By Lunairetic
Koji + Ryo, Gawl + Masami
Warnings- shonen-ai, slight angst, fluff, hopefully some humor. Told in several characters point of view. See the name on top of every part to see who's POV it's in. A few mild spoilers. Some "iffy" scenes. Not quite citrus.
A/N- this could be seen as a sequel to "Free" but it's not required.
Takes place after then end of the series. After "Free" but, again, it's not really counted as a sequel.
If you don't know who hide is (pronounced hee-day, it's a name and yes it's supposed to be lower cased) he's a Japanese rock star who's now dead (LONG LIVE HIDE!) but he still kicks complete and total arse. Listen to his music, it's gooooood. He had his own band for a while after the X Japan break up (rant rant rant) When it's him his name will be seen like this: 'hide' just so you know it's his name.
Anywho please Read and Review ^-^
BlueNever seen a bluer sky
Yeah I can feel it reaching out
and moving closer
There's something 'bout blue
Asked myself what it's all for
You know the funny thing about it
I couldn't answer
No, I couldn't answer
Things have turned a deeper shade of blue
and images that might be real
maybe illusion
Keep flashing off and on
Free...
Wanna be free, Gonna be free...
and move among the stars
You know they really aren't so far
Feels so free...
Gotta know free... Please...
Don't wake me from the dream
It's really everything it seemed
I'm so free...
No black and white in the blue
Everything is clearer now
Life is just a dream, you know
that's never ending
I'm ascending
"Blue" from Cowboy Bebop
* * *
Gawl-There they were again…
I could hear the rustle of blankets as Ryo crept across the floor and slid onto Koji's bed mat. They always waited until they thought I was asleep to curl up together. I don't know why. It's not like I didn't know.
At least they weren't having sex yet.
I shut my eyes and played some jrock in my head to drown out the sound of the little kisses they were exchanging.
I was happy for them, really I was, I just guess that knowing they were together kind of made me feel a little more lonely. It was Koji and Ryo….and me WAAAAAAAAAAAY way way way way in the back. Well, that wasn't exactly true. During the day, especially at school, we were a trio again. That was only because they weren't sure how people would react to them I guess.
I clenched my eyes as a soft, quiet moan laced the air.
Sounds like Koji had decided to venture a little below the belt.
Great. One step closer to the point where I would have to get ear plugs.
Or a bed in a different room.
Koji was whispering something now, too low for me to hear.
Yeah yeah, I know it's eavesdropping. But come on, we all share a room. Can't really do much about it.
Another little moan.
'Super sonic slimy go go!!!' I sang in my head, desperately hoping 'hide' would be able to save me.
Ah, and 'hide' was merciful, letting me fall asleep before I heard any more.
* * *
Ryo-Breakfast never tasted so good. When I first entered the kitchen and just smelled the aroma of the food I felt like I hadn't eaten in days.
Masami was a great cook, piling three more pancakes onto my plate and tossing me a smile.
I was getting pretty full but there was really no way I could say no. After all, she put so much work into it.
Koji was sitting right next to me, but he still felt so far away…
Gawl was on the other side of the table….
Pushing his food around with his fork.
I blinked. Usually he was done by now and asking for thirds. "Everything alright Gawl?"
"Hm?" he looked up as if he'd been busy reading something. His eyebrows arched up, listening.
"You haven't touched your food." I gestured to his plate and tilted my head. "Are you feeling well?"
"Something WRONG with my COOKING?" Masami glared at him, her hands on her hips.
His shoulders hunched as he sighed, now I was worried. "No, no… it tastes great… I'm just…not all that hungry I guess…"
I opened my mouth to say something but he was standing, taking his plate to the counter.
Gawl? Cleaning up after himself? Something was most definitely not right here…
"I think I'm gonna walk to school today alright?"
Before we could answer he had grabbed his books and was heading out the door.
We all just stared at the empty doorway.
Masami was the one who moved first. "I…think I'll walk with him. You know, see what's up?"
"That's probably a good idea." Koji nodded. "Go ahead. We'll clean up here. The bus isn't for another half hour."
She smiled and winked at us. "You two better make this kitchen spotless before you leave. My mom will have a cow if she comes home and finds a single dish in the sink."
"Don't worry Masami, we're all over it." I waved to her as she slipped her shoes on and disappeared.
Koji and I sat in silence for a few moments.
"Do you think he's alright?" I glanced over at him as he stood to put his plate in the sink, starting the water to get ready to wash.
"He's Gawl, I'm sure whatever is bother him he'll let us know sooner or later."
"That doesn't answer my question." I poked him lightly in the ribs, setting my plate next to his in the sink.
"Well, speculation is all I have for now." He bent down and kissed me gently before starting on the dishes.
I smiled happily and moved to clear the table of Masami and Gawl's dishes.
It wasn't often that Koji and I were alone in the house. Neither was it often for us to even get close to each other during the day. I reveled in the few moments of peace we had.
"Do we have any exams today?" he asked me, looking over his shoulder, scrubbing at a plate.
I laughed. "Koji, you know our class schedule better than the rest of us. You know we don't."
"Good." He placed the plate into the dish drainer and started on another. "Then I guess there would be no reason for us to just not go today."
I smiled and blushed. For some reason my thoughts drifted to the night before. The way he'd touched me. The way his voice had sounded when he whispered in my ear. It sent a pleasant tingling down my spine. "They're going to wonder where we are…"
"Don't they always?"
I blushed again, and set the rest of the dishes in the sink. After, I wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged him from behind, the hair hanging from his pony tail caressing my face. "Where would we go?"
"Who says we have to go anywhere?"
I smiled and nuzzled against his back. He was so tall, so strong, so warm.
"Sounds good to me."
* * *
Gawl-"Gaaaawl! Wait up!"
I shoved my hands in my pockets and walked faster, huffing.
Even now, after all we'd been through, this girl just couldn't leave me alone.
It was going to be a long walk to school. Not that I'd been planning on going to school at all.
"GAWL!!"
I growled and turned. "Can't you just leave me alone for once?!"
She scoffed. "And deprive you of my company? Please!"
"FINE! Whatever…" I turned back around, in no real mood to argue.
I heard her sigh and follow after me. "Gawl, please? Can't I just talk to you?"
I slumped over, sweatdropping. "Fine…hurry up…"
She walked up beside me and blinked. "You do realize that the school is the OTHER way right?"
"I decided I'm not going today." I grumbled and started to walk again.
"Great. Where are we going?" She was smiling at me as I looked up at her.
How could I argue with a smile like that…
"You're skipping too?"
"Sure why not."
I blinked a few times before straightening. "Well, where do you want to go?"
"They have a few new games at the arcade. My treat."
For the first time in what seemed like days, I smiled.
* * *
Koji-I really should have been putting the dishes away. After all, Masami's mother wouldn't be very happy with the way we'd left the kitchen.
Bah...she wouldn't be back until the afternoon…
The couch was comfortable. Ryo was on my lap. His lips tasted like maple syrup.
A generator could have torn through the ceiling right at that moment and I wouldn't have cared.
There was no way I was moving.
My hands were under his uniform top, grazing along the soft, warm skin of his back.
His fingers dragged through the back of my ponytail, and I knew what he was about to do before he did it.
My hair fell in a blanket over my back as I heard the soft thud of my hair tie, landing on the couch cushion beside us.
His lips smirked against mine, victorious.
"Sneak." I smiled. But it felt good to have my hair down. Felt better to have his fingers stroking the back of my neck.
I moved my lips from his and unfastened the first three buttons on his shirt. He sighed happily, sending a chill through me, as I attacked the flesh at the junction of his neck and shoulder.
He tasted so good…
"Oh, Koji, I love you…" he sighed, blissfully.
I froze.
That was the only way to describe it.
One moment I was kissing him, slowly working my way to the point we'd been at the night before, maybe a little farther if he was willing. The next moment I'd ceased moving entirely. I don't even think I was breathing.
He looked down at me.
Then away.
My mind stopped functioning for all of thirty seconds.
He swallowed, pulling back from me a little. "I…"
My mouth wouldn't move…
Was this….fear?
"I'm….I'm sorry…" his eyes were downcast as he pulled away from me and stood. "I didn't mean to…you know…blurt it out like that…"
Silence.
He turned his back to me and began straightening his clothes.
"I…….don't know how to respond to that Ryo…" I managed after a few seconds.
He gave me a small nod and started to rebutton his shirt.
The room suddenly got a lot colder.
And suddenly, I didn't know what I was supposed to do next…
"I'm going to go finish the kitchen, okay?" he told me before leaving the room.
I sat back on the couch, staring out into space.
It was too soon. I hadn't had enough time to decipher what it was that was going on between Ryo and I.
Was it love?
I'd never been in love….never felt love at all really…
I couldn't be sure…
I cared about him, more than I'd ever cared about anyone. For me, that was enough to warrant a relationship…
But love?
If I wasn't in love, was it right for me to hold Ryo in a relationship where his feelings weren't returned.
I knew what he was doing right now. He felt hurt, and probably a little stupid and afraid. I could already see the silent tears streaming down his face as he tried to clean. Forced himself…
I wanted to go comfort him, tell him that I did care and that I DID want to be with him.
But was that enough?
If it wasn't….what would happen?
I had no idea what to do….
And that scared me….
* * *
Masami-"Can you keep a secret?"
"Hm?" I looked over at Gawl, taking another lick of my ice cream. We were walking downtown, window shopping. "What do you mean?"
He tossed me a sheepish 'I-don't-know-if-I-should' look. "I wanted to talk to you about something…"
I put on my best 'all-in-confidence' face. "Gawl, anything you need to tell me, you can. I'm always willing to listen." I looked at my ice cream. "Actually, I hope a lot that you can think you can come to me when you need something."
He looked surprised and a blush tinted his cheeks.
Uggh! I KNEW he would take it the wrong way. "Not THAT you PERVERT!"
He waved his arms in front of him. "No no! That wasn't what I was thinking AT ALL!"
I huffed. "Good."
I watched his face grow almost sad. "Well….it's just that….Koji and Ryo are together…"
Like THAT was something I didn't know. "And?"
He blinked. "You knew?"
I couldn't help but give him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. "You didn't?"
"Uhm…well…not until recently…"
"Oh…well what's the problem?"
" I dunno… I just feel like I'm left in the dust…" he shrugged, his head almost sinking into the collar of his shirt, as if he were ashamed. "We're not a group anymore. I feel kind of like I'm intruding now…"
"You're lonely?"
"I guess so…."
I smiled, licking my ice cream again. "Gawl, EVERYONE gets lonely sometimes."
His face saddened in a way I never thought it could. "What about ALL the time……"
I winced a little and looked at my feet. "You might not realize it but I know exactly what you're going through…." I could feel his eyes on me, waiting for me to continue. "You miss being a part of someone else's life. It was all you ever knew. Then something happens and it all changes. You're alone."
"Oh…." He was looking away again, as if he was sorry he'd brought up the subject. "I didn't mean to…bring Natsumi into this…."
I nodded, my eyes starting to sting a little. "But it happens… there's not much we can do about it but move on…"
He laughed a little. "And if all else fails we always have each other."
I smiled back at him. "Yeah."
"Man, aren't WE a pair…"
"Well, I guess it's better than nothing." I shrugged.
"We should do this more often." He threw his hands behind his head and stretched.
I eyed him. "Skip class?" Yeah the academy would really look brightly on THAT.
"Nah, I mean talk."
"Yeah, talking is good."
"We should do it more often."
I giggled. "You already said that."
"Oh. Yah. Right."
"Well, here's the arcade. Ready to get your butt kicked?"
He scoffed. "Bring it on, babe! I'm gonna kick yer sorry rear to the moons!"
"Yeah yeah, whatever…come on victory boy."
* * *
Ryo-I'm so stupid.
I should have just kept my mouth shut.
I ruined everything.
At least the kitchen was clean.
Koji hadn't made an appearance…
So stupid…
I should have known he wouldn't feel the same…at least not yet. It was too soon. I couldn't expect so much from him so early in our relationship…
At least we had one.
Or we did.
Would he ever talk to me again?
Yes, yes he would. I knew him well enough that he wouldn't just leave me because of this.
He cared. I was certain of that.
I should have been happy enough with that.
Why did I mess it all up?!
I tossed the cleaning rag onto the now spotless counter and trudged up the stairs.
I just wanted to curl up onto my bed mat and die.
Or sleep.
Sleep would be good too.
Koji was already in the room when I arrived, standing before the window, looking out at nothing, lost in thought.
Back to the usual, but at least he wasn't glued to his computer.
He'd put his hair back up, his head turning as the door opened.
Neither of us said anything as I shut the door behind me and settled myself on my bed mat.
The silence hurt…
Too much…
I couldn't take it…
"Koji…I…"
He raised a hand to stop me and I quieted.
He sighed, his eyes meeting mine. I loved those eyes so much…They might have been the first thing I fell in love with about him. No matter what his mouth said, his eyes always told me the truth.
And right now, they were scared, worried, and unsure.
Mirroring my own I bet.
"Ryo…before you say anything…please hear me out…"
We're through.
We're done.
I could hear the words now.
I'd scared him off…
So stupid…
He sighed a bit, leaning back against the wall.
Composing himself.
Here it comes.
"I think…"
I closed my eyes. I pictured the aftermath of all of this. He'd find a girl, forget about me…I'd become a hermit…or even worse. I'd turn into Takuma Nakasa…okay, maybe it wouldn't be THAT bad…
"I think I might love you too…"
My eyes widened as I watched him.
Tears of relief started to well in my eyes.
Oh Koji….
"I've never felt love," he continued. "so I'm not sure. Just know that I DO care for you. More than I've ever cared about anyone else…." He paused, and for the first time that I'd ever seen, he blushed. "It's the best I can do right now. Until I can…understand better…"
I threw my arms around his neck and smiled. "It's good enough."
His entire body seemed to relax, almost melt as I held him.
Relief.
This time the silence was welcomed. I buried my head in his shoulder, feeling his warm breath against my ear.
This was the way things were meant to be.
Maybe someday it would be more…
* * *
Gawl-"Aw man, I dun wanna go home!" I was pouting.
"Dinner will be ready soon. Besides, I don't have any money left."
"Can't we just walk around for a bit?" I clung on to Masami's arm and projected my best puppy dog expression.
"Gaaawl ,we've been walking around all daaay." She was doing her best to sound angry without laughing.
"How about this weekend?" I nudged her lightly with my elbow.
She smirked. "Why Gawl? Are you asking me out on a date?"
"You can call it that if you want." I shrugged.
She stopped walking and smiled. "Gawl? I'd love to go out on a date with you."
"Come oooon! I'm hungry! Let's go!" I grabbed her arm and forced her to walk faster toward the house.
"Hey, you're the one who wanted to walk more." She huffed at me, batting me lightly on the head with the palm of her hand.
"Well my stomach is telling me otherwise."
"You and your stomach….Come on, I'll cook something up…"
Oh, I definitely could see this relationship working.
~owari~
now review please! ^-^