Dedication: For Dark Scrivener – best friend, soul-sister, and the Crowley to my Aziraphale. I'm glad I'm finally inspired to write for a fandom we actually share.

Disclaimer: Good Omens belongs to Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman, though if they're not planning on ever following through with that proposed sequel, I would be glad to take the rights off their hands. Also, I don't own any of the crossovers that may occur in these piece; those properties belong to Joseph Fink, Jeffery Cranor, Guillermo del Toro, Julian Fellowes, et al. Also, all music – if not in Heaven and Hell, then at least all music on Earth – belongs to Freddie Mercury and Queen.

Note on the Compilation: The first ten pieces in this compilation were posted in celebration of my 10th anniversary on this site. I still can't believe it's been ten years since I posted my first story on this site, and while a lot has changed – from my fandoms to my style to my ratings – my desire to write about the characters that I love hasn't changed a bit and probably never will. As a point of interest, this is the first time I've posted non-anime fan fiction, as well as the first time I'm posting stories that I didn't specifically write to post. All of these pieces are drawn from my "mandatory daily creative writing time," and as I usually write without any planning and half delirious with exhaustion late at night, I should note to all my readers that these works vary drastically in mood, in-character-ness, lucidity, and skill level. They only receive mild editing, and many are inspired by my actual experiences during the times I wrote them. So these are all entirely self-indulgent pieces, which I have chosen to post here for your gratification, rather than my usual solid, serious works. Nevertheless, I hope you do enjoy and I welcome any reviews, comments, or prompt suggestions that you are willing to share. Thanks again for being such a great, supportive community these past ten years!

Note on the Title: In textual criticism, "witnesses" refer to different manuscripts of a single, original text, all of which feature slight variations in the form of intentional and unintentional additions, deletions, and revisions in the text and punctuation, as in the case of Aziraphale's Buggre Alle This Bible and its sordid ilk. Like witnesses, these pieces are "variations" on the theme of Good Omens, though in a much more ephemeral, tentative, "gossamer"-like way.

Note: "Definition" was originally written on January 6, 2014.

Gossamer Witnesses: A Compilation

By Eeveebeth Fejvu

Definition

"…And so it's ineffable, my dear," Aziraphale said with a lofty quirk of his lips. He took a sip of his Earl Gray. Crowley started to speak, then paused, his sunglasses beginning to slip down his nose. Aziraphale frowned, setting the cup on the table. "What is it now?"

"What the… What on Earth does that even mean?" the demon asked, though he appeared more perplexed than upset. Aziraphale raised an eyebrow and his companion hissed slightly under his breath.

"'Ineffable'?" The angel chuckled, only a little unkindly. "Why, in all our time of discussing the Great Plan, surely you must know what 'ineffable' means. It's… It's… er… Well…"

It was Crowley's turn to raise an eyebrow. Aziraphale waved his hands vaguely, flustered and red-cheeked. "Oh, you know…"

"No, I don't know, and you don't know either." Crowley fished around inside of his jacket, pulling out a sleek new iPhone 5.* He leaned back in his chair, swiping and tapping at the smartphone with mindless ease. "I'm looking it up."

"Oh, for Heaven's sake," Aziraphale fussed, fiddling with his cup, "I do have dictionaries here, you know," but he leaned forward in curiosity anyway. Crowley tapped the screen a few more times, paused, and then stared. After a silent, unhelpful moment, the angel asked, "Well…? Did you find it?"

A noncommittal sound issued from the demon's throat. He tilted the screen towards his companion and Aziraphale scooted his chair partially around the table, leaning in. They both stared for several long minutes. Finally, Aziraphale made a quiet hrumph noise and Crowley thrust the iPhone back into his jacket. The angel quickly busied himself with his tea.

"Not quite what I, er, what I thought it meant."

"Me neither."

* Ah, 2014. Above had claimed the mobile phone at first, with its ability to "encourage honest and helpful communication among humans across the globe." The invention of Candy Crush and the Tumblr app had quickly been pinned on Below, along with a retroactive condemnation of all products by Steve Jobs.