Hi all! This'll be a long one.

Now, firstly! Fair warning! This is going to have five or six chapters of complete and utter fluff, and then it's going to get dark. There won't be anything too serious, but there WILL be some mild language, blood violence, and fairly scary themes. Considering what happens in my other T-rated fics, I make no promises.

And this is probably a bad idea, but I'm posting a chapter or two before I actually have the whole thing written. Updates will be slow, and I realllllly hope I don't find out later that something's wrong and earlier points need changing.

Last but not least, a big thank-you to the friend who drew the cover for this story! Very much appreciated.

Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.!

It all started so innocently. A time of peace, a hot summer day, a few insignificant quarrels. If you had told any Mobian that the world was about to turn inside-out, they would have looked at you strangely and cautiously edged away. And yet, the disaster was brewing.

If you wanted to find the least innocent area possible, you would have had to visit Eggman's lair. The halls there were empty and echoing, as the doctor was somewhere else . . . which couldn't mean anything good. But as of yet, nothing had happened. So, barring Eggman's inactive main base, what was the second-least-innocent place on Mobius?

Deep underground, in a large, echoing, simultaneously primitive and high-tech cavern.

"Got anything?" asked Shadow, leaning against a stack of processors.

"Yup. I've got a bit of zip, a bit of zilch, and a whole lot of nada," said Rouge disgustedly, shutting down the computer screen she'd been fiddling with. "Either our Chaos Emerald tracker is completely worthless, or the Chaos Emeralds have left the planet."

"Much more likely to be the former," said Shadow. "They haven't even brought electricity to a majority of this place. It would be asking too much to expect a device as advanced as a Chaos Emerald tracker to function properly."

Rouge sighed, half in agreement, half in dismay. Mussing up her ears with one hand, she looked around the hulking cavern that Team Dark had claimed as its own. It wasn't much to be proud of, and yet they were all proud of it still. G.U.N. had been expanding its headquarters recently, and had connected the main building to an underground cavern, with hopes of turning it into a tech room. Team Dark, seeing that HQ proper was getting too hot to hold them, had requested permission to also make the room their own little headquarters.

To a degree, it did keep the feisty threesome out of trouble, but in exchange for the privilege of having their own "room," they had to help with the technological outfitting—it was still primarily a G.U.N. command center, after all. It was a slow and difficult process, rather out of their league, but they stuck to it. They also kept it a secret from the other Mobians; there was a sort of illicit thrill that came from engineering an advanced secret base right under everyone else's noses. Well, maybe the "advanced" part would come later. Perhaps when they could finally stop recharging Omega by patching him through to a toaster oven.

Speaking of which, Omega had just finished recharging. He awoke from his half-slumber, beeping softly.

"Have you succeeded in locating a Chaos Emerald?" he inquired in his robotic twang.

"Dream on," grumbled Rouge.

"I assume that implies a negative."

"Yes, negative," said Rouge, folding her arms. A cunning smirk slowly formed on her muzzle. "But you know, we may not need a tracker. After all, Chaos Emeralds can be found by dint of old-fashioned searching."

"We don't have time for that," said Shadow. "We have a mission coming up this evening. Even with our combined skills, it's very unlikely that we could pluck a Chaos Emerald blindly out of the dark by then."

"Well, maybe just the three of us couldn't," said Rouge. "But what if we got Sonic and the others to . . . shall we say, help out?"

"I assume that implies some sort of blackmail," put in Omega, half-uneasy, half-anticipative.

"Yup." Rouge grinned. "Do you think those guys have any Chaos Emeralds right now?"

"No," replied Shadow. "You know how they are. Always the camaraderie and the sharing. They'd be broadcasting it to every living beast on Mobius, if they had a Chaos Emerald. And when they do find one, they're going to expect it to be public domain."

"Well, we're going to have to convince them otherwise," said Rouge. "First, to help us find a Chaos Emerald. Then, to let us keep it for ourselves. I'm not about to share any of those little beauties, not unless the world depends on it."

"And how do you propose to convince them of all that?"

"We need hostages," grinned Rouge.

"And a whole lot of new enemies on the side?" said Shadow drily. "I don't hold much for the Faker or all those other idiots. But they can be useful, once in a while, and alienating allies one might later need is unwise. Kidnapping one of them for ransom is not going to go over well."

"We don't have to make it a full-scale kidnapping," said Rouge. "I'd agree, that's a little over the top. We need to figure out something very dear to them, but not big enough to get jailed over." Pausing in thought, she suddenly snapped her fingers. "Of course! We can kidnap Cheese!"

"The annoying chao?"

"That's the one!"

"Ohhhh, no," said Shadow firmly. "No chao-napping. We'd have to keep it here until they paid up the Emerald, and I am not going to babysit a spoiled little brat of a chao."

"Chaos are very low-maintenance," assured Rouge. "We can put him in a little cage with a little pillow and toss him a large bagel, and he'll be happy for a day."

"Still no. I can't stand chaos," growled Shadow. "Besides, imagine what a fit Cream would throw. We might as well kidnap her, and we'd get in less trouble with the others."

"I support the argument presented by Shadow," intoned Omega. "The bargaining power of a chao would not compensate for the disruption caused by our kidnap attempt."

Rouge put her hands on her hips, glancing from Shadow to Omega slyly.

"Ohhhh, I get it. You guys just don't want to make Cream sad by taking her chao!"

"Causing small and innocent rabbits distress does not sit well with my protocols," grumbled Omega.

Rouge snorted amusedly.

"Aww, you big tough guys just can't stand to make poor, sweet little Cream cry?"

"As if you could," growled Shadow, his muzzle reddening. Omega's gears crunched in annoyed agreement.

"Sheesh, you big softies," laughed Rouge, shaking her head. "Okay, so we won't steal the chao. If you're so smart, come up with something better!"

Shadow shrugged noncommitally.

"Stick with something inanimate," he suggested. "Then we won't have to worry about it dying."

"According to my knowledge banks, subject Sonic the Hedgehog is incapable of running without his shoes," remarked Omega. "The speed at which he runs would cause his primitive organic feet to become burned, if he did not wear specialized footgear."

"So you're suggesting we steal the Faker's shoes?" asked Shadow, narrowing one eye dubiously.

"Affirmative."

Shadow and Rouge exchanged glances and shrugged.

"Could work," Shadow said resignedly.

"Well, all right," chuckled Rouge. "Let's go and swipe Sonic the Hedgehog's shoes, then hold them for ransom! Boy, I hope the folks in charge don't hear about this."

"I assume that implies that you find the endeavor somewhat ludicrous," said Omega gravely, stepping after the bat as she took off.

"Gosh darn it, Omega," grumbled Shadow, following as well. "Keep that up much longer, and you'll understand her better than I do."