A/N - Hello again! I am here with a multi-chapter fic for you. I have such a soft spot for Brooke and Lucas in my heart, and for Brooke, especially during season four. This is rewriting things a little bit. My heart breaks for Brooke in season four when the Ravens win the championship game and she tells Lucas to go after Peyton. This is fanfiction, so I get to rewrite the moments I don't like. Fair warning however, I have not rewritten it the way a typical fan would. It's just that his "epiphany" never made sense to me since he'd already said that it was Brooke he wanted to be standing beside him when his dreams came true.

He remembers the first time he strung the words I love you and the name Brooke Davis in the same thought. He'd come in to find her on her hands and knees, attempting to mop the kitchen floor with a sponge. It was so comical and so endearing and so absolutely Brooke that it took everything he had not to say how he felt right then and there.

The significance of that moment had never been lost on him though. He knew what she meant to him after that, and he also knew that no matter how things turned out she would always mean something. It was scary and exciting, it left him euphoric and winded. It was a feeling unlike nothing he'd ever experienced before.

Until now.

Here she was in his arms, so much confetti falling around them that he could barely see. They had won the state championships and everything about this moment was scary and exciting. Everything about this moment left him euphoric and winded. And here she was, grinning up at him, eyes dancing with delight. Something in her expression shifts as they pull apart.

"This is amazing." He can't help himself. He's so glad she is the first person there. He's about to say this to her but she speaks up first.

"This is a dream come true. So, who do you want standing next to you?" He's confused at first, but only for a split second. Her words certainly ring a bell. It was only a few weeks ago that someone else had asked him that same question.

"Imagine a future moment in your life where all your dreams come true. You know, it's the greatest moment of your life and you get to experience it with one person. Who's standing next to you?" Peyton asks him.

He knows what she's getting at when her eyes dart over to a few feet away. He follows her gaze to see Peyton, her palms full of confetti, eyes shining bright with happiness. She's laughing as she grabs at more confetti. He turns back to look at Brooke who's smiling up at him.

"Go. Go. It's okay. Go." She's pushing his arm lightly in Peyton's direction but he's not moving. Her smile is genuine. She's being his friend. He still can't move. Her smile falters, the corners of her mouth turn down slightly.

"Brooke—" He's not exactly sure what to say so he stops there and an uncomfortable moment encompasses them both in this sea of happiness that no longer feels so happy but sort of like they are drowning in it.

"Luke, it's hard. I can't lie. So you can know that I'm not lying when I say that it's okay. It's okay to love her. Things change sometimes and that's okay." She's smiling again but this time it's not touching her eyes so he knows it's a brave face. But she's Brooke and she's loyal first and foremost and this is her final act for him and for Peyton more than anyone. She isn't trying to play the hero, she already is the hero. He thinks that he actually feels his heart break for her and he's not sure where to go from here.

He glances at Peyton, who's currently tossing confetti in the air. She's laughing as she looks around her. Their eyes lock for a moment and he waits for it. He waits for the feeling he needs to come if he's going to walk over to her. He waits for the same feeling he'd had that night as he watched Brooke slip and slide all over his kitchen floor trying to do chores for the first time in her life.

He turns back to Brooke to see that she'd been watching him carefully the entire time he'd been looking at Peyton. She's got one hand on his arm while the other lightly fidgets with the hem of her skirt. She bites down on her bottom lip nervously, her eyes shining with tears.

"You can't help who you love." She says before letting go of his arm and walking away.

"You can't help who you love."

He feels the words on his lips, remembers exactly how he'd felt as he'd said them that night. Suddenly, all the energy that came with this victory is gone and he finds himself exhausted. He doesn't want to be here anymore. He watches her retreating back. She slips out of the gym without anyone noticing. He can hear people calling his name, feels the pats on his back but it all goes right over his head. This was the party of the year and she had left.

Brooke Davis never misses a party.

Peyton Sawyer and Brooke Davis had once been the very definition of best friends. With a loyalty that was so ferocious and so absolutely sincere, they'd never dreamed anyone would stand a chance in ruining them. But along came a boy who strung together pretty words and doled out even prettier kisses and they were both lost and helpless and suddenly friendship didn't seem to matter as much as it once did.

It had hurt so much the first time around. It had hurt Peyton to lose all her self-respect. It had hurt her to know that she'd fallen so low, to the point where she would hurt the person who loved her most just to get what she wanted. It had hurt Lucas to realize he'd become the very type of boy that he'd hated growing up. But it hadn't hurt anyone like it had hurt Brooke.

He wonders if she thinks it was all worth it; if the pretty words and the forehead kisses and the declarations of love in the rain that set her heart on fire and left her completely breathless were worth it. It all hurts so badly. But the pain is dulling because he is so tired. He is so tired of having this choice thrown in his face.

He has to drive around quite a bit to find her, and is a little surprised when he finally catches sight of her. She is at the last place he expected to find her. She looks up when his car pulls up, looking only slightly startled by his appearance.

"Crazy girl, I've been driving around trying to find you and you were here on my front steps the whole time?" He says before slamming his car door shut.

She doesn't say anything. She's sitting on the steps, arms wrapped around her legs with her chin resting on the tops of her knees. He tries to see if she'd been crying but it's too dark and she's not looking directly at him. There's a calming aura about her. She is very still, but she looks at ease. She looks at him sideways as he sits down beside her on the steps.

He glances behind his shoulder at his black front door, and then turns back to her. "I've been meaning to repaint that. It looked better red." He says. He doesn't know what to expect after he says this but he certainly did not expect her to smile, which she does.

"You don't have to do that." She says quietly. "You also didn't have to go looking for me."

"Seems like you wanted me to find you. You're sitting outside my room, Brooke." He points out nudging her softly with his shoulder.

"We just won the state championship. And here I sit, Student Council President and Head Cheerleader, as far away from the celebrations as possible. If you'd asked me if I'd pass all that up two years ago I would have stared at you like you had three heads. But here I am. And if you'd asked me if a boy would ever come between me and Peyton I would have laughed and walked away but here we sit, because a boy has come between me and Peyton." She pauses and goes back to staring at her shoes for a moment.

He doesn't feel like she's done yet, and rightfully so because a second later she picks up again. "And if you'd asked me if I'd ever give up on loving somebody I'd say it was your most ridiculous question yet. I could never do that. But things change. Sometimes they change because we make them change and sometimes they change because they have to."

He's watching her carefully, not wanting to miss any change in expression, any little flash of emotion in her eyes or twitch of her mouth. He's hanging on her every word, and with each passing sentence he feels more and more out of breath. She's the one doing all the talking and he's the one who can't seem to get enough air in his lungs.

He remembers the exact moment that he'd realized he'd messed up monumentally with Brooke. He'd stayed behind late after practice had ended one day. He hadn't been itching to go home and hadn't really done his best that day. Whitey had ordered an extra hour of shooting practice before he'd get to go home. The school was practically a ghost town at this point. He'd never seen it so empty.

Naturally, he'd been surprised to find out he wasn't alone. He hears her before he actually sees her but knows right away that it can't be anyone else. Sure enough, he rounds a corner to find her standing in front of her locker, one hand placed lightly over her mouth, the other holding a piece of paper. She's crying, but not loudly. If it had been normal school hours, he probably would not have heard her. But it's silent except for her whimpering and so he can't help but walk right up to her even though he's not sure what he's going to say.

She doesn't even look at him before slamming her locker door shut and walking away. It was the end of junior year and she and Peyton had just made up, but had decided that he would not be touched by their new forgiving attitude.

"Brooke!" He yells after her, but she's reached the front doors and is gone. He catches sight of something fluttering a few feet away from him and realizes that she'd dropped the piece of paper she'd been holding. He bends over to pick it up and recognizes his own handwriting immediately.

Brooke,

Saw you walking to practice today. You looked unbelievably beautiful but I was late and couldn't stop to talk. But I had to tell you that you made me smile today so I hope this note makes you smile.

-Lucas

"How did it all get so messed up?" Her question brings him back to the present. It's a question so piercing in that it demands so much from its answer. There's a fervent I messed up that is trying to push past his lips but it remains silent and tucked behind his teeth. And behind the I messed up is an I am so sorry and even further back in this line of pushed back words is the ever present I love you.

Both their phones had been ringing like crazy. He had four missed calls from Nathan, six from Haley, two from Skills, three from Mouth, and even one from Peyton. He'd cringed slightly at the thought of answering that last call. It all just made him so tired.

He tries to answer her question but can't open his mouth for fear of releasing the I messed up and the I am so sorry and certainly for fear of releasing the I love you and not hearing it back. His head hurts and his entire body feels stiff. He's never felt this way before and he's not sure what to make of it. All he knows is that one of the greatest people he's ever known is sitting beside him missing what could have been the most fun night of her life and he could not completely understand why. This person who was the epitome of what it meant to be alive and brilliant, this person who was resilient and bounced back from everything thrown in her path could not seem to bounce back this time.

"I didn't go over there Brooke. I went looking for you." He says, voice barely above a whisper because he doesn't trust it to hold in what it had been trying to say before along with the brand new I chose you and I'm trying that were now struggling to break free.

A whimper, not unlike the one he'd heard come out of her last year, as she'd read his old note, escapes her. She sounds utterly wounded and it is physically hurting him. His throat is dry and his chest feels so hot from the inside that it feels like something is burning him. He wants to make whatever pain she is feeling go away.

"Do you really think I belong with Peyton?" He asks after she doesn't say anything.

Her expression immediately changes from frustrated and hurt to absolutely furious. She looks as if she wants to hit him but instead she just holds his gaze, silently daring him to say a word. He feels an immense regret over his question. But just as he tries to work up the nerve to apologize, her expression softens. She purses her lips for a second and blinks slowly, as if trying to work through something.

"I—I think you do. I think that I'm trying to give you a chance to figure that out."

"Why?"

"Because it's the right thing to do, Lucas! And because no matter how much it hurts me, I love you both. I love you both enough to step aside and let fate run its course." She's still looking him right in his eyes, and for a moment he swears he must be looking in a mirror because she looks as tired as he feels. "I give up, okay? It's not me. It hurts too much to pretend that it is, and it's exhausting to feel like this everyday."

"But I'm here."

"So?"

"It is you." He says, speaking louder now. He is no longer worried about the I chose you and the I'm trying. He's not worried about the I am so sorry and the I messed up, and least of all he is not worried about the I love you because they are all parts of one big truth.

She shakes her head and throws her palms up in the air. "Luke—"

"You asked who I wanted standing next to me. You were there Brooke, when my dream came true. You left and I followed. It's you." He insists.

She stands up, arms wrapped tightly around her torso. She's shaking her head in disbelief and he knows that she's not humoring him or herself. She genuinely does not believe him and he sees it in the way her eyes cloud over when she looks at him and in the way she doesn't bother to stop her tears from falling and he sees it in the way she is slightly slouched, in the utter exhaustion in her posture and in her eyes.

She really is tired. And not in the way that people are tired after a work out, or tired after not getting enough sleep. She's not even tired in the way people get when they are sad. She is tired in the same way that he is. She is tired of having the same fight they'd been having since the first time they'd broken up. She is tired of being disappointed. And most of all, she is tired of love not being enough anymore.

She turns around and walks away from him. This time, he doesn't follow.