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Hello and Merry Christmas to all of my readers who are celebrating around the world today! I finally have the final part of the epilogue for you! It seemed like a good Christmas present!
I started writing the first drafts of this fanfic on January 1st of this year. It's been almost a full year, but it's been one heck of a year. I originally had this planned to be 5 or 6 chapters and here I am with the 18th chapter! I started writing and this fic took on a life of its own! I'm very proud of this and I'm happy that I've been able to share it with all of you!
Thank you to everyone who has followed and favorited this fanfic over the past 9 and a half months! I really appreciate all of you for following the journey of this fanfic and patiently waiting for each new chapter! I want to give a special final shout out and thank you to christyjosh4eva, Dell-Indilwen, DamphiricAngel2014 and Mindymb83 for taking the time to leave a review over the past several weeks!
Please remember you can always find me on tumblr and twitter as cchester1985 and I welcome PM's too. If you are one of my readers let me know and I'll follow you back! I will always make announcements about any future one-shots I will be writing in the WHH universe and any other fanfics I will write in the future on those sites.
*****A WARNING BEFORE YOU READ*****
This chapter contains some of the process of a birth of a child. I tried to be subtle in my descriptions, but it is possible that some readers would consider this type of a scene as an M rating. If you are hesitant to read on because of this, please contact me and I can give you more details about what this chapter contains in a T rating or a brief summary if you want to skip that part.
*****VERY IMPORTANT*****
This chapter has one brief mention of the very real topic of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and how it can affect people. If you have any questions or concerns about this or anything regarding this fanfiction please let me know before reading on!
Thank you for reading and I hope that you enjoy the final part of the epilogue of this fanfic! Also, PLEASE read the authors notes at the bottom after you read this chapter!
I can't help but smile at the sleepy little boy in my arms who resembles me in almost every way possible except for one very noticeable difference - his eyes. Our son has Katniss' steel gray eyes and my blonde hair, the very opposite of Liliana. At just two hours old, he has a full belly and yet he's still fighting sleep. "You're stubborn just like your mama, huh? Well, let's see if this works."
I hold his tightly swaddled little body close to my chest and begin to sing the timeless lullaby that hardly ever failed to lull Liliana to sleep when she was a baby.
"Hush, little baby, don't say a word,
Daddy's gonna buy you a mockingbird.
If that mockingbird don't sing,
Daddy's gonna buy you a diamond ring
If that diamond ring turns brass,
Daddy's gonna buy you a looking glass.
If that looking glass gets broke,
Daddy's gonna buy you a billy goat,
If that billy goat don't pull,
Daddy's gonna buy you a cart and a bull.
If that cart and bull tip over,
Daddy's gonna buy you a dog named Rover.
If that dog named Rover don't bark,
Daddy's gonna buy you a horse and a cart.
If that horse and cart fall down,
you'll still be the sweetest little baby in town."
By the time I finish the last line of the lullaby little Landon is indeed fast asleep in my arms. My singing definitely isn't as beautiful as Katniss', but I don't have a horrible voice either. Katniss has the most beautiful voice I've ever heard, she always has. It was her voice that made me fall in love with her on our first day of Kindergarten almost twenty-one years ago.
Landon Eric Mellark came into this world about two hours ago at 8:59 this morning. It's weird, both of our children were born at 8:59, only one was in the morning and the other was in the evening. The differences in their deliveries pretty much stop there though.
XOXOXOXOXO
Katniss and I were very overwhelmed and inexperienced going into Liliana's birth, but all in all it went pretty well. It wasn't a seamless delivery but very few are. The biggest scare we had was when Katniss' levels began dropping and she almost passed out on us. That was very frightening for me but it turned out okay in the end. Liliana has been the most amazing blessing in our lives and I couldn't imagine a life without her or Katniss in it.
Katniss began having contractions just shortly before 5:00 PM yesterday evening. We called Dr. Whitaker right away to let her know that Katniss was in labor and just like last time she assured us that as long as there weren't any problems and Katniss was still comfortable being at home we could stay where we were until the contractions got closer together. Katniss was very relieved to hear this as she was extremely nervous to leave Liliana.
It's not that we've never left Liliana before but we've never both left her all night long. I've been away from her during the night before because of certain things I've had to do with the Air Force but Katniss has never spent the night away from Liliana before and she was very worried about how she would react to not having either one of her parents there at bedtime. I'll be the first to admit that Liliana has me wrapped around her little finger but she's very close to Katniss as well.
As soon as we got off the phone with Dr. Whitaker we called Haymitch and he came over right away. We had previously arranged with him that he would come over to our house and be there with Liliana whenever we had to go to the hospital. To Liliana, Haymitch is grandpa 'Mitch. He's not related by blood in any way, but he's family nevertheless and he's the closest thing our children will ever know as far as a maternal grandparent.
Katniss was determined to stay at home throughout as much of the labor as she could. We were both praying that Liliana would be fast asleep before we had to leave for the hospital so that she hopefully wouldn't know we were gone until she woke up in the morning. However, it didn't work out that way. Liliana may only be three years old, but she's very smart and aware of what's going on around her, so she knew that something was causing her mommy to be in pain every few minutes and it was upsetting her so much that she refused to fall asleep even though she was physically exhausted. She became very clingy, especially to me. We tried for over two hours to get her to fall asleep but in the end we had no luck and we ended up leaving for the hospital while she was still awake. It broke both of our hearts to leave her while she was crying and screaming in Haymitch's arms, but Katniss' contractions were coming five minutes apart and Dr. Whitaker wanted us to meet her at the hospital very soon. We knew that our daughter was in good hands but it was still upsetting to both of us to see her that upset.
Katniss and I arrived at the hospital just before midnight and Dr. Whitaker was already waiting for us when we arrived. The first couple of hours progressed just like they did with Liliana's labor and delivery. Due to the fact that we had a successful albeit a very painful natural delivery with Liliana we decided to go for another naturally delivery with Landon.
Things got more complicated however at about 1:45 in the morning when my cell phone started ringing. When I glanced at the screen and saw that the caller was Haymitch it felt like a rock dropped in my stomach. In that instant I knew there was only one reason that Haymitch would be calling us at that hour of the morning - Liliana wasn't asleep yet.
As soon as I hit the answer button on my touchscreen my heart broke all over again - I heard Liliana screaming in the background and she sounded borderline hysterical. Haymitch told me that she was crying so much she was making herself sick and he didn't know what to do. I asked him if he wouldn't mind driving her up to the hospital to see us because I figured that if she could see where her mom and dad were it might help her to calm down a little bit knowing that we were not very far away. He immediately agreed and said that he would be up here in about fifteen minutes.
About twenty minutes later there was a knock at the door and I went to greet them. As soon as I opened the door my heart sunk even further into my stomach. Liliana was shaking in Haymitch's arms, her face was beet red and her cheeks were stained with tears. She immediately jumped into my waiting arms, wrapped her little arms as tightly as she could around my neck and started crying into my shoulder. After I held her for a couple of minutes she finally calmed down and then I set her down on the bed so that she could go over to her mom. Shockingly though she didn't even acknowledge Katniss. Instead she sat at the very edge of the bed with her feet dangling off and began sucking on her thumb, something she hadn't done even once in the last two months.
I'm not sure which hurt worse, seeing Liliana act this way towards her mother or the look on Katniss' face.
Not knowing why she was acting this way I immediately pulled the chair over so that I would be facing her on her level. "Liliana, why are you ignoring mommy?"
She only stared at me in response so I asked her again. "Liliana, I know you've been upset all night and I'm very sorry that we had to leave you but I want to know why you are ignoring mommy?"
More tears began welling up in her bright blue eyes before she finally told me why she was ignoring Katniss. "Mommy wasn't there."
"You're mad because mommy wasn't there so you could fall asleep?"
She nodded her head in response before holding out her arms indicating she wanted to be held again. I held her tightly against my chest and tried to explain why her mommy wasn't there in a way that she could understand at only three years old. "Lily-bug, I need you to listen to me okay? The reason why both mommy and I had to leave you with Grandpa 'Mitch is because it's time for you to become a big sister and in order for mommy to be able to bring your brother home to you she had to come here with me for a little bit. That's just how it works when you get a new brother or sister. Believe me honey, neither of us wanted to leave you! We both love you so much and hate having to be away from you! Do you understand?"
Liliana nodded her head immediately in understanding and then held out her arms in Katniss' direction so that I would know she wanted to go to her mother. Katniss welcomed her into a warm embrace with overflowing tear filled eyes. I couldn't be sure if they were pain tears or tears from Liliana's reaction, maybe they were from both; one thing was certain - Katniss was very happy to hold Liliana in her arms again.
After a couple of minutes Liliana started to doze off in Katniss' arms. We all knew that she wouldn't be able to stay and sleep here in the room with us so I carefully lifted her back into my arms and promised her that if she was a good girl for mommy and daddy and went home and went right to sleep for grandpa Haymitch, she could come back here in the morning and spend the rest of the day with us. I was careful not to promise what time in the morning because I didn't know just how soon Katniss would deliver Landon but I figured that by late morning the delivery would most likely be over. Thankfully she agreed and after multiple goodbye hugs and kisses from both me and her mom she left quietly with Haymitch.
The next five hours or so progressed just about as normally as Katniss' first labor did. As each hour went by her contractions continued to increase in both length and frequency. Dr. Whitaker continued to check Katniss every couple hours to see how she was dilating.
Everything seemed to be progressing normally when she checked her at both 3:00 AM and 5:00 AM. However, when she checked her again at 7:00 AM she became concerned that Katniss had barely dilated at all in the past two hours. There was practically no change between 5:00 AM and 7:00 AM. Since the fetal monitors were not showing any signs of distress at that point she decided to give us one more hour to see if there was any more improvement before she would have to drastically alter the birthing plans we had laid out for this particular labor and delivery.
Both Katniss' and my stress levels began to increase at that point, which now looking back on it surely didn't help Katniss at all. There were not any severe complications with Liliana's delivery and we were praying for another uncomplicated delivery this time around as well.
Unfortunately our plans were dashed an hour later when Dr. Whitaker came back to check Katniss once again. Just has Dr. Whitaker had feared at 7:00 AM, Katniss had indeed stopped dilating. There was no more progress made in the last hour. At that point Dr. Whitaker sat down with us and informed us that while there was a medicine they could try to use to progress the labor, in her opinion she felt that our only safe option at that point would be a cesarean delivery. Katniss was only six-and-a-half centimeters dilated and there was no way that she would be able to deliver naturally like that.
Both of us were very overwhelmed and upset by this news. Katniss had wanted so badly to follow in her mom's footsteps and deliver her children naturally. She didn't want any IV medications, she didn't want to be numb and she definitely didn't want to be cut open. Being numb from the abdomen down meant that she while she wouldn't feel the pain; she also wouldn't feel the joy of actually bringing Landon into the world. A C-section also meant a much longer recovery time.
Dr. Whitaker was patient with us though. She explained that sometimes these things just happen. She also assured us that she would be with us every step of the way. She would be the one delivering Landon just as if Katniss would have delivered him naturally.
It took us a little while to calm down but eventually we both consented. We understood that Landon was coming this way whether we liked it or not and I only wanted what was best for my wife and son.
After discussing the procedure with us Dr. Whitaker left the room to notify the operating room that they would need to prep for a cesarean delivery very soon. She assured us that we were all in good hands and that Cressida would be in shortly to begin prepping Katniss for surgery.
Both Katniss and I learned long ago that life never does go the way you expect it to. This day wasn't any exception. Shortly after 8:30 AM a monitor started going off next to Katniss' bed. Cressida immediately went to go check on the monitor and I'll never forget the look on her face when she saw the screen. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong.
"It's the baby isn't it?"
The words escaped my mouth before I could stop myself, but somehow I knew I was right.
"Yes. It's the baby. His heart rate is beginning to drop. I think you're going to be parents again even sooner than you expected." Cressida responded as calmly as possible before reaching out to hit the emergency call button on the wall.
I can't even begin to fathom right now how quickly things began to move after Dr. Whitaker came back into the room. She immediately jumped into action and notified the OR that we would be up very soon. She instructed the anesthesiologist to be ready to go as soon as we got up there and that she wanted to be able to start within fifteen minutes.
Although nothing went as planned, Katniss and I were both parents once again at 8:59 AM. At eight pounds one-and-a-half ounces, twenty-one inches long, Landon Eric Mellark entered our lives with a very healthy set of lungs! If they were not awake by then, I believe his cries could have woken up anyone in a fifty foot radius. Unfortunately Katniss was the only one unable to hear Landon's first cries. Because it was an emergency C-section, there wasn't time for an epidural or a spinal block and she had to be put under general anesthesia.
Landon was immediately checked over by one of the doctors but all of the signs of fetal distress he was showing prior to delivery seem to vanish as soon as he was pulled from the womb. He was as healthy as he could be.
XOXOXOXOXO
Looking up from my newborn son to where Katniss is sleeping peacefully in her hospital bed with our three-year-old daughter curled tightly into her chest, I begin to reflect on the fact that I am blessed beyond words to be here at this point in my life. I'm married to the woman I have loved since I was five years old and together we have the two most amazing children in the world.
If someone would've told me the day I woke up at Mockingjay Air Base in Germany that I would live to see this day, I would have probably told them they were absolutely crazy. That was only about three-and-a-half years ago but it seems like a lot longer than that.
"Mmm... Peeta?" The sound of Katniss waking up snaps me out of my thoughts and back to reality.
"Yes honey, I'm right here! And so are both of our children." The smile on my face spreads from ear to ear as I say the words "both of our children." I have always loved and admired Katniss, and I couldn't be more proud of her for going through everything that she has to make me a father not only once, but twice. "How are you feeling Katniss? Are you alright?"
"I feel like I just had our son cut out of my abdomen. It's definitely not the best feeling in the world." Her voice is still hoarse from the breathing tube they had to put in when she was rushed up for the emergency C-section. During a routine delivery with a spinal block or an epidural a breathing tube would not be used but since Landon's heart rate was dropping there wasn't time for the preparation of a routine delivery and Katniss had to be intubated when she was put under general anesthesia.
"I'm sorry honey! You did great though! Landon is perfect, just like Liliana! And the good news is that you get to take it easy for a few weeks. I'm going to take great care of you just like you always do for me. If I can pull it off I'm going to make sure that you only have to do the things necessary for you that I can't do for you."
"Thanks Peeta! We make a good team and some pretty amazing and very beautiful children if I do say so myself!" Katniss pauses and closes her eyes. She tries to swallow but it's apparent that it's painful for her. "My throat is very irritated right now though. Do you think they would give me something to help soothe it if I ask?"
"I couldn't agree more Katniss! We have the best children in the world! As for the irritation, I don't think you are ready for regular food yet, but would you like some ice chips? I know from personal experience that they will definitely help your throat feel better."
"Yes, please!" She whispers. "How long have I been asleep?"
"About an hour and a half. After you finished feeing Landon both you and Liliana fell asleep quickly, but oddly Landon was wide awake. I just got him to sleep a little bit ago, although I'm sure he'll be up for another feeding again soon."
"Yeah, probably. Liliana ate every two to three hours when she was born."
Katniss presses the call button on her bed so that she can get the nurse to bring her some ice chips to munch on.
Landon wakes up just before noon and immediately starts crying for another feeding. I slowly and carefully stand up and Katniss shifts herself to get into a better position to breastfeed our son. The sudden cries and Katniss' movement wake Liliana up as well and she tries to tighten her hold on Katniss as she wakes up. "Mommy, what's going on?"
Katniss rubs Liliana's back as she encourages her to sit up. "Your little brother's hungry and I have to feed him now. Do you want to go sit with daddy while I feed Landon?"
"Okay mommy! Do you think I should pick dandelions for Landon like I did for you? I saw more in the grass!" Liliana asks excitedly.
"Sure sweetie, if you want to. But you don't have to get them right now okay! You can pick some for Landon later. There will be plenty of them coming up out of the ground over the next few months. It's only the beginning of spring." Katniss explains.
I didn't even think about that until now. Katniss is right, today is March 20th and it's the first day of spring. Now that I think about it, because of his birthday Landon is always going to be our little dandelion.
This also reminds me of something I told Katniss a few months after we started dating. I explained to her that I've always loved dandelions because they come up out of the ground just as winter is coming to an end and spring begins. When winter hits everything appears to freeze and die, but then the spring arrives and all of a sudden dandelions start popping up out of the ground. They are the beginning of the rebirth of spring and a sign that life can be good again.
I guess that's why it brought tears to Katniss' eyes when Liliana came in the room this morning with Haymitch with a bunch of dandelions clenched in her small fist. Apparently she saw 'the flowers' growing in the grass outside the hospital and told Haymitch that she wanted to pick some for her mommy.
Once Katniss has gotten comfortable and has placed a pillow over her still somewhat swollen abdomen, I slowly and carefully place Landon in her arms. I can't help but watch in awe as she undoes the snaps on the front of her hospital gown and opens it up just enough so that our son has room to latch on. It doesn't take Landon long to realize where his food source is and within seconds he is calmly filling his belly for the second time. I think it's a safe bet to say that he's going to be a good eater just like his daddy.
I pick up Liliana off the bed before sitting back down in my chair and place her in my lap while Katniss is busy with Landon. She settles her back against my chest and I wrap my arms around her abdomen holding her close.
"Mommy? Is that how babies eat?" Liliana asks curiously.
"Yes sweetie it is. Newborn babies don't eat like you, me and daddy do. Sometimes mommies feed them like this and sometimes they drink formula from bottles."
"Oh." She says quietly.
I look down at her as she digests this new information.
"Did you feed me like that too?"
"Yes I did. I fed you like this until you were over nine months old."
"I'm sorry mommy! I don't remember!" She bows her head sadly and I lean down to place a kiss on the crown of her soft brown curly hair.
"That's okay Liliana. That's not something that you usually remember as you get older." I assure her. "Your mommy and I were both fed this way too and we don't remember it either."
"No way!" Liliana exclaims suddenly.
"What do you mean Lily-bug?"
"You and mommy used to be as little as Landon?"
I can't help but laugh, despite how seriously confused Liliana is right now. "Yes sweetie, both mommy and me were babies a long time ago too! And our mommy's and daddy's fed us and took care of us just like we take care of you and Landon. We grew up to be adults just like you will one day a looong time from now!"
"You're kidding me!" She huffs in disbelief.
"No sweetie, I'm not kidding!" I chuckle. "We even have pictures to prove it. We'll show you our photo albums when we get home."
"Okay! I gotta see this!" She says with a huge smile that spreads from ear to ear.
"You're silly!" I tell her as I tickle her tummy.
"No daddy you're silly!"
"Silly like the tickle monster?" I ask her as I start tickling her all over.
She explodes into a ball of giggles in my arms as I continue my tickle attack.
"Stop daddy! Stop the tickles!" She exclaims.
"Okay, okay, I'll stop as long as you promise daddy one important thing!"
"Okay!"
"Promise me you won't grow up too fast! I want you to stay our little girl for as long as possible!" She's already growing up so fast. I feel like her first three years just flew by.
"I promise daddy!"
I finally put an end to the tickle monster and she calms down and curls up in my lap as we watch Katniss finish feeding Landon.
Just as Katniss is trying to get Landon to burp so he can go back to sleep there is a knock at the door.
"Come in!" I tell them.
As the door opens I see that our visitors are Prim, Johanna and Gale. Prim wheels her chair right up to Katniss' bedside and immediately begins trying to get a good look at her first nephew.
"What did you decide to name him?"
Katniss turns her head towards me and I meet her gaze. When she smiles and nods her head to me I know she's giving me the go ahead to answer Prim's question. "We went with Landon. Landon Eric Mellark."
"Awwh! I like that name a lot! I know where Liliana got her first and middle names, but what made you decide on those names?"
"Well as you know, Lily-bug here is named after both your mothers' memory and you of course, so Katniss and I both decided that we should name our son after someone I was close to on my side of the family. I decided to name him after my grandfather Caleb Landon Mellark. When I was a kid my granddad and I were very close. He was basically a second father to me. When I was six he was diagnosed with cancer. He had surgery and went through chemo for a while and we thought he was cured, but in the spring before I turned nine he found out that it came back and by that time he was diagnosed as terminal. There was nothing they could do." I pause for a moment. The only person in this room right now who has already heard this story is Katniss and when I see her reaching her hand out towards me I immediately take it and entwine her fingers with my own. She knows this isn't an easy thing for me to talk about.
Liliana also senses that something is wrong and she turns her body in my lap so that she's looking up at me. "Do you need a hug daddy?"
"Yes sweetie, I could definitely use one of your hugs." She carefully turns herself all the way around in my lap and sits with her torso against mine and her legs hanging off either one of my hips. She presses her left ear against my chest right near my heart and wraps her arms tightly around my back. I use my free hand to rub her back as I continue on.
"I went to visit him on my birthday and he didn't even recognize me. That broke my heart. He passed away on August 14th, five days after I turned nine. My dad named my oldest brother Caleb after him while my granddad was still alive but I wanted to honor his memory by carrying on his middle name in our son. I chose the name Eric in honor of one of my cousins who died when he was only four years old. He passed away before I was born so I never got a chance to know him. We also did some research on the meaning of the name Landon and found out that it means "long hill." At first we weren't really sure that the meaning of his name was really that significant but then we got to thinking and talking about it and we realized that "long hill" could represent the journey of life that we are climbing together as our family grows and things change for us. Life definitely is a long journey. It has its ups and downs but in the end we're all together!"
"Very, very well said! That's really nice of you to honor your granddad like that Peeta!" Prim tells me.
"So how is the new mother feeling?" Johanna asks as she comes over and stands next to Prim.
Katniss gives Johanna a smile as she cradles a now sleeping Landon in her arms. "Pretty tired and very sore. But honestly I wouldn't trade this for the world. How are you feeling?"
"Tired and achy and swollen and I'm just ready to get this baby out! I don't know how you've done it twice already!" Johanna replies in one breath.
Gale being the good husband that he is immediately grabs a chair for her to sit in and begins rubbing her shoulders and her back.
Katniss and I both let out a small chuckle at her response. It's definitely not easy on the mother, or the father for that matter, being pregnant for nine months at a time and then going through labor and delivery, but after welcoming both Liliana and Landon into our lives I think that Katniss would agree with me that every second of every moment of the journey was worth it in the end. Nothing compares to the moment when you first hold your child in your arms. They have definitely been the proudest moments of my life - the days I became a father for the first and second times.
"Look at it this way Johanna, you've made it through thirty-five weeks of this already. You just have five weeks to go and then you will get to be a mother just like me!" Katniss tells her. "It's weird how life turns out! The whole time we were growing up I always thought that you would be a mother way before I would."
"No kidding! But honestly I'm glad it worked out this way. Watching you with Liliana the past few years has been a great example for me. You're an amazing mom. I can only hope that I'll be as good as you! And besides, I already know I love being an aunt so I'm sure it's going to be even more fun being a mom!" Johanna replies.
"Thanks Johanna! That means a lot! And don't worry, you will be. I've known you for more than twenty years and there is no doubt in my mind that you are going to be an wonderful mother. Being a mother is very rewarding and it's the most amazing feeling! Plus, now I get to be an aunt for the first time too!"
The next couple of days seem to fly by and before we know it both Katniss and Landon are being discharged and we finally get to go home as a family of four for the first time.
Coming home as a family of four for the first time is very different from when we came home for the first time with Liliana. When we only had our daughter all of our attention was focused on her. However, now that we have two children to love and care for, it's going to be a whole new experience for us in parenthood. We're not perfect by any means but we are together in this and Katniss and I are determined to be the best parents that we can be. I know one thing for certain; no two children will be loved more.
Another reason that it's quite different this time around is because Katniss is in a much greater amount of pain and what she can do for the first month or so is greatly limited. She also isn't supposed to lift anything heavier than Landon for the first few weeks so that means all of the physically strenuous things are up to me, including lifting and carrying Liliana. I don't mind one bit though. After everything Katniss and I have been through together, and knowing how she took such amazing care of me after the attack in Afghanistan, it's my privilege to be able to do this for Katniss and our children.
Haymitch and Prim are at our house waiting for us when we pull in the driveway. Both Haymitch and I help Katniss into the house and make sure she is comfortable in bed before I bring Landon to her for his twelve o'clock feeding.
Prim keeps Liliana occupied for me in the living room and shortly after Katniss and I lay Landon down in his bassinet next to our bed, Katniss dozes off as well.
After we all eat some lunch, Liliana tells me that she wants to surprise her mom with some homemade cookies when she wakes up and being the baker that I am I of course tell her that I think Katniss would love some cookies. I won't pass up an opportunity to spend time baking with Liliana, and the same will go for Landon once he's old enough.
With the outstanding help of my mini-baker, two hours later we have about three dozen fresh chocolate chunk cookies, half frosted with orange icing and the other half frosted with green icing. Liliana's been on a kick for making things with those two colors ever since she found out that orange and green are mine and Katniss' favorite colors. Since our trip to San Diego, she's also renamed Apple Jacks; It's now called mommy and daddy cereal.
As soon as we are done cleaning up the kitchen, Liliana and I put together a plate of cookies and three glasses of milk on a serving tray and head upstairs to surprise Katniss. I expect to find her fast asleep because I know how exhausted she's been the past couple of days, well weeks actually, but surprisingly she's wide awake when we enter the room. "I didn't know you were awake sweetheart. How long have you been up?"
"Not very long. I woke up to the smell of fresh baked cookies and I was just lying here listening to you two down in the kitchen and watching Landon sleep."
"Oh okay. How are you feeling honey?"
"I feel a bit better after my nap, but I still wish I could do all the fun stuff with the two of you."
"You will be back to your usual self before you know it, but for now, let me take care of you for a while and focus on your own recovery."
Liliana walks over to Katniss' bedside and extends her hand, which Katniss automatically takes in her own. "Would some homemade cookies and milk cheer you up mommy?"
"I would love some homemade cookies, especially if they were made by my two all-time favorite bakers. Did you help daddy make these?"
"Yes I did!" She replies, clearly very proud of herself. "I helped daddy measure the stuff, scoop out the dough and put the frosting on them. I told daddy they had to be orange and green!"
"Of course! You did great sweetie, mommy is very proud of you!" Katniss says as she leans down to place a kiss on Liliana's forehead.
As we are finishing our cookies and milk, Landon wakes up for his midafternoon feeding. He's also in need of a diaper change and I volunteer to take care of it so that Katniss doesn't have to get up.
Liliana crawls up the bed and curls herself into Katniss' side while she burps Landon.
"Mommy?"
"Yes Lily-bug?"
"Can I please hold brother? I'll be gentle!" She asks giving me and Katniss her best puppy dog eyes. She knows that I can't say no to the puppy dog eyes.
"Alright, you can hold Landon but we're going to help you, okay. Sit up nice and straight next to mommy and I'll grab an extra pillow to put in your lap." I tell her as I walk across the room to our closet to grab a pillow that will help her support her brother.
Liliana is sitting up nice and straight with her back against the headboard and her arms and legs out in front of her by the time I get back to the bedside. I place the pillow in her lap and then carefully move Landon from Katniss' arms to Liliana's. Katniss shows her how to properly hold him and how to support his head while I climb onto the bed on Liliana's left side.
"Look at me! I'm holding a baby!" She exclaims.
It's in this moment that I truly realize that my first born isn't really a baby anymore. She's becoming a big girl now, and while I don't want her to grow up too soon, I couldn't be more blessed to call her my daughter. "You're such a big girl now Lily-bug! Landon has the best big sister in the world. Look how calm and relaxed he is. He's not scared at all; he knows he's safe in your arms."
"Yes he is daddy! And I'm going to teach him everything I know. I'm going to teach him how to color and bake and swim with the dolphins and build sand castles and swim and... and... I'll think of more!" She places a soft kiss on his forehead. "Don't worry Landon, we're gonna have a lot of fun, oh wait a minute!" She suddenly seems panicked as she turns her head back and forth between the two of us. "Mommy! Daddy! Are we going to go back to San day-go?"
Katniss and I exchange glances over the top of Liliana's head before I turn back to our daughter. "We don't have any plans to go right now, but we could always go again in the future. Why do you want to know sweetie?"
"Daddy, I can't show Landon the beach or teach him how to build sand castles if we don't go back!"
"Oh sweetie! Don't worry, your mommy and I will make sure that Landon gets to experience all of that stuff too!"
"Okay. That's good! Don't worry brother. Mommy and daddy are going to take care of everything. They always do!"
Liliana continues to talk to Landon until well after he is fast asleep in her arms. It's definitely a relief to know that Liliana is excited to have a brother. I've heard stories from other parents in the past about older children who become extremely jealous when their parents have another child and I didn't want that to happen with Liliana. I know that brothers and sisters fight sometimes, it's just a fact of life that no one gets along perfectly one hundred percent of the time, but I hope that our children always have a close and loving relationship with one another.
XOXOXOXOXO
With Katniss still working as a dolphin trainer at the aquarium, she is fully covered for eight weeks of maternity leave after a C-section birth so she has plenty of time to physically recover from the surgery before returning to work. I, however don't get as much time off. While the Air Force has been very understanding of everything that I've been through since the attack in Afghanistan, I can't take eight weeks off work to stay home with Katniss.
I didn't have to stay in active-duty military after the attack; it's something I chose to do. I spent a lot of time thinking about it because I wasn't sure that it was the right thing to do, especially since I was suffering from PTSD. In the end I made the decision to stay in the Air Force and I am now a recruiter in the Panem area. I cannot be deployed overseas anymore but I'm okay with that, especially knowing that I have two little ones at home now.
Over the last couple of years I've been asked the same question over and over again of why I wanted to stay in the military after being so gravely injured serving our country. My answer is always the same. To this day I am still proud to be serving our country. Yes, I was severely injured and it nearly cost me my life, but I lived. So many others have died doing their duty for our country, and I am truly honored and humbled to have been able to serve alongside some of them.
There is also a second question that I get pretty often especially from many of my new recruits, and that is if knowing what I went through and what my life is like now, would I go back and do the same things all over again? My answer to that is always the same as well. I would absolutely go back and live this life all over again. Granted, parts of what I've been through were extremely painful and it's not always been easy, but looking back on my life now, I know the sacrifices were worth it.
I also volunteer part time with a fairly new local organization in our area that helps train and provide free service dogs and permanent companions to injured military veterans and those suffering from PTSD like myself. There have been organizations like this all over the United States for many years, but until the spring of 2011 there wasn't one in over a hundred mile radius from where we live in Panem. Both Thresh and Hopper decided to leave active duty military life after our attack in Afghanistan and the two of them decided to start up the organization together. I help them out whenever I can.
Thresh, Hopper and I have become extremely close over the past few years. The attack in Afghanistan may have changed us in different ways but it also created a bond that we will have for the rest of our lives. Our families have also become very close. Liliana and Hopper's daughter Sienna love playing together despite the fact that there is a four year age difference between the two of them.
Johanna gave birth to a son about five weeks after Landon was born. She swears that she will never let Gale get her pregnant again, but after a couple weeks at home, I think she's already changing her mind. They say that becoming a parent changes you, and it's true. Mine and Katniss' lives are so much better in so many ways now that we are parents. We started thinking about our second child not long after Liliana was born. Both of us decided that we wanted to have at least two children.
Johanna isn't the newest member to the mommy team either. Annie and Finnick recently broke the news that Annie is pregnant with identical twins. She's due the first week of December.
Annie and Finnick were both transferred back stateside last year and while they are still a few hours away in Texas, it's a lot easier to visit them now than it was when they were in Germany.
Prim graduated last spring with her bachelor's degree in childhood psychology and is now currently pursuing her master's degree in the same field. Both Katniss' and Prim's lives were flipped upside down after the accident that took their parents lives, but Prim had to completely change her plans for the future. She went through a difficult time a couple of years ago when Liliana was just an infant because she was watching all of her friends begin relationships and she started to believe that no one would love someone paralyzed from the waist down. Katniss and I did our best to reassure her that she just hadn't met the right person yet, but she still wasn't sure.
It took a while, but eventually last Christmas things started to look up for her at Gale and Johanna's annual Christmas get together. For the first time, Gale invited his younger siblings and Prim and Rory kind of hit it off that night. They knew each other already of course because Katniss and Gale had been friends for years, but this was the first time the two of them really started to get to know each other.
Rory treats her no differently because of her being paralyzed either which is amazing. Granted, physically their relationship is automatically different than a conventional one, but other than the obvious differences they seem just like any other couple. Prim still wants to have children one day too. Given all the other opportunities she's missed out on, we are all grateful that she isn't going to miss out on being a mother as well.
I guess you could say that love is in the air in Panem, because even Haymitch is in a relationship with his old high school sweetheart, Maysilee Donner. Haymitch was at Panem Central Park one sunny afternoon last July with Liliana and while he was sitting on a park bench watching her play on the jungle gym, a woman approached him and asked if his name was Haymitch Abernathy. They hadn't seen one another since the summer after their senior year of high school. She broke their relationship off because she was scared with him leaving for the Marines that fall. They started talking and within a week they were once again a couple. She had lost her husband about three years previously and with Haymitch still being single they were both willing to rekindle what they broke off so many years ago. They've been back together for almost a year now, and she doesn't know it yet, but I've been helping Haymitch try to find the perfect ring. He plans on asking her to marry him very soon.
XOXOXOXOXO
It's been four years since Katniss made my childhood dreams come true. I had all but given up hope that I would ever see her again, let alone marry her and have her become the mother of our two amazing children. Neither Katniss nor I have had an easy life, especially since we went our separate ways after graduating high school. We still carry the burdens and terrible memories of our pasts with us each and every day, but we also try to make the best we can out of every day that we are given on this earth. We've both come to realize that life is a gift and we don't want to waste it. Our children are our most precious gifts of all and we are determined to give them the best lives possible.
There are still nights when I wake up in a cold sweat from terrifying nightmares of being back in Afghanistan or losing Katniss forever, but I'm usually okay as soon as I realize she is with me and we are safe. I also still suffer from PTSD, but I've learned what types of things are still triggers for me and I am learning to avoid them.
There are also nights when Katniss wakes up screaming after nightmares about the accident or nightmares that she lost me in Afghanistan. I do my best to calm her down as quickly as I can so that she won't wake the children, but there have been a few times she has woke Liliana up. Thankfully our nightmares don't happen as often as they did during our first year together, but unfortunately I don't think they will ever go away completely. Fearful memories are the most difficult ones to forget.
Once and a while I even wake up in bed alone during the night. It terrified me the first time it happened. I jumped out of bed in a panic, attached my prosthetic limb as fast as I could and raced down the hall looking for Katniss. It didn't take me long to find her though. She was curled up in Liliana's bed fast asleep with our daughter curled up tightly in her arms. I knew she would be okay, but I still couldn't leave her so I grabbed some extra blankets and pillows and made a makeshift bed on the floor alongside our daughter's bed. In the morning I talked to Katniss and realized that she went to Liliana's room after a particularly bad nightmare in which she lost our daughter. She's had a few nightmares like it since then, and each and every time it happens I go to where she is and stay with her until morning. I will always remain by her side, just like I know she will always remain by mine.
Liliana is still too young to hear the full stories of why we both have nightmares and why they probably won't ever completely go away, but we both know that one day we will have to tell both of our children the truth. It will be okay though because we have one another. We will find a way to make them understand in a way that will make them braver. Katniss and I will tell them how we survived the most difficult times in our lives because no matter what we were not alone. We'll get through it the same way we've gotten through the past four and a half years, together.
Growing up, I was always under the impression that anniversaries were days that couples should spend alone, just having some quality time for the two of them. But ever since Katniss and I became a couple at the start of 2009, my ideas for what anniversaries are all about have changed quite a bit.
I know how important it is for Katniss and me to take some time for ourselves once and a while. That's important and healthy for any relationship. Over the last four years, however, I've come to realize that anniversaries are so much more than that. They are huge milestones in our lives and they are a great time to reflect on what we've been through together in the past, where we are now as a family and what the future might hold for all of us.
When it came time for Katniss and I to decide how we wanted to spend our fourth anniversary together there was no doubt in our minds of what we wanted to do, we were going to spend the day together as a family - Katniss, me, Liliana and Landon. Katniss and I begin the day by having some alone time in the morning before the kids wake up, and then I make everyone a big pancake breakfast. We spend the day playing with the kids and then all go out for a nice relaxing dinner.
In the evening we make loaded ice cream sundaes for dessert and then retreat to the living room to watch a movie together and relax before bedtime. We all start out on the couch together, but Landon starts fighting sleep after Katniss feeds him for the last time of the day and she moves to the rocking chair so that she can rock him to sleep. Between the rocking motion and Katniss' beautiful voice it isn't long at all before Landon is fast asleep in her arms.
About two thirds of the way through the movie I realize that I am the only one that is still awake. Katniss is asleep with Landon cradled in her arms and Liliana has fallen asleep with her head in my lap. They all look so peaceful that I don't want to disturb them. I reach behind me and grab the blanket off of the back of the couch and carefully cover Liliana with it. I know I'll have to wake Katniss and Liliana later so that we can all go to bed but for now I'll let them rest. I'll never tire of watching Katniss and our children sleep. I fall in love with them more and more every day. The three of them are what makes my life worth living.
Four years ago today Katniss and I tied the marriage knot in front our closest friends and family. Six months later that knot was nearly destroyed forever when I was injured in an attack that nearly took my life. But with Katniss by my side through the good and the bad, we've not only mended that knot, but we've also strengthened it tenfold.
Katniss has brought our two beautiful children into this world and I could not be more proud of her. She's survived more than anyone should have to go through in a lifetime and come out on the other side an even stronger and braver woman because of what she has endured.
We may both be scarred permanently in different ways because of the horrific events of our pasts, but we are alive and we are in this together. There are definitely not any promises in life, and it isn't always an easy journey, but having family and friends to love and support you make a world of difference. They are the reason Katniss and Prim were able to survive the loss of their parents and they are the reason I survived and recovered as well as I did after the attack in Afghanistan. With them, we as well as they know that whatever happens here... whatever happens here, we remain.
I really hope that you enjoyed the final part of the epilogue! Peeta's POV was fun to write!
A few final facts and notes…
…My sister and I were actually both born at 8:59, me in the evening and her in the morning.
…The name Eric is actually to honor two important Eric's in my life, my cousin who died three months before I was born and an amazing friend who went to a better place not long ago! I will never forget either one of you…
Well, this is finally the end! :') I still can't believe I've made it this far! I hope you've enjoyed reading this as much as I have enjoyed writing it!
I owe a very special thank you to MrsMellark74 for giving me the push into writing that I needed and supporting me the whole time! Also thank you so much christyjosh4eva for everything you've done to help and support me! You both mean the world to me!
Thanks again to all of you for reading!
***** I have begun thinking about some future one shot ideas that I am going to write in the 'Whatever Happens Here' universe. I can't abandon this world I've created yet! If you have any ideas for one shots that you'd like to see me write, leave me a personal message or a review and I will definitely consider all your ideas. I have one idea so far and I'd love to write more!
*****Please leave me a quick review! I will always love reading your reviews!
FINALLY…THANK YOU SUZANNE COLLINS FOR CREATING THE WORLD OF THE HUNGER GAMES! YOU ARE BRILLIANT AND THESE CHARACTERS ARE ONLY WHO THEY ARE BECAUSE OF YOU!