Senketsu.

I lay back in the makeshift bed that my dear friend and her family lent to me as I stayed with them. It was late at night, but early enough for me to still be awake, and fully conscious. Senketsu was hung up on the wardrobe adjacent to my bed, his eyes were closed; I assumed he was asleep by then. I looked deeply into his being. I felt so sorry for him, my empathy of his existence leaked out of my body. It was just the remembrance of that time. That time I felt the bitterness of his sorrow when I lost control that time. That time I ignored his pleas for me to stop. Yet I still continued.

It was my fault too, my fault that I had let myself get so angry. Each time I think about it, and how Mako stopped me, I cringe intensely. If she hadn't had calmed me down - if she hadn't had the courage to face a monster double my size and ferociously hideous and savage, I would still be rampaging now, with Senketsu crying out to me within the suit. I keep trying to tell myself to get over it, to man up; as it has happened, and everyone has forgiven me and it cannot be changed now. But that kind of fury that I quite obviously have locked inside me seems that it can be unleashed at the drop of agitation, and I fear, that even the lives that I love the most would be put under grave peril because of my lack of control over my own emotions. And this is why I lay awake most nights; imaging the senseless destruction that I poured over many innocents, the monster that I had become, and how it could happen again. Exactly what Tsumugu had warned me about previously.

My thoughts get ahead of me so quickly at this time of night that they overwhelm me. I find myself submerging deeper into the darker side of my psyche as each night goes on, and on. When will I find myself free of this seemingly endless self-destruction I put myself through? When will I ever get over the guilt; when will I ever stop tasting the bitter tears of Senketsu from that day? He's just a uniform, some would say. But when I wear him, no—when I see him or even think of him, I feel like I'm with a lover. I feel like I'm home again with a loving family or in the arms of someone who cares about me dearly, just as I mutually care for them. I have been conflicted recently, over many things. How I'm finding myself falling in love with a piece of clothing, and how it's physically impossible for human and fabric to have feelings for one another. But it still commences, and gets stronger each time we synchronise.

I got up, and I looked out of the window that was next to my bed. The night was getting later and later, the more I thought to myself. And the more I thought to myself, the more minutes that rapidly whirred past – which soon, they turned into hours. I have no recollection of how much time I was sat there for, but I imagine I was sat there for at least half an hour, until I realised that my contemplation as I looked out of the window, was not unrecognised.

"Senketsu," I whispered, quietly enough so that I didn't wake Mako's family.

"You're worrying me, Ryuko," He said; he didn't have to whisper or lower his voice because no one can hear him apart from me. Though despite this, his voice seemed softer than usual. "You've stayed up three nights in a row, now. You're waking up, and I can feel an uneasy aura around you."

"Senketsu... it's nothing," I lied, trying to subdue his queries. I didn't want to startle him with my thoughts, though I knew that he would inevitably find out, eventually. If he found out that I had feelings for him, he'd probably never want me to wear him again, due to the awkwardness that I could arouse. And at this moment in time, with Nui Harime running around, and everything that is happening around us getting more intense, I needed him more than ever.

"Don't lie." He said gently. It felt warming and reassuring.

I leant my head back into my pillow, "I'm not lying."

"You still feel guilty, don't you, Ryuko?" He paused, "Well you shouldn't."

"Slightly, but that's only half of it." I sighed.

"Tell me."

I didn't answer him, I didn't want to answer his questions or his bombardment of demanding what was wrong with me.

"Ryuko..." He said softly under his breath.

I got out of bed at this point, and what I was doing sounds a little dramatic, but I needed to have contact with someone - whether they are a piece of clothing or not - and preferably that would be Senketsu, over anyone, even a human.

"Do me a favour, will you Senketsu?" I asked, as I took him off of his clothes hanger, and snuggled into him; burying my face into his collar.

"And what is that?" He said, notably blushing lightly.

"Sleep with me tonight."

"WHAT?!" He yelped, as he jumped out of my arms in a panic of embarrassment and confusion.

"I don't mean that way, silly." I said, keeping my calm but silent composure.

I felt too weak and downtrodden to argue with him, or raise any banter whatsoever. I picked him up again, and I placed him beside me in bed, as I cuddled into him. He caught onto how I was feeling, and eventually gave up his shyness and lay beside me.

It felt so right. It felt like I was hugging an actual human being. I still felt the love and compassion that I would have if it were – as I felt his sleeve wrap itself around my shoulder gently.

"Good night Ryuko."

And I swear he told me he loved me, but I could have been dreaming.