Chapter Sixteen – Demons

(Inspired by: My Demons – Starset)

The words I exchanged with Jacob had left something inside me, an anchor of some sort. It was like an awakening, I was no longer who I used to be and now, I wasn't the only one who realized it. They all did. I could see the resistance, the desperate denial, flee from my family's eyes; acceptance would come in due time, but I wasn't holding my breath until that time. I was patient, as it was virtue in the lifetime of forever. However, at the moment, I was growing impatient as my friends dilly-dallied outside on the front porch. I could sense the tension and after ten minutes, I can't help myself. I skip down the stairs to the foyer and open the door.

"What the hell is taking you guys so long?"

Kylie is taken by surprise, eyebrows shooting up as she stares at me. Quinn grins, seeming to enjoy my frustration, not that it's anything new for him. It takes me but a moment to realize Alec is not with them. When they see it register on my face, my questioning gaze searching their faces for answers, Quinn drops the humor. Kylie bows her head, incapable of looking me in the eye. I'm obviously being put at the plate first, but as I go to open my mouth, Kylie beats me to the punch.

"I'm so glad you're okay," She says, her voice no more than a sigh. "I was so worried; we all were."

Quinn comes up to my left and lets out a breath, grabbing my attention. I look at him, just catching the end of his eye roll. His jokingly condescending look does nothing to lighten my unease, "You totally killed my high. There I am, kicking ass and feeling damn good about until I see your pretty little face hit the ground. Totally ruined the moment."

"The only thing ruining moments is your sense of humor."

A wide, crooked smile crosses his face and he pulls me in to a bear hug, his embrace enveloping me entirely. He leans close to my ear, "Good to know you're okay, doll face."

When he pulls away, I hope they're done beating around the bush. My heart is racing in my chest, paranoia edging along the brink of my mind. My eyes dart between them, impatiently patient in waiting for them to tell me where the hell Alec is. Kylie glances at Quinn and grips his wrist, sharing a private conversation. Something snaps in me and I push past his barriers, straight in to his mind to join in. As soon as I'm in, I wish I hadn't been so pushy.

"He's… leaving? Without even saying goodbye?"

Kylie's green eyes widen, Quinn lets out a frustrated groan, and I feel as if my heart has been ripped out of my chest. I don't get it; everything seemed fine, he was fine, we were fine. It was fine, what happened? The liquid steel of Quinn's gaze catches my every thought.

"It was fine, Ness," he says, then tilts his head to the side. "Until it wasn't."

I shake my head, becoming frantic. "What? What wasn't? What do you mean?"

Kylie puts her hands up as if that'll calm me down. I feel my body shaking, confusion pulsing through me. I'm overreacting, but why did they have to make such a big deal out of it? Is it bad? How bad? Did I do something? I don't understand any of this; I thought things would change, we can start over. That's what we wanted, that's what he told me he wanted… did he change his mind?

"Jesus fucking Christ, Renesmee, calm down!" Quinn yells at me, his eyes as harsh as his voice. "Would you shut the hell up and listen to what we have to say?"

Kylie punches him in the shoulder, though it does little damage, "Don't be such a jerk; she loves the guy, give her a break."

Now, that shuts me up; love? Do I love him? I mean, maybe. I like him. A lot, but love? Quinn scans my face before a smirk comes to his face and he glances at Kylie.

"Nice work."

Ignoring him, Kylie steps forward and takes my hand. I'm still caught up on the love comment. I blink at her, even more confused than I was five minutes ago. Does he love me? I mean, I wouldn't mind if he did. It'd be nice. My cheeks warm at the thought and I duck my head before shaking the thoughts away.

"What's going on?" I ask quietly.

Licking her lips, Kylie nods and seems as if she doesn't want to tell the story. I hold my breath, but when she takes too long, Quinn throws his hands in the air.

"He killed his sister for you, alright? That's what happened. It fucked with his head and he doesn't know how to feel about it. He's been in love with you from day one, refusing to admit like someone else we know. But, on the other hand, it was his sister; as psycho as she was, she was all the family he had left. It's killing him and he refuses to accept that if he didn't do it, someone else would've. The guy is throwing himself a pity-party for one, whining about how horrible of a monster he is. Kind of like when you were whining about being pathetic; I swear, you guys are way too much like… it kind of freaks me out." Quinn finishes with a roll of his neck and a heavy breath. He drops his shoulders as a sated smile comes to his face, "I feel better, how bout' you guys?"

"No, actually, I feel a million times worse!" I scream at him, startling Quinn from his relaxed stance. "I need to find him, talk to him; he can't blame himself for that, it wasn't his fault… it-it was mine."

Kylie sighs, shaking her head, "No one is at fault for it, Ness, no one but the Volturi for starting a war they couldn't finish… it happens sometimes; the people you care about are on the opposing team and you gotta take them out for the sake of your team."

"Please tell me you did not say that to him." I say, staring at her with wide eyes.

Quinn scratches his cheek before raising his hand slightly, "Actually… I did."

I push passed them, heading toward the road. I'll have to follow my gut if I want to find him, he's totally going to do something stupid. I hear the Dumb Duo behind me as they question what I'm doing.

"I'm gonna go find him."

The thunder groans, echoing through the trees. With a flash of lightening, I take off like a shot and follow my heart. He saved me. It's my turn to save him.

I wind up following my gut out in to the woods, deep within and passed the state line. The brush grows thicker as I travel further in to Oregon, catching his faint scent. I have no idea where he was heading, but I know I'm going the right way. In a clearing, surrounded by trees, I stop short as I reach the source of the scent; my next challenge stood before me and he looked as breathtaking as ever. Last I saw him, he'd been draped in the rags of a Volturi member; black cloak, black shoes, black soul, but it was all just a disguise, a façade. Those beautiful eyes that had mesmerized me no longer glimmered with excitement, with rebellion, with the life that had captivated me the very first day we met. They'd lost their deep, warm burgundy color and had faded to a rather haunting, carbon pool. His dark hair had grown an inch or so, tousled on his head in a purposefully-messy way that made my mouth water. Alec wore a dark shirt and jeans low on his waist, a leather jacket clinging over his shoulders. He turns toward me, emotions carefully kept in check.

It startles me, but I push forward; had we lost all the stride we made? I surely hope not. My heart wrenches with the desire to hug him, kiss him, and tell him that we can finally do all the things we'd wanted so many months ago… but the reservation in his stance freezes me when I near.

Alec doesn't move toward me, his head dipped as he refuses to look at me. The rain from Washington has followed me, not letting up as a calm drizzle turns the air misty. We don't exchange words for a while. Silence settles around us, well… except for the rain and the sound of my heart beating out of my goddamn chest.

"Hey." It's the first thing that comes to mind. Pathetic, but at least it's a start. A small flicker of humor in his eyes cracks the stony expression, relief blooming in my chest.

"Hi."

His voice is smooth, low, and tantalizing even with one syllable. I look down, my eyes flickering over the grass as I grapple for ideas. I don't know what to say. Knowing what's hindered him in to a state of a shell yet not knowing what to do to bring him back to life, I feel utterly useless; something I haven't felt in the longest time. His eyes finally look over me, his lips parting.

"How did you find me?"

Blinking, I swallow to wet my bone-dry throat, "I just… followed my-" I cut off, exchanging my cliché for something a little more subtle, "Instincts." I say suddenly.

Alec cocks an eyebrow at me, seeming to catch on to my momentary internal struggle. I clear my throat, nervously tugging on my jacket.

"I followed my instincts… I picked up your scent a ways back."

The sky groans low, mocking me almost, but I'm distracted in watching the man I thought would be more than… whatever we are… as he processes my statement. He seems to be in so much pain, the tension in his stance is heartbreaking. I wish I could ease it, but I've never wanted to nor had the responsibility in helping someone through grief. I'm reminded of that night outside my bedroom, when he showed me everything. I don't know what could be worse than that.

"We shouldn't be together."

Ouch. Yeah, I'd say that's worse.

"I know what you did, Alec, and I think-"

He rakes a hand through his hair and my words die in my throat. His eyes find mine, "If you know what I did, then you know I'm right."

My heart refuses his words and I feel myself growing smaller.

"I don't know that."

"Renesmee, don't do this to yourself; you're better than that, better than me. I can't… I'm no good for you. I've lied to you from the beginning, you don't even know if what you feel for me is real. I was assigned to brainwash you, you do realize that, don't you? I'm a monster," he looks me dead in the eye, "When I look at you, I see a beautiful girl that I want to make love to and drain till she's dry all at the same time; I never know which it'll be when I get close to you and never will you."

Somehow, that statement doesn't scare me… it sort of turns me on, but I brush that aside. I know what he's saying and maybe he's right, maybe he is bad for me, maybe he'll kill me one day on accident, maybe what I'm feeling isn't real, but this for sure; I don't care. Regardless of all that's happened, I still want him. All of him, good, bad, ugly, and everything else in between. All of it. He seems to read my mind, that pleading look returning to his face, as if he wants me to push him away and pull him close all at once.

"How could you want to be with me? I could kill you; sometimes, I want to... like right now, I'm so fucking thirsty and you are so vulnerable," his tone grows low as he approaches me, his finger running down my cheek in a gentle caress, "You don't even really know who I am. You're crazy if you think that I'm a good man."

As fast as he came toward me, he's gone; nearly a yard away. He bows his head, eyes drawn with torture. "I took the life of my own twin sister without a second thought; I could take yours the very same way."

Lightning flashes across the sky, as if pouring the fuel in to his point and fanning the flames as they come alive. I can't turn away from him; I don't care about any of that. I don't care that he's done wrong in the past, I don't care that he lied to me in the beginning, I don't care that he could kill me; so could my family. I don't care about any of that because he's changed. I don't care because he's shown me the truth. I don't care because he would never hurt me. I've reached my limit, the point of no return. I can't go back… not after all that's happened; I can't reach the past anymore and when I look at him, I feel like I'm looking at the future. I want to be with him. I want to know him. I want him to know me and I don't resist it anymore.

"I must be insane then because I think you're one of greatest people I've ever met," I start, watching his face as he straightens. "I don't think you realize that I was in your mind, that I've seen things you probably would never want me to even know about, let alone see, but I saw them. And you know what? I don't care about that, it's in the past and it's made you who you are today," I step toward him, careful in each step. "I know that ending Jane's life is tearing you apart, she was your sister and all you had left... but I'm still here, I won't let you be alone. Truth be told, I could've done it; I had the chance to kill her and maybe I should've taken it. Had I known you'd blame yourself, I would have just so you could hate me instead of yourself."

His eyes widen, searching mine for something I can't place. I swallow the tears building in my throat, taking this moment to let all my barrier down as he has done for me. I refuse to let him push me away anymore.

"I want to be with you because you woke me up, you brought me back to life; I lost myself somehow... Then you show up and everything gets out of control and crazy and I thought it'd be in my best interest to stay away from you because of the ruckus you cause," He watches me, waiting. Moving closer to him, I test how close he'll allow me. We're a breath away, I can feel his chill. The rain falls harder, the sky grumbling, but it's all a world's away from us. "But I realized… It wasn't out of control or crazy and if I stay away from you, neither one of us will ever truly live; I found in you what I lost in me. I know that you feel this pull to me because I feel it to you, the electricity when we touch," I brush my fingertips down his smooth cheek and his eyes flash, "I want to be with you because we are one in the same; you made the pain go away for me and I'll do the same for you."

The raw emotion in his eyes sends a jolt of electricity through me and he tries one last time to fight me, "You can't save me, Renesmee."

"Do you really believe that?"

That unleashes him, his eyes igniting with flames and he grips my hips, pulling me close. Our lips crash against one another as the rain falls in sheets, soaking us both. I can't find the will to care, just loving the sweet taste of his tongue dancing with mine, his soft lips caressing my mouth. I curl my fingers in to his wet hair as he presses me against his body. A heat builds between us, one so craving that I don't know if I'd stop him if he wanted to take all of me right here in the middle of nowhere. My back presses in the rough bark of a tree. I gasp, unintentionally pulling away. Alec's gaze burns in to me, imprinting in to my mind where I'll never soon forget this moment. It overwhelms me and the words fall from my mouth, but I don't regret them.

"I'm in love with you."

That secret grin saved just for me slips slow across his lips and he leans close to me, his mouth caressing the shell of my ear. He sighs against my neck, sending shivers down my spine.

"Prove it."

Short and sweet; hope you enjoyed! Spread the love :)