A/N: Hope you enjoy. I do believe that this will be the last story I post for awhile, but you never know. I imagine that this took place relatively early on in the story line. I want to say a couple of months after she moved into the house. I know I don't make a reference to when this took place so I wanted to bring that up. :) Read and Review!

"I'll take care of her. Now and always"

― Jasinda Wilder, Falling Into You

Noaki

Kotoko didn't come down to breakfast this morning. She didn't go to school and from what I could tell she never came out of her room. I thought she might be sick but no one went into her room and no one came out. I was told by Yuuki that mom had told him he had to keep it down today and leave Kotoko alone today. It was the oddest damn thing I had even seen in my entire life and I had never been so confused and worried all at the same time.

It wasn't often that I allowed myself to show concern for Kotoko, because most of the time my life was occupied with how to make it so that it seemed as if I could care less, but dammit….

What the hell was going on?

I found my mother in the kitchen after dinner nursing a cup of coffee and looking concerned, and that concern was almost my undoing.

I sat down across from her, "Is she alright?"

My mother looked at me and smiled, "She'll be fine." She wanted to tell me more and I could tell when she lost the battle with herself. "The funny thing about losing a parent is that you learn to deal with the pain and you find ways to move on with your life, but the grieving never goes away, and some days it's harder than others and every once in awhile the pain is fresh and it feels like it just happened. Kotoko is just fine she's just having a hard day."

I opened my mouth to say something, but for once I was without words. I could feel compassion and I could understand how Kotoko could still be in pain, but I just couldn't wrap my mind around that kind of emotional pain. I got up to go to her, but my mother stopped me.

She smiled, "Just leave her be darling. She'll be fine tomorrow."

My mother was gently telling me that it wasn't my place and I found that I wanted it to be. I nodded at my mother to show that I understood and then I left the room. When I walked passed Kotoko's bedroom I was overwhelmed with the feeling to go in there and comfort her, but I knew my mother was right and it wasn't my place.

Kotoko and I weren't close like that and she wouldn't feel comfortable being depressed around me. I couldn't understand what she was going through but I didn't want her to be uncomfortable. I just wanted her to be better. I couldn't leave the spot.

I was rooted outside Kotoko's damn door like I had been planted there, and it's when I heard the faint sounds of crying that my heart almost broke. The sounds were heartbreaking and it was so sad. I didn't want to here and I didn't want to leave her at the same time. I wanted to protect her and I couldn't DO anything to make this better.

I sat down on the floor next to the door way and I had no problem shooing my brother away when he looked at me like I was some crazy person.

Yukki had no idea what all of this was about and he was really too young to understand. I think to him Kotoko was just having a bad day and no one was going to inform him of anything else.

Kotoko

I needed a tv inside my bedroom because this sucked. I thought about going out but that was stupid because I was going to break down in public and I hated that. I could go into the family room but then I would have to deal with everyone. I couldn't even tell you what it was, but some days I just broke down and I sobbed. I sobbed over everything and nothing and I missed my mother like nothing else. I cried until the feeling went away.

I hated that I didn't have her here. I hated that I couldn't remember. I hated that no matter how hard I wished I would never get my mother back and it sucked. I spent one part of the day sleeping, the other crying and some time in between looking at pictures of her and crying my eyes out.

I cried a lot today.

I told my dad not to make a fuss and as always he did what I asked, but it didn't mean that being trapped in here like this didn't suck ass.

I was staring at my ceiling wanting to crawl outside my skin when my phone went off. It was a message from Noaki.

I laugh/sobbed. It was very attractive.

You should eat something. –Noaki

I sniffed and texted back.

Not hungry. – Kotoko

Within seconds I got a reply. It's amazing how I find I don't care if you want to eat or not. You should still eat. I'll have my mother make you something. –N

No. –K

There was a pause. Okay. –N

I wanted to text something back but nothing came to mind.

My phone went off when there were a couple of minutes of silence. I feel the need to inform you that your friends are very worried about you.-N

I wondered if this was his way of saying that HE was worried about me.

I'm going to be fine tomorrow. –K

That's good to hear. I'm worried about you getting me sick. I have a big test in a couple of days. –N

Always so concerned about others. You will not get sick. –K

Another pause. That's a shame. I really didn't want to have to take the test.- N

I was shocked into silence. That had almost been a joke… Out of Irie. Then it hit me.

You're mother told you that I was sad today didn't she.- K

There might have been a mention today that you were sad today. I knew you would have had to be missing me so I figured I would cheer up your day. – N

It was the first time I had smiled all day. Thank you for the cheering. –K

Noaki

I ran my hands through my hair and thought about just giving up and going into my room.

I didn't know how to be a decent, kind person. I knew how to be a selfish ass. I should just get up and leave her to her emotional pain and we could go back to the way we were tomorrow. She would be fine if I left her alone. She might even be better.

But I couldn't do it and I didn't want to.

I sighed and texted a friend of mine and asked him how to cheer girls up. He responded within seconds.

If you go down on them they are considerable more cheerful…. If you know how to do it right. –Paul

I rolled my eyes. These guys were at the top of the class. Can you be serious for a second Casanova? I'm not looking at changing the status of my relationship with Kotoko; I'm just trying to cheer her up.

He was one of my best friends. Paul would know what to do. He knew how to handle human emotion better than me.

He didn't text me back for a couple of minutes. If you hurt her you might just want to leave her be for now. –P

How sad was it that when I mentioned the Kotoko was sad everyone thought I had made her depressed.

I did not make her depressed. She's just having a rough day and I'm trying to make her stop crying. –N

More pauses. Tell her about your day. Tell her a joke. Send her a funny picture…. Be… not yourself and be cheerful.

Great. The one thing I didn't know how to do. I didn't know how to be a cheerful person. I was boring. What would my friends say if I was depressed?

Ninty nine suggestions came up and all of them were completely inappropriate.

I should just give this up.

Fuck It. I could not be cheerful through text messages. I had a hard enough time being anything but boring in real life.

You want to go into the family room and watch a movie? Well sneak in there and watch a romantic comedy that I will hate. –N

There was a long pause before I got anything back. I'm not going to be any fun and I'm going to end up crying all over the place. –K

I gave her credit for her honesty and I considered myself warned. I shall leave the room when this happens like the jackass you know, and you can be depressed in peace should this happen. –N

This is one of the main reasons why I DON'T want to be around you right now. –K

Ouch. You can blow snot all over my shirt if you want to. I can't promise to know what to do but I can give you someone to cry on. –N

And because this needed to be said. I'm still going to be the same person tomorrow that I was yesterday. I still… don't know how to be different, but I care about you and I'm worried and I want to make you feel better. Help me gain karma points. –N

I give you points for honesty. –K

Before I knew what was happening she was opening the door. It was the first time I had seen her all day and I had to admit…. She looked like hell. Her eyes were red. Her hair was a mess, and she was still in her pajamas from last night.

She looked shocked to find me sitting next to her door and she smiled a little when she saw me sitting there.

"That looks like something I would be doing to you."

I shrugged. "I figured I would give being a stalker a shot." I smiled to show her I was joking.

She looked back and forth like she expected people to come out of the woodwork. I couldn't say that I blamed her because she did live with my mother. But my mother knew to stay away and my brother knew death would find him if he left his bedroom right now.

We walked into a sitting room that we never used that had a big screen TV and a dvd player that we could use. She stood in the door looking lost and sad. There was a big couch that sat a couple of feet across from it and the best part of all was that there was a really big media stand that had every movie known to man in there.

She cleared her throat. "I'm gonna go shower first. I need a moment and I look like… well I don't look good."

Before I could say anything she left the room. She must have run into my mother because I heard them talking and then nothing. I went back to trying to find something she might like. I figured Bride of Chucky, Terminator, and Halloween were all out of the picture.

I looked up to see my mother standing in the doorway looking concerned.

This was so sad.

"Do you think this is a good idea?" my mother advised gently.

I sighed, "I promise to be a good human being and comfort her, and be nice. I promise. We'll be fine."

She nodded and was about to leave when I stopped her.

"Bring food. Anything she'll like."

My mother's face lit up and she went on her mission to bring snacks.

I went back to search for every bad movie I could find.

I threw The Notebook under the couch. Kotoko might want to watch it and I didn't want to encourage her to sob all over me.

Plus, no one needed to watch that abomination.

I picked movies I thought she might like. I picked Ten Things I Hate about You, She's all That, Friends with Benefits, Easy A….

I thought I just might throw myself out a window. Why did I do this?

Then she showed up in the door way and she looked so sad and lonely that I knew that I was going to be okay with suffering through a couple of bad movies if she just stopped looking so sad.

This wasn't the Kotoko I knew and…

I wasn't going to be tripped up. I didn't care if she was mourning over me I wasn't going to admit anything.

I held up Friends with Benefits and tried not to look forlorn. It must not have worked because she giggled a little. I was cheered a little by the giggle. I could do this.

She nodded and I put it in the DVD player.

We settled down to watch a movie just as my mother came in with a tray full of every food you could imagine and I smiled when Kotoko went straight for it.

I didn't know my mother knew how to just fade into the background but you would have never known she was here by how fast she came and went.

The movie started and we settled in to watch…Friends with Benefits…

The movie was your average uninspired plot about a guy and a girl who meet and decide sleeping together and being friends is an amazing idea and won't ruin what they have with one another.

…A movie I didn't hate as much as I thought I would. The movie wasn't good by any means but it had its moments…

Until the end. Wow that was just…

Women expected so much because of movies like this with endings like that. I was thinking about writing in and complaining when I saw that Kotoko was fast asleep on the couch.

I thought about throwing a blanket over her and letting her sleep but I didn't. I knew that Kotoko would kick herself if she slept this early in the night. She was going to miss mourned opportunities in the morning despite her saddened state. I gently poked her.

When she woke up she didn't look as sad as she did when I first saw her and it made me breathe a little easier because this was a person I knew.

"You want to sleep?"

She shook her head like I knew she would and we watched a movie that this time really did have me suffering and plotting a gentle suicide. She saw my suffering and giggled. I just went over to the window and thought about jumping. It made her laugh a little more.

"Why does it hurt so much after all this time?" I asked gently. I couldn't help but try to better understand her and why she was so sad.

She shrugged, "It just gets to be too much all of the time. I can never forget about her and the pain never really all goes away, but some days… I just want her to be there with me so badly that it hurts. I can't understand why she can't just be here and be my mother. I think being around your mom is hard to. You have your mother here and she fills this empty space inside me that makes me happy but makes me sad at the same time because she'll never be my mother and I miss her so much that it hurts me."

She looked a little lost again and I regretted bringing it up. I didn't want to hurt her I just didn't understand. "I'm jealous of you and Yuuki have and I want it so badly!"

The tears came out of nowhere and when they came I panicked.

I was so sorry I brought it up. I didn't mean to make her cry, but I couldn't do anything about it now I just wanted to-

"Go away!"

What?

"Leave me be for a little bit Noaki! Just a little b-bit." There were hiccups and tears and the sobs they were so soul ripping I thought I might break.

I didn't want to leave her but I didn't dare go against what she asked. I knew she didn't want me to see her break down like this and although it hurt I could understand that better then she knew. She was a lot braver then I was. If I was in her place I don't think I would have wanted her to see me in such a state at all.

I was on my way out when my mother came out of nowhere and went to Kotoko. I heard her sooth her and I saw her drag Kotoko into her lap before she nodded at me to close the door.

I stood there so lost that I didn't know what to do. I saw Kotoko's father down the hall and felt shamed because I thought I was going to be able to make her feel better and I just made it worse.

"You did fine, son."

I didn't even know he came up to me. I could still here the sobbing. "She was going to break down again. You did nothing wrong."

"I asked-"

"You didn't make her cry. It's just hard for her today."

He didn't intrude on Kotoko like I had and she just left her be like I should have. I went to my bedroom and saw that Yuuki in fact had heard Kotoko break down because he looked panicked and enraged when I came in.

"What did you do?!"

I wish people would stop asking me that!

"I didn't do anything." I explained gently.

My brother who loved me more than anything starting beating on my stomach with his little hands because he thought I made Kotoko cry. If Kotoko could see this she wouldn't believe it, but it was true. My brother did love Kotoko like a sister and he treated her like one too.

I let my brother beat on me because he was scared and there was nothing he could do and I envied him because he had an outlet while I didn't.

Kotoko

It took me an hour but I finally stopped crying. The sobs stopped and I just let Irie's mother comfort me and rock me.

"I'm sorry I cried all over you."

I usually didn't cry on anyone, but I had to admit that this felt better than being bad by myself. I had someone to talk to.

"It's okay."

She stroked my hair and a half cried and laughed again. "I don't know what gets into me."

"You don't need to understand it dear. You just need to let it out so you can move on. It's holding it in that unhealthy."

It was silent for a bit before I finally crawled off of Mrs. Irie. I was embarrassed. I promised myself that I wouldn't cause this much trouble today and I had failed.

I must have apologized without thinking thought. "Do not say you're sorry. There is nothing to be sorry about."

She tilted my head to I looked at her face that looked so understanding that I almost cried again, "There is no shame in being sad. Not ever. I am always here for you and so is this family."

I nodded and teared up again.

She sighed. "If it's okay I'm going to leave you now and calm my boys down. Noaki is worried and Yuuki is probably confused. Are you okay?"

I felt bad. I nodded to let her know I was okay and let her leave to make sure everyone was okay.

My dad, someone who always was willing to give me the space I needed texted me and asked me if I needed anything.

I loved that he knew enough to be there but to give me space. I knew he called off today to make sure he was there in case I needed him.

Better now dad. Thank you. –K

Noaki

I should have just let her be. She would have been better off. It was hours later and the house were asleep and silent but I couldn't fall asleep.

I had made it worse instead of better.

I knew nothing about girls.

I sighed and was about to pass out for the night when I got a text message.

Want to watch Terminator with me? –K

I had never moved so fast in my life.

END.