Two Mistakes

I don't know what to think really; despite how it seemed, everything happened so quickly. I'm willing to blame this all on Garnet…or Brahne, heck, I'll blame the guy down the street if I can think of a good enough reason. I would never blame him though – even though I knew he was evil. There was always a little voice in the back of my mind telling me to forgive him; to simply forget everything that had happened. It seemed so easy to do as well.

That damn tree – that's where everything changed. That's where he died. There had been a reason behind everything; reasons for all the things he did. Everyone else hated him, but I didn't, even if I should've. I certainly didn't want him to die.

He left me. I even thought to stay there but instead I escaped. I wish I hadn't. None of this would be happening now if I'd died in that tree. That's where I made my first mistake; I underestimated him. I'd probably done the same thing before but I never expected him to cheat death.

I left that place blissfully ignorant, beginning my journey 'home'. Every night I would go over exactly what happened and I would realize how much I actually missed him. I didn't think I would but for all concerned, he was my brother. We were made by the same person – Garland was almost our father, right? As soon as I found out about us, I longed for the family relations we could share. Unfortunately, once he died, this made my feelings for Garnet more urgent.

It wasn't until I met up with Tantalus did I realize the problems with the Princess, or rather, the Queen. That was the problem. Garnet was Queen of Alexandria. If I went back to her I knew what would happen. I'd marry her and become King. I'm not King material; I'm barely Hero material. It took a night out on the town to realize this. Blank decided we needed to celebrate my return and took us to our long-time favorite bar, which had been rebuilt in my absence. No sooner than I had a couple drinks and I was all ready after the pretty girl at the table near the window. I don't even remember her name – truth was that it didn't matter. It was all in the game. Blank and I had done the same thing so many times before – and if the night didn't work out for either of us I would always end up in his bed somehow. He used to joke about how submissive I could be sometimes.

I didn't love Garnet and I had no desire to become the Ruler of a Kingdom. Chasing her had just been part of the game I was used to playing. But being the Princess, she hadn't fallen so easily. That's what lured me, not the fact that she was pretty, or that she was a Princess. Thanks to Blank I realized that. I'm glad I did too; even now I wouldn't go back to Alexandria and Garnet.

I could've done something more substantial with my life, but instead I stayed with Tantalus. They were the only family I had ever known. We gave up all the other stuff and stuck to working as a Theatre Group. That's how he found me. My name was on posters everywhere – anyone could've found me if they tried hard enough. Tantalus became pretty popular and even I had my share at fame. It makes me wonder if anyone notices I'm missing.

I thought I was safe now that everything was over. Everyone was at peace; there was really no need to be cautious. I didn't even have my sword with me when he came; I was enjoying a drink after a performance. It took only a small spell to send me to sleep – being half intoxicated– and when he picked me up, no one questioned him. At least that's what he told me.

That's how I got here; his home, wherever it is. He won't let me outside and I can't get much bearing from looking out the window, since it faces the ocean. The room I'm stuck in is large; much larger than anything I'm used to. Fancy enough for a Princess as well. The bed is large, with richly coloured sheets and big pillows, there's a fireplace in the wall, and a table setting for two towards the door. I don't know what's outside this room because I've never been out of it. I've tried to escape before, but it didn't work. The window, though always open, is barred with some sort of spell and the only way to get through those thick doors is with him.

I always sit on the window sill, getting as close to the edge as I can before the magic forces me back. Here – if I forget everything else around me – It almost feels like I'm free. It's usually about this time that I'm graced with his presence. I don't know why it's always this time – mid-afternoon when the sun shines right into my window.

Just as the sun slips through my window, casting a stream of light over the room, the doors swing open. I always try not to notice him until he forces me to. I can't rebel much but there is no way I will do his bidding freely. I can hear the sound of his footsteps and the swish of his clothes as he strolled over. If he notices my behaviour, he obviously doesn't care; it probably amuses him.

He stops next to me, swishing long silver strands over his shoulder. I still pretend not to notice, though I'm aware of everything he does; every little move he makes. I know he's watching me – a new hobby he seems to have taken up. I'm content to let it stay like that – if he's in here I'd prefer it if he wasn't touching me. I know he will though, in his own time. He always does, no matter how much I protest.

"My dear Zidane. How are you today? I see you finished all your lunch – are you now convinced that I will not poison you?"

I simply stare ahead out the window, my tail twitching with obvious agitation. Damn the expressive appendage!

He simply muttered a laugh, leaning closer to my ear. I can feel his hot breath on my cheek and the fur on my tail ruffled. I hate being near him. If he'd keep his distance I might have a conversation with him, but he never does.

"I would never poison you," he whispers into my ear, "You're much too important to me."

I would be flattered if it wasn't so sick. I don't know what the sudden fascination with me is, but it's all he thinks about. I can never think of him as my brother now – the thought makes me ill. What he's done to me…

He enjoys it, too – he loves the way it makes me feel. His twisted smile haunts me when I finally manage sleep, and the pain he inflicts is always there. I have so many scars now – many more than I had even when battling. How long have I been here? Not long surely…at least it doesn't seem like a long time. A week?

Giving a start as his hand rests on my shoulder, I curse under my breath. With an amused laugh he pulled the leather tie from my hair, letting it all fall forward. It falls in my face, but I can manage to keep most of it from my eyes, up until he pulls that cord anyhow.

His fingers wind into my hair and I close my eyes against the feeling that would be pleasant if induced by anyone else.

"You have such beautiful hair, especially in this light. If I had known back then that you would grow up as this, then I would've thought twice about getting rid of you. I'm so very glad I have you now though – We can catch up on missed time together."

I caught one of his hands in my own, so quick that for once he didn't have time to pull away. I squeezed harder than necessary, hoping to at least cause him to panic. I don't even know if he feels it, for he certainly gives no reaction. In fact, within moments when he's had enough of the 'game', he simply pulls his hand from my grip. I sigh with my small defeat, letting my head fall forward to stare towards the water below my window, my hair slumping across my shoulders as the shorter parts dangled against my face.

"Now, now, you know there's no point. I'm still stronger than you – even now. Give up." Again he leaned closer to me. "And become mine freely."

I resisted the urge to throw myself at him in attack – I know it will never work. I all ready tried and both times I was beaten so badly I woke up in bandages. I don't even remember those fights. One minute I was attacking him and the next I was waking up in the bed. It scared me a little to think how powerful he was – no wonder he didn't die.

I still barely believe his story, even though I know no other way he could've lived and escaped. He says he had to go into…I don't know what he called it; I don't know much about magic. But he needed time to regenerate, so he spent three months doing just that. He didn't tell me how he escaped but I can tell that he is weaker than he should be. He'd still stronger than me though, which is the most annoying part of all. Even when he's injured, I have no chance of escaping by myself; when he's completely healed I may never get out. I don't even think anyone's coming to rescue me and if they do, they may never find me.

I steadied my breath, keeping my voice even as I spoke, "I will never be yours freely, Kuja."

He shakes his head, silver locks of hair swinging back and forth lazily, before he sat next to me.

"I brought you a present. Some day you'll accept it," he said and placed a silver loop in front of me. It was thick metal with a catch at the back and a hinge at the front. It was pretty unremarkable but I knew if I touched it something bad would happen. I shifted back a little, coming into contact with the wall behind me.

"It's a choker. You should wear it. Everyone will know who you belong to that way and I can let you leave this room."

I glared at him and nudged the choker to the floor with my boot. It made a loud 'clunk' as it landed, rolling a few steps before toppling over.

"Never," I snapped, folding my arms and staring out the window again. It seemed childish but I wasn't going to play into his little games. I knew that if he would let me out of this room, that thing had to have some sort of spell on it; something to keep me from escaping.

His fingers trailed across my cheek before settling in my hair again, he turned my head with his other hand, leaning forward till our noses almost touched.

"You'll wear it someday," he said and before I could protest his lips were against mine. Whatever spell he cast on me came into effect again, making sure I didn't struggle. It wasn't the spell or the kiss that had me so mad though, it was the way my own heart fluttered in response, and the way my throat went completely dry, and how my mind fogged over – all of which had nothing to do with Kuja's spell.

As he reached for my shirt, I knew where this was going. It was always the same now, and under his spell I couldn't think of retaliation. It was no better than rape, because I sure didn't consent to it.

He muttered something into my ear as he pushed my shirt from my shoulders; I don't know what it was. It didn't matter – the words were meaningless. My whole body gave way and I slumped against him and that's when he simply gathered me into his arms and carried me to the bed; just as he had done three times before.

I thought that he enjoyed hurting me but sometimes the look on his face told another story. I didn't know what to believe – it was easy to condemn him for all this.