AN: I want to thank all of you for taking the time to read this story, to review, comment and share your own ideas and theories with me. I had a blast writing this and all the feedback really helped me to stay focused and motivated me to keep writing. A special thank you to all the guest reviewers, I can't reply to you via PM, but you are all awesome!

Enjoy this bit of tender feels before our hearts will be crushed to dust tonight!

Warnings: None, just fluffy brotherly love

Sam had gone to find them a car, now that angel transport was no longer available, while Cas and Dean cleaned up the apartment. They decided to take Cain's body with them, he might have been a demon, but he had also helped them and in their books, that meant he deserved at least a proper funeral.

The long drive back home to the bunker was spent largely silent, all three of them needing the time to sort through their thoughts and emotions and to rebuild walls that had come crashing down.

Cas eventually fell asleep on the back seat, his new humanity had left him physically and mentally drained. During a brief pit stop to fuel up, both Sam and Dean had left the car to stretch their legs. While Sam paid for the gas and the refreshments at the little store, Dean leant against the trunk of their car. It was an older model Toyota family van, and it stood for everything Dean hated in cars, but, according to Sam, the choice in NYC had been limited and this was the best he could find.

"Hey." Dean flinched at the words, and then he felt the car dip slightly as his brother leaned up against it next to him.

"Hey…" he paused, choosing his next words carefully. So far he had avoided all serious talk, but he knew that he needed to get a few things out in the open. "Look, I can't promise that I will suddenly be all touchy-feely and we share all our secrets. That's not us. But I will try to talk. Just not yet, okay?"

"That is all I ask. And it goes both ways. I know you're not ready to talk about what happened to you, but if you ever are, I'm here."

"Look, back there, Cas-" he swallowed hard, still having a hard time accepting his friend's sacrifice. "He opened a three way communication between us. I remember most of what you and Cas shared, but I don't know how much of my crap made it over to you?"

"Some of yours, some of Cas'. Not much though. Enough to understand."

Dean nodded, understanding all the things that Sam didn't say out loud. "So, where do we go from here? I mean, the blade, I…"

"I've been thinking about that." Dean rolled his eyes, yeah, what else did he expect? "Cas said he knows a place where we can safely hide that thing. Look, I'm not sayin' we give it up for good, but you need to learn to control the power first. Once we know more, once it's safe…" He didn't need to end that sentence. They both knew what a formidable weapon the blade was, if there was a way to use it safely, it would be worth the effort. "Cain, he uh, he told us a few things, but I haven't been able to confirm them yet… but I swear, I will find a way. Cas too. This time, you are not alone." Dean looked up and he saw sincerity radiate from his younger sibling. Giving Sam a short nod that said so much more than words could ever convey, he pushed himself off the car, snatched the bag of chips from Sam and walked over to the driver's side.

"I'll drive. Let's see what this piece of crap is really made of!" Sam smiled as he got in the passenger's seat, glad to see that their life was slowly getting back to normal.

xxx

Over the next week, things had progressed in a guarded, but positive way. Both brothers made an effort to communicate better, but there were long periods of silence in the bunker. Cas had left the brothers a few days after their return, saying that he needed to come to terms with his humanity. He promised to stay in touch and did so with daily phone calls to Dean. While upset with the former angel's decision, both hunters understood that he needed time alone to figure out what to do with his new, and this time most likely permanent, human life.

Dean was dealing with all that had happened to him and Sam understood that this was something his brother needed to do alone. He seemed more open towards Cas than him, which really was no surprise after all the tension of the last few months. In addition to that, the things Sam had glimpsed at during their link, the extent of the bond the angel shared with Dean, had surprised him.

So it came as a surprise to Sam when Dean came up to him one evening with two beers in hand and settled himself in the chair next to him. He silently handed him a beer, opened his own bottle and took a deep swig. Gaze focused on a spot on the floor, he asked softly:

"Does the craving ever go away?"

Sam had watched his brother with open curiosity, unsure what this was about, but sensed that it was a step in the right direction. And he knew exactly what Dean was talking about.

"No. It won't control your life any more, but it will always be there. Though, over time it will get easier to push it aside, easier to resist. It helps if you think about all the bad things the blade brought with it. That's what gets me through the bad times."

"'Gets'? You stopped five years ago, and still…?"

"Like I said, it never stops. Letting go, that was just the first step. Now comes the hard part. You need to learn to control the desire. It's tough and it's painful, and there will be times when you want nothing more than to go back to it. But I'm here and I'll have your back, same as you had mine."

Dean looked up at his brother. "Until I piss you off again."

"Dean…"

"No, let me finish. You've grown, Sam. And I don't mean your height. You've grown up and I sometimes fail to realize that. But no matter what you say, no matter how wise and old you get, you need to understand that you will always be my little brother. There is nothing, nothing that will ever change that, and I will keep making crappy decisions to keep you alive. That's wired in too deep."

Sam nodded slowly at his brothers words. "I know. And I guess I have to figure out how to live with that. Because I really meant what I said, you need to respect my decisions. Even if you don't like them. But I think I understand you better now. When you were taken from me, that moment when your eyes turned black, I would have given anything to get you back."

"We're pretty screwed up, huh?"

Sam nodded sadly. "Yeah we are."

"I mean, any psychiatrist would have a field day with us: Codependent ex-addicts with low self esteem and violent tendencies…. Hell, they'd lock us up for life!"

"Probably should." Sam chuckled. "But you know, acknowledging that we have issues is the first step in the healing progress…"

"You really think we can ever be 'normal'?" Dean asked in disbelief

"Normal? No!" Sam snorted, genuine humor in his eyes. He looked over at Dean and his expression turned somber and sincere. "No I don't think that was ever really an option for us. But we could start with being brothers again? If you want."

Instead of an answer, Dean put his beer aside, got up and pulled his brother into a bone crushing hug, which was reciprocated just as enthusiastically by Sam. They'd been through hell, figuratively and literally, but what got them out of it was their bond as brothers. And in the end, that was all that counted.

Edited after watching 9x23: HOLY CRAP! no words... Just wow.