A/N: I don't own Vampire Academy or any other characters, although I wish I did, the lovely Richelle Mead does.

Dimitri POV

I huddled into the corner of the cell they had put me in. My mind spinning.

"Dimitri." Lissa said softly, and I turned around. My eyes widened, she had saved me. She had to be an angel.

"Vasilisa," I breathed in wonder. "You came back."

I said in amazement. I walked towards the bars and the guardians closed ranks obviously hoping to protect Vasilisa if I somehow broke through the thick steel bars of my cell.

"Back off," Vasilisa snapped as she glared at the guardians who had moved closer. "Give us some space. I mean it step back." She said and I could detect the tiny bit of compulsion she used to make them move away.

"Of course I came back. How are you? Are they...? She cast a dangerous look toward the guardians. "Are they treating you okay?"

I shrugged. "Fine, nobody's hurting me." I said, not bothering to tell her that if they were anyway, I could take care of myself. "Just a lot of questions. So many questions." I said wearily. "And my eyes. They keep wanting to examine my eyes."

"But how do you feel " She asked. "In your mind? In your heart?"

My gaze shifted from Vasilisa. "It's... It's hard to describe. It's like I've woken up from a dream. A nightmare. Like I've been watching someone else act through my body- like I was at a movie or a play. But it wasn't someone else. It was me. All of it was me, and now here I am, and the world has shifted. I feel like I'm relearning everything."

"It'll pass." Vasilisa said. "You'll get more used to it, once you settle back into your old self."

I inclined my head toward the gathered guardians. "They don't think so."

"They will," she said adamantly. "We just need more time."

"Rose wanted me to give you this" she said as she pulled a weathered journal from her coat pocket. "She said that it's important that you read it to understand that she still loves you and that she's forgiven you."

"What is it?" I asked.

"All her thoughts, feelings, everything since you were turned strigoi. Rose... Wants to see you,"

I refocused my gaze back on Vasilisa, and I took a deep breath. Oh Roza, I hurt you so badly... "No, anyone but her. I can't see her. Don't let her come here." I pleaded. "Please."

"But... She loves you. She's worried about you. What happened with us being able to save you? Well a lot of it was because of her."

"You saved me."I said stubbornly.

"I only did the final piece. The rest... Well, Rose did, um, a lot."

I turned away from her, walked over the side of the cell, and leaned against the wall. I closed my eyes, trying to rid my mind of the terrible things I'd done to Rose. I took a deep breath, and then opened them again. "Anyone but her" I repeated. "Not after what I did to her. I did a lot of things... Horrible things" I turned my hands palm-up and stared at them for a second. I swore I could see the blood of my victims and worst of all Rose's blood stained on my hands. "What I did to her was worst of all- especially, because it was her. She came to save me from that state, and I..." I shook my head. "I did terrible things to her. Terrible things are to others. I can't face her after that. What I did was unforgivable."

"It's not." She said urgently. "It wasn't you. Not really. She'll forgive you."

"No. There's no forgiveness for me- not after what I did. I don't deserve her, don't deserve to even be around her. The only thing I can do..." I walked over to her and fell to me knees. "The only thing I can do- the only redemption I can try for- is to pay you back for saving me."

"Dimitri," she began uneasily, "I told you-"

"I felt that power. In that moment, I felt you bring my soul back. I felt you heal it. That's a debt I can't ever repay, but I swear I'll spend the rest of my life trying." I said looking up at her, enraptured.

"I don't want that. There's nothing to repay."

"There's everything to repay," I argued. "I owe you my life-my soul. It's the only way I can come close to ever redeeming myself for all the things I did. It's still not enough... But it's all I can do." I clasped my hands. "I swear, whatever you need, anything if it's in my power-I'll do it. I'll serve and protect you for the rest of my life. I'll do whatever you ask. You have my loyalty forever."

"Will you see Rose?"

I grimaced. "Anything but that."

"Dimitri-"

"Please," I said desperately. I'll do anything else for you. But if I see her... It'll hurt too much."

Vasilisa gave me a small nod, and then turned to leave, when a guardian told her it was time to go.

When she left, I slumped against the bed and took out the journal. I remember this I thought as I got a better glimpse of it. Rose was always writing in it in Siberia.

Oh Roza, I thought. Why don't you ever leave my head.

A/N: This is my first fan fiction, so read and review -Zoe