Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

The students of Hogwarts were sleeping soundly until their dorm rooms were invaded with owl hooting and carrying letters.

It was three o'clock in the morning and the students figured an owl delivery at that must mean the letters were important.

So all across Hogwarts students opened their letter to see Dumbledore's hand writing.

Dear Students,

I was unable to sleep and thought it was the perfect time to jot down some rules for you.

I was going to wait until a reasonable hour to send this letter, but then I thought I might as well wake you all up as I'm awake.

1. Professor Snape is to be addressed as Sir, Professor or Professor Snape.

He is not to be addressed as Sevvie, Dracula or Count Pink Pickles.

I thought the name Count Pink Pickles suited him, but Professor Snape didn't agree and got rather annoyed when the Weasley twins started calling him it.

2. You cannot sue a Professor because you were given detention.

I saw the damage that was done to the Hufflepuff common room and that detention was deserved.

3. Homework is to be signed using your real names.

It is not to be signed,

"Vampire Fish".

"Your future Dark Lord"

"The wizard of Oz"

"Hi, I hate moths".

4. Not allowed to charm the Great Hall ceiling to rain milkshake.

It was amusing the first day, but after a month it was just annoying.

5. The Weasley twins are forbidden to have a dragon.

I don't care how small it is or how cute it is, no dragon.

6. Not allowed to shriek every time Filch enters the Great Hall.

Having hundreds of students shrieking at the same time makes my head want to explode and then reform to explode again.

7. You are all forbidden from sending boxes of dragon dung to Lucius Malfoy.

I know who sent those boxes and I want you to stop or I'm writing to your mother.

I've let you get away with it up until now as Lucius Malfoy did give your sister Voldemort's childhood diary.

8. Stop sending Professor McGonagall tins of tuna immediately.

Professor McGonagall now owns three thousand tins of tuna that she doesn't want or need.

9. Running out of orange juice is not a good enough reason to start mass panic.

I was shocked and a little impressed at the amount panic caused over orange juice.

Although I think it was more to do with the screams of "We're all going to die" that was the main cause of panic and hysteria.

10. Breaking into Professor Snape's private quarters and stealing his clothes, so you can dress up as his mini me is forbidden and also disturbing.

Seeing all of Gryffindor dressed up as Professor Snape is enough to send anyone over the edge.

11. Not allowed to insist that Zombies are going to attack unless hot tubs are installed in every classroom.

I'm not ever going to get hot tub installed in any of the classrooms.

12."I wanted to" is not a good enough excuse for breaking Mister Malfoy's nose.

I understand at times Mister Malfoy is an annoying little twerp, but breaking his nose was a bit uncalled for.

13. Not allowed to suggest to any Professor that they can "Shove their detention where the sun doesn't shine"

Frankly that was rather rude given the student in question had just blown up part of the girls bathroom.

14. Not allowed to charm puppets to attack students that you dislike.

Those puppets are freaky and ought to be burnt in the fires of hell or at least on a bonfire.

15. Not allowed to start a rumor about Professor Snape being Mister Malfoy's real father.

The boy looks nothing like Severus however, he does act and looks like Lockhart, Blond and arrogant.

Well, I'm of to get a glass of warm milk and then I'm of to bed.

Sincerely Albus Dumbledore.

Author Note: I might continue this, but that depens on how many reviews I get.