Notes: I am so sorry. :c

Chapter Four: The Birth of Sleipnir

Loki woke on a bright sunny morning somewhere in the middle of his seventh month of pregnancy to the sound of his mother calling his name quietly. He rolled over carefully, as any kind of movement was rather awkward and demanded some kind of thought process to be successfully executed. His belly was no larger than that of an ordinary pregnant woman, but his male body structure just was not built to be able to balance with it. Taure had needed to help him out of chairs and his bed on several occasions lately.

He looked up curiously to see Frigga sitting on the edge of the bed with... Thor standing in the doorway behind her. He looked rather out of place and afraid he might break something. Or rather like he'd made the unfortunate mistake of manhandling one of Taure's plants. Loki sighed in irritation and rolled back over. Just another stupid nightmare. Thor was not in his room. That was not possible.

"Loki dear, how are you feeling?" Frigga asked gently. "Master Taure tells me you are doing very well so far." Loki made to answer, but clapped a hand over his mouth as a wave of nausea overtook him. Ignoring Thor for the time being, he spoke to Frigga.

"Mint tea, please." He choked out miserably.

"Thor, go ask Master Taure from some mint tea and stay away from his plants this time, please." Frigga told the thunderer. Loki half wished he had seen that; oh it must have been wonderful. Taure would never yell, of course, but he could be scary in his own right. ...And he could probably best Thor if it did come to blows. Taure was not just a healer, he was a renowned smith and a warrior spoken of often in elven history. He had only turned to healing because he grew so weary of death. That Loki understood, and respected.

"Ah yes, morning sickness. I do not remember that fondly. Norns, no." Frigga said soothingly and rubbed Loki's back gently. Loki wanted to affirm that he agreed, but he doubted he could open his mouth without vomiting. Frigga seemed to understand and made no comment. Of course she understood, she had given birth to him and Thor many centuries ago. It was easy to forget that sometimes.

"Mostly, my Lady Frigga, He has good days and bad days. This is looking like one of the bad ones, is it not, Loki?" He said kindly and entered the room with a cup of tea and Thor following sheepishly. Obviously, he hadn't trusted Thor to carry it. Loki did not answer as Frigga helped him to sit up. It was a rhetorical question, it only took Taure one quick look at him to know it was one of the bad days. He didn't wait for the tea to cool this time and sipped it gingerly until the nausea began to pass.

"Why is he here?" Loki asked when he trusted himself to speak without vomiting on his mother. Thor looked at him like a kicked puppy. It was a look he wore well, and often.

Frigga explained that in his absence, Thor had found out about his condition from badgering her healer. Loki was not surprised. However, he would have replaced 'badgering' with 'attempting to woo'. She was definitely his type.

"So I take it everyone in Asgard knows now? I will be shamed for the rest of my life." Loki said miserably, staring into his empty teacup.

"No brother! I have told no one! Not even father!" Thor shouted.

"Quiet, please. I am trying to study." Taure called from the other room. He had left after delivering the tea to give them some privacy. Loki let out a bark of laughter at the way Thor squirmed at being admonished by Taure. The fact that Thor even responded to his softly spoken order was astounding. Yes, he wished he could have witnessed the episode with the plants.

"Why are you here, then?" Loki asked, glaring daggers at the blonde Aesir.

"Because I was worried, and mother agreed to allow me to visit you as long as I behave. I even took an oath not to drown in my cups and accidentally tell anyone." Thor explained. "Does it... is it painful?" Frigga giggled softly, and Loki rolled his eyes.

"No. It does feel strange when he moves, though." Loki explained, blushing slightly and resting his hands on his swollen belly.

"I-It moves?" Thor stuttered. Loki huffed indignantly. Frigga's giggling became proper laughter and she patted Thor on the shoulder.

"He?" She asked, cocking her head to the side.

"I will have a son, I know this somehow." Loki told her quietly. "I... want to keep him. I will tell Odin that I found him abandoned in the highlands. Will you help me care for him, mother? I do not know how." Loki noticed something strange and unreadable in Frigga's expression, but she smiled disarmingly and assured him that she would help. She also agreed that it was best that Odin not know of her grandson's true parentage. Her husband meant well, but he was unpredictable at best – especially concerning Loki.

Loki spent most of that day in bed with Frigga and Thor at his side. Taure checked in occasionally to make sure he ate, and that he was feeling somewhat better than that morning. Loki was surprised that Thor's presence didn't bother him as much as it usually did. He seemed genuinely concerned, and his childlike curiosity about the child was really rather adorable. He was almost a little sad when the thunderer left that evening. Frigga had stayed, and informed him that she would be staying until his son was born. They would return home separately in order to keep Odin from suspecting anything. As far as the king of Asgard knew, his wife was visiting her brother in Alfheim. Frigga had, of course, told Frey the whole story and he took no issue with covering for her while she stayed with Loki. He slept well that night, and felt much better the next morning.

In the days that followed, Frigga helped Loki with the work Taure assigned him for lack of anything better to do. Loki was glad for the company, and Frigga's excitement about her soon to be born grandson was rubbing off on him. He was very nervous about that fateful day, but it was hard to be too worried when he imagined holding his son for the first time, or the way Frigga's eyes twinkled when she talked about teaching him magic when he was old enough. It was all going to work out somehow, and maybe he had finally found the meaning he had been searching for. Yes, he didn't crave Odin's approval any longer. It meant nothing compared to the small life growing inside of him.

Before they knew it, another two months had passed. Loki stayed in bed mostly at that point with either Frigga or Taure beside him at all times. He just didn't feel well enough to do much of anything. It was a chilly February morning when the pain started. Loki cried out in surprise and dropped the book he was reading with a grimace, startling Frigga who was beside him. Instinctively, his hands dropped to his stomach. She called for Taure who came running. Loki was hardly aware of what was going on as the master healer and his mother half carried him to a proper room where patients were kept. All he really knew was that it hurt. Norns, the pain was unbearable. He felt a bed beneath him and Frigga running her fingers through his hair that had grown quite long in a soothing manner.

"What is happening? Is something wrong?" He cried, afraid to move.

"It is time, dear." Frigga said enigmatically. "Master Taure has gone to get an assistant, it will be over soon. Hush." Loki tried to remember how to breathe. It is time. Those words spoke so little, yet so much. He was aware of Taure returning with two female healers. They made short work of getting him relatively comfortable while Frigga sat in a chair beside him holding his hand.

Taure had said that Loki would need to be conscious for the procedure, but he never specified that he wouldn't be aware of anything going on. He remembered being given some kind of sedative tea and lost all feeling in his body almost immediately. He could hear Taure and the healers speaking, but the words were muted and fuzzy. When he came to his senses, he was comfortably tucked in the bed in his own room with Frigga still holding his hand.

"Honey?" She asked quietly. "Can you hear me now?" Loki made a soft sound of assent, but didn't open his eyes.

"Congratulations on the birth of your son!" He heard another soft female voice nearby. What was it with elves, anyway? They all had such gentle, musical voices. His eyes fluttered open and darted to the elven healer standing behind Frigga who gave him a positively radiant smile. She was another one he could easily imagine Thor chasing after.

"You're lucky, you know." Frigga said with a wink. "It's much more painful for us ladies, you didn't feel a thing, did you?" Loki shook his head groggily.

"Oh, do not envy him yet." The healer giggled. "That is not going to heal quickly, and using magic on a wound like that could cause more harm than good. It will have to heal naturally. And he is going to want to cry when the medicine wears off." She left then to go find Taure and have him bring the child in.

"...Wound?" Loki mumbled. "Oh, of course." He winced and carefully pressed his hand against his stomach. He felt a liberal amount of bandaging under his fingers.

"I will admit, I am glad I skipped breakfast. I am not sure I want to see that again. No more grandchildren from you, mister." Frigga chided him humorously. He groaned and wished she hadn't seen it. Taure had explained the whole procedure of, well, literally cutting the child out of him in detail a week ago. It did not sound like someone anyone would want to witness.

He looked up nervously when Taure entered with a small bundle of blankets in his arms. Smiling, he handed it to Loki who accepted the child with shaking hands. Honestly, he was a little surprised. He been half expecting to see some kind of mutated horse-creature. Instead, a newborn Aesir looked up him with glittering green eyes just like his own. There was a thick tuft of black hair on his head, though arguably that trait may have been his father's. Loki felt an enormous sense of pride as the child looked up at him and smiled. He slipped his hand under the blanket and tiny fingers wrapped around his. He felt tears sting at his eyes as he wondered how something so innocent and beautiful could come from such horrors. Frigga seemed to understand and threw her arms around both of them.

"Sleipnir." Loki said softly. "We will call you Sleipnir."

"It will be all right, we will make this work." Frigga said and kissed her grandson on the forehead.

Only, it didn't.

Odin believed Loki's story of finding the child in the highlands and ignored its existence. He would not accept Sleipnir as a member of their family. He was Loki's problem. Loki did not especially mind. Caring for Sleipnir was difficult at first. Loki had his own injures as a result of the birth that required attention, though he didn't dare let anyone see it. It was all very demanding, but he did not give up easily. Frigga, and even Thor, helped as much as they could. Though, Thor was so afraid he would break Sleipnir, that he never held him. Everything went along swimmingly for the first six months, until a certain jealous healer couldn't hold her tongue any longer.

It was a blur to Loki, but he remembered how he had been summoned to speak with Odin, and questioned about Sleipnir's heritage. He lied his way through it, of course. But the rumor spread like wildfire, and in a fit of rage, he confronted the healer. She screamed that she was being attacked, which she obviously was not. Guards stationed nearby subdued him. His wounds from giving birth had still not healed, so he couldn't put up a proper fight.

"Odin is going to take him away! Mother, please!" Loki cried from the inside of a prison cell he had been tossed into. Frigga stood outside, looking in sadly. They knew Sleipnir was his son, a court mage had proven it.

"I will not allow that to happen." Frigga said sternly and left. Loki prayed to the Norns she could save Sleipnir.

She couldn't.

A few hours later, Loki stood at Frigga's side, holding his hand tightly. They were both forced to watch as Odin took away Sleipnir's magic and forced him into the form of an eight legged foal. And thus, Loki's true hatred for Odin was born.

He lost track of how long he cried alone in his chambers, longing to hold the son who probably would never know him. Slowly, he found his way back into Asgardian society. He clung to the shadows, until he discovered his own true parentage.

A child abandoned to die.

He finally understood the strange emotion that had crossed Frigga's face the first time he mentioned the plan to explain Sleipnir's heritage.

He had nothing left to lose but a life built on lies.

"Performance issues, happens to the worst of-" Loki grabbed Tony Stark by the throat, loving the way the mortal squirmed in his grasp. He was stalling, he knew, while his 'Avengers' found their way to the Stark Tower. Loki didn't care. He didn't really care about anything anymore. Not Thor, not Asgard. Not even Frigga, who alone had been his support. Nothing. He would make it all burn. It was with no small amount of satisfaction that he threw the mortal threw his own window.

But where had he gone wrong?

When did the God of Mischief and petty little lies become a God of Chaos and evil?

Could he ever find himself again?