had chosen Frankie. Sam had moved out of Cat's place as soon as she could which was only a couple of days after she had told her that Frankie was the one, a colleague had a friend going away for 6 months and needed a tenant for her flat so she had sent Sam round. It had now been 4 months since that night Cat had asked her to sit down and nervously told her she was going to try again with Frankie, that she still loved Frankie and needed to be with her. Sam had felt a cold hand grip her heart and an ache had set in that had not gone away. This time she thought Cat was the one, she was totally in love with her, yes she had loved before but not this way, when she and Lynn had split after 6 months it had been a relief she had realised it was lust and not love she had felt.

Sam had moved to Glasgow and loved the city and its people, they were warm and friendly, yes she had seen the bad side too but she was a cop. Sam got up from the couch and went to the kitchen, she grabbed a bottle of beer from the fridge and went to the draw for the bottle opener "Where is it?" she cursed as she rifled through the draw, she spotted it on the work top were she had left it the night before pulling the top off she threw the opener back on the work top with a clatter and gulped down half the bottle as she moved back to the lounge. Booting up her lap top Sam sat back down and waited as the computer came to life, opening her emails there was the usual spam and a couple of emails from friends and one from her brother. These made her smile for a while but she couldn't keep still and was soon pacing the floor something that had become a habit over the last few months. Sam's thoughts returned to Cat and the last times she had seen her. They had been in the same bar but Cat had not spotted her until they bumped into one another in the toilets.

"Hello Sam," Cat had sounded nervous, "How are you?"

"How do you think I am Cat? How do you really think I am feeling?" There was venom in the reply something Sam had not meant to show.

"Sam I'm so sorry, I did love you but I loved Frankie too and I wanted to be with her so very much when she was away then I met you and thought I could move on but then she was here again. You know I tried to fight in but I couldn't and I had to be honest with you." Cat turned away to go.

"Honest? Cat you slept with her behind my back I know you did and I was prepared to forgive you but I guess you just couldn't give her up. I should have known this was coming but hoped it wouldn't. I love you Cat with all my heart and you broke it and I have to try to move on and hope I can find someone who will love me and not have the ex there in tow someone who I can love too."

Cat looked down at the floor, "I'm so sorry Sam what more can I say?"

At that Frankie walked in, "What's going on is she trying to get you back?" Frankie gave Sam one of her keep off looks.

"No Frankie, come on let's go." Cat took Frankie's hand and they left, Sam leaned on the sink and breathed deeply as she bit back the tears she was determined not to shed. The next meeting had been brief in HMV in Buchanan Street, Sam had been ordered to go home as she had spent 22 hours on a case to keep her mind busy. She had gone for the escalator at the same time as Cat.

"Cat."

"Hello Sam."

"Just looking for a DVD got a weekend off, bosses orders nothing to do so thought I'd treat myself to a film or two."

Cat smiled, "I'm looking for a CD for Tess she asked me to have a look while I was in town, she's so busy now she's working."

"She's enjoying it then?" Sam felt awkward and wanted to get away she could feel the familiar prickling in her eyes.

Yes very much, must go then, bye." Cat turned and walked away. "Bye Cat."

That had been three weeks ago and Sam had not seen her since avoiding all the places she may go. Sam had watched the DVD but it had not even registered, her thoughts had returned to Cat, her soft sensual lips, her warm loving arms and their passionate love making, the tears flowed she could hold them in no longer giving in to the grief she felt at losing Cat to Frankie. Now here she was pacing again back and forth across the lounge, she had to get a grip but nothing had ever come close to the depths of despair she felt. The shrill sound of the intercom buzzer cut into her thoughts.

"Hello," Sam heard a nervous voice, "Eh… Sam its Cat, can I come up….please?" there was a tremor there too.

"Why Cat? I don't know if I can face you in my flat."

"Please I need to talk to you and there is something I need you to see."

Sam buzzed her in and opened the door to the flat she plumped herself back on the couch and waited. Cat's footsteps sounded hollow on the landing outside then the soft step on the carpet in the hall. "In here." Sam shouted.

Cat came in her eyes red and swollen with crying her hair tousled and untidy, definitely un Cat like. Sam stood up but Cat urged her to sit down again "What is it Cat? What's happened?"

"I'm sorry for coming but I needed to see you and to show you something."

"Ok."

"Frankie's gone Sam she left me a letter, I found it on the table when I got in from work."

"What! Where?"

Cat handed Sam the letter

Darling Cat

I know that you said you loved me and wanted to be with me but it has become clear to me that you love Sam. Ever since we have been together again you have talked none stop about her. I realised that you are still in love with her and that you thought you were still in love with me. I think that you were in love with our memories Cat because once we got back together you and I didn't get on the same. I guess at the back of it I knew I was also in love with our memories but I wanted it to be real again. I am leaving Glasgow, I am going back to LA and Mum is coming with me for a while we need some time to get to know one another. Whilst I'm out of the way maybe if it's not too late for you and Sam you could give it another go

Love you Cat

Frankie xxx

Sam felt tears in her eyes again but held them back.

"Sam I realised that night in the Bar that I was still in love with you, I had hurt you so much and I had made the biggest mistake of my life. I loved Frankie but I was not in love with her anymore, she is right we were in love with our memories and we could never make those a reality again. I love you more than any one I have ever known Sam and I have missed you so much, I hope one day we can be friends, I ruined a beautiful relationship and now we are both alone and unhappy because of Frankie coming back into my life and me not being able to see that it was the past and only memories I have hurt the only woman I think I really and truly loved." Cat got up to leave,

"Bye Sam, I'd better go and I'm so sorry for hurting you."

"Cat," Sam took her hand, "don't go," Sam's voice was a whisper, "I love you more than you will ever know, if we take it slowly we could get back what we had, it will have to be slow Cat because you took my whole being away and I don't want it to happen again."

Cat looked into Sam's eyes and saw for the first time the pain she had caused, the tough cop cover she carried had hidden it from her at the beginning when she had told her she was going to go with Frankie. She saw the love there too real love she hadn't seen it because of her own blindness to it and her obsession with Frankie. Cat knelt down and held Sam in her arms, Sam's body shook as the tears fell Cat could not hold back her own tears and they sobbed together for what seemed like ages letting out all the pent up hurt and feelings. Sam pulled back then leaned in kissing Cat softly on the lips a long but gentle kiss. She pulled away again, "slowly Cat," she rested her forehead against Cat's. Cat got up and sat next to Sam on the couch and Sam enveloped her in her arms. They stayed that way for two hours talking and deciding that they were going to do the dating and outings again, to take things back to the beginning and try to put the past behind them. The taxi arrived and Cat kissed Sam goodbye.

Tess was sitting at the kitchen table eating a bowl of cereal when Cat arrived home. "Hi Cat, Where's Frankie?"

"She's gone Tess."

"Gone?" Tess looked startled.

"She left me a letter."

Tess jumped up and flung her arms around Cat nearly knocking her off her feet, "oh Cat, not again."

"It's ok Tess, we both knew it wasn't working only she was the one brave enough to do something about it, she knew I was still in love with Sam. Frankie has gone to LA and her Mum has gone with her for a time to try to get to know one another better. I went to see Sam and we are going to try to make it work. Sam said she loves me still but we have to take it slowly. I thought that I was still in love with Frankie but we were in love with the memories we had. We both realised we couldn't get back what we had it had gone too long and I really had got over her before she came back it was seeing her that brought back all of the feelings." Tess sat back down and began crunching on her cereal again.

"Are you sure you're ok?"

"Yes Tess, I am happy to be trying to sort out things with Sam I love her Tess and I was a fool to hurt her so much she is worth so much more than I gave her and I don't want ever to hurt her again." Tess just smiled.

"I'm for bed, see you later Tess", Cat made for her room just as her text alert sounded. "Night my darling, I love you, Sam x" Cat sat on her bed and text back "I love you too, Cat xx"