Heart Attack

L.R.T.

She knew she had heard the words "mega-evolution" before but couldn't quite put her finger on where. It was a fairly new discovery and not even the boss knew much about it - which was why they were in the Kalos region. James, of course, was excited at the prospect of "super Pokemon"; Meowth was anxious to learn if Persians could mega-evolve. All Jessie knew was that there was mention of some kind of ring and that was more than enough incentive to pack up and go off on another long journey.

It wasn't until they were outside the Kalos Professor's lab that Jessie thought to ask, "Hey, what's this guy's name, anyway?"

James pulled out the file that they were given on mega-evolution (what little was known to Team Rocket, at least) and flipped through a few pages. "Sycamore. Augustine Sycamore," he said, snickering at the first name.

Jessie nearly choked on thin air, jerking her head toward James and grabbing the file from him. "What? No, that can't be right..." There it was, written in black and white. Professor Augustine Sycamore. She thought she was going to be sick.

Grabbing the file back from her, James frowned. "What's wrong? You look greener than a Carnivine!"

She shook her head, moving away from their hiding spot behind a sleeping Skiddo. "I - I just think...we can't go in there like this!" Straightening her posture, she crossed her arms and turned her nose up at her teammates. "If we're going to learn anything about this mega-evolution stuff, we can't run around in our Team Rocket uniforms. We need disguises."

James and Meowth exchanged a look and then shrugged. "Why not?" Meowth said, already starting off in the direction of their balloon.

Jessie stayed where she was, staring uneasily at the laboratory, feet seemingly glued to place despite how desperately she wanted to run and never look back; but that was the whole problem with this situation, wasn't it? She ran and never looked back and now her past was bubbling up to burn her once again.

James looked from Jessie to the lab and back again, gently taking her hand and causing her to jump, pulling it away quickly. "Sorry! Sorry...you just looked like you could use...um...a hand?" he laughed awkwardly, putting his hand behind his head and ducking his gaze.

"I'm fine," Jessie replied, turning on her heel to follow where Meowth had gone off to. "I'm sure it's only jet lag."

"But we took the balloon, not a jet..."

It took far too little time for Jessie's liking to pick out disguises and ready themselves for infiltrating the Kalos Pokemon lab. It was moments like these when she hated how oddly organized their outfits were and the fact that they could pick some out and come up with entirely new personas in about fifteen minutes. Usually she relished any chance to dress up and put her acting talents to good use - today was not going to be one of those usual times.

"Jess! Come on!" Meowth commanded, trying his best "normal Meowth" behavior out before going inside. "I ain't about to pretend to be a regular Meowth for longer den I have to just because you're lazy!"

James winced, waiting for what was surely the inevitable smack to the side of Meowth's head...but nothing came. He looked at Jessie, who was struggling to put her hair in braids, her hands shaking too wildly. Going over to her, he took both her hands in his, noting to himself how cold and clammy they were. He tried to move and duck his head around in an attempt to catch her gaze but she was an expert at avoidance. "You are not fine."

"Low blood sugar," she said, trying to pull her hands out of his grasp and sighing with annoyance when she was unable to. "James, cut the shit. Let me go!"

"Tell me what's going on," he persisted.

"I'll tell yas what's goin' on - Meowth is gettin' upset, here!" he yelled from down the path, waving one of his paws back at them. "Guess I'll just discover the secret of dat mega-evolution stuff myself!"

Jessie rolled her eyes, managing to yank her hands from James's and returning to her hair, forcing her hands to stabilize long enough to get it done. "Great, like he wasn't uppity enough today." She brushed past James and ran after Meowth, leaving him alone and confused for a few moments before he finally followed.

It became the consensus between the team that Professor Sycamore's lab wasn't quite as impressive as, say, Professor Oak's. It was built in the middle of a bustling city and had no outside area for the Pokemon to play, which annoyed Meowth slightly. Having lived on the mean streets of a major city himself, he had long since decided that places like this were no good for owner-less Pokemon - and Lumiose City had too many crisscrossing alleys and streets for even the most adept Pokemon to maneuver through. Jessie and James knew all of this but were treated to another one of Meowth's rants about the subject on their way to the north end of the city.

"And what's with all dese Skiddo everywhere? Is ridin' 'em really a ting? How degradin'! Dey should be off eatin' grass and hangin' out - not stuck in dis city as a mode of transportation!"

"Maybe they like it?" James suggested. "Maybe they're here because they want to be and don't like all of that grass and hanging out stuff you said."

Meowth waved his hand in dismissal at him. "Don't be dumb. What Pokemon would let a total stranger ride 'em like dat? And look right dere!" He pointed ahead to one of the blue Lumi Cabs driving in front of the lab. "Dey got it taken care of anyways! You wanna ride a Pokemon when you got cabs? Dat makes you a real loser!"

"Well...it's cheaper..." James trailed off, sparking another outburst from Meowth who had forgotten for the moment that he was supposed to be just your average, ordinary Meowth.

While the two had a very one-sided argument, Jessie stood and stared at the building before her. The thought of going inside, even in disguise, made her heart pound faster. She began to feel like no amount of air she inhaled was enough which made her start to panic even more than she already was. She put her hand to her chest and tried to talk herself out of this episode, closing her eyes; but all she could see when she closed them was his face, making her open them again quickly and jump, startled at seeing James and Meowth looking at her, concerned. "...What?" Her breathing was hard and ragged, on the verge of hyperventilating.

"Jessie...Jessie, what's wrong? Come here, sit down on this bench!" James said, gingerly wrapping his arm around her shoulder and guiding her to the city bench outside of the Pokemon Center.

Jessie sat, completely overwhelmed now, gripping the edge of the bench so tightly that her fingernails dug into the wood. "I can't - I can't do this."

James and Meowth frowned at each other, James rubbing her back lovingly. "It's okay. You don't have to go in there. Meowth and I can handle it."

She jerked her head up and stared at him, eyes wide with fear and tears. "No! No, no one can go in! Please - please...I - I'm begging you both, please!"

"But we gotta get some dirt on mega-evolution..." Meowth said quietly, hopping up next to her on the bench.

"For all we know, this guy doesn't know anything more than the boss does. It could be a complete waste of time and not worth all this stress for Jessie."

"What's so stressful about dis, anyways? It ain't like dis is our first rodeo!"

"Meowth, will you please just -"

"No. No. You guys deserve answers," Jessie said in an eerily calm tone given her current state.

James shook his head, reaching over and wiping a stray tear from her cheek. "No, we don't. Whatever this is, you don't have to tell us anything about it. We understand, right, Meowth?"

Meowth sighed and threw his paws up in the air, nodding. "Yeah, yeah. We stick togetta like a sticky barb and Pokemon."

Jessie lowered her head, taking deep breaths, putting the fact that James's comforting was a large part of what was helping her deal with her emotions far, far away from her thoughts. The three stayed quiet for a while, letting her calm down, James wiping away a tear or stray hair from her face every now and then. It was while his finger was brushed up against her cheek that she looked up at him, meeting his eyes. "I know him," she whispered.

"What? Know who?"

"August- Professor Sycamore...I- I know him..."

"How did ya manage that?!" Meowth asked, jumping up.

Unsure why, she turned her head away from James as she replied, "We were in love."

Both James's and Meowth's mouths dropped open, James recollecting himself quickly and closing it, while Meowth simply stared. "You was what?!" he screeched.

She took hold of one of her braids, anxiously twisting it around her hand over and over as she spoke. "He - he was studying with that Professor Rowan guy, remember him?" They both nodded and she continued, "Well...he sent him to Professor Oak's one summer to be an assistant..."

"Guy gets around," Meowth commented, only to hunch back down at the fierce look James gave him.

"I had just joined Team Rocket." She looked at James again, this time avoiding his gaze. "It was months before you showed up. I - I was so..." her voice became a whisper once again, "lost."

"You don't have to explain yourself to me, Jess...you never do. You know that."

"Yes, I do. We know everything about each other - everything we did while we were apart for all those years. I just couldn't tell you this...it hurt too much. I wanted to forget it ever happened and move on - and I had! I really had until..." Limply, she gestured to the lab across the street, saying no more.

"Well...I have plenty of summer homes and other houses that I forget about until we come across them!" James said, trying to make her feel better.

"That is not even close to being the same thing, James," she said with a frown.

"I know that! I wasn't saying - what I was saying is that we all have things from our past that we'd just as soon forget about. Like Jessibelle," he said with a shudder.

"And Meowzie," Meowth added with a heavy, longing sigh.

Jessie shook her head fiercely and stood before them, her eyes filling with tears again. "You don't understand! You could never understand! You -" She pointed at Meowth. "Your stupid little crush hardly even knew you existed! And you -" She pointed to James. "You ran from horrible things! People who treated you like dirt! You were happier after you left!"

"She knew I existed..." Meowth protested quietly, slumping down on the bench. "She just didn't care."

"All right, I guess I don't get it," James said, standing up next to her. "You said it was so painful and you wanted to forget -"

"Because we were so madly in love and I broke his heart, you idiot!"

Taken aback, James stood there silent, not sure what to say or where to go from there.

"Well, why'd you do dat?" Meowth asked, breaking the silence.

"Break his heart?"

Meowth nodded. "If ya loved the guy so much, what'd ya do dat for? Ya like bein' perpetually miserable or somethin'?"

"Meowth, shut up," James said softly, sitting back down on the bench.

Jessie felt her heart start up again at the tone of his voice - hurt but trying not to show it, so he spoke quietly instead, trying to avoid any kind of real emotional response; but Jessie was still the expert at avoidance, making up reason after reason in her mind why she never told James when the real one was simply that she couldn't bear seeing his face and hearing his voice once she had. Everything would be different and that was one of her biggest fears. Too many things changed too quickly in the course of her life - her relationship with James was the one thing that was supposed to stay strong, even through everything they had been through. "I was afraid," she finally said, looking at the pavement as she spoke. "I was afraid to love that much because every time I did before, it was destroyed. I wanted to destroy something on my own terms for once and try to spare him a lot more pain than this would bring him."

"Maybe you should tell him that," James said, his voice still quiet.

She shook her head and sat down once again, looking at the lab again. "I can't." Darting her gaze from the building, she continued, "It wouldn't matter anyway. That was a long time ago. We could never start again from where we left off...I don't even know that I'd want to."

James looked up at her and asked without thinking, "Why not?"

She looked back at him, her brow furrowed. "Would - would you want me to?"

"It's not my decision."

"Well, wouldn't you...wouldn't you miss me? Wouldn't you try to fight for me?"

"Of course I would miss you but what reason do I have to fight for you when it comes to you being happy?"

Jessie was dumbstruck, unable to say anything, her mouth suddenly dry as her stomach lurched up into her throat. "Because...you're supposed to," she said hoarsely, her voice cracking.

James stood, starting back the same way they came. "I think we should scrap this for now. Get some rest and regroup tomorrow."

Meowth looked at Jessie sympathetically. "Ya just gotta give him a little bit. He'll be okay and he'll do some big, goofy gesture to make ya feel better!"

She smiled slightly at him, leaning down for him to jump onto her shoulder before standing and slowly following James. "Maybe," she said half-heartedly. "And maybe I just destroyed the most important thing I've ever known."