Title: The Pursuit of Yaoiness

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or anything associated with it. All rights reserved to J.K. Rowling

Rating: T

Genre: Humor

Summary: Dean wanted a quiet day to draw. Cedric wanted to stay sane. And who ever knows what Blaise wants? Requests denied! So decreed Harry Potter to everyone's brains. Gift fic for 400th reviewer Firehedgehog!

~oOo~

It had been awhile since Dean Thomas was able to get the Boy's Dorm all to himself. Neville was in one of the Green Houses working on a project, Seamus had decided to finish up his homework in the library as opposed to dicking around with Dean for once, and Harry was out with Ron (who was hopefully keeping the smallest Gryffindor from doing anything silly/dangerous).

Which left Dean with plenty of time to sketch without distraction. He sat in the center of his bed, half finished sketches and art supplies surrounding him. The large text book he was using as a table was perched on his lap with a blank (the bane of all artists) piece of parchment spread over it. Dean tapped his art pencil against his lip, dark eyes staring at the parchment as his brain projected endless images for him to start with. He hovered the tip of his pencil over the paper, and prepared to make the swishes and flicks of his wrist that would translate the muddle of his mind to something truly beautiful –

"Pssst! Dean!"

Dean's hand jerked in surprise as his head shot up and looked frantically around the room. There was no one around he could see. Looking back at his paper he saw that it had a long black streak in the center and was torn at the end. He sighed. Ruined.

"Down here!" The voice that had messed up his drawing hissed again.

Against his better judgment, Dean looked down the side of his bed and jumped again in shock.

Because there was Harry Potter, half way under his bed laying on his back. Staring directly at him. Creepily.

Harry Potter had not been half way under his bed a half an hour ago.

"What the bloody hell are you doing!?"

"Sorry about that. I wanted to talk to you privately and this was the only way I could ditch Ron," Harry said as he casually slinked from under the bed and climbed next to Dean. "He's worried about all the people trying to kill me lately and doesn't want me to go anywhere alone. Poor guy is so paranoid."

Dean stared at the raven haired boy incredulously. "H-how did you get under there? How long have you been under there?"

"…So I wanted to ask you a huge favor, that is if you're not busy?"

Dean sighed at the nonexistent answer. He supposed getting a sensible response was hoping for too much. "Nah, I'm not really doing anything. What is it?"

Harry flushed a little, and for the first time Dean noticed the muggle notebook the short Gryffindor was holding against his chest. "So you know how you're the best artist in Hogwarts, right?"

"Er-er," Dean stuttered a bit. Well, he wasn't quite so humble as to say he wasn't proud of his own works. But it was flattering to hear he was the best from someone else. And said so matter of fatly as well! Dean was embarrassed to feel a blush creeping up his neck. "I don't know about all that, but thanks Har'"

Harry waved the gratitude away like a pesky fly. "I was wondering if you could…maybe…make this in to a manga for me please!" He finished the last part in a rush, bowing his head in a supplicating position and presenting the notebook as if it were a prized treasure.

Sparing Harry a suspicious glance, Dean grabbed the book carefully. He didn't think the small Gryffindor was the type to pull pranks, but he never imagined the quiet little boy from first year would ever turn into this…well, THIS.

He turned to the first page, and when nothing untoward happened read the script out loud; "'The scene begins on a normal sunny morning in the Zabini household. It is Blaiseauku-kun's first day as a freshmen in Hogwarts Koukou and is about to be late! He rushes down the stairs and grabs a piece of toast, holding it between his teeth as he bursts outside and runs to school! Poor Blaiseauku-kun is in such a rush that he doesn't notice the person ahead, and plows right into him. His messenger bag, lunch box, and precious toast go flying as the two go tumbling down. The mysterious person lands on his back, with Blaiseauku-kun on top of his chest, the force of the fall causing their lips to accidentally meet!

'Mortified, Blaiseauku-kun scrambles away and finally sees the person who has stolen his first kiss. He blushes fiercely as he meets the handsome eyes of Diggorishi-sama of class 2-B! Hogwarts Koukou's school idol…'"

Dean couldn't go any further. The Train Wreck Effect had worn off and his brain said what are you doing!? STAHP! STHAP NOW! For a few moments he could only stare at Harry. "Do you even have Zabini and Diggory's permission to write…stuff like this about them?" he said instead of 'The fuck did I just read!?'

Harry had the audacity to look completely serious. "What do they have to do with anything? The character rights to Blaiseauku-kun and Diggorishi-sama belong to me. I created them fair and square."

"Harry, I'm not going to make your porn fantasy into a comic book!"

"It is not porn! It's barely yaoi! In fact, it's more shounen ai if anything."

Again, Dean stared, then pinched the bridge of his nose. Lord, give him patience. "Look, I don't care if it's yahhway or whatever you just said –"

"It's yaoi, Dean, because I don't think Yahweh would approve of your line of thought right now. But would you just give it a chance! Here look!" Harry reached over and flipped through the pages, pointing at a random paragraph. "It gets more plot driven, I promise!"

Dean tried to keep his resolve firm and expression flat. In retaliation, Harry gave him big green sad puppy eyes. He was proud to say that he lasted at least five seconds against those eyes. Oh come on! Militant Dictators couldn't stand up to those eyes! Stannis friggin' Baratheon couldn't stand up to those eyes!

Dean at least managed to look disapproving as he read the pointed out passage in flat tones, increasingly disbelieving as he got further. "'…"If only Sempai would notice me," Blaiseauku-kun sighed despondently to himself from his locker, as Diggorishi-sama laughed merrily with his many friends. Alas! Blaiseauku-kun had little time to get Diggorishi Cedric-sama to notice him and return his affections. For he only had until the next full moon to find the Crystal Princess Hermione-chan, and purify the demon spirits that were reincarnated as 25 different people somewhere in the city of Hogsmead. And he still had to study for his exam in Snap-sensei's class –!' No. I can't. Harry. Where – HOW do you come up with this stuff!?"

"From my mind."

"Well, your mind is giving me a headache."

"…So you don't like it, then?" Harry said in a dejected tone.

Regardless if Harry was giving him the Mickey or not, Dean still felt a little bad. Sure, this little…story wasn't exactly his cup of tea, but clearly Harry had worked hard on it, and who was to be such a harsh critic? "Well…it's not…I don't think I can just draw Diggory and Zabini. Without their permission. Doing…everything in here."

"Assuming that they were Blaise and Cedric, though frankly I think that's a bit of a stretch. I mean, they are leagues away from being like those characters –"

"You refer to them as 'Slytherin' and 'Hufflepuff' several times on this page alone," Dean deadpanned as he gestured to said page. "In fact, right here it mentions their 'Inter-House Hogwarts love is forbidden'."

"It's a fan-based representation," Harry continued as if he hadn't heard him. "That means all you have to do is slap a disclaimer in the beginning and I can do whatever I want to them! AH! I mean…theoretically speaking, of course."

"Uh huh." Dean knew he could refuse right then, and there would be some pouting, but otherwise no hard feelings on Harry's part but…

The bloke was just so damn nice! Once, Dean caught the boy repairing rips and tears on all the first year robes during the late hours of the night, and he'd made individual cookie baskets for everyone in school. Even the teachers! And Dean Thomas liked to think of himself as a pretty decent guy as well.

Dean Thomas was also not the type of artist to paint raunchy sex scenes and call it Contemporary.

Suddenly, Dean was struck with an idea that would make them both happy. If it worked, that is. "Why don't you make the comic yourself, Harry?"

Harry's eyebrows rose in honest surprise. "Me? But I can't draw."

"Sure you can!" Dean said with an encouraging grin. And he genuinely meant it to boot. "You did those paintings on the cookie baskets right? They weren't half bad."

"But…they're all owls. My skill level in art is strictly owl."

"Have you tried to draw anything else?" Dean cajoled.

"Noooo. I dunno if I'd be any good at other stuff. Maybe I could do a tree branch…for owls to perch on of course – "

"How would you know if you never tried though?" Dean interrupted before Harry could go on some long owl tangent. He didn't know if he would, but it was best to not take any chances. "Look, you and you alone have the best idea of what you want this world and its characters to look like. So who better to translate it into art than the creator of the story himself, eh?"

Harry still looked hesitant, but Dean could tell he was warming up to the idea. If only because the raven haired teen hadn't misdirected Dean in such a way that had him convinced to go along with his porn mongering. "Alright, I'll give you that, but…I really like your style though."

"I'll tell you what, Har'. You go on and give your manga a go, and if you find you're having some trouble I'll – give you some tips." Dean had almost slipped and said he'd draw it himself. As it was, he knew he would regret the alternative offer just as much.

But Harry's smile made the dull lighted room that much brighter, so Dean found himself not minding the Zabini-Diggory nightmares he would be having in the near future.

"Thanks Dean!" Harry chirped, scrambling off the bed and muttering, "now where to find inspiration for the gentle curve of Ceddy-chan's butt?"

If Harry had looked back, he would see Dean's returning smile was decidedly strained. The artist made a mental note to ask Madam Pomfrey for a stock of Dreamless Sleep. Dean Thomas was a nice bloke, but let it not be said that he wasn't a practical, Harry-fearing, bloke as well.

~oOo~

Hours earlier, in the Hogwart's Library, an innocent Sixth Year Hufflepuff was frantically flipping through a notebook with the title Notes for Blaisauku no Yokai Slayer. Fight! Now Cedric Diggory, the Hufflepuff in question, was not one to nose about in other peoples things. His intentions were entirely pure, having wanted to simply check for a name inside the book so he could return it to its owner.

That is until he caught sight of his own name… and the awfulness that which resided within the contents of the book.

Potter was slowly but surely causing Cedric to regret his thoughtful nature. And if there was any doubt that Potter was behind this, then the name The-Boy-Who-Love's-Cedric-and-Blaise-Together-as-One-4life! next to the author line certainly gave the Gryffindor away.

"The boy need's help," Cedric muttered as his panicked eyes continued to rove over each page. As if reading further would somehow change the book to something else…anything. Else. "And I think I need a restraining order."

"Diggory, what is that?"

Cedric jumped at the voice behind him. He whirled around and hid the book behind his back like it was a dirty magazine. Starring himself. And the guy who was coincidentally glaring at him.

"Nothing!" Cedric squeaked. He mentally consoled his manliness by telling himself that this was a perfectly O.K. occasion to squeak in. "This! This is uh…not. A, uh. Thing! No."

Somehow, the simple flat look Zabini bestowed upon him perfectly conveyed how stupid he thought Cedric was. "How are you a Prefect?"

"Oh shove off you toss – HEY!" Cedric started indignantly, only to stop because the notebook was suddenly no longer in his possession.

Before Cedric could give any protest about how that wasn't Zabini's property, or how he shouldn't just snatch things from people, Zabani was already flipping through the book, speed reading through each page.

He felt that blasted thoughtful nature of his creeping upon him as he worried what Zabini would do to Potter when he next saw him. Slytherins, he knew, were not the type to take well to jokes they were the butt of. Because this had to be a joke. A silly little prank. Because if it wasn't then Cedric's next move was to lock himself in his dorm room and curl into a fetal position under his bed for all eternity.

Zabini looked up from the book, his expression having been disinterested during his perusal and was now still just as disinterested as his eyes locked on Cedric. "Tch," he snorted, closing the book with one hand. "As if I would ever Bottom."

He tossed the perverted material to Cedric, and after loftily saying, "Tell Potter to do a bit more research before he starts writing stories," he turned around and walked away.

If Cedric were to say anything to Potter, then it would be 'please stop doing things that make me want to die of embarrassment every time I see you!' Not that he was going to start taking orders from his underclassmen. Or Slytherins. Or his co-star in Potter's Japanese erotica.

Cedric glared at the book and briefly entertained the thought of burning it and dancing on the ashes, before his internal Hufflepuffness said, "Nu! Not yours. Don't be a dick." It even bopped him on the nose with a newspaper.

He sighed to heavens at his mutinous conscious. Fine. He'd return the evil thing. But he would write a stern yet polite request to not write such things about him and to not talk to Zabini about research.

The thought of Potter confronting him about the book because of his note caused an involuntary shudder to run down his back. Maybe a stern yet polite request to keep the book to himself and to not talk to Zabini about research would be better.

~oOo~

Late gift fic is late. But it is completed! :D

Hope you liked it Firehedgehog! Original request: hehh heh heh, i want a one-shot of harry making his version of yaoi manga

Mucho thanks and love to you, and all those who reviewed He's Awesome!