One Shot: Barely Breathing.

Cover 'Verse IV

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee. Trust me, things would have been very different if I did. I don't own Seo Joon from Love Rain or Miranda Presley from Devil Wears Prada or Marc Jacobs. In fact, I own nothing but the insanity that lives in my mind. And even that is iffy.

Summary: It's the start of a new school year and Santana's Mexican third Eye is tingling with what must be a sign for an upcoming apocalypse. Blaine is learning something that Kurt knew already: that love doesn't fix everything. And Kurt is trying to juggle the insanity that has become his life. But the old doubts come creeping in.

Cover Verse Summary: When everything for a photo-shoot goes wrong, leaving an irate Anna Wintour and a diva photographer Seo Joon, Isabelle Wright needs her best to fix the problem. Kurt Hummel, part time PA, has to save the day. Kurt is Vogue's newest, and hottest, model. Watch out world. AU-ish Klaine. Kurt-centric. Kurtana friendship.

This is written for Rin Hitokiri for correctly answering that Seo Joon is Jang Geun Suk from Love Rain; the Korean drama. As promised: a one shot in the category of your choosing!

~0~0~0~

Before the storm of class started, the girls hosted a 'Last Supper' so to speak. Kurt amused himself by calling it that. In the studio apartment, the Glee New Yorkers gathered to enjoy the last dredges of summer vacation.

Six people were a tight squeeze on the small kitchen table, causing Sam to offer to carry the table of their apartment down next time. Santana snorted at that, commenting that perhaps they should just go picnic style next time and sit on the floor.

Good, home-cooked food was devoured and wine handed out; they lounged around the sitting room, just enjoying the evening of good food and friends.

"How did you get this?" Sam wondered out loud as he looked at his glass of wine.

"Santana; and don't ask," Kurt replied before Santana could say anything. The grin she had meant trouble. He shot her a look and she pouted.

Kurt was curled up into to Blaine's arms, but across from Santana. The two models' friendship had evolved in a way no one could imagine. Kurt was once again the spitfire diva bitch that was pre-Karofsky.

It was like Kurt rediscovered something that had almost been beaten out of him. Santana, on the other hand, let someone other than Brittany in. She trusted Kurt, knowing his protected that trust fiercely. She was still bitchy, but a touch less mean and was willing to not cross the undrawn lines. Kurt reigned in her defensiveness, but knew that everything that happened with Brittany still hurt her deeply. Deep enough that she could bring herself to honestly try dating another girl. Not even the very pretty waitress from the Spotlight Diner whom made butterflies in her stomach. Kurt was working on that.

Tina snorted into her glass before raising it, "To a new year!"

The group chanted cheers and took a sip, laughing over how late the 'new year' was. Music hummed softly in the background, some new song on the radio. It was the only way to play music without the group fighting over the songs.

"This year is going to be so busy," Santana groaned after downing her glass and reached to pour another. "For all of us."

Rachel beamed at that, sitting forward on the single couch, "Well, between NYADA and starring as Fanny Brice, I'm going to have to give up working at the diner soon. Rehearsals are taking up more and more of my time, and considering they are paying me for a lead role, I should be fine." She beamed at the room, practically bouncing in her seat. "And according to NYADA Admin they are willing to rearrange my schedule to part time because I am playing a lead on Broadway and not a small part."

Santana rolled her eyes but Kurt smiled at her, He was happy for Rachel. She worked hard and kept her eye on the prize. He just hoped at the end of it all, when she looked around, that she wouldn't be alone. She had a tendency to throw people away, or under a bus, to get what she wants. He knew that her actions had hurt Finn, and broken when little trust was left between the pair. And Kurt had never really warmed up to Brody, but he was better than her random flavour of the week. At least that had been some form of a relationship.

"Well, I'm just happy that Blaine is going to NYU with me," Sam said, breaking the quiet form his place on the floor, "Man, that place is huge! I'm going to get lost. Hopefully orientation next week will help."

Blaine chuckled at that, "It's a good thing our departments are close. But I think we may get a bit lost it we try and visit you guys at NYADA. That place is a maze."

"Don't worry," Santana replied dryly, shooting a look at Kurt, "that place, day or night, is always busy. You can always ask for directions."

Kurt sighed at that but nodded because it was true. The action turned Santana's head towards him and her lips pulled into a dangerous grin.

"I propose a toast to this lucky bastard who is walking Milan for Armani and demand a present form Italy; preferably shoes," Santana said loudly as she raised her glass again.

Tina was quick to second her, making Kurt laugh.

"Duly noted," he threw back dryly as he raised his own glass.

Rachel frowned at the news, yet again, "Are you sure that is wise? Missing the first week of NYADA? You may need the orientation because you weren't there last year. You did only join in the second semester after all."

Blaine tightened his hold on Kurt, frowning slightly as Kurt tensed at Rachel's thoughtless wording. It was a sore spot with Kurt; knowing he didn't get in while Rachel, who choked, got in. It took talking to Carmen to understand that while he scored high on the audition, his application was too bare nor did he have a recommendation from the school. That had shocked Kurt, as he told Blaine in soft murmurs when they were alone. Neither Mr Schue nor Miss Pillsbury had written the letter Kurt had asked for. He had trusted them to send one.

But what hurt the most was that Mr Schue had sent a letter for Rachel. It was the taste of betrayal that Kurt had tried so hard to overlook but it slowly festered under his skin. When Carmen had told him that, Kurt knew his expression showed how shocked he truly was. What little trust he had in the glee teacher crumbled. In hindsight, Kurt knew he should have asked Sue to write a letter of recommendation, she would have done so even if it was only out of Cheerio pride.

Carmen had asked, then, why no one stood up for him. She told him about how she had been pestered by the other members of his glee club and the teacher. Why had no one questioned why Kurt received a rejection?

Kurt had smiled blandly at that, responding as honestly as he could. "The only person who has ever stood up and fought for me is my dad. I asked him not to. As much as I hate to say it, I think a part of me has always believed I wasn't good enough."

The honesty had hurt. But it made him rage that somewhere in the hell that was high school he had lost the belief in himself. In the end, Kurt would like to believe he was stronger.

"Well," Kurt said slowly as he looked at Rachel, "Hardison signed me off as a part time student for this semester because of Peter and Vogue, and after picking up the classical courses. He said it would be easier to just take the term easy from the start. I'm taking the bare minimum for my practicals courses and two light theory courses. He spoke to Director Travos, and they are willing to give me a performance mark based off my acting in Peter. Plus, the amount of good publicity they received from my modelling gave me some leeway."

Rachel looked stunned before blurting out, "But you're only chorus?!"

Kurt nodded, half expecting the reaction and a part of him was disappointed in Rachel for looking at him like that. "Yes, but I'm also the understudy for Peter, so I qualify as main cast as I need to be at all the main cast rehearsals too. It's only for this semester, because of the crazy rehearsal times. I'll be back to being a full time student while the show is on. It's quite common apparently."

The conversation moved, but the news that Kurt would also be a part time student because of a play left a bitter taste in Rachel's mouth.

Santana shot Kurt a 'told you so' look which he promptly ignored. He knew Rachel still had 'star issues' but he, unlike Santana, was confident she would get over it quickly. After all, she had gotten her dream and was starring on Broadway first. And the old competitive streak in him left Kurt with a slightly bitter taste in his mouth. One he tried to wash away with a mouthful of wine and Blaine's excited chatter about NYU.

~0~0~0~

Summer came to an end with little hurrah as everyone was busy. Sam, Tina and Blaine prepared to enter college life and found themselves running around New York trying to find their feet. Sam and Blaine started at NYU, in the art and music department respectively.

Sam was thrown into a new scene, oddly reminding him of his first days at McKinley before joining Glee. He was left floundering at being alone. He was taking Art, with marketing, under the advice of his parents. It would give a chance to use his skills in a job that actually offered financial security; something he had come to appreciate after what happened in his junior year. He had, once, thought about playing football but in senior year, Sam realised that was not how he wanted to spend his life.

NYU Art was an interesting department. Most of the time, Sam thought the people where a little weird, even by his standards. But he found a small group of friends in his classes; one guy had even offered to study with him for his marketing courses. Blaine had gone with him to a counsellors during orientation to try and see if there was help offered to those with learning disabilities. NYU did in fact offer extra help and Sam signed up hesitantly but grateful. He knew he couldn't rely on Blaine to help him.

Modelling, on the other hand, didn't offer that many jobs. He didn't get a lucky break like Kurt, or Santana, but they were sending his portfolio out. Instead, he worked at the Spotlight diner under the perpetually grumpy Gunther. It let him sing, and girls tended to tip him well.

Santana was taking on as many modelling jobs as possible. Her logic was that while she had jobs being offered, the more she could save. Modelling had not been her first choice of career but it wasn't something she had considered properly before. And it was far more complicated than she thought.

And the steady income allowed her to actually save some money over and above having to pay for her night classes at NYU. Business was not her dream but it was a good fall back and every time Santana walked into class, she could remember the proud, and relieved, smile on her mother's face. Her mother had gotten lucky and married out of Lima Heights, with her father being a doctor. She had often said to Santana, that all she wanted for her baby girl was to be happy and able to stand on her own. That Santana should never need a man to save her.

Santana wanted to joke with her mum after coming out, that she would prefer a woman coming to her rescue, but she never could bring herself to say the words. Not with how most of her family reacted to the news. The pain was still fresh; too fresh.

Rachel was rushing between about rehearsals and loving every moment of it. She was the newcomer star. It was her every dream. And things only got better when the semester started again. Walking into NYADA was a public acknowledgement of her talents. Everyone knew she had gotten Fanny Brice on Broadway. She was a sophomore and on Broadway. They flocked to her. Wanting to know her; be her. It was like after Winter Recital all over again; and she loved it. As much as she wanted, she was never popular in high school. Not even after dating the quarterback and starring in musicals or going to Nationals. But she was popular at NYADA. And she would not say it out loud, because it seemed so shallow, but she loved it.

The only down side was the terror known as her dance teacher: Cassandra July. The crazy woman hated her from the moment she stepped into the class. Rachel knew her teacher was jealous of her talent and youth and now, her newfound success. And that July had thrown everything she had away by getting drunk and losing her reputation.

Cassandra had gotten Rachel's hopes up that things had changed. The first class, Cassandra applauded Rachel, only to turn around and poke at her every insecurity. And then drilled the class so hard that they were sore the next morning.

It would be another two months before Funny Girl opened. Until then, Rachel would work to the bone to show everyone what she could do. Because she was born to be a star.

Kurt managed to finish the last of his short term contracts the weekend before NYADA started up again. The last major commitment had been Milan, and walking for Armani had been a completely new experience for him. This time, people were watching him and knowing who he was. Papers said he stole the show, again, but Kurt really could pay much mind to it. He was back on the plane and in New York for his new term at NYADA within 48 hours of the runway.

Kurt's results from the summer semester were better than expected and he was officially doing a Performance Major doubled with a Classical Major in Opera. Hardison was quite impressed with Kurt's role of Matt but quite smug that his 'freshman' was the understudy for Peter Pan.

Wren would continue his practical lessons with Kurt, meaning Kurt would have to travel to Julliard twice a week. He would also need to attend two classes at the prestigious rival of NYADA, so he would be spending two days a week attending the other campus. Unfortunately, it took almost two weeks to co-ordinate his 'new' timetable, which had to allow for traveling time between the two campuses. Wren told Kurt that Julliard would accredit his Classical major; meaning his graduation certificate would be from both NYADA and Julliard. They had only done so a few times in the past; less than four dozen instances in the last decade.

And that was how Kurt found himself taking a new route after leaving the Vogue dot com offices. Isabelle had him working on a new 'up-coming designers' special from the moment he stepped into the offices. To meet the minimum hours to keep his job as a PA, Kurt worked from 7 till midday, twice a week and then one weekends. Over and above being paid better than an intern, he also got the health benefits.

And now, he going to Julliard to attend his two classes followed by his singing lesson with Wren. Usually he would arrive after the majority of the classes at Julliard were over, so this would be the first time he actually interacted with the other students. It wasn't that he was purposefully avoiding them, it's just that Julliard and NYADA were rival colleges; in the best and worst ways.

Kurt felt like a trespasser as he walked the halls of Julliard. The campus was older, and perhaps more elegant in way he could appreciate, than NYADA. Julliard was the top musical college in America; if you looked only at the classical music. NYADA made its reputation on being the Broadway Elite. UCLA holds the reputation on being the Hollywood feeder; but everyone knew the biggest Hollywood stars came from everywhere.

He slipped through the halls quietly, avoiding any eye contact. The campus felt strange to him. Kurt was used the vibrancy of NYADA; not the cool collected state of mind that Julliard projected. Following the printed out map, Kurt made his way to the classroom for his History of Classical Music class. He didn't know why this was a compulsory class but if had to take it, according to Hardison and Wren at least.

Kurt chose to sit near the back of the class, to be out of the way. Unpacked a notebook and his stationery case, he couldn't help but mutter as he took his seat.

"Why the hell do I have to take this class here?" Kurt could only watch the room fill up with students who actually knew each other. It was like when he first started at NYADA; a half-year freshman. At least he had known Rachel back then. Now he was a complete outsider. And it put him on edge. "Gaga, this is awkward. And considering how my summer went that is saying something."

Sometimes it felt like every time Kurt found his footing, something had to happen to force him out of his comfort zone. He finally felt comfortable as a student at NYADA, he starts taking classical music as a second major. Finally found his stride as Isabelle's PA? Let's make Kurt a model! Boyfriend, first love, cheated on, won back, dating again. Everything the same yet so different.

Kurt wanted to groan at the thought of his boyfriend. Blaine was struggling to find his place at NYU; he was used to being that guy. The big fish, the star. And now, at NYU, he was nobody. Just another face in the crowd. Even when he transferred to McKinley, the New Directions knew his talent. Blaine was struggling, and refused to turn to Kurt.

And Kurt knew he was struggling. The frustration was evident on his face when they met up during the free moments in their day; usually for dinner. Blaine threw himself into his coursework, aching to shine in some way.

Looking down at his hand, Kurt twisted his fingers together. It was a nervous tick he had been trying to get rid-off. Well, an anxious tick.

It hurt.

It hurt that Blaine couldn't turn to his boyfriend for help or comfort. And Kurt knew why; without having to ask Blaine. Because he knew Blaine. And his insecurities that he tried to hide so well behind the dapper smiled and manners.

'Blaine can't turn to me because I'm so comfortable here. Unlike him, I'm successful here; I carved out my place. And he, despite his best attempts not to, he does resent me for it. He can't stand the thought that he is struggling with something I didn't. But he's forgotten. How I struggled ta Dalton. I just wish he would let me help.'

It hurt.

It hurt that, although the love never diminished, Kurt could see the changes in their relationship. The trust was broken. The strains of changes they both went through. The flow of confidence and success and small pulls of competition was pulling at them.

Out of everything, Kurt never though success would be one of the strains.

But maybe he was wrong. Maybe Blaine was trying to find himself, something Kurt had come to know by walking the halls of McKinley year after year. Kurt discovered himself and made no apologies for it.

'Patience. I need patience. It's been a while. I've forgotten what it's like to be in a relationship.'

And Blaine was trying to find his feet and make new friends. He went out and that made Kurt close his eyes and wince every time he read the new text. Because a part of him half expected Blaine's teary face with the words, 'I've been with someone.'

And Kurt hated himself for thinking like that.

The thoughts plagued him, forcing him pay only a vague attention to class as he automatically took down sporadic notes. It was a two hour lecture, only to be followed by another two hour lecture then his voice lesson with Wren.

'Just when I get my life in order, my relationship falls apart,' Kurt thought dryly, silently cursing the fact there were no windows in the classroom, 'Now the real question: can I handle leaving Blaine a second time?'

~0~0~0~

If he wasn't at class or Vogue; he was at rehearsals. Kurt was actually grateful at his part was so small, and he only really spent three rehearsals a week playing Peter alongside Sean. Sean had daily rehearsals, but that was get the show flowing and cohesive. Kurt merely had to slot into the space Sean created. Director Travos had Kurt rehearsing solo to catch up; and it was far more effective.

It was strange to feel welcomed by his fellow actors, rather than to expect sabotage and jealousy. Santana had laughed at that, when he had mentioned it, and pointed out that between the Cheerios who were ruthless and Rachel Berry who was crazy, he didn't have the best experience working in a team.

Kurt pointed out that the Warblers were a good team. Santana stayed quiet but Kurt knew the words she would like to say. Her eyes said it through the silence.

'Yeah. But were you ever really one of them in their eyes?'

It was a question Kurt would rather not think about. Because the motto of 'Once a Warbler, always a Warbler's seemed to apply to every Warbler but him. They forgot about him after transferring; cutting all ties.

Because in truth, he was never one of them.

And somehow Santana had seen that where even Blaine had been blind.

But being on the set of Peter showed him a team; where everyone was out for themselves but not at the price of the team. Oh, Kurt knew that any of the other 'Lost Boys' would happily knock him off the stage if it meant that they would get the lines. And the side looks at the 'new comer' who bagged the understudy part.

Director Ian Travos had sat down with Sean and Kurt, explaining what the executives had wanted, in terms of who played Peter. After some discussion, it was agreed that Kurt would take the Saturday Matinee and the Wednesday night show, because it was the quietest night, and only after the first month of the show running. Plus, any times Sean couldn't do a show. It gave Kurt more time to get the role down.

But rehearsals were harder than he expected; giving him flashbacks to his short stint on the Cheerios. It seemed that every minute of the rehearsal was to be used.

And after a classes at NYADA, the dance routines were most tiring. Most days, he barely made it back to the apartment aching to passing out on his bed but looking for Blaine because it was the only time they were really free.

Kurt knew he was going to be running ragged. But he wanted to keep his job at Vogue and with the lack of modelling jobs, he did have some breathing space. Time, which Kurt cringed in mortification that he had to use to keep up with class.

Rachel was a whirlwind, and he usually only saw her in the mornings or evenings. They didn't actually share classes in the first semester. And some evenings, she went out with friends from NYADA or her current boyfriend.

Santana was around during the day, but just as busy. Her modelling really kicked off and Kurt was happy for her. But he couldn't remember the last time they had a real conversation without one of them having to run out.

'Probably in the summer which was almost a month ago.'

Kurt was tired. It was Thursday and only month into the semester. He worked at Vogue in the morning, followed by NYADA classes and extra practice for practicals in the afternoon till late. As much as he wanted to spend his free time relaxing, Kurt knew that he had solo rehearsals which he had not planned for in his timetable.

And most of all, he wanted to spend his free time with Blaine, who would be in class till six because the lucky boy only started at ten on a Thursday.

Kurt groaned and stretched out his tired limbs. He had been at the vogue offices at 7am and had been trying to fix the mess some intern made of Isabelle's schedule while keeping up with his daily responsibilities. Then he had a theory class and his vocals class followed by another two hours of extra dance practice. Because if Kurt didn't nail the routine in his next class, Cassandra would nail his ass to the wall.

But he was tired, so very tired already.

After a run-through of both July's routine and the Lost Boys main dance, Kurt left NYADA quickly and quietly, head bowed. It was short ride on the subway to get home and Bushwick never looked so good.

"Anyone home?" Kurt asked the moment he walked through the door. "Rachel? Santana?"

No answer came. A peep at the kitchen wall showed at the Santana would be heading to NYU night classes and a note from Rachel was stuck on the fridge saying she would be 'out'. Kurt sighed, at the note.

"She needs to rest," Kurt grumbled at the thought as the thought of going out made his body ache more. "How the hell is still not tired between NYADA and rehearsals?"

Then Kurt remembered the ridiculous schedule she had since high school. She had been preparing for getting such a role since then, and the tiredness that comes with it. Rachel had kept her waitressing job, not for money as her dads paid her portion of the rent, but for the experience for her role.

'Authenticity!' Rachel had exclaimed dramatically.

Going to the curtained area that was 'his room' Kurt dropped his bag and made a mental note to do his laundry soon. The amount of rehearsals he had been attending resulted his dancing clothing being used every day and he was sure he wouldn't have anything clean left for next week.

A long soak in the bath tub sounded amazing to Kurt, but he reached for his phone. A free apartment meant prime alone time with Blaine, which was something that had been rare since the holidays. In fact, since Milan, Kurt could count the 'dates' they had been on. It wasn't exactly how he imagined what living in New York with Blaine would have been like.

There were no messages but it was late. Blaine should be back at his apartment. Kurt pressed his number 2 speed dial, the argument with Santana and her vexation at being number 3 always made him smile, and waited.

It didn't take long, and by the fourth ring, Blaine answered. The smile dropped from Kurt's face at the background noise. Music sounded beyond the chatter and raucous laughter.

"Kurt!" Blaine said happily, his voice light and indulgent. Kurt vaguely wondered if he had been drinking at, eyeing the clock, seven pm.

"Blaine, hi honey," Kurt replied, almost automatically. "I thought you were finishing around the same time as me so I wanted to know if you wanted to have dinner?"

'But you're out, again,' was not added.

"Sorry babe," Blaine said, he must have stepped outside or a quiet corner. "A bunch of my friends wanted to hit this student dive on campus and I forgot that you finished early…"

"It's okay, Blaine," Kurt said slightly tired, "Just remember you have an early lecture tomorrow."

Blaine sighed, frustration lacing his voice, "I know Kurt."

"Have fun Blaine," Kurt said evenly. "I'm going to call it a night. Maybe we can grab breakfast tomorrow? There is this lovely little coffee shop that does bagels in the morning."

In the background there were calls for Blaine. Kurt closed his eyes. Blaine had bene going out more often than not after class. Group projects and discussions he could understand but not once had Blaine extended the invitation to him when Kurt had been free.

'It's not like I'm also studying music,' Kurt had mused sarcastically.

Blaine sighed yet again, as if speaking to Kurt was a chore. And Gaga, that hurt.

"I've got to go, Kurt. Goodnight. I'll see you in the morning. Love you."

"Love you too," Kurt replied, the smile in his voice true as it the one sentiment that would always bring a smile to his face. And Blaine hung up.

Ending the call, Kurt retreated to the bathroom. A long soak and maybe running through lines was his new plans for the evening.

~0~0~0~

The next morning, Kurt was dragging a hung over Blaine to the little coffee shop he found. It was just outside the station where both of them had to transfer lines; Blaine to get to NYU and Kurt to get to the theatre.

It was a strange parody of stances. Kurt was refreshed for the first time in over a week and Blaine was stumbling over his feet. Kurt plied him with coffee, choosing to sit and eat seeing as he had budgeted for the time in the morning routine.

Blaine munched slowly on the greasy bagel, moaning, "I could have slept more."

"If I didn't drag you out of bed you would have missed your morning classes," Kurt replied with a smile. It felt like a good day.

"You're far too happy for the morning," Blaine grumbled back.

"No, I'm merely not hung over," Kurt quipped.

Blaine ignored him and inhaled the coffee before staring at the empty cup mournfully. Kurt smiled at the sad puppy expression his boyfriend had on his face.

It was quiet between the two of them. And not the pleasant quiet.

Kurt struggled to find words as the silence was slowly suffocating.

"You went out again," Kurt blurted out; cursing his loud mouth inwardly.

Blaine's eyes flashed towards him, and Kurt could read the irritation in them. "So?"

Kurt shook his head, "I just miss spending time with you. And it was the third time this week."

The third time you cancelled on me, this week.

"Well, I would invite you but you're either busy or too tired," Blaine shot back.

Kurt winced. It was true that if Blaine had invited him last night he would have said he was exhausted. And he had been.

"I'm not the one with no free time," Blaine muttered.

Kurt bristled and lashed back, "And I'm not the one who keeps cancelling."

Before Blaine could reply his phone went off. Kurt sighed and closed his eyes. Blaine answered whatever message it was. Kurt wouldn't ask because Blaine never offered an answer.

"I've got to go," Blaine said as he stood up. Kurt looked at him with wide eyes. "I'm working tonight so I'll be late. Sam and I might go over to Pete's place after for the house party. I know you're busy so don't wait up."

It was true. He had a full day of rehearsals on Fridays. He would be done by nine though.

"Blaine," Kurt said helplessly. He didn't know how to put words to his feelings. The feelings that he hated Blaine going out so often with friends Kurt hadn't even met yet. Friends whom Kurt wasn't even sure knew about him.

Blaine said nothing but dropped a quick kiss on his head and was gone.

Kurt groaned and stared at his half-full cup of coffee. He had eaten half of his low-fat cream cheese and cucumber bagel. Wrapping it up, he put it in his bag for later. New York was expensive and it wasn't Kurt to waste food.

Shouldering his bag, Kurt smiled at the waitress as she said goodbye and made his way to his rehearsals. He really didn't want to think about what was happening with his love life. Because it meant facing the ugly truth; whatever it was.

A full day of rehearsals later, and Kurt was home at last. True to his word, he had a voicemail from Blaine that he was at the party, and by the sounds of it, it was a wild one. Kurt got it. The craziness of a first year. Hell, Kurt got a tattoo on his back that said 'It gets better' as his crazy first year stunt. Alcohol never appealed to him after sophomore year. And the tongue ring in the drawer was the only evidence of the other crazy stunt. Thank Gaga the hole healed.

"Anyone home?" Kurt called out like clockwork as he entered.

"Kitchen!" Santana replied, "We're eating chicken cos Rachel is at vocal rehearsal and then a group project. Something about a dance?"

Kurt popped his head into the kitchen, smiling at the Latina who was staring down the oven in hopes it cooked faster. She waved him away, giving Kurt the chance to drop his things in his room and take a quick shower.

"Dance project?" she questioned as she plated his portion of chicken with a side of spinach. No carbs, lots of protein, for models.

"Not my course," Kurt replied before adding. "Looks fantastic."

"It better be. I followed the damn recipe to the letter," Santana grumbled. She hated cooking. She would rather trade cleaning chores for cooking turns any day.

The chicken was good. Kurt made a note to keep the recipe in the 'Big File of Approved Recipes' they kept.

"You're home early. No class?" Kurt asked as they ate.

"Class was cancelled. Lecturer is ill."

"Hence the cooking," Kurt smirked.

"Well," Santana shot back, her own smirk growing, "I had to soften you up somehow."

Kurt groaned, "What do you want now, Satan?"

Santana dropped the games and said very seriously, "What's happening between you and Blaine?"

Kurt went silent. He bit his lip and gave an honest answer to the one person who he would trust with his relationship problems, apart from his dad and that was just awkward. "I don't know."

"Hit me."

Silence.

She stayed silent, eating slowly as Kurt gathered his thoughts.

"I really don't know," Kurt said helplessly. "I mean, I don't have time anymore and I get that he's frustrated that I have schedule to spend time with him but it's like he doesn't get that he has a schedule too. He's got a job and classes too."

"I haven't seen the two of you act love-dovey in weeks and that's like a sign for an upcoming apocalypse.

"I'm flattered that you think my relationship problems are signs of the end of the world."

"Kurt, last year was shit for you on so many levels but you're relationship with Blaine trumped even NYADA."

"We haven't talked in ages," Kurt admitted, giving up on eating, "when we finally get some time together, it's awkward and it's never been awkward with us. We made time so we could spend it together, even if it's just dinner here. But he keeps cancelling and hanging out with these friends from class who I've never met and he hasn't ever invited me. I may be busy and tired but I would have gone because it's important to him. It just feels like we don't have time for each other and we are moving in two very different, and separate circles."

Santana sat back and really looked at him for a moment. Kurt gulped because he knew what was happening.

The infamous Mexican Third Eye.

"You've both been busy but he's been cancelling on you. But it's more than that. He's going out alone and it's bothering you more than you let on," she said frankly.

Kurt replied defensively, "I get that's he's making friends and trying to find his feet. He doesn't need a clingy boyfriend. But he won't talk about any of his problems to me. All we talk about is class lately, if we talk at all."

"Kurt," Santana said quietly, "what is really going on?"

Kurt closed his eyes. It was bubbling inside of him. The uncomfortable thoughts he tried to keep pressing down. The 'what ifs' he refused to acknowledge because it literally made him sick. He didn't want voice those thoughts.

"I love Blaine. I'm seriously crazy about him. I jumped at the chance to model in London just so I could see him over the break," Kurt admitted.

"And?" Santana prodded lightly, her hands itching for alcohol to make this easier on both of them.

"How do I trust him again?" Kurt blurted out, his eyes widening at his words, hands moving to cover his mouth. As if they could take but those words.

Santana sighed. She had hoped that her two rainbow gays had sorted out these problems before they jumped back together. But, apparently not. Then again, they were bat-shit crazy in love with each other.

"He's going out without you and you keep wondering what's happening," Santana said evenly.

"I trust him, I do! But I keep imaging that he would come back one night and tell me…" Kurt paused, his voice going higher as he got more emotional. "Last time, he loved me and he still… cheated. He loves me now but how does that stop him?"

"Kurt, it won't happen again. Blaine wouldn't do that," Santana said firmly. 'Not if he knows what's good for him.' She continued. "That boy is so head over heels in love with you it's kind of sickening to watch."

"He said he was lonely and I wasn't there for him. He needed me. He needed someone," Kurt said brokenly. He had accepted his part in the break-up. Kurt added quietly, "It's not so different now. I know I'm busy and I can't always be there for him. Hell, I feel like I've bitten off more than I can chew. Even on a part time schedule at NYADA. I'm trying so hard to be there for him. But I can't, not when he's dealing with his problems and he won't tell me. I just… I keep wondering if I'll be enough this time."

There were no tears, just an exhausting honesty.

"And have you, I don't know, done the damn rational thing and talked to Blaine about this?" Santana asked pointedly.

"I tried," Kurt admitted, rubbed his face tiredly, "I just couldn't find the words. This morning actually. It led to, I don't know, some kind of passive aggressive fight."

Santana said nothing.

"Fuck."

"No. Talk," Santana quipped.

Kurt glared at her half-heartedly.

~0~0~0~

Saturday morning was horrid. Blaine woke up, back aching, and heading pounding.

"Fucking hell," someone swore.

Blearily, Blaine called out at the familiar voice, "Sam?"

"Hey Blaine, you stayed too?"

"Stayed?" Blaine forced his eyes open to take in an unfamiliar ceiling. Looking around in the annoying sunlight, the room looked vaguely familiar and thoroughly trashed. Looking down, he was till dressed in his clothing from yesterday with a blanket thrown over him.

"Pete's party," Sam answered, apparently he commandeered the other couch. "I thought you would have left early."

Blaine groaned at the loudness and the sunlight. The he lost at King, the drinking game. Which made sense considering the pounding hangover.

'Saturday. No class and late shift. Thank God,' Blaine sighed in relief. He paused before swearing and searching frantically for his phone.

Said phone was on silent and showed the time. It was a little after eleven which made him swear even more. There were voicemails and some text messages that he really didn't want to open. Instead, Blaine fell back down on the couch and covered his eyes.

"Alright man?" Sam questioned. "Bad hangover? Pete's in the kitchen. Some coffee will do you good."

Before Blaine could answer, someone walked into the room, "Praise me as your saviour. I bearing coffee, lightweights."

"You're a lifesaver, Pete." Sam swore.

"Yes, and return I ask that you help me sort out this mess," Pete replied easily. "Blaine?"

Blaine moved his arm to see the coffee mug and the easy smile on Pete's face. Groggily he sat up and took the offered coffee with a smile. "Thanks. It will help but not solve the shit storm I'm in for."

Sam looked at him before wincing. "Kurt?"

Blaine sipped the black coffee, wincing slightly before nodding. "I told him about the party but I didn't cancel breakfast."

"Dude, this is like the second time this week you've cancelled on him," Sam pointed out.

"More like the third," Blaine admitted. "We just... I don't know… kind of fought yesterday and I really didn't want to deal with it last night. I didn't plan on getting trashed."

Pete had plonked down on the floor. The apartment was actually big for New York, with three bedrooms. He and two friends from high school shared the place with their parents paying rent.

"Kurt?" Pete questioned, "The mysterious boyfriend who keeps calling you when you're out? Sounds clingy dude."

Blaine winced, "He's not. He's just really busy and we don't really have a lot of free time together."

Pete rolled his eyes and repeated himself, "sounds clingy. How long have you been dating?"

Sam grinned, "Blaine's sophomore year and Kurt's junior. They're high school sweethearts."

"Okay, so serious enough you guys didn't break up," Pete nodded to himself. "What is he so busy with that he can't join you for an evening out with us?"

Sam laughed at the sarcastic tone and hid behind the mug from Blaine's glare.

"He's a second year at NYADA and understudying Peter in Peter Pan on Broadway," Blaine said with a small smile. "He's playing Matt the Lost Boy Peter too."

Pete choked on his coffee. Spluttering, he looked at Blaine wide eyed. "I'm no Broadway freak but your boyfriend is acting on Broadway?!"

"He also works part time as Isabelle Wright's PA," Sam added. "He's like ridiculously busy but then again, so are Rachel and Santana."

Blaine sighed, "He had a full day of rehearsals yesterday and he would have been too tired to come. He works at Vogue all day today. We usually have breakfast together on a Saturday. He's going to kill me for skipping again."

"Forget Kurt, if he's upset you're going to have to run from Santana," Sam shivered at the thought.

Blaine swore as he looked at his phone again. Closing his eyes he didn't know what was happening. It was like nothing was working out lately.

NYU was different. He was just another face. Sam had found a group of friends almost immediately and was happy with his classes. Blaine had changed his class list twice, finally settling on his electives to business and management. It would be handy later on he knew. Plus, he could always pick up extra electives in music next year.

But he hated being just one of the numbers. And it was frustrating when he realised that he may be talented, he wasn't the talented one anymore. He had to fight for every piece of recognition. To be seen for who he was. It was like the New Directions on steroids. For the first time he really understood by what Kurt had said at Dalton.

Sometimes I feel like I have to scream to be heard.

Blaine knew he stumbled around. He tried to find a group of people. Of friends. But it wasn't Dalton where he found the brotherhood in The Warblers or McKinley where he had been adopted by the New Directions.

For the first time in a long time Blaine had to figure it out himself. And he honestly felt like he could talk to Kurt about it. Because when Kurt struggled to find his feet, and threw himself head first into work and friends, Blaine had left him. Kurt struggled alone and come out on top.

Kurt knew who he was and was confident enough to be himself and walk down the corridor at McKinley. Blaine took two weeks to tell the group of friends he joined that he had a boyfriend.

But Blaine liked the freedom in some sense. He tried new things. He like the parties and the dancing and having a couple of drinks. Stuff that Kurt admitted he didn't care for. Blaine liked hanging out at the student bars that no one would admit were on campus. Dingy club rooms that Kurt would never step foot in.

In the quiet Blaine would admit that he was jealous of Kurt. That he didn't fit into New York like Kurt had. The success Kurt was living now was amazing, and Blaine just wished that it wasn't so time consuming.

This was now what he imagined living in New York with Kurt would be like.

Finishing the coffee, Blaine gathered his courage and checked his messages. He typed a quick apology to Kurt, replied to Rachel's random question and Cooper's random message. Voicemail would wait for after a shower and food. The missed call log made him groan when he realised he missed a call from his Grandmother. He would have to call back. She had been trying to guilt him into bringing Kurt back to London for Christmas. If there was anyone who could pick up there was something wrong with him, it would be his Grandmother.

Failing to call back would mean she would demand someone be sent to check up on him.

~0~0~0~

Blaine and Sam were back at their place, showered and fed and looking remotely alive. Sam retreated to get more sleep after taking an aspirin. They both had a shift at the diner in a couple of hours.

Blaine took the privacy to return the calls.

"Poppy! How are you? And how is Darling?" were the first words Katherine said, happy and loud. "Why didn't you pick up?"

"Hello grandmother. I'm fine. I was out with friends last night I didn't hear my phone. Kurt is good too, just very busy," Blaine replied mildly.

Katherine hummed, "Well, Darling is doing a lot, isn't he? I mean, juggling class, a play and that job of his."

"He's very dedicated," Blaine said with a soft smile. Honestly, Kurt was stubborn and would do it all just to prove he could.

"Well, you will need to get your grandfather and I some tickets for his show when it opens," she ordered. Blaine rolled his eyes fondly.

"You'll come?" Blaine questioned. "He's only playing the Lost Boy Matt for the first month."

"Well, we'll get to see both. Your grandfather and I will be coming to Ohio for Christmas so I thought we could come over to New York for the opening and stay till New Year's."

Blaine choked. The last time he grandparents had come to America he had been a toddler. They usually visited them in England.

"Sure," Blaine agreed quickly. "Does dad know you're coming?"

"Your grandfather told him," Katherine said airily, before adding in a whisper, "We are old. We can do what we want and your father just has to agree."

Blaine chuckled for a moment before adding, "I miss you."

"I miss you too," Katherine replied just as softly. "Now, tell grandmother what's wrong? I know that tone."

Blaine sighed.

"Blaine Devon Henry Anderson…" came the warning across the Atlantic.

Blaine bit his lip before trying to hash out his thoughts to his grandmother. The feelings he had about NYU and how out of place he felt. How he had to scream to be heard and how he felt so lost in the crowd. How he questioned so many things about himself; like he just couldn't fit in like he did at Dalton or McKinley.

How he envied Kurt and how comfortable he was in New York. Blaine found a group of friends, but it still sometimes felt awkward and like an outsider.

How busy they both had been, Kurt more than Blaine. How it took some much energy to find a place. How he had to split his time between his friends. And Kurt's busy schedule and how Blaine couldn't ask him to come to a party after a fully day because he knew Kurt was dead on his feet. And he would, though, because Blaine asked him too.

And Blaine loved Kurt's success. After struggling in Lima, Kurt was finally shining in his own right and not being looked over. But at the same time, Blaine wished for just a little bit of success like that. Just a chance to shine too.

Most of all, their relationship had changed, and not in a good way. It was so hard to talk. And that had never really been a problem with them. It was like they had nothing to say or too tired or sometimes, their opinions were too different.

"I didn't imagine New York would be like this for us," Blaine admitted after almost half an hour of venting, "I miss how we used to be. It's like too much has changed and that terrifies me, grandmother. But I love him more than ever."

Katherine sighed over the line and was silent for a moment.

"Oh Poppy… my dear, there is no going back to how things used to be."

"What?" asked Blaine, terror in his voice.

"Poppy, you've both change and so has your relationship."

"What do you mean?" Blaine swallowed the lump in his throat as he asked quietly.

"Blaine, you were in Lima for a year. You're finding yourself now, it's your first taste of freedom and you're redefining yourself. Kurt had that last year. He grew up when he went to New York alone. He changed a little, slowly. And by then, you two weren't speaking Poppy. Yes, he's the same boy you remember from Ohio, but he's a little different now, yes?"

'Confident. Balanced. Stronger yet vulnerable. He's got far more shields. Far more beautiful than last year and far less than next year,' Blaine replied instantly but no words left his lips as he grandmother continued.

"And your relationship changed because you two broke up. Blaine, you've owned up to your actions, but those actions have lasting consequences. You hurt him and he you; you both hurt each other and your relationship. Blaine, when trust is broken it takes a lot more work to get back. You can't just talk about it once and think everything is fixed. Sometimes there are consequences we can't see."

"How do I fix this?" Blaine asked sounding far younger than his age.

"Talk to him. That boy loves you and is trying. This is the first time in a year you've both living in the same city. You two need to talk and be honest with yourselves, your issues. You need to decide if you both are willing to make your relationship work and work through the issues. Poppy, the two of you just need to really talk to each other; about everything."

"Everything you just told me, tell him."

"… Thanks Grandmother."

"Now go fix your love life Poppy because we've already booked the flights. You're of English descent. If you have to, you will charm Darling to fall in love with you all over again."

"Yes grandmother," Blaine half-sassed before saying his goodbyes.

"Good. And please be responsible with your drinking. I know it's fun and you're in college but Anderson men tend to do stupid things when they are drunk. The amount of stories I could tell you about your Uncle…"

"Um, the drinking age is 21 over here…"

"Don't try pull the wool over my eyes, young man! I know all about you American college experience. Your brother often misdialled me when trying to call his girlfriend of the time Kathy. You would think he would learn after the first time to change my contact information to Grandmother. Thank the Lord you aren't as stubborn as Cooper."

"I promise never to drunk dial you, grandmother."

"You're far cheekier," Katherine shot back dryly. "Well, Poppy. Call me when you've had your chat. I want to speak to Darling next time."

"Of course grandmother."

~0~0~0~

The text message honestly didn't even surprise Blaine when it came. Santana was uncanny like that. Plus she was the closest person to Kurt, and maybe a year ago Blaine would have argued that was him. Now, he wasn't so sure.

Hobbit, get your ass over to Porcelain and have a proper chat asap or Auntie Snix will hunt your hairy feet down and employ tactics of torture until you fix the mess you've made. I can't stand the doe-eyed sad Bambi look he gets over his phone. The Mexican Third Eyes knows that you know what I'm talking about. Satan out.

In the end, Blaine was waiting outside vogue on Sunday. Kurt had rehearsals on a Sunday morning but work as many hours at the office in the afternoon as he could. Isabelle always sent him home around five though.

And like clockwork, Kurt walked out of the building at five. Blaine had claimed a seat at a small coffee shop three doors down and had a near-clear view of the vogue entrance. He only felt slightly like a stalker.

Dumping the half-full cup of take away coffee in the bin, Blaine made a beeline for Kurt, calling out his name.

Kurt turned at the sound of his name, slightly shocked that Blaine had been waiting for him. That hadn't happened since the last week of August.

"Blaine?" Kurt questioned with a raised eyebrow. "Didn't you have a group project?"

"I did, earlier," Blaine tried to explain, "It's just, we need to talk and I needed to do this in person."

The colour drained from Kurt's face at his words.

"No! Not like that!" Blaine practically shouted as he realised what he said, "I mean, we haven't talked in a while, and we can't keep going like this."

Blaine paused as if to gather his thoughts, his hand reaching for Kurt's trembling one. That made him frown.

"Things haven't been… right lately. We have to fix this because I can't lose you. Not again," Blaine said quietly on a busy New York street. His hazel eyes staring right at Kurt. "I'm sorry I've been distant. I'm sorry about cancelling but I swear at the time it seemed like my reason was good."

"Seemed?" Kurt asked, seemingly trying to grasp at what exactly was happening.

"Yeah," and Blaine smiled that smile he saved just for Kurt. Complete with the heart eyes. "At the time it seemed like a good idea but now I can't figure out how I thought spending time away from you was a good idea."

Kurt flushed but said with a sad smile, "It's my fault. I've been so busy lately I feel like I just can't catch my breath. I think I've bitten off more than I can chew. Isabelle is finally able to cut down my hours a little. I should have made more time for you. And I'm sorry about nagging you about going out with your friends. It's some old issues keep creeping back, and I swear I love you."

"Hey, hey," Blaine said gently, "First and foremost, I love you Kurt. More than I thought possible. And I swear I'm willing to work on us. We'll fix whatever is broken and get used to whatever good change that has happened. But I'm here, and I swear I'm not going anywhere."

Kurt was silent, as he stared wide eyed at his boyfriend. Slowly, Kurt leaned in and gave Blaine a soft kiss on the lips. "Missed you."

Blaine swallowed as he tightened his grip on Kurt's hand. "I've ordered food from that Italian place you love. I thought we could have a picnic on the rooftop. It would be safe and close to home but private. We can talk."

"About anything and everything," Kurt agreed with a smile, squeezing Blaine's hand lightly. "And for the record, me too. I'm here and I'm willing to work on us."

~0~0~0~

Santana nodded in satisfaction at what she saw when she got home early on Thursday evening. She had a test coming off so no classes that week. Instead, she stood at the entrance to the kitchen and almost barfed at the level of rainbow love that emitted from it.

Kurt was cooking, and trying to teach Blaine a recipe from the 'Big File of Approved Recipes'. And she thanked whatever god did exist that it wasn't vegan. She had been through hell that day and she needed meat. And from the smell, Kurt baked too.

It was awesome having the stereotypical gay roommate and best friend.

Individual interrogation earlier that week revealed that Klaine had talked things through on Sunday. Confronting Kurt, she only got the general gist that Blaine had talked about his problems and issues about New York. How he was only starting to feel comfortable. And about how he worried about Kurt. Kurt blushed as he explained that Blaine didn't invite him because he knew Kurt would be tired and could use the rest if he wasn't busy. Plus, the places they hung out at in NYU were places Blaine knew Kurt would never step into. But he would introduce Kurt to his friends next week, 'after the insane projects they had to hand in'. And on a more personal note, how much Kurt had changed to Blaine.

Santana rolled her eyes at that. Kurt just needed to tell his Bird Boy that he loved him and still needed and wanted him in his life. No matter how much Kurt changed. Which Kurt did say, so Santana could only sigh in relief.

As for ambush of Blaine, Santana cornered his after his shift on Monday and glared him into submission until he spilled his bean. But he looked so guilty. He blurted it all out. How he hadn't known how much he hurt Kurt, not just their relationship, by cheating. Seeing Kurt like that, admit that he wondered if he was good enough. Blaine broke a little with each word, and broke more when Kurt admitted he the main issue he had with Blaine going out was he was terrified of hearing those words again. That Blaine had cheated again, because Blaine had loved him before and still cheated. And there was nothing to stop him now.

The loss of trust hurt Blaine than he could explain. Kurt never used his armour against Blaine before the Break-Up. And the only thing that would fix the mess that was their relation was hard work, time and actually talking to each other. And they had talked. Kurt confessed about how tired he was. How overwhelmed he felt on most days as he tried to keep up with NYADA and how out of place he felt at Julliard. The pressure of Peter and how vogue had changed since he started modelling. How he was being treated differently by the interns and other assistants.

But Blaine looked at her, no matter how intimidated he was, and thanked her. He thanked her for being there for Kurt and swore he would always be there for Kurt. That he loved Kurt and could never hurt him like that again.

"Because I can't watch Kurt leave a second time; I can't." and between the honesty in Blaine's voice and that look in his eyes, Santana believed him.

It was a wiser version of that Warbler that fell in love with the public school diva. But it was that boy who transferred schools and walked through nightmares to be with Kurt and make him happy.

'God, they are a match made in freaking gay heaven,' she mused.

But looking at them laugh and cook and look so in love. The same love they had through high school, the fights, the good and the bad. The damn break-up. The reconciliation. It kind of gave Santana hope that there was a love out there that she could fight for. The kind of love that lasts.

Even if she would never say it out loud. No, she rather straighten her shoulders and walk into the kitchen with a bitchy comment.

Because she was Santana Lopez.

Even if she was smiling slightly at the sight before her.

~0~0~0~

Part 2 of as 3 story update in honour of my birthday. :P

Unedited, so feel free to point out the mistakes.

[19 Pages, 10200 words]

Trying to write the ending to this was a bitch. Hope I did it justice. Words don't fix a relationship; it takes hard work and actions. Cheating breaks trust, self-esteem and understanding.

Amira D.