A/N: So, I've been reading way too many depressing, angsty post CA:tWS fics, and I had to get myself outta that funk, so I wrote this short little thing.

…I think it qualifies as crack? Maybe? Definitely. Definitely crack.

Also, WARNING: within this piece of fiction lays spoilers for the movie Captain America: The Winter Soldier. Turn back, all ye who have yet to watch it. Turn away, else ye will be spoiled.

Everyone else, enjoy!

Disclaimer: AgentDown not own Avengers. Marvel own Avengers. But AgentDown want own Steve and Bucky and want Stucky marriage. AgentDown is silly fangirl. (Please excuse the Hulk talk, I can't get enough of it.)

Edited because I just realized that Sam can't actually hover like Tony, he can only glide. Drat. Sorry, Falcon.

Edited again on 4/17/14, just polishing up.

Enter the Hulk

Steve Rogers slowly raised his hands to either side of his head, palms facing out, and stared into the barrel of a modified GSh-18 pistol.

"I'm not going to fight you," he said, voice steady. He raised his eyes to meet the dark gaze of his attacker. "You'll just have to shoot me, Bucky."

The shadowed eyes flashed. The Winter Soldier sneered and lifted the pistol higher. "Don't call me that."

Around them, the rest of the Avengers tensed, weapons in hand. Thor swung his hammer in slow, steady circles, poised to strike; Natasha, Sam and Clint stood just feet away and aimed from different positions; and Tony hovered just above the scene, his suit humming with powered repulsors.

Bruce had stayed in the abandoned prison behind them, listening over the comms.

Earlier that day, they'd traced the Winter Soldier's location to an old, dilapidated prison in the middle of New Jersey. When the Soldier heard them coming, he'd escaped into the dark courtyard. Steve had followed.

When faced with his quarry, he'd tossed his shield to the side. He'd completely ignored his team's bewildered calls over the comms-"Steve, what the hell?" "Oh no, Cap, not this again-" "Steve, pick the damn thing back up!"-and waited.

"You know me, Bucky." Steve swallowed the catch in his throat. "Please. You don't have to do this anymore. You don't have to be this anymore."

"I am the Winter Soldier," the assassin growled. "This is what I am. I am not Bucky."

"You are James Buchanan Barnes," Steve said. "You met me when I was seven. You were eight. We were best friends. You saved my life so many times, in Brooklyn and during the war-"

"Shut up-"

"And I lost you. I let this happen to you. I'm so sorry, Buck. But you have to remember." Steve's voice was broken, tired. He searched the Soldier's eyes desperately for something. For anything. "Bucky. Please try to remember."

The Soldier's face crumpled. "I can't. I can't. Fuck, I've tried, God, I've tried, but I can't, I-... no." His expression hardened. He licked his lips, and his eyes grew darker. "No. I'm tired of this. I am the Winter Soldier." He stepped forward, pressed the barrel against Steve's forehead. "And I'm going to end this."

Before he could fire, before the team could talk him down or take him down, before Steve could finish breathing out Bucky's name, the roof of the prison exploded.

A roaring mass of green muscle and pure fury landed in the middle of the standoff, pieces of the roof falling from bulging shoulders and clattering to the ground. The Winter Soldier and Steve stumbled back from each other, the Soldier cursing and Steve flailing. Steve was forced to fall onto his backside when the Hulk reached out to push him back, away from the Soldier, and shield him with his body.

The Winter Soldier had regained his footing, but before he could counteract, he was snatched up in one massive green hand and held high. The Hulk brought him perilously close to his barred teeth.

"STUPID soldier," the Hulk growled. The Winter Soldier blinked. "Stupid man! Make Cap sad! Hurt Cap day after day!"

"Hulk!" Tony shouted, zipping close, "Bring him here, I'll cuff him-"

The Hulk roared and shook the Soldier like a giant can of spray paint. Tony backed off, and the Soldier yelled and struggled in the Hulk's grip, cursing violently in Russian and English.

"Stupid puny soldier remember!" The Hulk demanded with a final shake. "Remember friend Steve! Remember good Bucky! NO MORE STUPID!"

And with a final, earth shattering roar, the Hulk flung the Winter Soldier through the air and slammed him into the brick building.

The wall cracked, bricks shattered like chalk, and the Winter Soldier flopped to the ground in dust and rubble.

"Bucky!" Steve leapt to his feet and ran around the Hulk to kneel by the dazed assassin. While he cleared the rubble off of the limp body, the rest of the team gathered around their scowling Hulk. Their eyes were wide but no one was really surprised. Thor seemed satisfied.

"Well," Tony said, hovering just above the Hulk's shoulder. "That was one way to end a tense situation."

"Indeed!" Thor crossed his arms and looked up at the Hulk with delight. "Well done, friend Hulk! I feared whether or not if not one of us took action, our Captain would suffer greatly."

"Puny Banner listen over tiny phone ear thing. Grow FRUSTRATED!" The Hulk roared. The ground shook with the force, and more rubble fell from the weakened wall. Steve dragged the Winter Soldier away before any more heavy bricks could land on him. "Hulk not want Captain hurt by dumb soldier! Hulk not want Captain to be sad! Hulk want happy Cap! Hulk make dumb puny soldier remember Cap!"

"By throwing him into a wall?" Clint ventured.

The Hulk grunted and lifted his head proudly. "Hulk learn from best."

He was looking at Natasha. She blinked. Then her lips quirked. "Cognitive recalibration."

"Hit head, fix dumb brain. Like for tiny man-hawk."

Clint snorted.

Sam reached up to pat his hand on the Hulk's arm. "Yeah, well, I think you hit more than just his head there, big guy."

"Hulk not throw hard," the Hulk grunted dismissively. "Hulk hold back. Not want break dumb soldier and make Captain more sad."

Clint grinned. "Aww, Hulk, you're just a big softie this week, aren't you?"

A pained groan drew the team's attention back to the two soldiers on the ground. Steve was kneeling by the Winter Soldier, one hand smoothing dank hair and white dust from the assassin's forehead. There was a smear of blood beneath his palm. The Winter Soldier moved his head sluggishly and groaned again, brow furrowed, eyes shut.

Before anyone could move to help Steve, the Winter Soldier gritted his teeth and ground out a strained "Fuck."

"Just stay still," Steve said. His eyes were wide, and there was a slight tremor in his hands. "We're going to get you help. Don't move, we'll take you back to the tower, no hospital. Tony, could you-"

"Steve?"

There was a sharp inhale of air from everyone. Steve froze. Lying still, the Winter Soldier was staring up at Steve through the dust that still hung in the air. His eyes were slowly widening with recognition, and a light grew in them where there had only been fear and hate. His jaw worked, one trembling hand reached up and hovered at Steve's arm. "Steve."

"Buck," Steve breathed. Bucky's lips twitched into a grin.

"Punk."

Steve swallowed, eyes bright. "Jerk."

He clasped the Winter-Bucky's arm, and Bucky clasped his back. Their gazes were locked on each other, switching between wonder and relief and still a bit of fear. Grinning, Steve carefully helped Bucky up into a sitting position, pausing when Bucky winced. The rest of the team remembered to breathe.

"Damn," Bucky muttered. He raised a still shaking hand to his head. He hadn't broken his gaze from Steve's. "That-that fucking hurt. But now it's-it's easier. To remember. Nothing's blocking my memories. There's nothing there to stop it." He swallowed.

Steve squeezed his arm gently. "We'll make sure it stays that way."

Looking away, Bucky nodded hesitantly, a haunted look clouding his eyes.

"Hey," Steve said, reclaiming his friend's gaze. "We're going to help you. Alright? We're going to help."

Studying Steve's eager face, Bucky nodded, hand tightening around Steve's arm.

But before he could even try to get another word in, the Hulk took a threatening step forward.

"Stupid puny soldier fixed?" He raised a hand. "Hulk fix more?"

Startled, Bucky leaned away, eyes breaking from Steve's to stare with trepidation at the Hulk. He looked ready to run, and by the iron grip he had on Steve's arm, he was planning on taking Steve with him.

"No, no," Steve said, almost frantic, "Stand down, Hulk. He's fixed."

The Hulk was not convinced. His eyes narrowed. "Puny soldier not hurt Cap anymore?"

"No," Bucky said, eyes flicking towards Steve. He set his jaw, resolute. "The Winter Soldier won't hurt your Captain anymore. Ever again."

One tense moment passed where the Hulk continued to stare at Bucky, eyes narrowed, hand flexing. Bucky stared back with barely restrained fear. Before Steve or Tony could try to talk him down, the Hulk gave an abrupt nod.

"Good," he rumbled. He leaned forward and poked Bucky's shoulder, sending him tumbling sideways and prompting Steve to move protectively in front of him. "'Cause Hulk not mind second cog-nitive recali-bration. Hulk not mind at all."

"Not necessary," Bucky groaned, rubbing his shoulder. "Really not necessary. Believe me."

"Hulk believe."

"Great!" Tony said, faceplate snapping upwards. "That's great. Really great, guys. 'bout time we go anyway. Jarvis's given us five minutes before the press closes in. I've got the quinjet heading in in exactly one point three. Let's pack up, c'mon, c'mon-"

While Sam helped Steve carefully lift Bucky to his feet, the Hulk wandered back to the rest of the team and hummed-a low rumble that jolted even Thor.

"Hulk glad," he said, expression as content as was possible for a rage beast. "Captain happy, Hulk happy. Even stupid soldier man happy."

"Yeah, good job, buddy," Clint said, slapping him on the back. "I can't wait to tell Bruce about this."

A moment of contented silence passed, broken only by the low murmurs coming from the three soldiers behind them, and Tony landing nearby. As the almost nonexistent sound of the jet growing closer, the Hulk looked back over his shoulder and grunted.

"…Hulk could have broken stupid soldier if Hulk wanted."

"We know, Hulk," Natasha assured him, patting his massive elbow as the jet landed. "We know."

FIC END HERE. FIC NOT CONTINUE.

READER LEAVE REVIEW, MAKE WRITER GIRL HAPPY.

(…Hulk speak. It's really fun.)