Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story. And do you
seriously think I'd be sitting here writing fan-fiction if I did? Well, do
you?
A/N: This is very stupid. Read at your own risk. *.* is italics. Also, I don't have anything against Harry Potter and I enjoyed the books, I just like teasing him. Please don't be offended.
Try to Save the King
"Great!" Said Alanna, "Now I have to watch Jonathan's *offspring*, and I have to go to the bloody ball!" Princess Kalasin looked up at her with sad puppy-dog eyes. "Oh. Its not that I don't love you," she cooed, giving the six year old a hug. "Don't worry!" said Harry Potter in an annoying whiny voice, "Flippendo!" and before anything could be done, Princess Kalasin and Prince Roald were hanging from the ceiling, suspended on heavy metal chains attached to their ankles. "What the bloody hell did you do that for?" yelled Alanna, "and who the bloody hell are you?" Just then Jonathan *strode* into the room and saw his children dangling from the roof. His left eye ball bulged, and he roared, "Ahh, what have you done to my children, you cretin?" and he proceeded to shake Alanna Savagely. "I didn't do it, *he* did!" she bellowed, pointing to the offending object. Harry cringed pathetically. Jonathan roared, advancing on the ugly little boy, and suddenly he stopped. His body started to convulse, and he was soon writhing on the ground. "Oh no!" he's gone into one of his fits again!?" said Alanna. "Didn't mean to," whinged Harry. Alanna glared at Harry viciously, and his lovely green eyes filled with tears of cowardice. The King suddenly stopped writhing and stood up, looking at his children through one blood-shot eye. "Ah, do them good! He said, and with a crazy laugh, he ran from the room. "QUICK!" yelled Alanna to nobody in particular, "After him!" thinking twice, she rounded on Harry, "And *you* stay here," she race out of the room, Harry tagging along behind. Neither of them noticed the bright-blue puppy-dog eyes Princess Kalasin turned to them as they left.
Runny through the halls after the king, Alanna bumped into Duke Rodger, automatically cutting him down as she went. When they reached the hall of crowns, Alanna caught up and tackled Jonathan to the ground, pinning him down. Just then, George came in. "Alanna! What are you doin'?" he yelled. "Jonathan's having one of his episodes! It's bloody worse than usual!" "Oh, that's alright then," said George, and raced into the fray. Soon they had the King gagged and bound and lying on floor. "Quick we need the finest wizard around!" yelled George. "I-," Harry began, "Not *you*! Go and find someone else!" snapped Alanna. "Okay!" whimpered Harry.
(Several hours of tediously checking on the king's twitching body come to pass)
"That's it, I can't take anymore of this!" said Thayet, who had arrived moments earlier. "Where's that scrawny lad who said he was gettin' someone?" asked George. "Who cares!" replied Alanna. "Mayhap Rodger's old rooms might give us somethin' to go on?" asked George. "Huh, yes, I really think so," said Alanna sarcastically, "Rodger only had ways to bloody kill Jonathan, not bloody revive him." "It's still worth a try," said Thayet diplomatically, and the three of them left Jonathan for Rodger's rooms. None of them noticed Jonathan's beautiful blue Puppy-dog eyes glittering insanely after them.
On the way they met Sir Gareth (the younger) and Sir Myles of Olau. They were arguing heatedly about the best way to bring down a crazed Centaur. "I tell you, you aim for the throat!" yelled Sir Gareth. "Bah! What about the forelegs? You have to chop the hooves-" "Myles! Gary! The King's gone crazy!" interrupted Thayet. "What?" they yelled in unison, "No time to explain must get to fanatical Duke's rooms, no time." said George in a 'Duff-man' voice. And they all hurtled off down the corridors.
*(Several hours of becoming lost in the palace, blindly picking up people such as Thom, Alanna's son Thom, Raoul and Daine come to pass)*
Finally they arrived in Rodger's chambers. "What war was fought here?" asked Raoul of the mess, "Rodger wasn't as neat as we were lead to believe," said Myles Sinisterly. "If only you hadn't killed Rodger this mornin', Alanna, he might have helped us make sense of this clutter," George added unhelpfully. Alanna shrugged. "Yes, sister dear," said Thom tiredly, "No sooner had I finished raising Rodger and myself to life, than you go and kill him. Really and truly! It's the fourth time this week!" he looked around the room for support. Everyone except Thom junior averted their eyes. "Shut up Thom!" said Alanna irritably, "If you bloody wouldn't keep doing your 'Cole' trick, I'd vanquish you on the spot!" And they went to work. But their search proved fruitless. The only volumes to be found in Rodger's book shelf were titles like, 'An Usurper's Guide to Tortall', 'My First Murder', and 'Regicidal Movements of the 390's'. At Last they sat down with a sigh and stared into space for a good five minutes. "Hey!" exclaimed Daine, "Maybe Delia of Eldorne knows something!" "Who're you?" asked Gary, "I'm Daine," said Daine. "Oh," said Gary. "To the Dungeons!" yelled George
As the company raced through the building, George puffed to Alanna, "Why would Delia know anything?" "Why the bloody hell would bloody anyone know anything? Why did we think bloody Rodger would have?" "Good point," said George.
Down in the Dungeons where all is dank and dark and dingy, the companions tip-toed grimly. Unknown slimy substances brushed against them as they walked past. Finally, in the deeps of the dungeons, approximately one thousand metres below sea-level, in the most irksome pit, the direst hell- hole, they found Delia. Wrenching the rusted door open, they all crowed in. Delia sat on the bare stone floor doing her nails and trying *very* hard not to cry. Just then, the earth began to shake....
Dun dun dun.... If you are laughing hysterically, review, if you are staring blankly at the screen in utter confusion, review, and if (as most likely you are) you are shaking your head in disgust, review.
A/N: This is very stupid. Read at your own risk. *.* is italics. Also, I don't have anything against Harry Potter and I enjoyed the books, I just like teasing him. Please don't be offended.
Try to Save the King
"Great!" Said Alanna, "Now I have to watch Jonathan's *offspring*, and I have to go to the bloody ball!" Princess Kalasin looked up at her with sad puppy-dog eyes. "Oh. Its not that I don't love you," she cooed, giving the six year old a hug. "Don't worry!" said Harry Potter in an annoying whiny voice, "Flippendo!" and before anything could be done, Princess Kalasin and Prince Roald were hanging from the ceiling, suspended on heavy metal chains attached to their ankles. "What the bloody hell did you do that for?" yelled Alanna, "and who the bloody hell are you?" Just then Jonathan *strode* into the room and saw his children dangling from the roof. His left eye ball bulged, and he roared, "Ahh, what have you done to my children, you cretin?" and he proceeded to shake Alanna Savagely. "I didn't do it, *he* did!" she bellowed, pointing to the offending object. Harry cringed pathetically. Jonathan roared, advancing on the ugly little boy, and suddenly he stopped. His body started to convulse, and he was soon writhing on the ground. "Oh no!" he's gone into one of his fits again!?" said Alanna. "Didn't mean to," whinged Harry. Alanna glared at Harry viciously, and his lovely green eyes filled with tears of cowardice. The King suddenly stopped writhing and stood up, looking at his children through one blood-shot eye. "Ah, do them good! He said, and with a crazy laugh, he ran from the room. "QUICK!" yelled Alanna to nobody in particular, "After him!" thinking twice, she rounded on Harry, "And *you* stay here," she race out of the room, Harry tagging along behind. Neither of them noticed the bright-blue puppy-dog eyes Princess Kalasin turned to them as they left.
Runny through the halls after the king, Alanna bumped into Duke Rodger, automatically cutting him down as she went. When they reached the hall of crowns, Alanna caught up and tackled Jonathan to the ground, pinning him down. Just then, George came in. "Alanna! What are you doin'?" he yelled. "Jonathan's having one of his episodes! It's bloody worse than usual!" "Oh, that's alright then," said George, and raced into the fray. Soon they had the King gagged and bound and lying on floor. "Quick we need the finest wizard around!" yelled George. "I-," Harry began, "Not *you*! Go and find someone else!" snapped Alanna. "Okay!" whimpered Harry.
(Several hours of tediously checking on the king's twitching body come to pass)
"That's it, I can't take anymore of this!" said Thayet, who had arrived moments earlier. "Where's that scrawny lad who said he was gettin' someone?" asked George. "Who cares!" replied Alanna. "Mayhap Rodger's old rooms might give us somethin' to go on?" asked George. "Huh, yes, I really think so," said Alanna sarcastically, "Rodger only had ways to bloody kill Jonathan, not bloody revive him." "It's still worth a try," said Thayet diplomatically, and the three of them left Jonathan for Rodger's rooms. None of them noticed Jonathan's beautiful blue Puppy-dog eyes glittering insanely after them.
On the way they met Sir Gareth (the younger) and Sir Myles of Olau. They were arguing heatedly about the best way to bring down a crazed Centaur. "I tell you, you aim for the throat!" yelled Sir Gareth. "Bah! What about the forelegs? You have to chop the hooves-" "Myles! Gary! The King's gone crazy!" interrupted Thayet. "What?" they yelled in unison, "No time to explain must get to fanatical Duke's rooms, no time." said George in a 'Duff-man' voice. And they all hurtled off down the corridors.
*(Several hours of becoming lost in the palace, blindly picking up people such as Thom, Alanna's son Thom, Raoul and Daine come to pass)*
Finally they arrived in Rodger's chambers. "What war was fought here?" asked Raoul of the mess, "Rodger wasn't as neat as we were lead to believe," said Myles Sinisterly. "If only you hadn't killed Rodger this mornin', Alanna, he might have helped us make sense of this clutter," George added unhelpfully. Alanna shrugged. "Yes, sister dear," said Thom tiredly, "No sooner had I finished raising Rodger and myself to life, than you go and kill him. Really and truly! It's the fourth time this week!" he looked around the room for support. Everyone except Thom junior averted their eyes. "Shut up Thom!" said Alanna irritably, "If you bloody wouldn't keep doing your 'Cole' trick, I'd vanquish you on the spot!" And they went to work. But their search proved fruitless. The only volumes to be found in Rodger's book shelf were titles like, 'An Usurper's Guide to Tortall', 'My First Murder', and 'Regicidal Movements of the 390's'. At Last they sat down with a sigh and stared into space for a good five minutes. "Hey!" exclaimed Daine, "Maybe Delia of Eldorne knows something!" "Who're you?" asked Gary, "I'm Daine," said Daine. "Oh," said Gary. "To the Dungeons!" yelled George
As the company raced through the building, George puffed to Alanna, "Why would Delia know anything?" "Why the bloody hell would bloody anyone know anything? Why did we think bloody Rodger would have?" "Good point," said George.
Down in the Dungeons where all is dank and dark and dingy, the companions tip-toed grimly. Unknown slimy substances brushed against them as they walked past. Finally, in the deeps of the dungeons, approximately one thousand metres below sea-level, in the most irksome pit, the direst hell- hole, they found Delia. Wrenching the rusted door open, they all crowed in. Delia sat on the bare stone floor doing her nails and trying *very* hard not to cry. Just then, the earth began to shake....
Dun dun dun.... If you are laughing hysterically, review, if you are staring blankly at the screen in utter confusion, review, and if (as most likely you are) you are shaking your head in disgust, review.