Hey guys! I'm going away for a few days so I tried to get this up as soon as possible! Thanks so much for reading and being interested in this story!
Alas, I do not own Arrow.

"Am I early?" Felicity asked as Oliver opened the door a little breathlessly. It was a long walk from his bedroom to the hall door when you're in a rush. "Because I know we didn't exactly specify a time, but…"

"No, you're right on time," he replied, happy to see her, happy she came.

"Okay, great," she beamed.

"Come on in." He pulled the door out wide, waving his hand in gesture.

"You know I think that's the first time someone from the actual Queen family has answered the door to me."

"You know what, I think that might be the first time I've ever answered this door," he said in funny realization. "You know what us multi-billionaires are like."

The blonde laughed, eyes twinkling as he led her to the lounge.

Earlier Oliver had decided to do something a little bit different for lunch. The dining room was far too large for just two people and the kitchen just didn't fit the bill for them so Oliver and Raisa organised to have the table from the conservatory brought into the lounge and have it set up as if it were in a restaurant: tablecloth, small vase with a flower in it at the centre, plates, glasses, cutlery – the works. Nothing too fancy but just a smidge more romantic than just having a coffee or grabbing a bite to eat.

"I, uh, know that we didn't really talk about it, but I wanted this to feel a little different than just us sitting at the island in the kitchen over a bowl of pasta like we used to do." He gently pulled out the chair for her, "…is that okay?"

Felicity's eyes took in the sight. He could tell she was surprised by the gesture. "Setting up a table for two in the middle of the magnificent Queen lounge? I would say that is more than okay. If your mother saw this she would kill you-" Felicity suddenly cut herself short and shot her head around in frantic search of the Queen matriarch, her handbag slipping off her shoulder with her abrupt movements. "She's not here is she? Not that I don't want to have the pleasure of your mother's company again, I mean it's been a long time and that would be, you know, lovely and of course I am all for that but…she's not here, right?"

Oliver couldn't control the chuckle that came from him, and he ducked his head to hide just how much loved being around her again. He wondered if that would ever fade, that love of her company. He doubted it.

"No, she's away for the week."

Motioning to the chair, he could feel the relief radiate from her as she sat down.

"You look beautiful," he said tenderly, rounding the table to take his own seat. And God, she really did. Her blonde hair was down in soft curls and she was wearing this red dress that was just…wow. Red was definitely her colour.

"Thanks, so do you –handsome," she corrected with squeezed eyes. "Handsome. You look handsome."

"I would have taken beautiful," he smiled a bit cheekily.

She smirked in response. "I like your shirt, it brings out your eyes - not that your eyes need much help because they are ridiculous and let's be real, you could wear a paper bag and look Greek-god-esque and even more so now than ever before and, you know what, I'm gonna stop talking in…3…2…1…" She hurried to grab her glass of water and take a long swig of it, her eyes engrossed in the ceiling for a few moments.

"I tried three others on first," he admitted sheepishly.

A timid smile danced on her lips. "This was my fifth attempt at making an outfit work."

"Trust me, it's working. Overtime."

She tilted her head to the side, eyes half-rolling. "I forgot how much of a cheeseball you are."

Oliver laughed. "I didn't think I still had it in me."

"I'm glad you do."

The two of them basked in the warmth that flowed between them, the crackling of renewed hope alive in the air. Oliver rubbed his thighs with his hands just to release some of that nervy energy coursing through him, slowing down his heart rate like he had done a thousand times beforehand, and was relieved to notice that Felicity was spinning her glass around and around and around for the exact same reason. None of them seem much interested in the omelettes on their plates.

"So…" he breathed.

"So," she mimicked.

"I know that there are a lot of things that need to be said and to be talked about; seven years is a long time and for us, so much has happened, but I really appreciate you being so open to listening and to meeting with me," Oliver began. "It couldn't have been easy after what I did to you in the past and what I did to you in the present by not telling you that I'm The Hood."

"Oliver," Felicity shook her head, "you were gone for five years and I'll probably never know all of the things that you endured just to get back here. Yeah a lot has happened and there's a lot that I'm still processing and confused about but I think I owe it to myself and we owe it to each other to at least try to navigate some of what's going on with us."

Oliver cleared his throat. "Those five years away changed me – I…I can't deny that. And I saw some things that you can't even imagine; I went through things that even now I can't fully get my head around, things that just defy explanation. I had to become a person I didn't even recognise. Those years were just…hell. I'm sorry," he coughed, a little emotional, and he took time to gather himself. She waited. "The entire time that I was gone, I could never completely trust someone, and when that goes on for so long you stop seeing people as people. You see threats. Or targets. And when I decided to come home I just didn't know how to turn that part of me off for the longest time. Tommy and Digg tried to steer me in the right direction and they helped me see that what I was doing was more than just righting wrongs and that I was actually doing some good, but there was still this part of me that was looking at people with this veil over my eyes. You can call me a hero and yeah, I made progress but I was struggling. So much." His lips tugged upward. "Then we ran into each other in the coffee shop and just the sight of you was enough to put a crack in those walls I had put up. Getting to see you again and having you back in my life helped me realize that I still have the ability to see people as people. And that was…that was a game-changer. And I just…I want to do this right."

Felicity was visibly moved by his words, every now and again she looked away from him in effort to keep from crying.

"And how do we do this right?" she posed, scrapping at a loose tear that escaped.

Oliver exhaled deeply. "By telling you the truth about what happened all those years ago." He made sure he met her gaze. "Felicity, I've been playing this conversation over and over in my head and I just keep coming back to the same thing: you need to know that I never wanted to break up with you."

Uncertainty flashed across Felicity's eyes and she ever so slightly receded in her chair. Suddenly the omelettes seemed like a terrible idea; there wasn't going to be much food eaten during this.

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean that there was never a single moment when I was with you that I wanted to change. I loved you," he declared softly with a tiny shrug. "I loved being with you, I loved being around you, I loved talking to you, listening to you, making plans with you – the whole thing. You were my favourite person in the whole world and I never ever wanted to hurt you."

"Oliver, I don't understand." She was defensive now.

Rolling his lips in, he met her stare with a tentativeness he didn't know he still possessed. "You weren't going to London. This great, big, huge opportunity and you told me you didn't want to go, that you wanted to stick to the plan. Our plan. I couldn't let you throw that away, Felicity, I just couldn't. You had – have – so much to offer and there was no way I was going to stand in the way of that."

A flicker of something he couldn't quite read shot through her eyes and his heart beat a little faster.

"Oliver…"

"I didn't know what else to do, and things just happened and I ran with them because I knew that you were throwing away something amazing because of me. I loved you too much for that to happen."

Felicity's eyes were much colder than they had been previous and Oliver swallowed hard at the hurt rising up within them. He knew this was going to be hard. "Hold on, so you are trying to tell me that you, what, orchestrated that kiss with Laurel to make me think that you wanted her not me? What about when you went out with her and then subsequently Sara? Was that, what, to make it more convincing? I don't understand any of this, Oliver!"

"No, I would never go to those lengths. The kiss happened and it was a genuine mistake but I-"

"But you used it as a tool to break my heart," she finished for him, tears back in full force. "You manipulated a situation, something that was supposedly innocent, in order to make me feel like I was worthless. Because that's how I felt, Oliver. Like I was nothing to you. And what do you do when you feel like the one person in the world who has told you countless times that he loves you and that he wants you suddenly turns around and makes you feel the opposite? How was I supposed to trust anyone ever again? If the person you want doesn't want you back, why would anyone else ever want you?" Her voice trailed off in the end, the vulnerability cracking through her angered exterior.

Oliver felt the ache in his chest again. He had no idea what he was doing back then, what the repercussions for Felicity would be, and he wished for nothing more than to go back to that eighteen-year-old kid and talk him out of what he was going to do.

"Felicity I'm so sorry, you have to believe me-"

"London was my decision," she countered strongly with a hand over her heart. "And no, you're right, I wasn't going to go. I thought what we had was worth staying and fighting for and I always, always believed that there was going to be another opportunity like London that would've kept me near you. We were eighteen; to think that nothing else, nothing better, could come along would have been narrowing my view on my life and my abilities."

"I really felt like this was too good to miss out on," he retorted, moving his plate out of his way so he could lean both arms on the table. "Of course you would have got other offers – I have never, for a second, doubted your capabilities. Your brain is incredible. But I was afraid that if you never took that because of us, then us was always going to be factored into a decision and I didn't want to be someone that you came to resent because you chose me over something better."

"I would have never resented you," she whispered, pulling further away in the chair.

"You don't know that," he said calmly.

"You should have talked to me about it, you should have found another way because what you did, that was so much worse than breaking up with me for my own good. Using Laurel like that? Making me believe crap about trying new things and being too young to settle down? You lied straight to my face, Oliver. You saw me falling apart and you kept twisting the knife in further and further. You had me watch while you moved on with Laurel – was that part of the plan, by the way? Or did you just trick yourself into thinking you were doing it for me?"

Oliver dropped his head, the memories of it all making him so tired. "That wasn't what everyone thought it was. It was something small that escalated into something much bigger than I expected and I don't…I don't really have any excuse for that. I was broken. I had broken my heart in the process and I was acting out because that's all I knew."

"And then you took Sara on The Gambit with you." Cold, and factual.

"There are a lot of things about that period in my life that I wish I could take back, Felicity. You have no idea. But over the years, I've learned that I can't run away from the choices I made."

The woman wiped away a few stray tears and rubbed her hands on her dress, emotionally drawn and noticeably reliving those moments in her living room all those years ago.

"I loved you so much, Oliver, you have no idea. When I heard The Gambit went down it was like a part of me went down with it. And I always prayed I'd get to see you again and I've longed for answers about our relationship but learning how easy things could have been fixed or changed somehow makes it all so much worse."

"I'm so sorry."

"I would never…" she paused for a second, "I would never regret my time in London because I grew a lot in that year. I was grieving for you and it made it easier to be away from Starling when all of that was happening, and I learned a lot about myself, too." She forced herself to meet his gaze and he was unsure of what she would see there. "But I just wish that you could have told me truth instead of concocting some stupid lies and shattering my heart. It just feels so cruel, Oliver. And you were never cruel. You were so loving and you made me feel like I was someone. And then you took that assurance away from me and I didn't feel like anybody."

Daringly, Oliver slowly reached out across the table and took one of her hands in his. It felt cold and lifeless and he tried and failed to ignore the pang that shot through his chest. "Felicity, I loved you with everything in me. You meant so much to me – and you still do. I've been in love with you for seven years and that's not ever going to change. And I can't tell you how sorry I am; if I could go back and change it, I would. But I can't."

"I know you're sorry," she breathed. "And I want to believe you when you say you love me-"

"What do I have to do to fix this?"

She rubbed the back of his hand, working her lip between her teeth. "I don't know," she eventually said quietly.

Laurel Lance felt like the most hated girl on the planet. And she couldn't understand it, because that kiss was a mistake. It wasn't like she went to that party to seek out Oliver and kiss him senseless for the sole purpose of stealing him away from Felicity. What did that say about her if everyone was suddenly so quick to think of her as some kind of pathetic, desperate maneater?

Laurel liked Felicity. Okay, so maybe she never made much effort to talk to her but they were just in different groups in school and they didn't have much in common, but that didn't mean she wanted to steal her boyfriend.

Oliver had his chance with her. And that was a long time ago. She never let him know that he really hurt her though, because she was too proud for that, yet she would be lying if she said that she didn't see some kind of future with him. She'd always had a crush on him when they were younger and it was no secret that he liked her too, so it always seemed inevitable that they would end up together. But when he told her he didn't want to be with her, she was upset. He was blunt and honest – which she appreciated – but nothing ever really prepares you for the jerking drop of disappointment, and she saw some of her plans and hopes dissipate in a moment.

He was happy with Felicity - that was obvious to everyone. And she was happy for them, she was, but something in the way they talked to each other at the party, and the way he listened and encouraged her…and even just the way he looked at her while she spoke told her that he was the guy she always thought he could be.

That's why she hugged him; something about the moment seemed right to do so, and truth be told, she really needed a hug. Finishing off high school and applying to colleges really shook her world, and lately she had felt more confused and more alone than she ever had before. That's not to say that she usually had it all together but life was suddenly sprinting ahead of her and she was kind of floundering around behind it, unsure of pretty much everything.

The kiss though…she was so humiliated. She shouldn't have tried to kiss him on the cheek – what was she thinking? It's not as though they had a relationship that warranted that kind of thing; she had no idea what came over her, but Oliver moved and there was very little she could do before his lips were planted firmly on hers.

And for a millisecond she felt something. A small glimmer of something unidentifiable.

And then she bolted away, the cackling and heckling from her classmates enough to bring her right back down to earth. They were all pointing and laughing and calling him names and calling her names and taking pictures and all she wanted was for the floor to swallow her whole and end it all. Tears had immediately filled her eyes at the taunting and she couldn't believe that this was how she was going to end high school. Oliver looked no better, like he was in a daze and not sure where he was.

She hadn't seen or spoken to him since. It had only been two days since it happened but she at least thought he would have replied to her apology message, yet she supposed he probably had other things on his mind.

But then she received a message from her sister Sara.

Oliver had broken up with Felicity.

Word spread like wildfire over his break-up with Felicity and Oliver hated himself.

He knew what he was doing was in her best interest but he also knew there was a better way he could have handled it. Breaking her heart had never been an option for him since the day he met her and somehow, over the course of time, it seemed to him to be the only thing he could do to ensure that she took all the chances that were offered to her.

He spent the next day just lying on his bed, ignoring his phone and pretending like he hadn't lost the girl of his dreams. Raisa brought up some food and drink but never said anything, reading his mood. Speedy yelled at him when she found out what happened from her friends in school, baffled and distraught over the end of his relationship. Thea really loved Felicity. So not only was he the worst boyfriend in the world he was also the worst brother. Great.

And Oliver was perfectly content with letting the world slip by him because he didn't see the point in being a part of it right now. He didn't know what to do; it was like he was public enemy number one. Poor Laurel was probably getting the brunt of it, too, but he couldn't even force himself to talk to her.

What was the point? Nothing was going to make it any better.

"This whole look really suits you."

Oliver lifted his head from his pillow to see Tommy standing in the doorway sporting a much smaller smirk than usual.

"The pathetic rich kid sulking in his superhero pyjamas – it is definitely a look."

"I found them in my drawer," Oliver muttered, pulling at his Batman shorts and lying back down. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry did you just ask what I'm doing here?" he questioned, striding over to the bed. "You expect something like that to go down and for me to just sit at home? You weren't returning my calls."

"I didn't realize we were dating."

"Ollie, look at me," Tommy said with a huff, plonking onto the bed and taking up a soft American football from the bed and tossing at his face.

Resigned, Oliver scrambled to sit upright.

"What the hell happened, man? I was in the kitchen and I heard a bunch of yelling and by the time I got upstairs you were gone and everyone was talking about you kissing Laurel! Not to mention the endless amount of pictures I was sent. I think, as your best friend, that I am supposed to be told about life-altering events like this."

The other boy crossed his arms, slouching in shame. "Felicity has to go to London."

"Are we talking about the same thing here?" Tommy asked, furrowing his brow in confusion. "How does that have anything to with this?"

"Because I used a situation to my advantage because I thought it was the right thing to do, but now I just feel horrible."

"Must you insist on talking in code?" Tommy asked in exasperation." My brain still hurts from the party and you acting like The Riddler isn't doing me any favours. Just spill, Ollie. What's really going on?"

Oliver sighed, dragging one of his knees up to his chest. "The kiss was a mistake; I just went the wrong way. But everyone saw and everyone had already made up their minds about what happened and the pictures were being sent and I just, I don't know, I thought maybe this was fate or something."

"I don't like where this is going."

"I told Felicity that the kiss didn't happen the way it looked-"

"Yes, good," his best friend interjected.

"But I said that it made me realize that maybe we shouldn't be so settled on what we think we want."

"Okay, no, bad! Man, what were you thinking?" Tommy picked up the soft toy and flung it harder at him.

Oliver picked up the same toy and fired it back at him, but Tommy ducked in time and it went flying across the room, landing dramatically by the door. "I was thinking that she needed to leave and there was no way she was going to leave if we were together. And if she thought there was still a chance between us then it would be even more difficult for her. It needed to be a clean break."

"So you were trying to be selfless by being selfish. A hero by being a villain. I mean, it's kind of poetic if it wasn't so stupid."

"Tommy, I love her okay and I want her to be the best and the last thing I need right now is you telling me that what I did was wrong because I've told myself that a million times."

"Ollie, she was always going to be the best no matter what she chose. You're just dumb and in love and love, my friend, has made you more stupid than I thought possible. The least you could have done was consulted me on this plan beforehand so that I could have stopped you. Not only are you completely miserable but, now it looks like the old Oliver who wants to play the field is back. She's going to think that your relationship was all a lie when really the truth is that you love her too much." He closed his eyes and rested a hand on his forehead. "Now my brain really hurts."

"I know, mine too."

"You know this is going to have huge consequences, right? Like, have you even talked to Laurel yet?"

Oliver shook his head, the shame all-consuming.

Tommy pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers. "Ollie, this is such a mess."

"I need to talk to her. I just don't know what to say."

"I mean you could just tell her the truth but you're just gonna sound like a lunatic and I don't see how that helps anything."

Oliver flit his gaze around his bedroom, taking note of all the things in there that reminded him of Felicity: the hoodie she bought him for his birthday that hung lazily over the chair at his desk, a collection of ticket stubs from movies they had seen together stuck to his wall , her lip balm she left there just a few days previous…

And instead of the weight solely piercing through his chest, it was all over him from the tips of his fingers and toes to the top of his head and everything just felt duller. It was as if every part of his body had given up and left this dampened state in its wake. That was the moment he knew he had reached complete and total heartbreak and God, it was so much worse than he imagined.

His best friend leaned forward, tapping him on his leg. "Hey, are you okay? I'm sorry for going at you I just can't believe this happened." He sighed. "I know I don't say this stuff a lot but I am here if you need anything. You've always been a great friend to me so I think it's only fair that I help you out every now and again too," he said with a smile.

"Thanks, Tommy," he replied with a genuine smile, knowing that he'd never find a better friend than Tommy Merlyn. "Look, I'll talk to Laurel but I'm not telling her the truth; nobody can know, okay? I didn't just mess up the best thing in my life for nothing. What I need to do now is just carry on, I guess."

The other boy scrunched his face. "I mean I hate to bring it up but what about what everyone thinks of you? Your bad-boy reputation is kind of taking off again and I don't know how to stop it, man."

"Let them think what they want. Rumours are gonna happen anyway and people are always going to say what they want to say and see what they want to see and I'm not going to fight it. I'll be out of Starling soon and then I'll be old news."

"Soon? Ollie, we're not heading to the East Coast until August."

Oliver used his arms to push himself up and threw his legs over the side of the bed so that he could sit on the edge of it. "Dad's going on a business trip on The Gambit in a few weeks and I think I'm gonna go with him. I need a break from here."

"You and your dad on a boat? That sounds like a reality TV show in the making. Let's hope you guys don't kill each other."

"We'll see what happens," Oliver snorted, clambering up to his feet. Tommy followed suit.

Feeling a surge of gratitude towards his best friend, Oliver hugged him. "Thanks for coming over."

"Anytime," he replied, breaking the embrace. "Now hit the shower because you smell like despair and desperation."

Felicity hadn't left her house since Oliver broke up with her and she wasn't sure if she was ever going to leave it again. Who needed to go outside, right? I mean, with the internet nowadays all of your essentials could be delivered to your door making the whole idea of trekking outside completely obsolete. She could just sit on her bed wearing a bathrobe, eating an endless supply of junk food and just waste away.

She often wondered what this phase of a break-up was. Like, there were the five stages of handling grief, so what was the equivalent to dealing with heartbreak? Because right now she was in this weird bitter but not angry, sad but not crying, resigned but not accepted phase that seemed to spark her careless, sarcastic side that her mother was feeling the force of.

She felt as though she had experienced possibly every emotion under the sun. Sometimes she just broke out into laughter at her life and how she had somehow ended up here, wallowing over a boy. She was never the wallowing type; there were logical reasons for everything and she thought that wasting any good energy on being upset over things out of your control was just that: a waste. But this? This was brand new to her.

And she didn't like it.

Like, at all.

And everything about herself and about her wants and hopes and all that stuff was just tossed into the air and muddled up in the process.

It wasn't until her mom knocked on her bedroom door a couple of days later with the saddest smile Felicity had seen her wear since her dad left and gently placed the confirmation letter of her scholarship at her feet without saying a single word that Felicity felt the tiniest spark in her heart again.

She picked up the letter in her hands, feeling the extra thick velvet-y paper they use to send the successful applicants and released a breath she didn't realize she had been holding.

Hope you guys enjoyed what you read! :)