Can't Cry, Want to Cry

Summary: After a battle with Ra's which landed Damian with serious injuries; Damian wakes up withdrawn, stops talking and lacks the will to live or respond to anything. The Bats also discover scars and Damian's journal that shows the training, insecurities, bullying and misunderstandings at play that make Damian act the following way and eventually leading to his withdrawn state. Can the Bat family make Damian open up once more or was it already too late for the broken child?

OOC moments: Damian will be OOC since he's suffering from a mental break down.

Disclaimer: I do not own Batman and their characters.

Normal POV

The back door of the Wayne Manor opens quietly. The small figure quint through the darkness before he limps in. Shutting the door quietly, the child quickly made a beeline to the kitchen. Fighting the pain, the child fumbles through the cupboards and quietly sighs in relief at finding the first aid kit at one try. Trembling hands fumbles with the first aid kit and the child immediately makes a make-shift splint and sling for his broken arm along with bandaging the gash on his head. Stealthily, he snuck out of the kitchen and immediately dash up to his room. Shutting the room door behind him, Damian crawled into the cupboard and closed the door.

Curling up against the blankets and the clothes, Damian couldn't help but feel safe. He felt that it was laughable, the great assassin's main safety zone was to hide in a cupboard like a child… He couldn't help but smile wryly, true he is a child… A 7 year old bred and engineered to be a heartless killer on the path to destruction no doubt. Then… his father took him in, he met his brothers and his whole world was flipped upside down when he realised that everything he was taught was wrong and he had to re-learn everything all over again. But no matter how hard he had tried, no one could see the changes and his sharp tongue never helped at all. Sighing, the young robin couldn't help but recall the rude awakening he had experienced earlier.

Flashback

"Robin watch- Argh!" "Red Robin!" Robin aka Damian watches as the ninja knocks out Red Robin before proceeding to attack Nightwing. "No!" The child cries out as he rushes to fight off the ninjas that were attacking his brothers. "Don't even try." Damian froze at the voice as he turns to face the one woman that had taught him everything. "Mother!" Talia smirks as she leaps down from her perch and strolls towards her son. "Don't stop them child. They are no longer needed… They have raised you so well…" Robin steps away from the woman who frowns at the action. "What is wrong my child?" "I should be the one asking mother. What are you doing to my brothers?" Damian hissed and Talia stared at him raising a brow. "I'm just getting rid of the dead weights so that I can bring you home Damian. Isn't that obvious?" The young boy's eyes widen at the sentence. "But…you told me I could stay with father…" "I didn't say forever little one. Besides, I left you there because I needed you to be under their tutoring, learn their secrets, get stronger and then…rip them apart!"

Damian said nothing at that point and Talia continues. "Now that you are stronger, you are ready to come back to me and together we can lead the League of Shadows to their greatest heights. All that's left now…is to remove the dead weights…" "No." Talia raised a brow as Damian's hand fisted and the young child looked up at her. "I'm not leaving them mother." "If it is because they were your teachers then I suggest you start re-learning what I had taught you prior to throw away the gratitude you have for them…" It's not that! They are my family! They…gave me everything that I couldn't have from you." "Pray tell me what it is." Talia questioned icily as the 8 year old stares at her. "They…taught me what is the actual right from wrong and they gave me the love and affection that I could never get from you."

At that moment, Talia started laughing at the comment. Her laughter sent chills running down his spine. "Love? Affection? Don't make me laugh! Those emotions are useless for an assassin and besides…do you think that they can truly love you for what you are?" Robin felt a harsh chill at those words but ignores the feeling as Talia resumes her speech. "I gave you a mission Damian and you have utterly failed. Instead of telling me the secrets of the bats you have instead been weakened by their petty lies and becoming nothing more than their puppets. I am extremely ashamed by you…you have even failed to be even a single help to me or your grandfather." The words cut deeply into Damian but he pulled on his poker face and steadied himself. "If I had failed you so be it. Leave my family alone!"

Talia barked out another round of laughter again. "Then try it child!" The two exchanged blows and Damian ignored the stinging pain that came with the blows that he had missed. Eventually Talia had managed to knock him off his feet and pin him down. Damian cried out as his mother stomped on his arm. "Foolish boy, do you even think that you could defeat me?" Damian tried to move but he grunted as Talia's stomped on his wrist harder. "The answer is no since you have grown weak with those lies that they gave you…" The woman forces the child to look at her. "You say that they love you but how do you know that they do? They probably have more suspicion about you then they can love you. A false picture that they paint so that you will let your guard down and be willingly used by them!" Damian glared back defiantly and Talia smirked. "I'm sure on the front they act loving but stab you behind the back don't they? Whispering their hate and wearing their masks…"

Damian wanted to scream out in anger and sadness as Talia's words hit their mark but he did not want to give his mother the satisfaction as Talia continued. "Oh my dear stupid child…they would never ever love a violent blood thirsty assassin like you even if you don their costume and listen to them!" The grip on his arm tightens even more and Damian was grateful for the pain as it blocked out the sting of the truth in those words. "This is the truth Damian, they have never and will never see that you are one of them. So, stop being silly and come back with me…to your real home." Damian remained silent and for a moment Talia thought she had gotten through to him but Damian just laughed. "Over my dead body." A flash of anger when through Talia's eyes and a loud snap was audible as she broke Damian's arm before kicking the child aside. You straightens and stares at Damian like he was nothing but dirt. "I see, you are too corrupted to be saved… From now on, you are no longer part of the Al Gul household… You are no longer my son." "So be it." Damian spat and Talia smirks at him. "Which means…I get to finish off your 'family'."

Damian's eyes have widened in realisation behind his mask as he hears a cry. He looks to see Nightwing being knocked down and the ninja raising his sword prepared to end both Nightwing and Red Robin's life. "No!" Damian screamed as he sprinted to stop the ninja from bringing down the sword on his brothers while Talia's laugh rang in his ears. It was at that moment that a black shadow lands before the ninja and knocks away the weapon and the ninjas while blocking his siblings from harm. Batman knocked out the ninja before proceeding to check on his siblings and Damian looked around realising that his mother had long left; probably recognising that the mission will end with a failure with the Dark Knight's arrival. Damian watches as his father knelt over to check the unconscious heroes and he could tell that behind the mask the older male was extremely worried about his wards. Damian felt his heart clenched when the gaze hardened when they landed on him. Robin looked at the Dark Knight pleadingly, hoping that his father would believe him. "Batman I…" The Dark Knight didn't say a word and just walks away with Nightwing and Red Robin, leaving a crushed Robin behind.

Flashback end

Damian swallowed the lump in his throat. It had taken a while for him to reach the Manor and he had decided to use the back door mainly to avoid meeting his family members who were definitely disappointed with him even without him saying anything. The Robin couldn't help but release a hollow laugh. His mother ironically had been right all along…they hadn't believed him…they had never love-the thought made Damian choked and he begin to heave as if he was sobbing but there were no tears…he couldn't shed tears…not when he had lost them during his assassin training. The child leaned against the blanket, inhaling the scent of mothballs and softener from the sheets and found himself growing tired. He laughed again… He was so tired…so tired of everything…but he knew that no matter how tired he was…he will never be tired of loving them…even if they never wanted him in the first place…

To be continued