It seemed like the months had flown by. It was almost time to show the crowds what we had to give them. Would they even accept the show? It wasn't the entire musical, just the songs in costumes. It was supposed to be great, and it would be. The show was really coming along. I am so proud to be able to be a part of it. I could do without the cameras constantly badgering me as soon as I walk out the door in the morning, and when I get back in the evening. I still had a hard time imagining that someone cares about what I do in the little free time that I have. I mean, it's not like I have a nightlife anymore. Too many rehearsals.

"Miss, can we get a costume fitting for you?" A costumer directed me to the dressing rooms where I tried on one of the four dresses they wanted me to wear for the show. This was just the blue dress that I was supposed to sing 'Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again' in. Thankfully, I would spend a lot of time in it.

The show would start with me singing Think of Me in a beautiful rainbow dress, and as soon as the applause stopped Phantom of the Opera would come up and the skirt would be pulled away and I'd grab a thin robe, and sing with Blaise. Then Music of the Night, and I would go off and switch into the blue dress and sing All I Ask of You while Blaise finished the song alone and had his applause. Then the whole company would get up and sing Masquerade. The costumers were incredible, most of the skirts were tearaway, and nothing like the real thing, or else I'd have a hard time doing all my quick changes. Then I'd sing Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again, and as Blaise swore vengeance I'd get ready for Past the Point of No Return, where I would get a white top and black and red skirt, thankfully I only needed to do one wig change, and that was when Blaise was singing Til I Hear You Sing after the intermission.

I had enough time to get a more modern look on for the song list for our Love Never Dies half of the show, and I wouldn't have as many solos. Blaise would open the show with Til I Hear You Sing, and I would have a sweet duet of Look Within Your Heart with the boy who was playing mine and Blaise's son. There was only one dress change that would take place during Beauty Underneath; though all theater dresses are made easy to slip into and off I was glad for the time I was given. I would kiss his forehead and he would run off, then I'd see the music box, and swoon as the lights went nuts, and Blaise and I would go into Beneath A Moonless Sky. There Was very little talk, just enough to lead into Once Upon Another Time. There was a longer wait for me to go on again, as Blaise, Avery, who was playing Gustave would sing Beauty Underneath, then Blaise would sing Devil Take the Hindmost with Richard Walker, who was chosen to play Raoul. The entire company would come out at the end and I would sing Love Never Dies to close out the night, ending the song by having Mira Marker, who would be dressed as Meg accidentally shoot me and dying dramatically in Blaise's arms. It was a shame it was only a variety show, and a lot of the characters wouldn't be making an appearance. It was still, I don't know the right emotion for it, weird maybe? That I was going to sing songs from a life I had been a part of. I loved the material, and I loved that I was a part of such a special show, but I still had a sick feeling in my stomach that stuck just on the verge of my comfort zone. I wondered how Blaise felt about this. We talked about this, but I usually wanted to stay away the topic of his other life, I want him to stay in the present, not be stuck in the past, it wasn't healthy for him.

I opened my laptop, and scrolled through the pages to choose from. So many websites for entertainment, so many possibilities. I was feeling a little stressed, so I decided to open a paige for youtube, nothing lifts spirits like bouncy 80's pop. Karma Chameleon it is. After clicking the video I opened another tab to check my email. Donnie had sent me something from the GAP catalogue I had modeled for a few months back. I guess the pictures were finally ready to be printed in the magazine. I looked through the photos smiling. It was so weird seeing photos like this that were so different from my memories of the events. Though it did make me curious, what was the media saying about me? I was a minor celebrity and model, nothing much until now. I don't think that I've googled myself for about 3 years. It probably wasn't a good idea, I mean, when was it ever? People are always posting hatred online, there was nothing stopping them. As much work as I've done in the modeling world, I don't really understand it. Do people have favorite models? Or do they get fans as soon as they start an acting or singing career? I was never really a fan of any model in particular. Huh.

Resist temptation. I deleted my own name from the search bar. I didn't feel like looking through websites anymore. I reached over to my nightstand and grabbed my phone, texting Blaise.

'Hey, what are you doing?'

Ping.

'Just watching Netflix, too tired to go out.'

'Want to come over and watch a movie?'

Ping.

'Sure, be over in 5. Get the popcorn ready.'

I smiled and rolled off my bed, and went to the small kitchenette in the other room. I opened the cabinet and pulled a packet of popcorn out of its box and put it in the microwave. I went back into the bedroom and got my laptop to hook my Netflix up to the tv in the small living room. There was a knock at the door, and I went to open it. Blaise was in sweats he probably used to sleep in.

"Rehearsals really give us no time for a life, right? I haven't just become boring all of a sudden?" I laughed and went to get the popcorn out of the microwave. I dumped the contents into a bowl and went to the living room a few steps away.

"Hey man, we had our fun. I'm actually tired constantly now. We might just be aging." Blaise groaned, grabbed my laptop, and began scrolling through movies.

"I swear I've still got it. All I need is the free time to prove it." He grumbled, looking through the options. I laughed.

"Hey, this is fun. I like getting to spend time with you. And rehearsals take a lot out of you, always have. It's nice getting to sit and do nothing sometimes. I mean, we're standing damn near constantly."

"We used to go out all the time no problem."

"Back then there weren't reporters stalking us through the streets, and the constant worry of bad press. Unless it was something really crazy." I took my laptop away from him and looked for something more light hearted. "How about Grace and Frankie?" I'd already watched it through, but I didn't think Blaise had seen it yet. "It's about two business partners lat leave their wives of forty years for each other." He looked interested. "Lily Tomlin, and Jane Fonda."

"Yes. Now. Play the thing." He made 'quickly' motions with his hands. I started the first episode, Blaise bobbed his head to the opening song 'Stuck in the Middle With You'. He laughed his way through the first episode.

"Ok, this show is great. Still a dick move what those guys did to them, though. I don't approve of that coming out method."

"Really? What would you've done in that situation?"

"Well, if I'd been cheating on my wife for twenty years with a man, I'd at least have the decency to tell them and private, and get screamed at like I deserved." I nodded my head.

"Yep. Take it like you deserve, cowards." Blaise tucked his feet under himself, and grabbed another handful of popcorn.

"We're binging this, right?"

"Obviously." I clicked the 'skip intro' button, launching us into another episode, and another episode, and a night of little sleep. Thank God tomorrow was our day off.

ERIK

I was getting less sleep than ever before. I kept thinking I heard Danielle's voice more than once a day. Now she wasn't only singing songs we had sang together, but songs I had written after her death. I knew it was only my mind, trying to give voice to songs that would never be sung, but sometimes I could swear it was coming around loud and clear, like she was in the room next to me, practicing her scales, as we once did together. I sat at my organ, praying for another hallucination of her voice, just to have one small piece of her still here other than just my memories. I couldn't help but wonder how much longer I had to live at this level of depression. Surely something in me would give out eventually and I could die quietly in my sleep. If not general depression, the fact that I barely ate enough to sustain myself should play some small roll in my demise. I avoided apples now.

"Erik." I stopped playing meaningless collection of notes I had been working on for the last three days and looked up. Meg was standing at the mouth of the tunnel with a candle in her hand. Danielle had never used a candle, she was never afraid of the dark. I straightened my shoulders and stood up.

"Yes Meg, what can I do for you?" She looked troubled, but what else was new? She always looked troubled around me. I felt horrible knowing I was causing her such stress. Instead of finding a suitable husband she was caring for me in her free time.

"Erik, I know you appreciate frankness, and so I am pulling all my courage up to speak to you as frankly as I can." She had worried eyes, as if I would scoff in her face at her resolve.

"Please continue," I encouraged. She took a breath seemed to strengthen herself.

"It has been almost two years since Danielle died, and every day I have spent with you since I see you getting worse and worse. Ever since I started dancing at the Opera I've heard stories of the terrifying Phantom, who would kill on a whim; however as long as I can remember every birthday I would get the most wonderful gifts from the same person. Mother said it was my godfather. I grew up with so many opposing views of you. I feared the Phantom, yet loved the godfather I had never met, and treasured the gifts and rare letters. When I found out you were one in the same I thought my fear would take over my love, but it did not. I want the best for you, as I always have, but you are killing yourself for grief! If not for mama and I, and occasionally Christine you would have perished long ago. I know you loved Danielle, I know it seemed your world revolved around her, and life no longer seems worth living, but you must understand she would hate this! Seeing you like this! You are worse than you ever were, and now you have more people to support you than ever. You starve yourself, you never sleep, you can hardly create music. I would never ask you to forget her, but she wouldn't want you to hate yourself for not being able to save her when she knew no one could. Forgive yourself please! If anything she would want you to live a full life, whatever that means. If you never want to marry, or work the rest of your life and be a part of the families we create, please try to find happiness. Stop isolating yourself in penance. How will you ever face Danielle in the hereafter if you die a solitary death?" She looked truly distraught with what she had said, and I ached to tell her that she was wrong, but I could never lie to her.

"Everything you said is the truth Meg. I suppose I thought I was right to blame myself for her death, maybe if I hadn't been so detestable she wouldn't have gone so quickly. I know it is irrational to think this, but I cannot help the years of self loathing that has shaped who I am. Every point you made is valid, and I have no idea how to deal with the thorns that have left mounds of scar tissue inside my soul before you even existed, much less after with Danielle. Thank you for speaking your mind so clearly, as much as I hated myself I never wanted my self loathing effect you Meg, you are too young to be burdened by the demons that plague me. Your continued affection for me is one of the few things in life that still brings me joy." I brushed my hand over my eyes. I knew I was a monster all my life, but I only truly felt it now, after learning how my continued depression was effecting one of the few people who still cared for me. Who had ever cared for me. "I have always worked 'til my fingers bled, eaten when I was weak from days away from food. I never took care of my body, how could I? If I'd had another my life would have been far better. Peasant, royalty, street urchin, anything would have been better than being the Devil's Child. A freak. She was the only one who never feared me. Never ran from me. She was the, sun to me." I walked to the alcove where I kept all my works of her, looking at her smile always comforted me.

"The best you can do for her now is to be good. And be happy." Meg had seen all of my portraits, at least while they were in progress. She seemed to appreciate being able to see Danielle's face as much as I did. After a while the brain forgets the details of a face, be that the specific eyes color, or a mole. A photo couldn't capture the colors of a person, only letting them be a grey spectrum version of themselves.

"I know. I will try." Meg nodded, placed her hand on my arm, and left. I stood staring at all of my art of Danielle, looking from face to face. I had tried to capture her from every angle. I closed my eyes and remember when her smile was directed to me. I had felt like I finally mattered. At last I was important to someone, I was someone's love.

Maybe once was enough. Many people had married people they didn't care for. I had no such obligations for family and children, nor the desire for them without her. I could not close the door on my feelings for her, but maybe I was finally ready to live the life she had wanted for me. Instead of a phantom, a reclusive opera director. Live as a man, not a monster, or one trying to pay the price for a death that nothing could be done for. A tear fell from my eye as I felt the love I had for Danielle wash over me, I walked to the large glamour portrait I had done in oils of her and gently caressed her cheek.

"I will never forget you. I promise I will work towards living a life that would have made you beam with pride; I will be a man worthy of your love, whether or not we meet in the hereafter. I love you, Danielle." I pressed a soft kiss to the lips I had so carefully painted, feeling a flash of warmth, straight from my heart. I turned away from the painting, finally feeling hungry.

DANIELLE

I pressed a hand to my face as my cheek warmed up, as if caressed my a warm hand. A warmth that spread to a place in my heart I saved only for Erik. A tear fell from my eye as the same heat flickered over my lips. As the heat left my spirit felt lighter, as if a weight was taken off it. I wiped the tear away and continued to get ready for bed, dress rehearsals were getting killer. One week to go.

Haha. I'm backish. Please don't hate me. Erik and Meg belong to Leroux and Webber, everyone else is mine.