Disclaimer: I don't own The Legend of Zelda.

Oh man oh man guess who beat Wind Waker HD.

44 - two roads

There's two ways to go about anything on Tetra's ship. The first is Tetra's way. The second is to take a scenic route, which is the exact same thing as Tetra's way, only longer and more difficult and usually full of suffering.

The pirates pretty much have this figured out to an art form by now. Link, on the other hand, isn't really one of Tetra's pirates. He's Link, and he spends half his time sneaking away to cling to the bowspirit and drink in the oceans wide-eyed, and he's the kind of kid who doesn't mind wandering off on detours.

He also doesn't mind pissing Tetra off, so that's an added bonus.

Tetra's a lot of fun to fight with. She doesn't get as riled up as Gonzo, true, but she's way better than Aryll. Tetra never gets fed up or cries or makes him feel bad or tattles to Grandma. She just winks, and gets even.

Link maybe doesn't like so much the part where she gets even.

Link also doesn't like swabbing the decks on Tetra's ship. It's a step up from laundry duty, obviously, because nothing's as bad as that. But that doesn't mean Link's going to shut his mouth and stop complaining.

He's explained this to Tetra, like a hundred times, that he shouldn't have to do these kinds of chores. He's passed all Niko's initiation tests, even the ones Niko hasn't passed yet, plus a few more that Mako and Senza pitched in to set up for him. And for a couple months Link was captain of his very own vessel, so that ought to count for some kind of respect around here.

Tetra shakes her head and sighs. "Look, Link, you're a swabbie. Swabbing decks is what you do. How many times do I have to explain this to you before you get it? I mean," she adds, "if you want to be a stowaway I can toss you off in the ocean right now. But me personally, I'd keep at the scrubbing at least until there's an island in sight."

This is exactly the problem. Link's not a swabbie, he's a swordsman. Orca's passed down all his sword skills to Link. And Orca is old, like really old, and he doesn't have any grandkids of his own, and Link's his best student, and what's he going to say when Link turns up at Outset for a visit? Orca's expecting him to become a master swordsman, but Link never has any time to train because he's too busy with Tetra's dumb chores.

"That is a problem," Tetra agrees, plopping her hands on her hips. She scrunches her mouth up and looks out at the horizon while she considers it.

At the wheel, Gonzo sputters. "But, Miss! We don't even need a swordsman on the ship, yeah? You've already got us to fight with you!"

Tetra holds up her hand. "That's not the point, idiot," she says. "I'm the captain. It's my responsibility to consider the concerns of each member of my crew equally. And this is clearly very important to Link."

She hmms and crosses her arms and deliberates some more. Link leans on the deck brush while he waits. Behind Tetra's back Gonzo shakes a fist at him, and Link pulls a face and sticks his tongue out because he's the same age as the legendary hero and a mature and grown-up young man.

Tetra smacks her fist into her palm.

"I've got it!" she says, grinning widely. Then she hops onto the deck brush.

"It's not fair to take away all your time for sword training with chores around the ship," she explains over her shoulder. "But you do have to earn your keep, so I'll just combine the two! I'll ride on the brush while you scrub the deck, and this way you'll get your strength training in for the old man. And no cheating with those silly bracelets you picked up!"

Link can't believe this.

By now all the rest of the crew has gathered to watch, and Nudge chuckles. "Oh, my," he says. "It's been a long time since I've seen Miss Tetra do this sort of thing!"

"That's right." Tetra carefully checks her balance and settles her back against the handle of the deck brush. She relaxes to make herself as heavy as possible, for Link's sake. "I used to make Nudge give me rides and push me around all the time on his turns to swab the deck when I was little. How else do you think he got to be the toughest and strongest of my pirates?"

The look Link gives Tetra is less than impressed. This isn't exactly what he had in mind. In fact, this is pretty much the opposite of what Link wanted to happen.

Tetra simply winks.

72 - mischief managed

Gonzo's already waiting for him down in the hold, crouched behind a stack of crates. As Link plops himself down behind the cargo too he thinks he's really glad he took up that part-time work at the Mail Center on Dragon Roost. Doing mail stuff is a million times better than scrubbing dirty pirate underwear.

Gonzo crosses his arms, and peeks around the crates real quick, then bends down to whisper, "Well, shrimp? Have you got it?"

Link pats the official Rito delivery bag fastened to his belt, and then he opens it up to pull out the stationery and a pen he borrowed off Tetra. She didn't even ask him any questions. She just said to write his grandma and sister that she says hello when she handed them over.

Actually, that's a pretty good idea. Maybe he'll send a letter to Outset too with the time he'll be spending not doing laundry.

Gonzo looks the stuff over and nods. "Alright, here's the deal," he says. "You write down everything I tell you and deliver this letter to Miss Tetra's room. Then I'll take over your next laundry duty. But! It's a secret to everybody, yeah? You go blabbing about this and I'll string you up!"

It's a good deal. And it's not that Link's complaining, exactly, or that he wants to wash more laundry. But he doesn't see why he has to write Gonzo's letter for him. He's pretty sure that taking dictation isn't part of the Rito postmen's job. Just collecting the mail and sorting and delivering it.

"I-idiot!" Gonzo splutters, and his face goes red. "What're you saying! It's not my letter, this-it's from Miss Tetra's secret admirer! That's why! Besides," he adds, "now you won't just open her letter and read it yourself when I turn my back."

That would be unprofessional, as Koboli's told him more times than he kept count. Link looks very righteous and innocent as he sets the paper on the floor and picks up his pen.

Gonzo snorts. Still-

"Dear Miss Tetra," the pirate begins, and Link copies down all his mumbling word for word. He also scratches out and writes around all the things Gonzo says aren't the words.

Then, when Gonzo's happy, he folds it up and addresses the outside of the letter and places it in his bag.

Gonzo goes back up the stairs first, while Link is writing addresses. Gonzo's job, he told Link, is he'll distract Nudge from guarding Tetra's room long enough to give Link a chance to slip in and back out secretly.

Not that Link needs it, because he's snuck into scarier places than this. But he gives Gonzo a minute before following behind.

He creeps up the stairs on his tiptoes, his back pressed flat against the wall. Nudge will never see him. Link's a master of stealth.

Link overbalances while he's straining to see where Gonzo and Nudge are standing at the top, and he bangs his elbow on the step.

Crap.

He bites his lip and flattens himself on the stairs as Nudge turns. Gonzo starts stuttering loudly, which probably means he's not doing a great job with the whole distraction thing. So it's all up to Link.

He meows.

Link finally breathes out again when Nudge chuckles. The man throws his arm around Gonzo's shoulder and pulls him towards the door that leads out to the deck, saying, "I was thinking, what about a new kerchief for Miss Tetra? I thought I could embroider some royal motifs on it, but perhaps she'd just yell at us not to call her Princess Zelda again...?"

Link seizes his chance and makes the dash for Tetra's room. For good measure he sidles along the wall for the last little stretch before throwing himself through the doorway.

Standing in her quarters, safe and undetected, he lets out another big exhale.

And now to business. Link takes the letter out of his delivery bag and lays it on Tetra's desk. Mission accomplished.

But... Gonzo might decide later that he doesn't want to wash dirty underwear either. What if he goes back on his deal? Link should probably get some sort of proof of delivery, just in case. It's not like he can ask Tetra to sign for the letter, though.

Luckily he brought his handy pictobox in his bag as well. He turns it around so he can get himself in the shot along with the letter on Tetra's desk. Flashing a victory sign and a big grin, he snaps the picto.

"Okay," Tetra says, standing in the doorway with her arms crossed and her eyebrows raised, "I'm curious-what exactly do you think you're doing in my room?"

He's doing nothing. He's-touching all of Tetra's things and moving them around just to piss her off because Nudge isn't standing watch at the door right now, duh. It's not like she keeps a secret diary or anything that he could be sneaking in here to read.

He can't stop himself from looking over his shoulder at the desk, though, and she's too sharp to miss the glance.

She picks up the letter, and her eyebrows go a little higher. She waves it at Link. "Did you give me this?"

Tetra should really brush up on her reading skills. It says right on the front of the envelope that it's from her secret admirer, not from Link. So obviously he didn't give it to her.

"Hm." She purses her lips and unfolds the letter. Link sees his chance to sidle back out the door, and he sees it vanish just as quickly when Tetra reaches out and grabs his arm.

"You wanted in here so badly," she says. "Why not stay a bit?"

She says it nicely, but she's squinting at him with her you're in big trouble just as soon as I figure out exactly what it is you did look. Also she's squeezing his arm pretty hard. Fine, then. Link sits on her bed-it's pretty comfy, after all-and watches her read.

Tetra's attempts to keep a straight, serious, pirate-captain face are actually pretty hilarious.

"...Did you write this?" she says after a minute. "I can't believe you wrote this kind of-of-romantic mush! Link," she adds seriously, "some of these poems are absolutely terrible. I say this as a friend."

Link doesn't see why Tetra's still asking him questions when she's not listening to his answers. He already told her he didn't write that stuff, and anyway it's signed with somebody else's name-that Mr. Secret Admirer guy.

"It's in your handwriting," she points out.

That-okay, that part is true-but this is for a friend of a friend, see, and it's still not his letter. Besides, why in the world would Link even be writing Tetra gross, mushy love poems anyway?

Times like this remind him that Tetra's a girl and sometimes girls are really weird.

She heaves a sigh and shakes her head. "Fine," she says, "you win. Get on out of here. I'm sure you've got lots of chores to be doing instead."

Link grimaces, but he hops off the bed. He's not thrilled about scrubbing the deck, but he's not sticking around so she can keep accusing him of weird things, either. Jeez.

As Link walks past her, though, Tetra smirks and winks at him while slowly folding the letter back up. And he's not really sure why, but it makes his ears get all hot as he hurries out the door.